Staples-to-Naples rally 2006
Doug Clayton reports on the five-day rally to Naples in a £100 banger
Starting at the Ace Cafe
Imagine a European driving holiday. London to Naples in five days. Take in the sights of the Champagne region, the Swiss and Italian Alps, Tuscany and the hustle and bustle of the Neapolitan Riviera at the end of a balmy Italian summer. Great cuisine, superb wine, lovely weather and the very best hotels.
What a way to spend a long weekend -- sounds idyllic doesn’t it? Not if it’s the Staples to Naples 2006 Rally.
Started in 2003, the Staples to Naples is the wage slave’s alternative to the much longer and more expensive charity banger rallies that started at about the same time. For those who can’t afford to take three weeks off work and drive into Africa, the S2N is perfect. The event has grown so fast that this year it was very oversubscribed and sold out within four minutes, bringing down the Web site as so many people tried to sign up. Ours was one of the lucky teams that got through.
Rules
There are very few rules to the event. Obviously the cars involved have to be completely road legal across all European countries visited, fully insured, taxed and MoT’d. The organisers go to great lengths to ensure that all this is taken care of at sign-up, before the rally proper begins.
The Rally is not a race. There are no points for arriving first so speed is not the order of the day. Oh and one last thing, the car used in the event must have been purchased for less than £100. Gulp.
Our S2N odyssey began (unsurprisingly) over a pint and dinner one night last November. “Wouldn’t it be great fun”, someone said, “if we entered that rally where you have to drive from London to Naples in four days?” and the Aston Exiles were born. Four weeks later and sign-up completed, our team of four (all Aston University graduates, hence the team name) was committed to the fun and craziness that is preparation and completion of the event.
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 Day 1: the Cunning Stunts Ghostbusters Volvo
 At the Reims GP Circuit pits  Day 2: setting off  Team Aston  Alpine pass  And another Alpine pass  SpeedFreaks and the AlphaBlockers on the Umbrail Pass  Fault-finding... |
Preparation
The first few months passed by with little progress. The idea of lying on your back under a car trying to fix the electrical system in the depths of a British winter was not a pleasant one so we set about the fundraising exercise. We set up a kitty and waited for the good weather. Come the spring, the search for a car started in vain. We set up a team website to publicise our plight and decided on our good causes. Another purpose of the event is to raise money for charity. Monies collected go straight to charity, not towards paying for the event in any way. We decided on the NSPCC and the Thames Valley Air Ambulance, and set up sponsorship Web sites.
Finally, at the end of July, when we were getting a little bit edgy about the looming deadline, our salvation arrived in the shape of a blue 1991 Vauxhall Cavalier saloon, a 2.0i model no less – with MoT for a good few months, four good tyres and lots of potential. Tax and insurance were sorted and on 27 July we picked up the car and moved it to one of its many parking places for the next two months.
The next few weekends were a flurry of activity. Yes, the car had seen better days but we were convinced that with a little TLC and financial investment, it would be the perfect steed to carry us into Naples. The rough running and smoking exhaust were sorted quickly by a simple service – something which we suspected the car hadn’t had for a while. The sparkplugs and leads were replaced, filters replaced and the oil changed in double quick time. Starting and idling were much improved along with low speed running. The problems we had when picking it up disappeared and never returned. Cooling and braking systems were checked and with a little bit of tweaking were brought up to speed. The clutch and gearbox, though a little worn, were also passed as up to the job.
Then came the decoration. As part of the entry fee, the organisers provided a number of big vinyl stickers to adorn the car carrying our team name, number and names of all the drivers. These would identify us to the other teams but we realised from looking at photos from previous events that we needed a theme. Cover the car in furry fake cowhide perhaps? How about making it look like the Batmobile?
Both had been done before. We needed something original.
The blue finish of the car got us thinking and we hatched a plan based on the iconic Gulf Racing paint scheme which over the years has adorned many great racing cars including the mighty Le Mans Porsche 917s, made famous by the Steve McQueen film of the same name. Orange spray paint and masking tape purchased we set about turning our Cavalier into a racing thoroughbred, worthy of the startline at the 24 hours. Three coats later, we realised that we were a bit ambitious with the racing intentions (though we promised to take it to a racing circuit in France – more on that later) but it did look very smart.
Following a wash and brush up both inside and out, the team stickers were applied along with a few more to carry on the racing theme. The finishing touches such as new hubcaps, stick on bonnet pins and taped up headlights meant we were ready to hit the road. Watch out Italy, here we come.
The rally
Like all good rallies (the Paris-Dakar for example), the Staples to Naples doesn’t actually start where the name suggests. Being fairly local though, we decided to head down to the industrial estate at the end of the M1, just to keep an authentic feel.
Day 0 as it was known was all about getting the car to Calais to enable us to register in the evening and be ready for the start on Day 1 of the event from Calais. After an eventful drive through SW London and the M25, we made our ferry in the nick of time and loaded up, along with a number of other teams. This was the first time most of us had met so there were tales of broken gearboxes and rusted floors before we’d even got on the boat. Two hours and a smooth crossing later we found ourselves in Calais, in a bar (obviously) queuing to register and provide all our documentation.
As already mentioned, the organisers are very strict on road worthiness, tax, MoT testing and Insurance. We passed with flying colours as did all the teams and it was back to the hotel for some sleep (after all but the morning’s designated driver had another beer!)
Day One
Friday 22 September dawned bright and early as we headed for the City Europe car park just outside Calais. Although used to seeing British cars on booze cruises, I’m not sure the staff arriving for work on Friday were quite prepared for what greeted them. Some 120 bangers decorated in various themes and schemes, driver and co-drivers in fancy dress and upwards of 350 people milling around waiting for the off. Even the organisers, who you would think have seen everything over the years, were surprised at the quality of the turnout. Highlights included two matching BMWs completely covered in Astroturf, a Back to the Future-themed Volkswagen and a Renault van that had been converted into a pub, complete with pitched roof and hanging sign.
The destination was the Swiss town of Sarnen, about 20 miles to the South of Lucerne. A total drive of 550 miles and the longest day of the event. At 9am the air horn sounded and we headed, in a somewhat disorganised manner, out of the car park. With a smile and a wave to the local gendarmes who had come down to admire the machinery and help us all out onto the road, we were on our way.
French motorways we decided, while well surfaced and smooth, possessing perfect lane discipline and with their frequent, well-kept rest stops are nonetheless very boring. After a brief detour we arrived at our first stop for a spot of lunch French style. Bread, cheese and paté in front of the remains of the once great Reims racing circuit where legends such as Fangio, Hawthorn, Collins and Clark all won races over the years.
Back on the road again, we had our first mishap. A silver exhaust trim we had attached to give the car a more ‘sporty’ look worked loose and bounced down the motorway, narrowly missing the three other teams in our little convoy. The walkie-talkie provided by the organisers crackled into life as we were given word that bits were falling off the car and a number of choice words were used when explaining how close the VW Passat directly behind us came to having an unintended modification to its front end.
With no harm done though, our little convoy carried on to Metz, then Strasbourg, Colmar, Mulhouse (home of the Bugatti Veyron), into Switzerland at Basle, Lucerne and finally at 8pm after spending a hour in roadworks (it would seem that the whole of Switzerland is currently being re-surfaced), we arrived at Sarnen. Some hotel confusion and a bit of re-planning later and the Aston Exiles were back in town tucking into dinner and a beer (apart from the driver) before back to base for some well deserved shut-eye and the start of Day 2
Day 2
Saturday 23 September started misty but the low cloud burnt off before breakfast, revealing an unseasonable hot day for the Swiss alps. Traditional ham, cheese and bread washed down with lots of coffee and we headed for the start point of the day and the team photo. The first two casualties of the event were confirmed. The ‘Badger’ Volvo and the cooking oil powered Batmobile Mondeo were no more – both losing clutches on the first day. Their drivers and teams were now getting lifts with those who had space.
After a group photo, we all set off for the challenge of the Alps. There were a number of routes available, depending on how confident you were in your car you could bypass many of the passes in favour of tunnels or flatter (though more circuitous) routes. We had ultimate faith in the Cavalier after its faultless performance on Day one and set off to complete all the passes on the way to the day’s destination in Northern Italy.
Sharing the driving so that we all got the experience of pedalling a £95 car up and down the Alps, we headed to the midway point of the day in the town of Chur. The morning’s passes were all comparatively easy affairs. The highest took us up to 9,000ft at which altitude the air thins and saps the power of the engine. By the time we reached the top we needed to use first gear instead of second on a lot of the tight hairpin bends and under-bonnet temperatures were rising fast due to the high revving.
There was no shortage of places to stop though and it was a pleasure to jump out and admire the scenery every half an hour or so. With such a well defined route (there aren’t that many roads in the alps) most teams were within half an hour of each other making for some fun convoys, lots of beeping of horns and some great video and photo opportunities, as well as knowing that you would have backup if anything went wrong.
The highlight of the day though was the Umbrail Pass, peaking at a little over 8,000ft. A little known road snaking its way to the top of the Stelvio pass and from Switzerland into Italy. At the start it looks just like any other road, if a little narrower and lacking a bit in the crash barrier stakes. The first mile or so is easy enough and what you would expect. Winding tarmac and hairpin bends separated by 200 yards straights. Any fears we had about the road were enhanced further by the discovery of a sorry looking Volvo after the first couple of corners however. Running out of brakes had meant an ‘emergency stop’ had been required using the combination of a ditch and the handbrake. All team members OK and accounted for we pushed on, feeling a little more nervous than before.
After a mile or so of tarmac the road surface began to deteriorate a little – cracking at the edges and with a lot more dirt along the centre. Next it simply became a gravel track. Sure that we were on the right road and leading two other cars we continued with care on the tricky surface. Four fat blokes in a car with luggage for a week makes for interesting handling on tarmac, let alone gravel. For sure, the scenery was amazing but the driver kept his eyes on the road throughout, especially when at about 5,000ft we went from sunshine into thick cloud. With visibility at about 50m, the headlights and full beams came on we all became a little more aware of the height of the drop that was alternating between the left and right side of the car as we proceeded. Mercifully, the track became tarmac again about half a mile from the summit, prompting some overtaking by the chaps in the car behind and relief in the cabin of the Cavalier. Crossing into Italy at a deserted border post, the next challenge awaited: descending Stelvio in the clouds….
Drivers changed and photos taken at the summit we started the decent, hoping that the 40+ switchbacks of the Stelvio Pass wouldn’t make mincemeat out of our brakes and gearbox. The road surface became a lot better but the decent was still a tricky one. Not only did we have to contend with keeping the car in one piece, bikers emerging from the mist and buzzing past on the straights (and sometimes the corners) were an added distraction. Breaking through the clouds at about 6,000ft, the sun was setting through a threatening sky and the thin grey ribbon of the road stretched into the bottom of the valley. Thoughts turned to a Lotus Exige or an Ariel Atom for such a drive. Any such daydreams however were dashed by the soundtrack to The Italian Job played loud on the stereo to try and mask the rather laboured noises coming from the drivetrain.
A couple of hours later and in one piece we arrived in the designated hotel for night 2 in Aprica. Opinions differed as to whether the building had once been a prison or Communist Party headquarters for the region but one thing was for sure, it hadn’t been decorated in about 60 years. Still, there was a meal waiting and the bar served beer by the litre in glasses shaped like ski boots. Food and novelty pint glasses were exactly what we needed and after a few ‘feet’ of beer off we went to our cells.
Day 3
Sunday 24 September dawned the way day 2 had ended – misty and murky in the Italian Alps though mercifully warm for what was to come. Day 3 was Reservoir Dogs day. Suitably decked out in black trousers, white shirts and black ties we filled our Super Soaker water guns and headed for the start in the town square.
The scene when we arrived looked liked something out of a Hollywood movie. Teams of people, all dressed the same ducking down behind car doors, lampposts and any other cover that was available, everyone absolutely soaked, much to the amusement of the locals who had turned out in force to see us off.
The challenge for the day was set by Justin, the organiser, after being on the receiving end of an inevitable barrage from 50 odd water pistols. On the day’s drive we were to stop at five different petrol stations and get a photo of the whole team, in costume, with water pistols in front of pump number 3. Each photo had to have at least one Italian in it and the more people in the photo the more points the team scored.
After the start we all took the same route out of town. The first few petrol stations were littered with S2N cars, blokes in black suits and very confused (and in some cases a little damp) Italians. We decided to get some distance between us and the start in order to find some quieter petrol stations and avoid the ‘drive-by’ shootings that were going on. The rule for the day was obvious – stop somewhere where you can be spotted and you will get wet. The route for the day was a fast one, much like Day 1 with the majority being on motorways. We aimed for Brescia, Verona, Modena, Bologna, Florence and then headed for Rome, stopping short in the town of Viterbo.
With all our photos taken for the day we left a trail of confused natives in our wake and by the middle of the afternoon, we were on the hunt for victims. Motorway services proved to be fruitful hunting grounds offering good cover on the way in, ample manoeuvring for shooting on the move and a swift exit once the opposition had been soaked.
The fine men and women of the Italian police force did a sterling job of reserving us a car park in the middle of Viterbo and arriving early was a must. The more people there were there to greet you, the wetter you were going to get. The latest arrivals were still mopping out their cars as we checked into the hotel and headed for the nearest Pizzeria for a well earned dinner and some of the local plonk.
Day 4
Monday 25 September blessed us once again with a sunny and warm start in the centre of town. A few of the runners were now looking and sounding a little worse for wear and the car park resembled a paddock with bonnets up, engines revving and litres of oil being hurriedly poured. The day’s task was designed to test our navigational skills. A quick sprint down to the Lazio region to the South of Rome was in order with challenges beginning once we had made it around the Italian Capital. The area between Rome and our final destination of Castel Volturno just outside Naples was split into three zones with a different challenge in each.
In the rally booklet were pictures of newspaper stands, no directions just a photo. Under the photos were the names of the towns in which they were located. Simple stuff really – head to a town of your choice, buy a copy of the today’s paper and get a photo of the team standing in front of the newsstand. The obvious choice was to go for the smallest town and therefore the least searching around. It was at this point that our decision to be cheapskates, not to buy a detailed map of Italy and to rely on our 10 year-old European route finder came back to bite us on the arse. The whole of Italy was covered by just four pages so no chance of finding the little towns, only the big ones. Nuts.
After driving around the lovely town of Velletri for 20 minutes with our eyes peeled, we spotted the newsstand. Double parking on a roundabout in true Italian style we stuck the park-anywhere lights on and hopped out. With paper bought and photo taken the Carabinieri pulled up behind our car. Fearing the worst for our decidedly dodgy parking technique we tried to avoid eye contact and got in the car quickly. Turns out that all he wanted was a paper and a packet of cigarettes. The wonders of Latin traffic policing. Onwards to Sabaudia and our next challenge.
Simple one this. Find a pre-determined start point in the town and follow a series of directions printed in the instruction booklet, taking pictures along the way. Only problem was, the distances were all in kilometres and our trip counter was a bit dodgy. Against all the odds though, we managed the entire 25 mile route and got all the evidence we needed. Then the curse of the crap map struck again. Where the hell were we? Finding signs to the next big town on the coast, we took a rather circuitous route to the next stop in the walled city of Sessa Arunca.
Imagine if you will a tranquil walled town, built in the 15th Century on the top of a hill, overlooking the surrounding countryside. Men in annoyingly well tailored suits stroll across the square, an old lady sweeps the step of her house, impossibly attractive women sit in a bar talking and drinking espresso. Then the S2N runners arrive, armed to the teeth with airhorns that play Dixie, La Cucaracha and in one stroke of genius case, The Godfather – all on a mission to take a photo of the beautiful church tower with its six bells. Imagine how annoying it would be for these locals if the drivers couldn’t find the church with six bells and spent ages squeezing down side streets and scraping wheels of their cars on kerbs as they tried to do eight-point turns.
Surprisingly (as had become a theme throughout the event) almost everyone was happy to see us, kiddies waved and laughed at the musical airhorns, young men approved of the randomness of the dents in our cars, making them look very Italian and the beautiful local girls waved and blew kisses at the handsome and intrepid adventurers (OK I made that last bit up but you get the idea). Eventually, once the photo had been taken we headed for the finish line at The Grand Hotel Pintemare. It sounded a lot better than it is...
After clocking in well before the challenge deadline at the Grand Hotel, we ventured back out to find our hotel. By the looks of it, Castel Vorlturno was once a nice place to go on holiday. It’s not any more. Arriving in the midst of a massive thunderstorm, it looked like a cross between Beirut and Detroit. (Take off and nuke it from orbit – it’s the only way to be sure) Our salvation came in the form of The Holiday Inn Resort. Blissfully locked away from the outside world in landscape gardened and chilled beer heaven, we celebrated the completion of the event during the thankfully very long happy hour in the bar.
Everyone descended on the beachside bar at The Pintemare later that evening for prizes, Peroni and tales of heroism and despair, broken clutches, burnt brakes and repairing leaky hoses with Parma Ham. Suitably inebriated we trundled back to the Holiday Inn, eight-up in the back of a Transit to polish off whatever they had left at the hotel bar.
Day 5
Tuesday 25 September – After checking out in the early afternoon, the two least hungover team members recruited a lift in the form of the AlfaBetaBlockers (big thanks guys) and with a final farewell, took the Cavalier off into Naples to find a scrapyard – little did we know what would happen next. Our flights were already booked and despite the attachment we had to the car, flying home in three hours seemed like a better idea than driving in 48. The first two yards we came across were closed and we started back for the hotel wondering what we were going to do.
Someone at the front of our convoy spotted a sign for another scrappy and pulled into a local second-hand car dealers to get directions. As luck would have it, on the forecourt was a couple, looking at a suitably shabby looking second-hand car. Before they knew it, the couple were the owners of a blue and orange Vauxhall Cavalier, 135,000 miles, many careful owners. We just let them have it for free in the end. With all the paperwork signed and sealed and all parties happy, we waved goodbye to the Cavalier for the last time as it headed into the mayhem of Naples.
Hopefully we’ll see it again next year.
Big thanks to everyone involved in the event, organisers and entrants. It was an absolute blast.
We were raising money for the Thames Valley air ambulance before the event and our justgiving page is still open at www.justgiving.com/astonexiles
Sounds great and looks really good fun! I would be keen to get involved if you are going to do another?
Can't believe your 'modded' Cavalier is trundling around Naples now with its new 'local' owners?????
(BTW: love the Viper stripe and stick on bonnet clips
) When I spoke with you at the Ace, you didn't know if it would even make it all the way there!!
Scott.
We're definitely up for doing it again next year but might have a go at another event. The Home to Rome perhaps - fits in better with the plans of a couple of the team members as it is later in the year.
The bit I was worried about was going over the Alps on Day 2 - whether the clutch and brakes would stand up to the punishment. After the first couple of climbs and decents though it felt OK and got the confidence up enough to have a go at the trickier stuff in the afternoon.
If any new teams want to get on S2N2007 then you need to visit www.streetsafari.com/ssaf.esp?p=updates as soon as possible. The interest for S2N2007 is already incredibly strong and is growing everyday.
(any chance the url can be changed to www.staples2naples.com?
)I am taking part in a slightly larger event next year.
www.mongoliaarewethereyet.com
basically driving to Mongolia a in a pants car check out the web sight and see what you think.
our team's updates and pics can be found on www.teamcunning.co.uk
I really fancy the idea of a couple of days journeying to Naples in an old dog of a car, but in my case, id just love to drive it back too!
Doh just seen the prices page....will likely have go at this before too long.
One of the astroturfed BWMs, a 5 series estate, was a mate of mines. They too caught a plane back home, but simply left the car in the short term car park. It was visible there on google earth for well over a decade, perhaps 15 years. Very easy to spot as the astroturf is an Italian tricolore. God alone knows what the charges must be.
Anyway..... looking today on both Bing and Google Earth - it still lives! It's now in an impound parking lot next to the airport and you can still clearly make it out (street Cupa Carbone). That's 27 years of parking and impound fees
Bonkers!
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