What are the three words Shed always looks for when he’s scouring the classifieds for a new (old) set of wheels? Apart from ‘one lady owner’, which he deludely thinks might lead to exciting new adventures.
They never do, of course. The correct answer to the question is ‘full service history’. Shed knows it’s an unreasonable expectation for sub-£2k cars, but it does sometimes happen. It hasn’t happened with this week’s shed, a Volvo XC90 with a ‘comprehensive’ service history, which as we all know is usually several pages short of the ‘fully comprehensive’ history you’ll often scratch your head at in ads, and a lot more pages short of a genuinely ‘full’ one.
However, after an event earlier this week, Shed has been asking himself if a full history is actually what he wants in an old motor. The event in question was, by pure coincidence, Mrs Shed’s purchase of a gen-one Volvo XC60. She wanted something large and imposing and with a rigid front end, attributes Shed hasn’t been able to provide for many years. Shed must admit that the car she bought does look the part.
It has the 2.4 D5 engine like our shed, albeit a higher-powered version than the 161hp unit that’s in this week’s offering. The service history is as full as it can be, but when Shed accidentally caught a glimpse of it while poring through it page by page in his workshop khazi it made what’s left of his blood turn cold. None of the bills in the XC60’s folder were for less than £300, and many were for considerably higher sums than that. There were a hell of a lot of them too, covering every aspect of motoring: chassis, engine, electronics, the lot.
Hopefully in the case of the XC60 the previous (presumably now bankrupt) owner’s loss will be Mrs Shed’s gain, but what’s to say the waterfall of bills won’t simply continue? Who will be to blame for that? Shed knows the answer and it’s not appealing to him on any level. What’s better for you, to have zero history and live in blissful ignorance or have the full history and live in fear of more crippling bills?
These five-cylinder D5s do have a reputation for longevity, but after scrutinising Mrs Shed’s paperwork Shed is now wondering if that’s because they’re constantly being mended. They do have a pleasantly grumbly, guttural sound and feel about them, and the higher-powered ones do march along quite nicely. That doesn’t really apply to this example which, despite its claimed 251lb ft of torque from as little as 1,750rpm, will need 12 and a bit seconds to haul its 2.1 tonnes through the 0-62mph run. Flat out you’ll be doing 115mph. The official combined fuel consumption was 31mpg but you can imagine what sort of driving you’ll need to be doing to get that.
After many weeks of getting it wrong Shed is trying a different UK tax calculator this week. For this Volvo it says £710, which partly explains why XC90s are such a huge amount of car for so little money.
There are other reasons, mind. If you want to keep marching along at all in your XC90 you will have to keep it well-maintained. The timing belts and associated gubbins need changing every 60k, and you ignore the Geartronic box at your peril. Turbos blow, injectors fail, oil can leak and there can be overheating issues.
On the plus side, these XC90s will provide comfortable and safe transport for up to seven. Even old ones are well equipped, and they’re all-year-round cars too because when Volvo puts an ‘AWD’ badge on the back of an XC they mean it. None of your occasional chiming in of the back wheels here. XCs drive all four wheels all of the time. You need to make sure all the wheels are being driven in the manufacturer-approved fashion though. If the geometry is out there’ll be expensively uneven tyre wear.
There are about a thousand pics to look at in the advert, each one remarkably similar to the one you’ve just looked at. Skim through them quickly and you’ll get an insight into what it’s like to watch a video on Shed’s juddery old Alba VHS player, which he still uses.
You can buy a brand new XC90 if you like but it won’t have the D5 engine because there are no diesel Volvos anymore. You have to have a mild- or plug-in petrol hybrid at prices starting from a little under £53k. If you think that’s expensive, think again: prices for the new, all-electric EX90 somehow manage to start at over £96,000. Phew. Against that, £1,995 for this XC90 looks wonderfully cheap – until the first bill arrives anyway. Shed won’t be helping you with that as he’s got a feeling he’s going to have his hands full.
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