Neighbour problem
Discussion
Although I have been a member since 2003, I have set up a new user id to post this as I am a bit paranoid about being identified. I was not sure whether to post on this forum or on the Speed, Plod and Law forum but thought I would start here. Apologies for the length of the post but there is a lot to cover.
My driveway is partly in front of next door’s house though this is a length of only a few feet (we are at the end of a no through road). I have checked the deeds and confirmed that our drive is part of our plot and that this extends down to the pavement. When our cars are parked on the drive they are off the road, on our property and do not block access to any other property. In front of the neighbour’s house is a tarmac’d area which although shown on the deeds as his plot, is I believe, a turning circle to allow cars to reverse off drives. I guess it is shown as his plot to stop other people parking there. He however, insists on parking one of his cars there which I have no problem with as long as we can reverse straight back onto the road. For a few years this was an ok arrangement. The house the other side of my neighbour has exactly the set up we have but as a mirror image.
Problems started when we had some building work done. Despite the builders parking on our drive and thus our property (and despite us advising all the neighbours that work would commence and that we would aim to keep disruption to a minimum), he was convinced his property would be affected. As it was, the builders did not even do so much as set a foot on his property, but this did not stop him hanging out of the window every time a delivery arrived in case a speck of dust might land on his lawn. The builders came to see him as a bit of a joke.
His first complaints were that the builders were parked on his property. I replied that they were not, they were on our driveway. His response was that they were an eyesore. I responded that they were vans, they were never going to be pretty to look at and that it was a temporary situation for about 6 weeks, Monday to Friday only and during working hours.
The next complaint was that my wife had been driving over his lawn. I found this very hard to believe, as we can reverse straight back onto the road. Of course, if one (or more) of his cars is parked in the turning circle, we may have to do some manoeuvring to avoid it. This could conceivably result in a tyre travelling over his lawn so I said that we would be careful.
During the course of the build work, some brick dust floated across to next door. My wife and the neighbour’s wife had a discussion and my wife offered to make good any mess that resulted from the building work, offering for windows to be cleaned or for washing that got dirty to be cleaned. The neighbour’s wife declined the offer but asked that we let them know if there was going to be any more dust. My wife agreed. The following day the builders needed to cut out some brickwork to tie in the new build bit. My wife went next door to tell the neighbours what was happening and ask them to delay hanging out washing for an hour or two. Male neighbour answered and went berserk, saying that he was not going to be told when he could or could not hang out washing. This turned into him shouting and swearing at my wife (holding our small baby) and being very aggressive – threatening body language etc. According to him his windows and conservatory were ruined (though if I was him I would be more concerned about the green mould build-up on the roof than a bit of dust). This was heard by the builders including the owner of the business who went to see what was going on. Thankfully my wife stood her ground, asked him to stop shouting and swearing at her and told him she had already made an offer of cleaning any dust up to his wife (the builders were great and were happy to hose down anything they thought had got messy) but he yelled that he did not want us cleaning his house. I was abroad with work during this week so was not around to see this or to talk to him.
The next day a chap turned up from the Environment Health department of the council as he had received a complaint from ‘a neighbour’. He spoke to the builders and to my wife, told us that he had to carry out an inspection even though he felt it was probably nothing and once on site had no problems with the work being carried out. He left and we heard no more. At the end of the week I returned home from abroad and spotted the neighbour who looked at me, looked at his feet and walked away. I decided I would not compound the problem by ending up in an argument and just let it go. We have to live next door to each other and I would rather let it blow over and at least get back to a semblance of normality.
The following week, the tactical parking began. His pride and joy car is normally parked in his garage and he is paranoid about it being marked but he began to park the car in the turning circle area in front of his house, positioning it so that it partly blocked the approach to our drive. It was never fully blocking it but just making it difficult for us or the builders to get onto the drive or reverse off. It was definitely an inconvenience and I felt like he was almost hoping something would happen to his car. I once tried knocking on his door to ask him to give us a little more consideration but he refused to answer the door.
Since then his behaviour has been to either studiously ignore us, even when we have said hello or just to stare at my wife with apparent hostility. I am beginning to wonder if he is all there mentally. The strange thing is that his wife is perfectly nice and chatty. Whether she knows how her husband behaves, or has behaved, I am not sure.
I have since seen him shouting at the neighbours on the other side of his house (retired couple) as I know that they have had conversations with him asking for more courtesy with his parking as they too have difficulty reversing straight back from their drive onto the road. We also have him trying occasional repeat attempts at tactical parking if we have visitors or have an extra car parked on the drive. It is so obvious when it happens that it is almost comical. His other trick is to stare at my wife from his windows when she is parking on our drive.
My concern is that we have tried to do the right thing during the building work and since. I do not want a dispute/feud/bad blood. I would like to live peacefully as we have every intention of staying in our house for the coming years but his behaviour (and it is clearly not just directed towards us) has been quite unacceptable. As a final note, and here is the rub, I need to add that said neighbour is a police officer and, I feel, really should know better. I find this disappointing as I have always had respect for the police and know how challenging a job it can be. Given that he will be faced with dealing with poor behaviour on a daily basis, shouldn’t he really know that his behaviour has been very poor and wrong?
Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to remedy the situation? I do not think I am being overly sensitive here but could his behaviour be regarded as harassing? Thanks for reading and for any advice you might have. I just want to live where I do in an amicable way with the neighbours I have but cannot see how I can sort things out if he is not even willing to talk to us.
My driveway is partly in front of next door’s house though this is a length of only a few feet (we are at the end of a no through road). I have checked the deeds and confirmed that our drive is part of our plot and that this extends down to the pavement. When our cars are parked on the drive they are off the road, on our property and do not block access to any other property. In front of the neighbour’s house is a tarmac’d area which although shown on the deeds as his plot, is I believe, a turning circle to allow cars to reverse off drives. I guess it is shown as his plot to stop other people parking there. He however, insists on parking one of his cars there which I have no problem with as long as we can reverse straight back onto the road. For a few years this was an ok arrangement. The house the other side of my neighbour has exactly the set up we have but as a mirror image.
Problems started when we had some building work done. Despite the builders parking on our drive and thus our property (and despite us advising all the neighbours that work would commence and that we would aim to keep disruption to a minimum), he was convinced his property would be affected. As it was, the builders did not even do so much as set a foot on his property, but this did not stop him hanging out of the window every time a delivery arrived in case a speck of dust might land on his lawn. The builders came to see him as a bit of a joke.
His first complaints were that the builders were parked on his property. I replied that they were not, they were on our driveway. His response was that they were an eyesore. I responded that they were vans, they were never going to be pretty to look at and that it was a temporary situation for about 6 weeks, Monday to Friday only and during working hours.
The next complaint was that my wife had been driving over his lawn. I found this very hard to believe, as we can reverse straight back onto the road. Of course, if one (or more) of his cars is parked in the turning circle, we may have to do some manoeuvring to avoid it. This could conceivably result in a tyre travelling over his lawn so I said that we would be careful.
During the course of the build work, some brick dust floated across to next door. My wife and the neighbour’s wife had a discussion and my wife offered to make good any mess that resulted from the building work, offering for windows to be cleaned or for washing that got dirty to be cleaned. The neighbour’s wife declined the offer but asked that we let them know if there was going to be any more dust. My wife agreed. The following day the builders needed to cut out some brickwork to tie in the new build bit. My wife went next door to tell the neighbours what was happening and ask them to delay hanging out washing for an hour or two. Male neighbour answered and went berserk, saying that he was not going to be told when he could or could not hang out washing. This turned into him shouting and swearing at my wife (holding our small baby) and being very aggressive – threatening body language etc. According to him his windows and conservatory were ruined (though if I was him I would be more concerned about the green mould build-up on the roof than a bit of dust). This was heard by the builders including the owner of the business who went to see what was going on. Thankfully my wife stood her ground, asked him to stop shouting and swearing at her and told him she had already made an offer of cleaning any dust up to his wife (the builders were great and were happy to hose down anything they thought had got messy) but he yelled that he did not want us cleaning his house. I was abroad with work during this week so was not around to see this or to talk to him.
The next day a chap turned up from the Environment Health department of the council as he had received a complaint from ‘a neighbour’. He spoke to the builders and to my wife, told us that he had to carry out an inspection even though he felt it was probably nothing and once on site had no problems with the work being carried out. He left and we heard no more. At the end of the week I returned home from abroad and spotted the neighbour who looked at me, looked at his feet and walked away. I decided I would not compound the problem by ending up in an argument and just let it go. We have to live next door to each other and I would rather let it blow over and at least get back to a semblance of normality.
The following week, the tactical parking began. His pride and joy car is normally parked in his garage and he is paranoid about it being marked but he began to park the car in the turning circle area in front of his house, positioning it so that it partly blocked the approach to our drive. It was never fully blocking it but just making it difficult for us or the builders to get onto the drive or reverse off. It was definitely an inconvenience and I felt like he was almost hoping something would happen to his car. I once tried knocking on his door to ask him to give us a little more consideration but he refused to answer the door.
Since then his behaviour has been to either studiously ignore us, even when we have said hello or just to stare at my wife with apparent hostility. I am beginning to wonder if he is all there mentally. The strange thing is that his wife is perfectly nice and chatty. Whether she knows how her husband behaves, or has behaved, I am not sure.
I have since seen him shouting at the neighbours on the other side of his house (retired couple) as I know that they have had conversations with him asking for more courtesy with his parking as they too have difficulty reversing straight back from their drive onto the road. We also have him trying occasional repeat attempts at tactical parking if we have visitors or have an extra car parked on the drive. It is so obvious when it happens that it is almost comical. His other trick is to stare at my wife from his windows when she is parking on our drive.
My concern is that we have tried to do the right thing during the building work and since. I do not want a dispute/feud/bad blood. I would like to live peacefully as we have every intention of staying in our house for the coming years but his behaviour (and it is clearly not just directed towards us) has been quite unacceptable. As a final note, and here is the rub, I need to add that said neighbour is a police officer and, I feel, really should know better. I find this disappointing as I have always had respect for the police and know how challenging a job it can be. Given that he will be faced with dealing with poor behaviour on a daily basis, shouldn’t he really know that his behaviour has been very poor and wrong?
Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to remedy the situation? I do not think I am being overly sensitive here but could his behaviour be regarded as harassing? Thanks for reading and for any advice you might have. I just want to live where I do in an amicable way with the neighbours I have but cannot see how I can sort things out if he is not even willing to talk to us.
He is a f
kwit and should be treated accordingly. Covertly record his rants when you politely talk to him. If he loses it while in uniform, so much the better. Keep a diary of all incidents, however trivial. Above all, keep your cool and thus the moral high ground however tempting it is to remove his head. The council and/or his employer may be interested in his behaviour.
kwit and should be treated accordingly. Covertly record his rants when you politely talk to him. If he loses it while in uniform, so much the better. Keep a diary of all incidents, however trivial. Above all, keep your cool and thus the moral high ground however tempting it is to remove his head. The council and/or his employer may be interested in his behaviour.you need to firstly have a good look at the deeds.
If the area he is parking in is a turning area , although he may own it the deeds will show it as a different colour and you may have right of way over it. You need to check these before you do anything else .
You can look at his deeds online for a small cost , under a fiver I think, at Landregistry .com
You have done well to date by keeping cool , that is hurting him more than anything you can say or do .
Gather the information ,prepare , then do not ask a question of him that you do not know the answer to
If the area he is parking in is a turning area , although he may own it the deeds will show it as a different colour and you may have right of way over it. You need to check these before you do anything else .
You can look at his deeds online for a small cost , under a fiver I think, at Landregistry .com
You have done well to date by keeping cool , that is hurting him more than anything you can say or do .
Gather the information ,prepare , then do not ask a question of him that you do not know the answer to
Sounds very familiar to my situation...
Recently [escaped] moved to the country with no neighbours as a result and couldn't be happier :-)
Sorry i've got nothing constructive to add as certainly in our situation there is nothing you can do to make it better, in all likelyhood things will get worse or you will cease to enjoy your property...
Neighbours eh!
Recently [escaped] moved to the country with no neighbours as a result and couldn't be happier :-)
Sorry i've got nothing constructive to add as certainly in our situation there is nothing you can do to make it better, in all likelyhood things will get worse or you will cease to enjoy your property...
Neighbours eh!
Edited by Sleepers on Friday 10th September 14:37
Sorry about your problems - we had a similar problem with a neighbour many moons ago - it was a Marina which tells you how long! - and it was just plain uncomfortable.
Sympathise with the plod issue too - even longer ago when we were first married OH was a teacher and the local authority let teachers rent police houses. So there we were, in the middle of a row of semis occupied by police. Neighbour on one side had an untrained alsation cross, which had thrown itself at the fence between the gardenms so often it had been broken and it could access our garden at will. It took great delight in creeping up behind you as you were filling up the coal scuttle from the outside shed - until one day it was OH not me, who turned round an dswiped it with the shovel. Not the dogs fault, I agree, but it used to scare the proverbial out of me and did it to the wrong person.
Neighbour on the other side was a sergeant who was very garden proud, and quite openly told us that if our cats got in his garden they'd find the poison he'd put down for them - whether he had I don't know, but we were young and a bit unsure what to do so cats stayed in while we were there.
Won't go on with the problems further down the row, but it cost the police force a lot of respect from me. Met some lovely BiB since, but will never forget these tts of 30 odd years ago!!
Sympathise with the plod issue too - even longer ago when we were first married OH was a teacher and the local authority let teachers rent police houses. So there we were, in the middle of a row of semis occupied by police. Neighbour on one side had an untrained alsation cross, which had thrown itself at the fence between the gardenms so often it had been broken and it could access our garden at will. It took great delight in creeping up behind you as you were filling up the coal scuttle from the outside shed - until one day it was OH not me, who turned round an dswiped it with the shovel. Not the dogs fault, I agree, but it used to scare the proverbial out of me and did it to the wrong person.
Neighbour on the other side was a sergeant who was very garden proud, and quite openly told us that if our cats got in his garden they'd find the poison he'd put down for them - whether he had I don't know, but we were young and a bit unsure what to do so cats stayed in while we were there.
Won't go on with the problems further down the row, but it cost the police force a lot of respect from me. Met some lovely BiB since, but will never forget these t
ts of 30 odd years ago!! Curtains said:
Thanks for the replies. I may invest in some CCTV !
Good luck with resolving this.. But i very much doubt after the building works are completed you and your neighbour will ever get on again.We have a similar issue.. We have a sweaping driveway that goes past 2 of my neighbours windows.
Other than the fact my neighbour tried digging up my drive and turfing it.. i have had many problem and am now not on speaking terms with any of them. But the people 3 doors down are great neighbours
Phooey said:
Buy a Camcorder - use it. Next time you speak to him - use (hidden) a voice recorder.
Go and see his boss and make a complaint
You can't unless it is a criminal act. Unless he places himself on duty by making use of his position (e.g. tells you/others that as a police officer he will do X ot Y or knows Z) in any way they cannot take a complaint which isn't criminal any more than they can if he was a plumber or salesman.Go and see his boss and make a complaint
Edited by Phooey on Friday 10th September 12:40
As soon as you think he may have overstepped the ASBO line I would tell him you intend to make a criminal complaint if he doesn't stop (make sure you have a witness to doing that or do it my letter you hand to him with a witness) because once he knows he is causing alarm harasssment or distress he does commit a criminal act if he continues. However, he will no doubt argue that his behaviour was 'reasonable' given the mess that your building work was creating and your demands. It might be worth reminding him that sould you need to call the police to complain it will be logged and everyone at work will no doubt get to know, and that such logs may affect his abiluity to resell his house (but you too!). Sounds like the wife is more reasonable but if you are loking to staty living next door I would sugest finding a solution which doesn't aggravate things if you can. I have a similar knobby neighbour and just keep my head down and try to be polite to him. Life is to short for such things to blight a years of living next door for 6 weeks of bending over backwards?
Curtains said:
Problems started when we had some building work done.
Yes.This is in fact his fundamental complaint. It may seem like he is complaining about related stuff but this is what gets him, right in the jealousy centre. Because of this, nothing you do will make him happy unless you tear down your extension and revert to grass and trees.
Knowing this you should therefore not worry about him as he will be upset regardless - so better he is upset without inconveniencing you.
Your complaint and your jealous neighbour's behaviour is not uncommon, in fact I am doing an extension at the moment and people you'd never expect turn out to be green eyed and others you didn't notice turn out to be very happy and enthusiastic about your build.
So treat him like the 2yr old child he has become and _do not pander to his moods_. Basically it's his problem, not yours. Tell him you won the lottery if you really want him to go off the scale
Are yes, the 'they are just jealous card', the ace played by all passive aggressive manipulative bullies to protect their ego from any sense of shame or guilt and culpability, and hence avoid having to acknowledge or deal with their victim's plight or complaint.
And then antagonise your neighbour by treating them like a 2 year old child to self-justify your campaign of covert hostility because your poor neighbour had the 'nerve' to complain about you.
2 sides to everything and all that.
And then antagonise your neighbour by treating them like a 2 year old child to self-justify your campaign of covert hostility because your poor neighbour had the 'nerve' to complain about you.
2 sides to everything and all that.
Mr GrimNasty said:
Are yes, the 'they are just jealous card', the ace played by all passive aggressive manipulative bullies to protect their ego from any sense of shame or guilt and culpability, and hence avoid having to acknowledge or deal with their victim's plight or complaint.
And then antagonise your neighbour by treating them like a 2 year old child to self-justify your campaign of covert hostility because your poor neighbour had the 'nerve' to complain about you.
2 sides to everything and all that.
Er..And then antagonise your neighbour by treating them like a 2 year old child to self-justify your campaign of covert hostility because your poor neighbour had the 'nerve' to complain about you.
2 sides to everything and all that.
What part of his Neighbours behaviour was more mature than a two year old?
Mr GrimNasty said:
Are yes, the 'they are just jealous card', the ace played by all passive aggressive manipulative bullies to protect their ego from any sense of shame or guilt and culpability, and hence avoid having to acknowledge or deal with their victim's plight or complaint.
And then antagonise your neighbour by treating them like a 2 year old child to self-justify your campaign of covert hostility because your poor neighbour had the 'nerve' to complain about you.
2 sides to everything and all that.
You have a better way to explain the actions of this neighbour?And then antagonise your neighbour by treating them like a 2 year old child to self-justify your campaign of covert hostility because your poor neighbour had the 'nerve' to complain about you.
2 sides to everything and all that.
Globulator said:
Curtains said:
Problems started when we had some building work done.
Yes.This is in fact his fundamental complaint. It may seem like he is complaining about related stuff but this is what gets him, right in the jealousy centre. Because of this, nothing you do will make him happy unless you tear down your extension and revert to grass and trees.
Knowing this you should therefore not worry about him as he will be upset regardless - so better he is upset without inconveniencing you.
Your complaint and your jealous neighbour's behaviour is not uncommon, in fact I am doing an extension at the moment and people you'd never expect turn out to be green eyed and others you didn't notice turn out to be very happy and enthusiastic about your build.
So treat him like the 2yr old child he has become and _do not pander to his moods_. Basically it's his problem, not yours. Tell him you won the lottery if you really want him to go off the scale
ETA it in no way affected her house nor her lifestyle - her nearest wall was nearly twenty feet away.
Edited by motco on Thursday 16th September 11:01
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