Seriously Vauxhall WTF
Discussion
You would think that consumable items on cars would be fitted so they are easy to replace, so when my mate asks if I can help him change the battery on his car, I thought pretty simple task, sure.
As I passed a motor dealer on way home I picked up a replacement battery and with toolbox in hand opened the bonnet.
Nestled in the back left of his Vauxhall Corsa (London run-around car) was the battery, so undid the clamp, undid the leads and slid the battery forward... and then comes the problem.
The battery doesn't have enough space to remove itself as the plastic grille like thing is in the way. After searching for bolts I am completely flumuxed on how to get the plastic out the way so the battery can come out. Why would you build such complexities into what should be an easy task?
So, does anyone know how you get the battery out to replace it? Or do I have to dismantle the whole back section of the engine bay (not that I have worked out how)?
As I passed a motor dealer on way home I picked up a replacement battery and with toolbox in hand opened the bonnet.
Nestled in the back left of his Vauxhall Corsa (London run-around car) was the battery, so undid the clamp, undid the leads and slid the battery forward... and then comes the problem.
The battery doesn't have enough space to remove itself as the plastic grille like thing is in the way. After searching for bolts I am completely flumuxed on how to get the plastic out the way so the battery can come out. Why would you build such complexities into what should be an easy task?
So, does anyone know how you get the battery out to replace it? Or do I have to dismantle the whole back section of the engine bay (not that I have worked out how)?
.
t. I will be researching what cars are a pain to work on before I part with my cash NHK244V said:
Roughly,,,
remove wipers
remove rubber seal
remove windscreen washer hose
remove plastic grill/cover thingy, a couple of plastic screws at the ends i think it was ? putting it back together is a PITA.
That is what I guessed I needed to do, but still with the wipers off I haven't worked out how to detach the windscreen washer hose, or the plastic grille/cover thingy...remove wipers
remove rubber seal
remove windscreen washer hose
remove plastic grill/cover thingy, a couple of plastic screws at the ends i think it was ? putting it back together is a PITA.
Seems a massive pain for a stupid battery change! Bah!
Google [bot] said:
That is how far I got when I looked at it, but the plastic grille/cover just won't flex enough to get the battery out.Your failure was assuming any car made after 2001 is supposed to be worked on at home. European Health and Safety legislation has been designed to slowly dumb us down until in 2021 it will be illegal to repair any motor vehicle and even a blown headlamp bulb will require a full factory rebuild of your car with a VAT and storage charge levied plus a £47,000 re-registration fee, this will reduce to £23,000 if you choose to accept the giant pauper badge on the rear of your car marking it as recylced and not as good as your neighbours 2 day old unicycle.
Glassman said:
Pete, if you're still having trouble, give me a call and I'll talk you through it. (any number via the website contact us page)
(depending on where you are, would be happy to come along and help).
Cheers mate, am at the game on Saturday, so if you are there let me buy you a beer for Corsa knowledge (depending on where you are, would be happy to come along and help).
boredofmyoldname said:
Your failure was assuming any car made after 2001 is supposed to be worked on at home. European Health and Safety legislation has been designed to slowly dumb us down until in 2021 it will be illegal to repair any motor vehicle and even a blown headlamp bulb will require a full factory rebuild of your car with a VAT and storage charge levied plus a £47,000 re-registration fee, this will reduce to £23,000 if you choose to accept the giant pauper badge on the rear of your car marking it as recylced and not as good as your neighbours 2 day old unicycle.
Would be funny if it wasn't so close to the truth 
I was amazed that my old '06 Swift had a section in the owners manual telling you how to change filters and things
, nearly passed out in shock!g3org3y said:
Mental. Had a 2005 325i in earlier for a basic service, looks like all of that would need to come off to do the plugs as 2.5 of the cylinders on the engine are hidden under all the plastic crap.
RacingPete said:
Cheers mate, am at the game on Saturday, so if you are there let me buy you a beer for Corsa knowledge
Not at the game, but about five miles from the stadium. Train station at the top of my road so if you did want to bring the car here and leave it on the drive, the train gets you to Fins Pk in about 10 mins. Put new battery in the boot, strap it down. Jump leads, up through the parcel shelf, twice round the rear view mirror, through the passenger window, under the bonnet (may need to ease the panels apart to make sure it doesn't pinch). Then connect the jump leads to the wires in the engine bay. You could even put a bit of insulating tape around the connections if you were very good.
Simples.
If you are worried about the increase in weight by carrying two batteries around, or you are worried about the lack of carrying capacity in the boot, simply chop the old battery into bits with an axe.
Simples.
If you are worried about the increase in weight by carrying two batteries around, or you are worried about the lack of carrying capacity in the boot, simply chop the old battery into bits with an axe.
I needed to jumpstart the OH's Honda Jazz on Tuesday (again) - I asked a workman that was at my neighbours to help - after he lined his van up, we realised that we could see the battery, but due to the expansion bottle (I think it was), we couldn't access the terminals...
We gave up pretty quickly after that...
We gave up pretty quickly after that...
If anything needs European legislation it's car maintenance, I am surprised given that spare bulbs are a legal requirement in many countries that they haven't legislated that a bulb change should be possible at the side of the road using only the tools in the car's tool kit. After all what is the point in spare bulbs if you need a garage to actually strip the car down enough to change them.
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