Oh dear!!!!!!!!!!!
Discussion
>>> Three Noble owners , One Indigo Blue , One Titanium Silver , and one , a weird Turquise colour , were driving through Wales. As they were approaching
>>>
>>> Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,they started
>>>
>>> arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.
>>>
>>> They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood
>>>
>>> at the counter one asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could
>>> you
>>>
>>> please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we
>>>
>>> are.... very slowly?"
>>>
>>> The girl leaned over the counter and said,
>>>
>>> "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiiiing."
>>>
>>> Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,they started
>>>
>>> arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.
>>>
>>> They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood
>>>
>>> at the counter one asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could
>>> you
>>>
>>> please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we
>>>
>>> are.... very slowly?"
>>>
>>> The girl leaned over the counter and said,
>>>
>>> "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiiiing."
Edited by nigelw on Thursday 7th February 16:59
Cinderella is now 95 years old.
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
Cinderella said, 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years'?
The fairy godmother replied, 'Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:
'The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.
I'm living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension so that I could afford a Noble .
Instantly an M400 appeared.
Cinderella said,
'Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother'
The fairy godmother replied,
'It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?'
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,
'I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.'
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:
'You have one more wish; what shall it be?'
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, 'I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.'
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said,
'Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.'
With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity,( a bit like a HID unit !
)
the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.
For a few eerie moments,
Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.
Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...
'Bet you're sorry now that you cut my nuts off !'
I'll stop now , Joust !
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
Cinderella said, 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years'?
The fairy godmother replied, 'Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:
'The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.
I'm living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension so that I could afford a Noble .
Instantly an M400 appeared.
Cinderella said,
'Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother'
The fairy godmother replied,
'It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?'
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,
'I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.'
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:
'You have one more wish; what shall it be?'
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, 'I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.'
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said,
'Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.'
With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity,( a bit like a HID unit !
) the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.
For a few eerie moments,
Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.
Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...
'Bet you're sorry now that you cut my nuts off !'
I'll stop now , Joust !
Edited by nigelw on Thursday 7th February 08:39
Edited by nigelw on Thursday 7th February 08:41
Edited by nigelw on Thursday 7th February 08:42
Edited by nigelw on Thursday 7th February 08:43
Ok here we go again:
A tramp walks into a posh jewellers, who's owner owns a noble M12 GTO-3R. He pulls his pants down and starts fingering his arse. The shop assistant, ( who also owns a noble ), told you it was posh, shouts, "Get out you dirty bastard", the tramp says, "make your fu**ing mind up", and points to a sign in the window which reads, 'Come inside and pick your ring in comfort'
Steve.
A tramp walks into a posh jewellers, who's owner owns a noble M12 GTO-3R. He pulls his pants down and starts fingering his arse. The shop assistant, ( who also owns a noble ), told you it was posh, shouts, "Get out you dirty bastard", the tramp says, "make your fu**ing mind up", and points to a sign in the window which reads, 'Come inside and pick your ring in comfort'
Steve.
steve1 said:
Ok here we go again:
A tramp walks into a posh jewellers, who's owner owns a noble M12 GTO-3R. He pulls his pants down and starts fingering his arse. The shop assistant, ( who also owns a noble ), told you it was posh, shouts, "Get out you dirty bastard", the tramp says, "make your fu**ing mind up", and points to a sign in the window which reads, 'Come inside and pick your ring in comfort'
Steve.
Ah, so it was a branch of Crapners jewellers then! A tramp walks into a posh jewellers, who's owner owns a noble M12 GTO-3R. He pulls his pants down and starts fingering his arse. The shop assistant, ( who also owns a noble ), told you it was posh, shouts, "Get out you dirty bastard", the tramp says, "make your fu**ing mind up", and points to a sign in the window which reads, 'Come inside and pick your ring in comfort'
Steve.
A man (who owns a Noble M400) and a woman who had never met before, and were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....
He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' she replied. 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'
'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own f%#*ing blanket.'
After a moment of silence, he farted.
The End
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....
He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' she replied. 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'
'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own f%#*ing blanket.'
After a moment of silence, he farted.
The End
Edited by ahaughton on Thursday 7th February 15:38
Lee Noble dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, St.Peter
greets Lee, and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your
cars have changed the world ,as a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want."
Lee thinks about it, and says, "I want to hang out with God
Himself." So, the befuddled St. Peter takes Lee to the Throne Room,
and introduces him to God. Lee then asks God, "When you invented Woman,
what were you thinking?" God asks, "What do you mean?" "Well," says Lee ,
"You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
2. Maintenance is extremely high
3. It constantly needs repainting, and refinishing.
4. It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 of every 28 days.
5. The rear end wobbles too much and over time and becomes
easily dented, dimpled and droopy when the shocks wear out.
6. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
7. The headlights are usually too small.
8. Fuel consumption is outrageous.
This is just to name a few." "Hmmm...," replies God, "Let me just check
something." God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few
keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time the computer prints out a
report, and God reads it.
God then turns to Lee , and says, "It may be that my invention is flawed
as you say, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my
invention than yours."
greets Lee, and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your
cars have changed the world ,as a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want."
Lee thinks about it, and says, "I want to hang out with God
Himself." So, the befuddled St. Peter takes Lee to the Throne Room,
and introduces him to God. Lee then asks God, "When you invented Woman,
what were you thinking?" God asks, "What do you mean?" "Well," says Lee ,
"You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
2. Maintenance is extremely high
3. It constantly needs repainting, and refinishing.
4. It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 of every 28 days.
5. The rear end wobbles too much and over time and becomes
easily dented, dimpled and droopy when the shocks wear out.
6. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
7. The headlights are usually too small.
8. Fuel consumption is outrageous.
This is just to name a few." "Hmmm...," replies God, "Let me just check
something." God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few
keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time the computer prints out a
report, and God reads it.
God then turns to Lee , and says, "It may be that my invention is flawed
as you say, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my
invention than yours."
!!!>
> The Revenue Comissioner decides to audit Paddy, and summons him to an
appointment with the most thorough auditor in the office. The auditor is
not surprised when Paddy shows up with his solicitor.
>
> The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle , own three Nobles and yet you have no
> full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money
> gambling. I'm not sure I find that believable."
>
> "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Paddy. "How about a
demonstration?"
>
> The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. You're on!"
>
> Paddy says, "I'll bet you a thousand quid that I can bite my own eye."
>
> The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."
> Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it.
> The auditor's jaw drops.
>
> Paddy says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand pound that I can bite my
other
> eye."
>
> The auditor can tell Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Paddy
removes
> his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realises
he has
> bet and lost three thousand quid, with Paddy's solicitor as a witness.
He
> starts to get nervous.
>
> "Would you like to go double or nothing?" Paddy asks. "I'll bet
> you six thousand pound that I can stand on one side of your desk and
piss
> into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere
in
> between."
>
> The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
> decides there's no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees
again.
>
> Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he
> strains for all his worth , he can't make the stream reach the bin on
the other
> side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
> The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major
loss
> into a big win. But Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in his
hands.
>
> "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
>
> "Not really," says the solicitor. "This morning, when Paddy told me
he'd
> been summoned for an audit, he bet me £ 20,000 that he could come
in here and piss
> all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about it.."
>
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