Shed used to own a diesel Mondeo. One morning, after a heady night out with the postmistress involving a pitcher of Rusty Nail cocktails and some pork in cider, he accidentally put a quantity of unleaded petrol in it. He won’t say exactly how much, but he will admit that it was quite a lot.
Of course, he was too stingy to pay £200 for the poo-sucker man to come out and drain the tank so he simply carried on driving, but get this: not only did the unleaded have no negative effects on his Ford, he swore that once the tank ran dry and it was back on its regular diet of diesel it ran better than it ever had before.
After doing some research on the matter Shed has concluded that today’s engines are highly tolerant of what might be shoved into them by modern stratified and/or high-pressure fuel injection systems. Naturally, the authorities don’t want you to know that you could easily run your Kia Picanto on a mulch of stale milk and shredded cornflake packets, because if everyone did it our duty-based economy would collapse overnight. As a crusty old hippie and firm believer in the principle of sticking it to the man, Shed rebelliously ran his old Escort diesel van on a mix of paraffin and cooking oil. Or at least he did until he saw the local bobbies suspiciously sniffing his exhaust pipe. Shed tried to escape their clutches by paying the extra 2p for Mazola oil, thinking it would produce a less detectable vapour trail and also leave his exhaust crisp and dry, but when Mrs Shed started complaining about the stench he crumbled and went back to normal fuels.
He’s not given up, though. Shed is convinced that he can make a car run on a blend of paraffin and finely powdered asbestos. He just needs to find the right HPFP to force sufficient quantities of the mixture into the engine, and the right visionary investor to back the enterprise.
For the purposes of impressing such a mug, sorry magnate, Shed would be more than happy to rock up in this week’s SOTW offering, an ST Mondeo with the TDCI 2.2 oilburner. Although the power doesn’t sound epic at 155hp, these diesel STs weighed less than 1,500kg and there was 295lb ft of torque coming in at 1,800rpm, so it was a very easy steer if you either left it in fourth or didn’t mind changing gear a lot, never a chore on a Ford.
In terms of the handling experience don’t make the mistake of confusing ‘Mondeo’ with ‘manure’ (another of Shed’s potential fuel sources). These are great driving cars and extremely spacious ones to boot, or indeed in the boot, which is massive on these five-door models. The MOT, which has just been passed at 139,000 miles, showed one worn front tyre and one worn rear tyre, both on the nearside, plus some oil misting on the nearside front shock, all suggesting that the previous owner spent a lot of time going round right-hand bends. Wonder if he or she ever got anywhere.
The bodywork on these can get a bit flaky – it is an old Ford after all – with saggy rear bumpers being a regular brow-furrower. The ST spec was comprehensive though, including as it did a digital radio, cruise control, automatic lights and wipers, the brilliant Quickclear windscreen, heated electric seats and half or full leather.
One thing that wasn’t so smart on these was the ‘smart charge’ alternator which, when malfunctioning, could lead to rough startups. Worn crank pulleys could do that too, mind. Injectors and EGR valves needed monitoring, but dual mass flywheels were more of an issue on earlier pre-2004 cars so this 2007 car might be OK. We’re told that there’s a service book with the car, which is great, but we’re not told how much writing there is in it. The CO2 output was 161 which (Shed thinks) translates into a refreshingly affordable annual excise duty bill of £255.
Finally, if you accidentally put a gallon or so of petrol into your diesel car, Shed says don’t fret. Just carry on. If you’re really worried about it, just bung six capfuls of Flash into the tank and go for a thrash. Your car’s clever injection system will do the rest. (PH Note: the views of this writer are not shared by the Management, no responsibility will be taken etc.)
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