Difficult Life?
Discussion
Just had a telephone conversation with my younger sister (whom I usually get on with OK) ...
... but ended up pretty riled.
Situation - my folks are coming to stay with Mrs zcacogp and me for Christmas, but stopping off at my sis's en route (Worcestershire to London via Cambridge).
And I wanted to talk to them to make sure that they are OK for the arrangements for tomorrow, when they arrive with us.
So I call, at 10.02pm, and my sis answers the 'phone. Why did I call so late? Everyone is in bed!
In bed? But it's only 10.00pm?
Yes, well, we are all very busy, and have stressful lives.
(My sis has 2 kids, and her hubby is a student - 2nd degree.)
Stressful lives! Stressful how, exactly?
You wouldn't last 2 minutes doing my job - being a full-time mum is very difficult! Did you know that the average toddler makes 300 requests a day! I've got 2 - that's 600 requests!
That's a meaningless statistic, there's nothing I can say to that.
... and we go to bed early because we get up very early!
And what time's that?
8.00am!
8.00am? I have left the house 20 minutes before that!
Don't you lecture me - I hd a high-powered executive job once, and I know how easy it is! (She was a bank cashier for 6 weeks before chucking it in because she didn't like it.)
(Bit of context - Mrs zcacogp and I live in East London, both commute for a little over an hour each way, I am approaching a Principal Consultant role in a very specialist niche consultancy and work 10-11 hours a day. Mrs zcacogp is chief pharmacist at a major West London teaching hospital, working similar hours. We have no kids, and never intend to have them either. )
It really made me think that there is no point in arguing with some people, and I felt quite disappointed. Yes, I dare say that I would struggle with 2 kids, but whenever I have visited her, she spends most of the time doing very, very little and puts the kids in front of the television to "entertain" them. And this is a family who rely entirely on state handouts ... (and yet have recently afforded £14K for a 4-month old Touran, while we have a 14-year old Golf!) Maybe there is quite a streak of chav in my family after all. To say I was riled is putting it mildly, but also very disappointed. She is (was) a bright girl, good degree from a good uni. And now she is reduced to spouting meaningless "facts" (330 requests a day sounds remarkably like the vile lentillists bleats about "Did you know it takes your liver 4 days to recover from a single alcoholic drink" and "One car produces as much pollution driving one mile as the entire cow population of africa farting continuously for twelve decades". Utter claptrap.)
So, I guess it's a warning. Take care - see how the mighty (or once-intelligent) have fallen ...
And breeeaaattthhheeeee. (At least until Christmas day, when sis, BiL and two brats arrive to stay.)
Oli.
... but ended up pretty riled.
Situation - my folks are coming to stay with Mrs zcacogp and me for Christmas, but stopping off at my sis's en route (Worcestershire to London via Cambridge).
And I wanted to talk to them to make sure that they are OK for the arrangements for tomorrow, when they arrive with us.
So I call, at 10.02pm, and my sis answers the 'phone. Why did I call so late? Everyone is in bed!
In bed? But it's only 10.00pm?
Yes, well, we are all very busy, and have stressful lives.
(My sis has 2 kids, and her hubby is a student - 2nd degree.)
Stressful lives! Stressful how, exactly?
You wouldn't last 2 minutes doing my job - being a full-time mum is very difficult! Did you know that the average toddler makes 300 requests a day! I've got 2 - that's 600 requests!
That's a meaningless statistic, there's nothing I can say to that.
... and we go to bed early because we get up very early!
And what time's that?
8.00am!
8.00am? I have left the house 20 minutes before that!
Don't you lecture me - I hd a high-powered executive job once, and I know how easy it is! (She was a bank cashier for 6 weeks before chucking it in because she didn't like it.)
(Bit of context - Mrs zcacogp and I live in East London, both commute for a little over an hour each way, I am approaching a Principal Consultant role in a very specialist niche consultancy and work 10-11 hours a day. Mrs zcacogp is chief pharmacist at a major West London teaching hospital, working similar hours. We have no kids, and never intend to have them either. )
It really made me think that there is no point in arguing with some people, and I felt quite disappointed. Yes, I dare say that I would struggle with 2 kids, but whenever I have visited her, she spends most of the time doing very, very little and puts the kids in front of the television to "entertain" them. And this is a family who rely entirely on state handouts ... (and yet have recently afforded £14K for a 4-month old Touran, while we have a 14-year old Golf!) Maybe there is quite a streak of chav in my family after all. To say I was riled is putting it mildly, but also very disappointed. She is (was) a bright girl, good degree from a good uni. And now she is reduced to spouting meaningless "facts" (330 requests a day sounds remarkably like the vile lentillists bleats about "Did you know it takes your liver 4 days to recover from a single alcoholic drink" and "One car produces as much pollution driving one mile as the entire cow population of africa farting continuously for twelve decades". Utter claptrap.)
So, I guess it's a warning. Take care - see how the mighty (or once-intelligent) have fallen ...
And breeeaaattthhheeeee. (At least until Christmas day, when sis, BiL and two brats arrive to stay.)
Oli.
zcacogp said:
Don't you lecture me - I hd a high-powered executive job once, and I know how easy it is! (She was a bank cashier for 6 weeks before chucking it in because she didn't like it.)
.
Cant argue with someone whos twisted head can't understand or accept when their own argument has been blown out of the water so they then turn it around as if it were you who had started the argument.
Reminds me of my misses
Jon C said:Sage advice, sir, thank you.
Sounds like you are both having a bad day. Christmas and the run up is a very stressfull time whatever your circumstances. Deep Breath, and then cut each other a break, and then let it go. In 72 hours it will all be over.....
I think I need to heed it.
Oli.
[quote=zcacogpWe have no kids, and never intend to have them either. )
[/quote]
You say that as if it's some sort of badge. You & your mrs seem to have made the choice to commute an hour each way, work 11 hour days and drive a 14 yo golf. Your sister chooses to go to bed early and wake up early. What exactly is your complaint?? Would you prefer your sister to have a stressful, shitty life???
[/quote]
You say that as if it's some sort of badge. You & your mrs seem to have made the choice to commute an hour each way, work 11 hour days and drive a 14 yo golf. Your sister chooses to go to bed early and wake up early. What exactly is your complaint?? Would you prefer your sister to have a stressful, shitty life???
jessica said:
dont stress!!!!!!!!!!!
she gave up a good career.
to do the hardest job in the world
if you dont agree just borrow the blighters for a month,......
Then you will understand.
Hardest job in the world? Not sure about that! Like you, I've got four kids and it's damned hard work! However, because I love them it is a "labour of love". Both the "labour" and the "love" are real. Having had a stressful job and looked after four lively kids, I'd take the latter every time. Politically incorrect it may be, but it is factually correct.
[quote=johnfm
You say that as if it's some sort of badge. You & your mrs seem to have made the choice to commute an hour each way, work 11 hour days and drive a 14 yo golf. Your sister chooses to go to bed early and wake up early. What exactly is your complaint?? Would you prefer your sister to have a stressful, shitty life???[/quote]
Perhaps he would prefer it if she worked for a living rather than sponge off the state.
That's nothing worse than feeling ashamed of your family. My Brother quit his job and went around Europe in a camper van, no problem there. He then got back and spent 2 or 3 months lounging around claiming benefit while 'borrowing' money from my parents
You say that as if it's some sort of badge. You & your mrs seem to have made the choice to commute an hour each way, work 11 hour days and drive a 14 yo golf. Your sister chooses to go to bed early and wake up early. What exactly is your complaint?? Would you prefer your sister to have a stressful, shitty life???[/quote]
Perhaps he would prefer it if she worked for a living rather than sponge off the state.
That's nothing worse than feeling ashamed of your family. My Brother quit his job and went around Europe in a camper van, no problem there. He then got back and spent 2 or 3 months lounging around claiming benefit while 'borrowing' money from my parents
I decided to get my family together for Xmas Eve - I'm beginning to think it was a mistake! My sister has recently undergone several rounds of fertility treatments, all unsuccessful as her husband is so sub-fertile that the surgeons had to operate on his nuts to extract half a dozen tiddlers. So they are in the doldrums because they cannot have children. The husband has just been diagnosed with Diabetes, a heart condition (he's 41!), and they've just found out their best friend's wife who has also been undergoing fertility treatment, is pregnant with twins 
needless to say they're fed up, and his job is not very secure - he could be sacked in the New Year in a reshuffle at work.
I hadn't spoken to my brother for two years until this week - he seriously pissed me off with some ridiculous and trivial tirade because I forgot to send his daughter a birthday card. We have made sure since that we haven't missed a single birthday, anniversary or other event, and yet neither my bro, nor his wife, have even bothered ro ring to ask when my fiancee's birthday is. He agreed to come to our house this year, but we didn't want him to bring his large Alsation, (because the last time it came to our house, it got over-excited and sprayed liquid diarrhoea all over our new carpet!). So I rang my brother to ask if he would mind leaving the dog at home. the conversation went...
Me - H? can I ask you a favour? Will you please not bring Mabel with you?
Bro - it would be difficult?
Me - Why?
Bro - Because I'd have to dig her up first - she had to be put to sleep last year and i'm still a bit upset about it.
Me - (Removing foot from mouth) - oh, sorry. just shows what happens when you don't talk much.
We have never been invited round to my brother or sister's house for Xmas - they always come and consume our stuff. It would be nice to have the arrangement reciprocated just once!
I'll be glad when it's just us and the kids on Xmas day!
Merry christmas everyone!!
needless to say they're fed up, and his job is not very secure - he could be sacked in the New Year in a reshuffle at work. I hadn't spoken to my brother for two years until this week - he seriously pissed me off with some ridiculous and trivial tirade because I forgot to send his daughter a birthday card. We have made sure since that we haven't missed a single birthday, anniversary or other event, and yet neither my bro, nor his wife, have even bothered ro ring to ask when my fiancee's birthday is. He agreed to come to our house this year, but we didn't want him to bring his large Alsation, (because the last time it came to our house, it got over-excited and sprayed liquid diarrhoea all over our new carpet!). So I rang my brother to ask if he would mind leaving the dog at home. the conversation went...
Me - H? can I ask you a favour? Will you please not bring Mabel with you?
Bro - it would be difficult?
Me - Why?
Bro - Because I'd have to dig her up first - she had to be put to sleep last year and i'm still a bit upset about it.
Me - (Removing foot from mouth) - oh, sorry. just shows what happens when you don't talk much.
We have never been invited round to my brother or sister's house for Xmas - they always come and consume our stuff. It would be nice to have the arrangement reciprocated just once!
I'll be glad when it's just us and the kids on Xmas day!
Merry christmas everyone!!
nubbin said:
Me - H? can I ask you a favour? Will you please not bring Mabel with you?
Bro - it would be difficult?
Me - Why?
Bro - Because I'd have to dig her up first - she had to be put to sleep last year
It reminds me of when I was talking to someone a while back and mentioned an old acquaintance.
"Oh haven't you heard - he died"
" Are you serious"
"Well, they'll be a row if he didn't. They've buried him"
LOL, can relate (excuse the ppun!) to this thread, family can be a real nightmare, especially if they perceive you as being much better off than them, you always have to do all the running, slip up once, all hell breaks loose! Except my older sister, who lives in a world I do not recognise, she always says how well off she is (her and her hubby used to own their own house, until they ran up catalogue, and similar debts to such an extent they had to sell and rent again!) They came to visit me earlier this year, noticed we were having a new kitchin put, asked how much, didn't tell her. She then said, "Ha, well we don't have to worry about costs like that anyway, the council are putting us one in for free"!!! With mentality like that, how can you possibly argue with them, or show respect for??
johnfm said:John,
You say that as if it's some sort of badge. You & your mrs seem to have made the choice to commute an hour each way, work 11 hour days and drive a 14 yo golf. Your sister chooses to go to bed early and wake up early (note - no, late - I am leaving the house 20 minutes before she has even woken up.) What exactly is your complaint?? Would you prefer your sister to have a stressful, shitty life???
Hmmm, wouldn't describe my life as shitty. Hard work, yes. Busy, for sure. Tiring, definately. Shitty ... no. And I wouldn't wish a shitty life on anyone else for that matter, either.
What irks is when someone is so blatently on an easy rap (and yes, I do see spending your day at home looking after kids as easy, by comparison) and yet trying to argue that actually things are sooo difficult for them. While absorbing large amounts of other people's cash, and claiming desperate poverty.
Last time my sister and BiL came to London was 5 years ago (just before our wedding.) They caught the tube into Oxford Circus in the middle of the day (30 minute journey), bought our wedding present and came home, whereupon dear sis declared London to be terribly, terribly stressful and that she needed a lie-down on account of all her exertions.
Heigh ho, mustn't grumble. Such is life - you can't choose your family, just gotta love 'em.
Oli.
>> Edited by zcacogp on Friday 23 December 09:36
All our lives are difficult in one way or another.
It used to piss me off horribly when everyone assumed because Mrs Don and I did not have kids that we could always fit in with everyone else's arrangements.
Anyone who over assumed on that one got cut off. Its just too hard. My door is always open - I just don't need to go knocking on other peoples'.
My immediate sibs/parents/in-laws are all great though. We don't fall out over stuff. I'm sooo grateful.
It used to piss me off horribly when everyone assumed because Mrs Don and I did not have kids that we could always fit in with everyone else's arrangements.
Anyone who over assumed on that one got cut off. Its just too hard. My door is always open - I just don't need to go knocking on other peoples'.
My immediate sibs/parents/in-laws are all great though. We don't fall out over stuff. I'm sooo grateful.
don't get me started on families, my sister is consumed with jealousy and has two lovely kids and a husband who though low paid works like a good un. She on the other hand is bone idle, I offered to buy a hairdressers so she could run it and be a 40% partner with no financil layout at all, she turned it down becasue she wanted 60% as she would do the work! my other brother is bone idle but has a wife who is a dynamo, they went to live in France where they have a business running holiday lets, she has four boys and still does everything in the home and business whilst my brother drinks the cheap wine. My parents tell me I am lucky because I have a job that pays well and my brother and sister are unlucky because they didn't get a job like mine. I just keep the peace with everyone but it is hard when really you are embarresed by their actions and cannot tell of my wife daughter and my own acheivments as it casues the jealousy to rasie anf the arguments to follow.
My advice is to anyone is to bite your tounge with relatives ( you never know when you might need a kidney or such) and surround yourselves with friends who care about you with out reserve. My life is blessed as I have some who feel the way I do.
My advice is to anyone is to bite your tounge with relatives ( you never know when you might need a kidney or such) and surround yourselves with friends who care about you with out reserve. My life is blessed as I have some who feel the way I do.
for reasons very similar to most of those mentioned above, i took the decision a few years ago to spend christmas by myself.
the first couple of years i had friends and family phoning me up saying how sad it was i was by myself over xmas, now when i see them, most of them say "i wish i could do that".
i got so pissed off with all the petty squabling, rows, and backbiting, christmas just wasn't fun.
i now go to see family and friends in the couple of weeks leading up to christmas, and spend christmas day blissfully by myself! usually this involves having a bit of a lie-in (by my standards), head off down the beach for a nice walk, leisurly drive back through the back lanes of norfolk, treat myself to a full monty fry up, then maybe a trip down the pub, or a box of chocolates and a good film!...and now the christmas break is something i actually look forward to!
the first couple of years i had friends and family phoning me up saying how sad it was i was by myself over xmas, now when i see them, most of them say "i wish i could do that".
i got so pissed off with all the petty squabling, rows, and backbiting, christmas just wasn't fun.
i now go to see family and friends in the couple of weeks leading up to christmas, and spend christmas day blissfully by myself! usually this involves having a bit of a lie-in (by my standards), head off down the beach for a nice walk, leisurly drive back through the back lanes of norfolk, treat myself to a full monty fry up, then maybe a trip down the pub, or a box of chocolates and a good film!...and now the christmas break is something i actually look forward to!
I love Christmas. Christmas day with the wife and children, lots to eat and drink and pressies and then slop out in front of an old film. Boxing day I have my parents coming and my brother and his family. More pressies and then me, Dad and Bro can slip down to the pub for a couple of hours.
By the time I've had 4 pints of Black Sheep's Riggwelter and rolled home I'll be too pissed to notice that my brothers three lads will have trashed my house.
By the time I've had 4 pints of Black Sheep's Riggwelter and rolled home I'll be too pissed to notice that my brothers three lads will have trashed my house.
zcacogp said:
You say that as if it's some sort of badge. You & your mrs seem to have made the choice to commute an hour each way, work 11 hour days and drive a 14 yo golf. Your sister chooses to go to bed early and wake up early (note - no, late - I am leaving the house 20 minutes before she has even woken up.) What exactly is your complaint?? Would you prefer your sister to have a stressful, shitty life???
Hmmm, wouldn't describe my life as shitty. Hard work, yes. Busy, for sure. Tiring, definately. Shitty ... no. And I wouldn't wish a shitty life on anyone else for that matter, either.
What irks is when someone is so blatently on an easy rap (and yes, I do see spending your day at home looking after kids as easy, by comparison) and yet trying to argue that actually things are sooo difficult for them. While absorbing large amounts of other people's cash, and claiming desperate poverty.
Last time my sister and BiL came to London was 5 years ago (just before our wedding.) They caught the tube into Oxford Circus in the middle of the day (30 minute journey), bought our wedding present and came home, whereupon dear sis declared London to be terribly, terribly stressful and that she needed a lie-down on account of all her exertions.
Heigh ho, mustn't grumble. Such is life - you can't choose your family, just gotta love 'em.
Oli.
>> Edited by zcacogp on Friday 23 December 09:36
Know what mean about family - my niece is growing up in the Jerry Springer generation.... Sory about the'shitty life' bit - not really what I meant.
Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff