Humor to brighten your day!
Discussion
Oldie but goodie:
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat". The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for this Saturday.
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat". The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for this Saturday.
Dunno how old this is and its a bit long winded but it got a giggle out of me:
brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening
stinko drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside
his wife who was already asleep.
He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the
end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded brian, "and what
are you doing in my bedroom?".
The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom
and I'm St Peter".
Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't
be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye
to my family....you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but
there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog
or a hen." Brian was devasted, but knowing there was
a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent
back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered
in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange
feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So
you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first
day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this
strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't
tell me you've never laid an egg before".
"Never" replies Brian
"Well just relax and let it happen"
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds
later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense
feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the
better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first
time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of
happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being
reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever
happened to him... ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay
his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back
of his head and heard his wife shouting "Brian, wake
up you drunken bastard, you're shitting the bed"
brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening
stinko drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside
his wife who was already asleep.
He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the
end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded brian, "and what
are you doing in my bedroom?".
The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom
and I'm St Peter".
Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't
be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye
to my family....you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but
there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog
or a hen." Brian was devasted, but knowing there was
a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent
back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered
in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange
feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So
you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first
day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this
strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't
tell me you've never laid an egg before".
"Never" replies Brian
"Well just relax and let it happen"
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds
later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense
feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the
better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first
time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of
happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being
reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever
happened to him... ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay
his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back
of his head and heard his wife shouting "Brian, wake
up you drunken bastard, you're shitting the bed"
Here's one with a moral...
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating
for over a year and decided to get married. There was only one thing
bothering me... her beautiful younger sister. My sister-in-law to be was
twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts and went bra-less.
One day she called and asked me to come over to check the wedding
invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she told me she had
feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She said she
wanted to make love to me just once before I married her sister. Of
course I was totally shocked and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm
going up stairs to my bedroom but if you want one last wild fling, come
up and join me."
I was stunned as I watched her go up the stairs. At the top she pulled
off her panties and threw them down at me. I stood there for a moment,
then turned and stormed straight out the front door to my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all
clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and
said, "We're so happy that you've passed our little test. We couldn't
ask for a more faithful man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is.......
Always keep your condoms in your car.
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating
for over a year and decided to get married. There was only one thing
bothering me... her beautiful younger sister. My sister-in-law to be was
twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts and went bra-less.
One day she called and asked me to come over to check the wedding
invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she told me she had
feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She said she
wanted to make love to me just once before I married her sister. Of
course I was totally shocked and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm
going up stairs to my bedroom but if you want one last wild fling, come
up and join me."
I was stunned as I watched her go up the stairs. At the top she pulled
off her panties and threw them down at me. I stood there for a moment,
then turned and stormed straight out the front door to my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all
clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and
said, "We're so happy that you've passed our little test. We couldn't
ask for a more faithful man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is.......
Always keep your condoms in your car.
Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff