Marriage Rant/Dilemma
Discussion
I've been a member for a while but want some anonymous advice.
Been married for about 4 years, known my wife for about 8 years. Have a baby boy who's turning 1. We both have nice cars, nice house. "Perfect Life" one may say.
I feel a bit peeved tho. Some quick history....
We were good friends for a few years and after a while we began to go out. After uni and both of finding jobs and settling down, we decided to get married. During and after the wedding, our families didn't see eye to eye. I am the youngest of 4 kids. This made things very difficult. Wife and my family now didn't get on so going to family occasions became difficult and akward. Cue lots of gossip and politics (which i absolutely hate). I feel neither party is right as they have both had there their fair share of wrongs and rights. Wife and inlaws thinks my mother and family are evil and my family think she has brainwashed me and taken me away from them. Lovely!
Fast forward, have own house (lived with folks for a bit) and have kid. He is now 1 years old. Now its come to the stage where i feel like jumping ship. Since having our own place, its almost been an open invite to the in laws and wifes siblings. To start with was okay, now i really hate it! Whenever anything is mentioned to the missus about her family being c0cks or out of order (with what they say or do) i get an earful. The reason is being that since my family put her throu so much, her family is all she has and she needs them around. Despite me trying to talk openly to her about this, its difficult not to argue or involve my fam in the discussion. I rarely speak or see my family in fear of an earful about how horrible they were to her. I have now had enough. Its come to the point that her family are coming before me as a husband and father to our child.
$64k question.
She obviously doesn't care about me sentiments as things wouldn't be the way they are now. If I were to pay for upkeep, i.e. Mortgage/Private School/Maintence, would that make a quick divorce/exit easy? Or would i be seen as a cxnt for dumping her and going on my own? I still want to see my boy and I don't want to bring him into the "fight" so I would allow her full custody and hopefully get some visits in?
I know this may sound like a mad man's rambling but its hard when its all building up in you and its difficult to find out whether what you're thinking is right or wrong?
Been married for about 4 years, known my wife for about 8 years. Have a baby boy who's turning 1. We both have nice cars, nice house. "Perfect Life" one may say.
I feel a bit peeved tho. Some quick history....
We were good friends for a few years and after a while we began to go out. After uni and both of finding jobs and settling down, we decided to get married. During and after the wedding, our families didn't see eye to eye. I am the youngest of 4 kids. This made things very difficult. Wife and my family now didn't get on so going to family occasions became difficult and akward. Cue lots of gossip and politics (which i absolutely hate). I feel neither party is right as they have both had there their fair share of wrongs and rights. Wife and inlaws thinks my mother and family are evil and my family think she has brainwashed me and taken me away from them. Lovely!
Fast forward, have own house (lived with folks for a bit) and have kid. He is now 1 years old. Now its come to the stage where i feel like jumping ship. Since having our own place, its almost been an open invite to the in laws and wifes siblings. To start with was okay, now i really hate it! Whenever anything is mentioned to the missus about her family being c0cks or out of order (with what they say or do) i get an earful. The reason is being that since my family put her throu so much, her family is all she has and she needs them around. Despite me trying to talk openly to her about this, its difficult not to argue or involve my fam in the discussion. I rarely speak or see my family in fear of an earful about how horrible they were to her. I have now had enough. Its come to the point that her family are coming before me as a husband and father to our child.
$64k question.
She obviously doesn't care about me sentiments as things wouldn't be the way they are now. If I were to pay for upkeep, i.e. Mortgage/Private School/Maintence, would that make a quick divorce/exit easy? Or would i be seen as a cxnt for dumping her and going on my own? I still want to see my boy and I don't want to bring him into the "fight" so I would allow her full custody and hopefully get some visits in?
I know this may sound like a mad man's rambling but its hard when its all building up in you and its difficult to find out whether what you're thinking is right or wrong?
er,
hmm. so the wife doesn't see that her family are always around your house and how that it's unfair that your family are not also allowed this privilege?
are there other things involved? another bird on your part, another bloke on hers?
have you tried talking carefully and meaningfully to her about these precise issues? ie no alcohol involved and child out the way?
I am single and not very good at relationships so feel perfectly free to trash my response if you see fit
for what it's worth, i'd line another (better looking/more fun) girl up before you allow the holy union to shuffle off its mortal coil. things'll be much easier then, I should think (hypothesizing
)
hope it all ends well
hmm. so the wife doesn't see that her family are always around your house and how that it's unfair that your family are not also allowed this privilege?
are there other things involved? another bird on your part, another bloke on hers?
have you tried talking carefully and meaningfully to her about these precise issues? ie no alcohol involved and child out the way?
I am single and not very good at relationships so feel perfectly free to trash my response if you see fit
for what it's worth, i'd line another (better looking/more fun) girl up before you allow the holy union to shuffle off its mortal coil. things'll be much easier then, I should think (hypothesizing
)hope it all ends well
No. Divorce will not be easy. Anything you give her will be ignored when she gets the CSA to hunt you down and ruin the remainder of your days. Seriously: your first port of call should be a good divorce lawyer. If she already doesn't care about your feelings and you are supposedly happily married at the moment can you imagine what she'll be like once she knows you are off?
Never underestimate what the other party will be willing to do to you. Even if you imaging the worst, vilest most vindictive things you can think of? You are STILL only half way there. Protect yourself and your relationship with your boy. And despite my final comment do so legally.
Do you have a patio yet?
Never underestimate what the other party will be willing to do to you. Even if you imaging the worst, vilest most vindictive things you can think of? You are STILL only half way there. Protect yourself and your relationship with your boy. And despite my final comment do so legally.
Do you have a patio yet?
Justayellowbadge said:
Sounds like a difficult situation.
Equally, you sound like an utterly worthless selfish waste of space.
If you do decide to be a
, they are probably better off without you.
How you could even consider walking away from your boy staggers me.
You, frankly, make me sick.
You asked.
Hey, be careful on that fence, you might fall off Equally, you sound like an utterly worthless selfish waste of space.
If you do decide to be a
, they are probably better off without you.How you could even consider walking away from your boy staggers me.
You, frankly, make me sick.
You asked.
Whilst I agree somewhat with your sentiment about walking away from a child, it's hard to judge it without knowing the detail. I know a family in which the young (5-ish) son would be without a shadow of a doubt better off if Daddy did the decent thing and f
ked off, or preferably topped himself. miniman said:
Justayellowbadge said:
Sounds like a difficult situation.
Equally, you sound like an utterly worthless selfish waste of space.
If you do decide to be a, they are probably better off without you.
How you could even consider walking away from your boy staggers me.
You, frankly, make me sick.
You asked.
Hey, be careful on that fence, you might fall off Equally, you sound like an utterly worthless selfish waste of space.
If you do decide to be a
, they are probably better off without you.How you could even consider walking away from your boy staggers me.
You, frankly, make me sick.
You asked.
Whilst I agree somewhat with your sentiment about walking away from a child, it's hard to judge it without knowing the detail. I know a family in which the young (5-ish) son would be without a shadow of a doubt better off if Daddy did the decent thing and f
ked off, or preferably topped himself. About my son, of course it a
ish thing to do, ie walk away but would i rather he be raised in an environment where things are st or where we can at least try and be civil and raise him that way? Divorce and kids is proper messy, have just seen a friend be shafted so i know its a point of no return! BTW no-one else is involved.
This sounds a shade harsh, do you still love your wife? are the problems only with her family? If the problems are only with her family have a word with whichever one you get on the best with, tell them it's putting a strain on your marriage. Failing that try relate, or similar then and only then look at bailing out, suggest a holiday away for a bit, look at jobs further away from her parents etc, if it is just her family then find a way to work through it, or stage a jerry springeresq family meal, inviting both yours and her families.
crossle said:
Calm down.
Think of the child
Speak to Relate. Soon.
Before you speak to relate, communicate with your wife. FFS married life is hard work at times. Saying oooh its so hard and running away isn't big, clever of fair to your child. Think of the child
Speak to Relate. Soon.
Imagine trying to hell him in 15 years why you dumped him.....
I have to say, that if you cannot communicate about these simple things then there are deeper problems. Not being able to discuss family issues like this does suggest something else at hand.
But, as others have said, think about your child. I wouldn't and couldn't leave my children. I have seen what divorce can do and its not nice. I am not saying that it cannot work, but a little communication and compromises (on BOTH sides) can ensure a stable and happy family life.
I have seen what divorce does to children - its not pretty.... think LONG and HARD about this before any decisions!
But, as others have said, think about your child. I wouldn't and couldn't leave my children. I have seen what divorce can do and its not nice. I am not saying that it cannot work, but a little communication and compromises (on BOTH sides) can ensure a stable and happy family life.
I have seen what divorce does to children - its not pretty.... think LONG and HARD about this before any decisions!
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