For lovers of the Theatre - a 'tradegie'
Discussion
CIDERwithCERBIE presents (with apologies to Samuel Beckett)
"Waiting for Speedo" a play in one act;
Dramatis Personae;
Petros Wheelidealy (PW) sometime chem engineer, sometime racedriver, sometime TVR supremo magician
Aluminum Mellloid (AM) A mighty automotive engineering wizard (or not)
Jack Revscrafter (JR) An in-house TVR sprite with limited magical powers
Sh*tforBrains (BS) TVR's leading thinker & publicist (or not!!!)
Smellyendski (NS) TVR's saviour (OR NOT!!!!!)
TVR Dealers (hopeful or hopeless optimists)
Scene 1 - Somewhere near Le Mans
PW; Let's build a perfomance straight Six
AM; Your nuts!
PW No I mean it about 4litres and 400hp and I will pay you x (where x is a large integer)
AM: OK.. (sotto voce) You're still mad!
Scene 2 - A shed in Blackpool
AM; Here is is
PW; Great!
[15mins later]
PW: it's broken and useless, you t**t!
AM; No it isn't you just didn't treat it right.......OK it needs some development. Where's my wonga?
PW: No functional engine - no wonga!
AM; F*** Off! You C***!
PW: Who are you calling a C***...[etc for some time behind closed doors but heard by most of factory]
JR: Can I help?
[ PW gives AM X/2, and AM gives PW six proto-types]
Scene 3 - Dyno room, JR's sprite home
[Runs second engine - explodes in 15mins]
JR: What a piece of shite! How do you expect me to fix this?
PW: you said you could!
JR: B******s! OK but it will have to be a bodge
PW: Get on with it or all those Trashcan deposits will go West!
Scene 4 - Six months later PW's cavern
JR: It's powerful with good torque, but I have had to break some key engineering rules. I do not know how
long any given one will last unless you put top quality components in it.
PW: Great..........where's that directory of Indian performance engine specialists. If they want proper
bits they can pay more and I will call it the Rubus Rosus version.
Scene 5 - Conference for Dealers Blackpool pier
PW: The Trashcan what a cracker looks fab and different, goes like stink, get out there an flog them - I've got
1600 deposits from God knows when!
Dealers: It's fixed and the build quality is right up there this time?
PW: Absolutely (fingers crossed behind back)
Scene 6 - Later that month in the Cavern (with twenty cars in for engine rebuilds already)
PW (to Shit for Brains aka BS): Get those lazy b******s in the shop to make lots of Trashcans pronto and don't look too
closely at the finishing, and tell them anyone who says anything about the engine rebuilds is back in Giro-land!!
SfB: OK Boss what ever you say!
PW (to self): I need a miracle or a sucker.
SfB: Boss, there's a spotty teen who wants a word!
NS: Drastvichey! Hey I bought a T350 and I told ze dealer I vould buy ze company. Vill £15m do? No need
to look at books, kontract or factory, ze Kar is just so sezxy and how you say Orgazmic!
PW: Thank you God......Offski!!
ENDS
Sequel to follow; Endgameski
"Waiting for Speedo" a play in one act;
Dramatis Personae;
Petros Wheelidealy (PW) sometime chem engineer, sometime racedriver, sometime TVR supremo magician
Aluminum Mellloid (AM) A mighty automotive engineering wizard (or not)
Jack Revscrafter (JR) An in-house TVR sprite with limited magical powers
Sh*tforBrains (BS) TVR's leading thinker & publicist (or not!!!)
Smellyendski (NS) TVR's saviour (OR NOT!!!!!)
TVR Dealers (hopeful or hopeless optimists)
Scene 1 - Somewhere near Le Mans
PW; Let's build a perfomance straight Six
AM; Your nuts!
PW No I mean it about 4litres and 400hp and I will pay you x (where x is a large integer)
AM: OK.. (sotto voce) You're still mad!
Scene 2 - A shed in Blackpool
AM; Here is is
PW; Great!
[15mins later]
PW: it's broken and useless, you t**t!
AM; No it isn't you just didn't treat it right.......OK it needs some development. Where's my wonga?
PW: No functional engine - no wonga!
AM; F*** Off! You C***!
PW: Who are you calling a C***...[etc for some time behind closed doors but heard by most of factory]
JR: Can I help?
[ PW gives AM X/2, and AM gives PW six proto-types]
Scene 3 - Dyno room, JR's sprite home
[Runs second engine - explodes in 15mins]
JR: What a piece of shite! How do you expect me to fix this?
PW: you said you could!
JR: B******s! OK but it will have to be a bodge
PW: Get on with it or all those Trashcan deposits will go West!
Scene 4 - Six months later PW's cavern
JR: It's powerful with good torque, but I have had to break some key engineering rules. I do not know how
long any given one will last unless you put top quality components in it.
PW: Great..........where's that directory of Indian performance engine specialists. If they want proper
bits they can pay more and I will call it the Rubus Rosus version.
Scene 5 - Conference for Dealers Blackpool pier
PW: The Trashcan what a cracker looks fab and different, goes like stink, get out there an flog them - I've got
1600 deposits from God knows when!
Dealers: It's fixed and the build quality is right up there this time?
PW: Absolutely (fingers crossed behind back)
Scene 6 - Later that month in the Cavern (with twenty cars in for engine rebuilds already)
PW (to Shit for Brains aka BS): Get those lazy b******s in the shop to make lots of Trashcans pronto and don't look too
closely at the finishing, and tell them anyone who says anything about the engine rebuilds is back in Giro-land!!
SfB: OK Boss what ever you say!
PW (to self): I need a miracle or a sucker.
SfB: Boss, there's a spotty teen who wants a word!
NS: Drastvichey! Hey I bought a T350 and I told ze dealer I vould buy ze company. Vill £15m do? No need
to look at books, kontract or factory, ze Kar is just so sezxy and how you say Orgazmic!
PW: Thank you God......Offski!!
ENDS
Sequel to follow; Endgameski
Edited by CiderwithCerbie on Wednesday 14th March 23:29
unrepentant said:
CiderwithCerbie said:
NS: Drastvichey! Hey I bought a T350 and I told ze dealer I vould buy ze company. Vill £15m do? No need
to look at books, kontract or factory, ze Kar is just so sezxy and how you say Orgazmic!
to look at books, kontract or factory, ze Kar is just so sezxy and how you say Orgazmic!
Your villain is German?
Couldn't find the Cyrillic on my computer - I think you get the drift - he's a bit to the East of Harwich.
PS He's not identified as a villain, perhaps he is perhaps not...............perhaps they are all villains?
Edited by CiderwithCerbie on Wednesday 14th March 23:43
900T-R said:
CiderwithCerbie said:
PW; Let's build a perfomance straight Six
AM; Your nuts!
Erm, forgive me for asking - but what exactly have Wheelers nuts to do with it?
Either they're too tight or not tight enough.......it's not explicitly stated in the text....have you seen any Beckett?
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