Well that was a ruined Saturday afternoon?
Discussion
I'm sure most gents of the PH manor have witnessed this kind of torture before and will be able to add to this thread with plentiful anecdotes - amusing ones will assist in easing the pain...
In fact its took my 24 hours to be able to talk about it, for on Saturday afternoon I was forced to go CLOTHES SHOPPING with the other half.
I swear - how can they possibly take so long to buy some clothes? Any ladies to comment?
It started around midday, 'we are going clothes shopping, to Taunton' she says 'you know the way, you're driving' she continues. Alright m'lady give me a moment, we park and hop off towards the shops.
We entered one store and her eyes lit up - like when you flick to the centerfold in FHM, or when you hear that thunderous V8 come roaring past - within three hours I turned into:
Amusingly - when I switched off (took about ten minutes...) I started playing games and watching others around me. One for the future boys, look around and pick out a rather good looking female, now undress her with your eyes and imagine what she'd look like with that item in her hand! That'll show the other half for wasting my afternoon when I could have been driving like a loon or watching the Rugby!
At one point a bloke and I caught eye contact with one another, his eyes said what I was thinking...wheres the bar? Why isn't there one here? He raised a rye smile and sighted, I smiled weakly back and chuckled to myself as I thought 'we're all in the same boat here'.
Anyway enough, I needed to vent to the PH crowd, any psychiatrists in the house who can help rid me of the effects of this torture it'll be appreciated, for everyone else crack the whip and give us your shopping anecdotes.
In fact its took my 24 hours to be able to talk about it, for on Saturday afternoon I was forced to go CLOTHES SHOPPING with the other half.
I swear - how can they possibly take so long to buy some clothes? Any ladies to comment?
It started around midday, 'we are going clothes shopping, to Taunton' she says 'you know the way, you're driving' she continues. Alright m'lady give me a moment, we park and hop off towards the shops.
We entered one store and her eyes lit up - like when you flick to the centerfold in FHM, or when you hear that thunderous V8 come roaring past - within three hours I turned into:
- A Chaffeur (sp - see its even affecting my spelling and grammar
) - Basket Carrier
- Clothes Horse
- Bag Carrier
- Fashion Pundit (questions greeted with answers such as 'mmm' 'yeah' 'grunt')
Amusingly - when I switched off (took about ten minutes...) I started playing games and watching others around me. One for the future boys, look around and pick out a rather good looking female, now undress her with your eyes and imagine what she'd look like with that item in her hand! That'll show the other half for wasting my afternoon when I could have been driving like a loon or watching the Rugby!
At one point a bloke and I caught eye contact with one another, his eyes said what I was thinking...wheres the bar? Why isn't there one here? He raised a rye smile and sighted, I smiled weakly back and chuckled to myself as I thought 'we're all in the same boat here'.
Anyway enough, I needed to vent to the PH crowd, any psychiatrists in the house who can help rid me of the effects of this torture it'll be appreciated, for everyone else crack the whip and give us your shopping anecdotes.
Simple way to swerve this in future.
Whenever she asks what the latest outfit being tried on looks like, whatever it looks like, just smile as tritely as you possibly can and say 'That looks lovely, sweetheart'
Do not deviate from these words, even if it looks proper s
t, smile, repeat the phrase.
In under 2 hours, she'll realise that you're an utterly pointless shopping buddy and you'll get your Saturdays back.
Whenever she asks what the latest outfit being tried on looks like, whatever it looks like, just smile as tritely as you possibly can and say 'That looks lovely, sweetheart'
Do not deviate from these words, even if it looks proper s
t, smile, repeat the phrase.In under 2 hours, she'll realise that you're an utterly pointless shopping buddy and you'll get your Saturdays back.
Watching women shop is like a demonstration of chaos theory. There is no pattern to how they meander through a shop, picking up everything they see. When I go shopping, I know what I want, I go in, and get it... Women, on the other hand, take an obscure route through the shop. What they want is on the left, so they go right, and then randomly go through aisles in no particular order... Not fun.
Could be worse, i have been fkin about trying to get my central heating restored, found out the timer had burnt out. went an got a new one, fitted it, was fubar, had to get a sparky out, that was fubar too, soooo, back to b&q to get yet another one, and finally its working!!!
warmth in the house at last!
kin about trying to get my central heating restored, found out the timer had burnt out. went an got a new one, fitted it, was fubar, had to get a sparky out, that was fubar too, soooo, back to b&q to get yet another one, and finally its working!!! warmth in the house at last!homicide said:
Could be worse, i have been fkin about trying to get my central heating restored, found out the timer had burnt out. went an got a new one, fitted it, was fubar, had to get a sparky out, that was fubar too, soooo, back to b&q to get yet another one, and finally its working!!! warmth in the house at last!
You won't be able to turn it off now, and you'll die in the searing heat... kin about trying to get my central heating restored, found out the timer had burnt out. went an got a new one, fitted it, was fubar, had to get a sparky out, that was fubar too, soooo, back to b&q to get yet another one, and finally its working!!! warmth in the house at last!Or if you are forced to go, then don't follow her around in the shop.
She will inevitably end up going around and around. Make straight for the fitting room area and hang around there, and pretend to look at a few rails. This will save your legs as she'll be along in a bit with a stack of crap for you to hold while she tries them on. You can then nod desperately to the other guys there in the same situation as they buckle under the weight of clothes.
She will inevitably end up going around and around. Make straight for the fitting room area and hang around there, and pretend to look at a few rails. This will save your legs as she'll be along in a bit with a stack of crap for you to hold while she tries them on. You can then nod desperately to the other guys there in the same situation as they buckle under the weight of clothes.
Note 3 and 4 below:
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules:-
1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Saturday = Sport/Male quality time. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Shopping, (Except for “Big Boys Toys”) is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. Crying is blackmail.
etc.....................
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules:-
1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Saturday = Sport/Male quality time. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Shopping, (Except for “Big Boys Toys”) is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. Crying is blackmail.
etc.....................
Edited by Saddle bum on Sunday 5th October 16:01
I'm no longer allowed to go clothes or food shopping with the other half. I make such a nuisance of myself that she gets the hump and SHE decides she's had enough.
Sure, you're in the bad books the frst few times you do it but eventually she will realise shopping is easier without you.
A small triumph that I am rightly proud of as I see mates dragged out shopping for the day.
Sure, you're in the bad books the frst few times you do it but eventually she will realise shopping is easier without you.
A small triumph that I am rightly proud of as I see mates dragged out shopping for the day.
Blue Meanie said:
Watching women shop is like a demonstration of chaos theory. There is no pattern to how they meander through a shop, picking up everything they see. When I go shopping, I know what I want, I go in, and get it... Women, on the other hand, take an obscure route through the shop. What they want is on the left, so they go right, and then randomly go through aisles in no particular order... Not fun.
Plotloss said:
Simple way to swerve this in future.
Whenever she asks what the latest outfit being tried on looks like, whatever it looks like, just smile as tritely as you possibly can and say 'That looks lovely, sweetheart'
Do not deviate from these words, even if it looks proper st, smile, repeat the phrase.
In under 2 hours, she'll realise that you're an utterly pointless shopping buddy and you'll get your Saturdays back.
I think I have a problem then - she mentioned she likes taking me shopping as 'I give her an honest opinion'.Whenever she asks what the latest outfit being tried on looks like, whatever it looks like, just smile as tritely as you possibly can and say 'That looks lovely, sweetheart'
Do not deviate from these words, even if it looks proper s
t, smile, repeat the phrase.In under 2 hours, she'll realise that you're an utterly pointless shopping buddy and you'll get your Saturdays back.
Bless her...I think she must have confused that 'yes' and salivating at the mouth with me taking a like to what was in her hand and not the redhead with the little black strappy top and no bra.
As for the gent who commented on it being like 'Chaos Theory' well thats it, spot on in two words! Next time I'll tell her I'm washing my hair, or like she does at night 'but darling, i'm tired'.
Stop off at your local Halfrauds on the way back and force her to spend 3 hours looking at socket sets or something. You don't need to or want to buy anything yourself (Same priciple she uses forcing you clothes shopping) just bore her to death. Each time you have to go clothes shopping is followed by a trip to Halfrauds
CosmicMatt said:
jamoor said:
Why did you go shopping with her?
I didn't expect the whirlwind ahead of me, obviously!
Has anyone here noticed whichever town centre you go to, or even Tescos, there is a 55 year old man with grey hair sitting outside in his car waiting for god knows how long while his missus goes shopping?
On the subject of going shopping with the lady for her clothes, there are two options (3 if you include getting into a fight!)
1) Swallow your pride, go along, be helpfull and constructive...and earn a zillion brownie points!
2) Go along once! Keep picking up totally unsuitable clothes in every shop, telling her she'll look great in every one (avoid things which you know she'll like!), underwear is especially usefull here! Best done by waving the garment around and shouting across the store at her!
If there are any hotties in the store tell her that whatever said hottie is wearing would look good on her.
If she's young, keep dragging her in the "older womens" clothes shops, if she's old, vice versa, same for fat/thin...get the idea?
After the hassle the trip should be cut short, you'll still get some brownie points for making the effort
and you will never be asked again!
1) Swallow your pride, go along, be helpfull and constructive...and earn a zillion brownie points!
2) Go along once! Keep picking up totally unsuitable clothes in every shop, telling her she'll look great in every one (avoid things which you know she'll like!), underwear is especially usefull here! Best done by waving the garment around and shouting across the store at her!
If there are any hotties in the store tell her that whatever said hottie is wearing would look good on her.
If she's young, keep dragging her in the "older womens" clothes shops, if she's old, vice versa, same for fat/thin...get the idea?
After the hassle the trip should be cut short, you'll still get some brownie points for making the effort
and you will never be asked again!Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff