A UK fairy tale, by the Brothers Grimm
A UK fairy tale, by the Brothers Grimm
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Harry Flashman

Original Poster:

21,924 posts

272 months

Friday 13th January 2006
quotequote all
CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

THE BRITISH VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. So far, so good, eh?

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home in Hampstead
with a
table laden with
food.

The British are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Liberal Party, the Respect Party, the Transvestites With Starving Babies Party and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The BBC, interrupting an Rastafarian cultural festival special from Grimsby with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome."

Ken Livingstone laments in an interview with Panorama that the ant has got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".

In response, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay the fine and his
newly imposed
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by Camden Council.

The ant moves to France, and starts a successful agribiz company [funded by
the EU].

The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the government house
he is in, which just
happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.

Inadequate government funding is blamed, Diane Abbot is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost ?10,000,000. The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Guardian blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity.

The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity,
who
promptly set up a marijuana growing operations and terrorize the community.

THE END

Harry Flashman

Original Poster:

21,924 posts

272 months

Friday 13th January 2006
quotequote all
P.S. - I don't agree with all of this, particularly the comment on multiculturalism at the end, which is a bit harsh, but it is funny and much of it rings rather true, even to me relatively (for PH) leftie sentiments...

cazzer

8,883 posts

278 months

Friday 13th January 2006
quotequote all
That would be funny.....if...

Jaglover

46,818 posts

265 months

Friday 13th January 2006
quotequote all
Harry Flashman said:
CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

THE BRITISH VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. So far, so good, eh?

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home in Hampstead
with a
table laden with
food.

The British are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Liberal Party, the Respect Party, the Transvestites With Starving Babies Party and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The BBC, interrupting an Rastafarian cultural festival special from Grimsby with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome."

Ken Livingstone laments in an interview with Panorama that the ant has got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".

In response, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay the fine and his
newly imposed
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by Camden Council.

The ant moves to France, and starts a successful agribiz company [funded by
the EU].

The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the government house
he is in, which just
happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.

Inadequate government funding is blamed, Diane Abbot is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost ?10,000,000. The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Guardian blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity.

The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity,
who
promptly set up a marijuana growing operations and terrorize the community.

THE END


Funny but true

timmy30

9,325 posts

257 months

Friday 13th January 2006
quotequote all
If it were not for the fact that a middle income tax payer in the UK will be forced to hand over £653,000 ( on avgerage ) of tax over their lifetime, and at the end of it find themselves with an inadequate pension and little savings it would be funny.