2% FACILITY FEE!!!!!!!
Discussion
Recently overheard Head Office conversation:
Empty Suit 1: "This barstard's proving too resilient,isn't he? Doesn't matter what we do he still manages to survive."
Empty Suit 2: "Yes. I'd have thought that last round of swingeing, barely legal, highly unethical goalpost-changing rearrangements would have sunk him".
ES1 : "Hmmm...didn't work did it? And I'm worried in case he manages to survive the new and much harder terms we're about to impose. Won't do our office reputation much good if we're back here in a couple of years and the cock is STILL trading. What can we do?"
ES2: "I know. Ok...we've produced the new and now almost impossible terms. And we know interest rates are about to rocket, so that'll take more wind out of his sails. What if we banjax him with eye-watering charges until he's bleeding anally? That should remove any last profit he's making. Let's see how he enjoys working for nothing? LOL!! Let's start with a 2% FACILITY FEE!!"
ES1: "You're a GENIUS ES2. Well worth your exorbitant bonus. I KNEW you'd come up with something. It really is true what they say, there's NO business YOU can't bankrupt, is there!!"
ES2: "Well I can't take ALL the credit. Remember it took a huge collective effort from all of us to bankrupt the bank in the first place!! Still. At least that should be one more loan we won't have to renew. Job Done, I'd say"
ES1: "Genius"
Meanwhile, far away, in a dingy office in a dreary part of town sat a man with a glass of scotch in his hand even though it was only 12 noon. In the office was a desk. And in the desk was a drawer. And in the drawer was a dusty folder. And on the cover of the folder it said "PLAN B...EMERGENCIES ONLY". The man didn't open it, but he looked at it. And smiled to himself. And shut the drawer again. And locked and left the office. And went to have some lunch with his friend.
Empty Suit 1: "This barstard's proving too resilient,isn't he? Doesn't matter what we do he still manages to survive."
Empty Suit 2: "Yes. I'd have thought that last round of swingeing, barely legal, highly unethical goalpost-changing rearrangements would have sunk him".
ES1 : "Hmmm...didn't work did it? And I'm worried in case he manages to survive the new and much harder terms we're about to impose. Won't do our office reputation much good if we're back here in a couple of years and the cock is STILL trading. What can we do?"
ES2: "I know. Ok...we've produced the new and now almost impossible terms. And we know interest rates are about to rocket, so that'll take more wind out of his sails. What if we banjax him with eye-watering charges until he's bleeding anally? That should remove any last profit he's making. Let's see how he enjoys working for nothing? LOL!! Let's start with a 2% FACILITY FEE!!"
ES1: "You're a GENIUS ES2. Well worth your exorbitant bonus. I KNEW you'd come up with something. It really is true what they say, there's NO business YOU can't bankrupt, is there!!"
ES2: "Well I can't take ALL the credit. Remember it took a huge collective effort from all of us to bankrupt the bank in the first place!! Still. At least that should be one more loan we won't have to renew. Job Done, I'd say"
ES1: "Genius"
Meanwhile, far away, in a dingy office in a dreary part of town sat a man with a glass of scotch in his hand even though it was only 12 noon. In the office was a desk. And in the desk was a drawer. And in the drawer was a dusty folder. And on the cover of the folder it said "PLAN B...EMERGENCIES ONLY". The man didn't open it, but he looked at it. And smiled to himself. And shut the drawer again. And locked and left the office. And went to have some lunch with his friend.
k.
In order for me to continue as an unpaid tax collector for the government I need a deferment account with HM Revenue & Customs, who demand a bank guarantee for twice the amount of monthly 'credit' they are prepared to grant me, for which the bank will charge a 2% annual fee so long as they are certain that I will never, under any circumstances, use the facility. If they think it possible I might ever call upon the facility they will still charge me the 2% but I need to personally guarantee the facility.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Renewal of existing one. At least (this time) for 5 years rather than 2. And, fairly enough, on a 20 year profile which takes a bit of sting out of the cap and int bite. Unfortunately all this is policy driven. No autonomous decision-making override facility possible from even this serious and senior specialist director. He's starting to wear the demeanour of a hangman. Tells me only 20-25% of his customers are getting their facilities renewed at all.
And yes, you're right. Finally it IS time to deleverage to zero debt. But not by selling at 50% below peak, which is what my associated local vultures would require for speedy settlement. Just the painfully slow unit by unit disposal route.
Think I'll change my tag to "Groan".
groak said:
Recently overheard Head Office conversation:
Empty Suit 1: "This barstard's proving too resilient,isn't he? Doesn't matter what we do he still manages to survive."
Empty Suit 2: "Yes. I'd have thought that last round of swingeing, barely legal, highly unethical goalpost-changing rearrangements would have sunk him".
ES1 : "Hmmm...didn't work did it? And I'm worried in case he manages to survive the new and much harder terms we're about to impose. Won't do our office reputation much good if we're back here in a couple of years and the cock is STILL trading. What can we do?"
ES2: "I know. Ok...we've produced the new and now almost impossible terms. And we know interest rates are about to rocket, so that'll take more wind out of his sails. What if we banjax him with eye-watering charges until he's bleeding anally? That should remove any last profit he's making. Let's see how he enjoys working for nothing? LOL!! Let's start with a 2% FACILITY FEE!!"
ES1: "You're a GENIUS ES2. Well worth your exorbitant bonus. I KNEW you'd come up with something. It really is true what they say, there's NO business YOU can't bankrupt, is there!!"
ES2: "Well I can't take ALL the credit. Remember it took a huge collective effort from all of us to bankrupt the bank in the first place!! Still. At least that should be one more loan we won't have to renew. Job Done, I'd say"
ES1: "Genius"
Meanwhile, far away, in a dingy office in a dreary part of town sat a man with a glass of scotch in his hand even though it was only 12 noon. In the office was a desk. And in the desk was a drawer. And in the drawer was a dusty folder. And on the cover of the folder it said "PLAN B...EMERGENCIES ONLY". The man didn't open it, but he looked at it. And smiled to himself. And shut the drawer again. And locked and left the office. And went to have some lunch with his friend.
What's the interest rate?Empty Suit 1: "This barstard's proving too resilient,isn't he? Doesn't matter what we do he still manages to survive."
Empty Suit 2: "Yes. I'd have thought that last round of swingeing, barely legal, highly unethical goalpost-changing rearrangements would have sunk him".
ES1 : "Hmmm...didn't work did it? And I'm worried in case he manages to survive the new and much harder terms we're about to impose. Won't do our office reputation much good if we're back here in a couple of years and the cock is STILL trading. What can we do?"
ES2: "I know. Ok...we've produced the new and now almost impossible terms. And we know interest rates are about to rocket, so that'll take more wind out of his sails. What if we banjax him with eye-watering charges until he's bleeding anally? That should remove any last profit he's making. Let's see how he enjoys working for nothing? LOL!! Let's start with a 2% FACILITY FEE!!"
ES1: "You're a GENIUS ES2. Well worth your exorbitant bonus. I KNEW you'd come up with something. It really is true what they say, there's NO business YOU can't bankrupt, is there!!"
ES2: "Well I can't take ALL the credit. Remember it took a huge collective effort from all of us to bankrupt the bank in the first place!! Still. At least that should be one more loan we won't have to renew. Job Done, I'd say"
ES1: "Genius"
Meanwhile, far away, in a dingy office in a dreary part of town sat a man with a glass of scotch in his hand even though it was only 12 noon. In the office was a desk. And in the desk was a drawer. And in the drawer was a dusty folder. And on the cover of the folder it said "PLAN B...EMERGENCIES ONLY". The man didn't open it, but he looked at it. And smiled to himself. And shut the drawer again. And locked and left the office. And went to have some lunch with his friend.
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