A bad day already
Discussion
I had a bad journey to work this morning so I don't see why any of you bu**ers should get away without having to suffer as well.
First of all it was misty. Not foggy, misty. The worst visibility I could find was about 800 yds - clocked it on my odometer down a long straight. Does thsi stop the f**kwits from turning on their foglights? No chance, and it'll take them a f**king month to turn them off again.
Then we have the blotchy old fart in the blotchy old BMW who screamed up the outside at Kiln Lane lights and dived in front of the guy in front of me to avoid the traffic island. Bloody nearly wiped the poor lad out. If I'd been tailgating we'd all have been wiped out. I get enough s**t on this site for driving a BMW without tossers like that getting us a bad reputation. Explained this to him whan I pulled alondside him at the next set of lights in simple, easy to understand terms. Looked at me like I was a f**king Martian.
Next hazard, fifteen year old schoolboy trying to demonstrate to his fourteen year old schoolgirl squeeze that he is "ded'ard" by crossing the main road in the face of the traffic and forcing us all to stop. Sorry mate, you are not 'ard (although ded we could arrange) 1500kg of high quality German steel and pissed off driver are "'ard", you are soft and squishy and you will really impress her by getting brains on her blouse - it's a tw@t to get out, even with stain digesters.
Then drove over the silly speedbumps to Leatherhead behind a numptie in a crappy Fiat who insisted on performing emergency stops every time she saw someone waiting to emerge from a side road. THERE'S NOTHING BEHIND US, THEY CAN GET OUT IN FIVE F**KING SECONDS TIME ANYWAY!!!!!
Finally get chopped up by another deadhead in a Bimmer at the Kingston Road roundabout (whatever happened to family love, f**kwit) who had his f**king foglights on just to add insult to injury AND gave me the "well what are you going to do, run into me?" look as he steamed across my bows and my ABS chattered away. There wasn't even time for the "No, but I might follow you to work and tear your f**king stupid head off your shoulders and stuff it up your @rse" look.
If this keeps up I'm going back on the mind altering drugs again.
First of all it was misty. Not foggy, misty. The worst visibility I could find was about 800 yds - clocked it on my odometer down a long straight. Does thsi stop the f**kwits from turning on their foglights? No chance, and it'll take them a f**king month to turn them off again.
Then we have the blotchy old fart in the blotchy old BMW who screamed up the outside at Kiln Lane lights and dived in front of the guy in front of me to avoid the traffic island. Bloody nearly wiped the poor lad out. If I'd been tailgating we'd all have been wiped out. I get enough s**t on this site for driving a BMW without tossers like that getting us a bad reputation. Explained this to him whan I pulled alondside him at the next set of lights in simple, easy to understand terms. Looked at me like I was a f**king Martian.
Next hazard, fifteen year old schoolboy trying to demonstrate to his fourteen year old schoolgirl squeeze that he is "ded'ard" by crossing the main road in the face of the traffic and forcing us all to stop. Sorry mate, you are not 'ard (although ded we could arrange) 1500kg of high quality German steel and pissed off driver are "'ard", you are soft and squishy and you will really impress her by getting brains on her blouse - it's a tw@t to get out, even with stain digesters.
Then drove over the silly speedbumps to Leatherhead behind a numptie in a crappy Fiat who insisted on performing emergency stops every time she saw someone waiting to emerge from a side road. THERE'S NOTHING BEHIND US, THEY CAN GET OUT IN FIVE F**KING SECONDS TIME ANYWAY!!!!!
Finally get chopped up by another deadhead in a Bimmer at the Kingston Road roundabout (whatever happened to family love, f**kwit) who had his f**king foglights on just to add insult to injury AND gave me the "well what are you going to do, run into me?" look as he steamed across my bows and my ABS chattered away. There wasn't even time for the "No, but I might follow you to work and tear your f**king stupid head off your shoulders and stuff it up your @rse" look.
If this keeps up I'm going back on the mind altering drugs again.
Steve, you have my deepest sympathies - being a mere pleb from the provinces, I don't have the mind numbing South East commute to contend with every day - and also some (probably not too helpfull) advice.
My day-to-day wheels have, for the last four years, been fairly utilitarian 4x4 pick-up trucks. I have once had cause to drive through central London, and can only describe a pick-up's ability to part traffic as miraculous.
I can quite understand you objecting to such transport on the grounds of comfort, handling, performance, and generally not wanting to look like a pikey, BUT consider the advantages:
1. No-one wants to trade paint with you (the older and more battered looking the truck, the better here) and nor do they have any doubt that you couldn't care less.
2. You can fit a big, nasty tow bar to impail tailgaiters on.
3. You can do U-turns, even over large central reservations to avoid jams.
4. The odd, carefully placed "Gun 'n' Ammo" stickers will scare bezeezus out of other road users.
My day-to-day wheels have, for the last four years, been fairly utilitarian 4x4 pick-up trucks. I have once had cause to drive through central London, and can only describe a pick-up's ability to part traffic as miraculous.
I can quite understand you objecting to such transport on the grounds of comfort, handling, performance, and generally not wanting to look like a pikey, BUT consider the advantages:
1. No-one wants to trade paint with you (the older and more battered looking the truck, the better here) and nor do they have any doubt that you couldn't care less.
2. You can fit a big, nasty tow bar to impail tailgaiters on.
3. You can do U-turns, even over large central reservations to avoid jams.
4. The odd, carefully placed "Gun 'n' Ammo" stickers will scare bezeezus out of other road users.
I'm kind of glad I've got a day off today (well, i've still got assignments to do at home today)
On days like that it just seems to get worse and worse. I don't know why, maybe its tha bad drivers national rally today or something.
Another thing I've noticed is that they always appear when I'm in a bit of a hurry (driving safely of course), but I really haven't got time to be held up by a corpse in a micra at any point on my hour long twice-daily journey. Most of the time I get stuck behind a convoy of tractors and Combine-harvesters which take up both sides of the road with their un-predictable swerving, and big-arse so you can't see whats up ahead either. I don't think a utility 4x4 with a big towbar would help here.
Then, when its time to go home, when I have plenty of time, the roads have cleared????
On days like that it just seems to get worse and worse. I don't know why, maybe its tha bad drivers national rally today or something.
Another thing I've noticed is that they always appear when I'm in a bit of a hurry (driving safely of course), but I really haven't got time to be held up by a corpse in a micra at any point on my hour long twice-daily journey. Most of the time I get stuck behind a convoy of tractors and Combine-harvesters which take up both sides of the road with their un-predictable swerving, and big-arse so you can't see whats up ahead either. I don't think a utility 4x4 with a big towbar would help here.
Then, when its time to go home, when I have plenty of time, the roads have cleared????
Much sympathies mate but least you only have to drive to work. Spare a thought for those of us who drive all the bloody time!!
Oh BTW if you want I know a geezer who can get you some top quality, A1, strong as Jeff Capes, best on the market mind bending drugs
>> Edited by mattjbatch on Wednesday 24th April 14:06
Oh BTW if you want I know a geezer who can get you some top quality, A1, strong as Jeff Capes, best on the market mind bending drugs
>> Edited by mattjbatch on Wednesday 24th April 14:06
You hvae my sympathy. I prescribe a retreat to a monastery in the Himalayas to become at one with the tarmac.
I used to have a ten mile cross-country hack to the office. Was renting a house with a colleague. Obviously we never ever raced because that would be irresponsible
. Now I sit on the Northern Line for an hour each day (Zen meditation useful here too, plus a good hankerchief)
I used to have a ten mile cross-country hack to the office. Was renting a house with a colleague. Obviously we never ever raced because that would be irresponsible
. Now I sit on the Northern Line for an hour each day (Zen meditation useful here too, plus a good hankerchief)Definitely not a good start to the day, nor was mine. I take a cross country road to the outskirts of Budapest (along with several hundred others) to avoid the main drag in which is always stop/start even at 7am. This morning get part way down the road to discover they have closed it off for roadworks! No warnings anywhere, let alone yesterday, just a big barrier across the road and a diversion sign down a small sideroad which eventually leads to the main drag. F
g bs, took nearly twice as long as usual.
g bs, took nearly twice as long as usual.What is the ABD going to do about this 
Only jokeing Steve 
What you sk#hould do is start the drugs and live up here in my area where the place of life is slow and there is hardly any traffic and there is plenty of places to have a
or two
But what you have to remember you chose to drive a BMW, well you vant get it right all of the time
Good rant
Only jokeing Steve What you sk#hould do is start the drugs and live up here in my area where the place of life is slow and there is hardly any traffic and there is plenty of places to have a
or two But what you have to remember you chose to drive a BMW, well you vant get it right all of the time
Good rant
but no parts in yet so got away with it 
quote:
Its on days like this that you NEED that James Bond semi-automatic hidden behind your number plate - UZI anyone?
Thank you for all your kind words. I feel much better now. I do of course have my Softair MP5 submachine gun - see:
www.iwantoneofthose.com/CGIBIN/PRIAMLNK.CGI?CNO=1&MP=PRDUPD^GIN132&WHAT=INFO&CAT=TOYS&GRP=GUNSETS
- which would be very effective if poked out of the window alongside some pillock at the lights.
The downside is that if you keep doing that it's only a matter of time before The Plod send SO19 round to blow your head off which would cause me a REALLY bad day so I'll probably pass on that one.
AAhhhh
Mini Air machine guns. My mates and I all have these and they're top fun. Our favourite trick is to carry out drive by shootings on speed cameras and signposts. Its quite satisfying to hear a stream of tink tink tink off a gatso as you hit it driving by.
(oh, one driver and one gunner by the way, it's quite hard to shoot and drive at the same time)
Andy
Mini Air machine guns. My mates and I all have these and they're top fun. Our favourite trick is to carry out drive by shootings on speed cameras and signposts. Its quite satisfying to hear a stream of tink tink tink off a gatso as you hit it driving by.
(oh, one driver and one gunner by the way, it's quite hard to shoot and drive at the same time)
Andy
And of course Kevin the Emergency services in Budapest are famous for their efficiency in clearing road obstructions!
Spent a highly amusing morning watching them attempt to right an overturned mobile crane next to the zoo, it was all to much for me to recount but the highspot had to be the Policeman pouring sand over the spilt fuel whilst smoking an evil Eastern bloc fag, or was it when the crane slipped back and overturned the tow truck, or was it when the cable broke....
Had to run across the park and sink a beer or three to get over all the excitment!
Spent a highly amusing morning watching them attempt to right an overturned mobile crane next to the zoo, it was all to much for me to recount but the highspot had to be the Policeman pouring sand over the spilt fuel whilst smoking an evil Eastern bloc fag, or was it when the crane slipped back and overturned the tow truck, or was it when the cable broke....
Had to run across the park and sink a beer or three to get over all the excitment!
I took the bike to work today, and was still faster through the fog than the pathetic b*rstards doing 25mph on my local roads.. and the fog cleared, so I enjoyed some "spirited" road use. Top fun.
Why can't these people put their lights on when it's foggy, drive at a moderate speed, and get on with it. Noooo! instead, we have goons with foggies on in normal conditions, and plebs doing 25 in a 60 when it's a tad misty. HAte 'em all !
C
Why can't these people put their lights on when it's foggy, drive at a moderate speed, and get on with it. Noooo! instead, we have goons with foggies on in normal conditions, and plebs doing 25 in a 60 when it's a tad misty. HAte 'em all !
C
Gassing Station | General Gassing [Archive] | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff