Keeping Score!!!!

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nonegreen

Original Poster:

7,803 posts

276 months

Wednesday 20th March 2002
quotequote all
The Score !

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she
expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed..............................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
in the snow...................................................+8
but return with beer..........................................-5
and no liners................................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
It's her cat.................................................-40


AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party.........................+20
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with
College drinking buddy....................................... -2
Named Tiffany................................................. -4
Tiffany is a dancer...........................................-10
With breast implants..........................................-18


HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday......................................0
You buy a card and flowers.....................................0
You take her out to dinner.....................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar..........+1
Okay, it is a sports bar......................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night................................-3
And your face is painted the colors of your favorite
team........................................................-10


A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal.................................................0
The pal is happily married...................................+1
The pal is single............................................-7
He drives a Ferrari.........................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)...............-15


A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie......................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes............................+4
You take her to a movie you hate.............................+6
You take her to a movie you like.............................-2
It's called Death Cop III....................................-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.......................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......-15


YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly...........................-15
& exercise to get rid of it..................................+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose
jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.............................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".............-800


THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate
in responding..............................................-10
You reply, "Where?".........................................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"......................-100
Any other response..........................................-20


COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen,
displaying a concerned expression............................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes..............................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.. .+50
You're mind wanders and you suddenly hear "well, what do
you think I should do".....................................-50
You have fallen asleep.....................................-800

Roadrunner

2,690 posts

273 months

Wednesday 20th March 2002
quotequote all
That was bloody hilarious! Top post. Still laughing about the cat!

smeagol

1,947 posts

290 months

Wednesday 20th March 2002
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good one nonegreen

HarryW

15,255 posts

275 months

Wednesday 20th March 2002
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For +1m points.....laugh at Victoria Wood jokes, I bet she hasn't met a bloke yet that does!!!! Maybe you have to fish on the wrong bank to find her funny

Harry

tvradict

3,829 posts

280 months

Wednesday 20th March 2002
quotequote all

Fantastic nonegreen! Fantastic!

nonegreen

Original Poster:

7,803 posts

276 months

Thursday 21st March 2002
quotequote all
quote:

Maybe you have to fish on the wrong bank to find her funny


Did you mean funny or fanny?

mel

10,168 posts

281 months

Thursday 21st March 2002
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yep the "cat" did it

campbell

2,500 posts

289 months

Thursday 21st March 2002
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Its not my mess

CarZee

13,382 posts

273 months

Thursday 21st March 2002
quotequote all
quote:
quote:
Maybe you have to fish on the wrong bank to find her funny
Did you mean funny or fanny?
LMFAO

Top effort as ever Nongreen..

Jason F

1,183 posts

290 months

Thursday 21st March 2002
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LMAO nonegreen !!!

steve harrison

461 posts

273 months

Thursday 21st March 2002
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Rats. I was doing OK until I got to "Communication" and picked up a -800