I'm such a genius....
Discussion
Coversation over breakfast this morning was centred around two topics. A friends pregnancy and how she's going to cope with twins, and having to book the cats into the cattery while we go away to Ireland for a long weekend this Friday.
Then it struck me.
Why don't we have catteries.....but for kids?!
Is that genius or what?
You'd be given a quota of, say, 3 weeks per year until the child is nursery age. And any time you can book it/him/her in and let someone else take care of the milk/crapping/nappies/burping while you get some R&R. Lets face it, until the age of 3 (or so) the child's not going to know any difference or suffer unduly. Hell, you could even go for the premium package where the carers wear a mask of your likeness and wear some of your clothes. The kid would NEVER know. Of course, maybe you'd want some kind of indemnity insurance to take care of the possible lawsuit when the child hits puberty and find out through therapy that they spent a fair bit of time in the Kiddery. But that's just minor detail.
No more worrying about taking a small baby on a foreign holiday - lets face it, after the pregnancy and child birth, you NEED a holiday by yourself. It would erradicate post natal depression overnight! I can hear some of you doubters "Oh but what about the parents, won't they miss the child terribly?" Well, no, if we're honest. But on the off-chance that they have slight pining, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Hands off! I'm printing this out right now and posting it to myself in a sealed brown envelope.
Then it struck me.
Why don't we have catteries.....but for kids?!
Is that genius or what?
You'd be given a quota of, say, 3 weeks per year until the child is nursery age. And any time you can book it/him/her in and let someone else take care of the milk/crapping/nappies/burping while you get some R&R. Lets face it, until the age of 3 (or so) the child's not going to know any difference or suffer unduly. Hell, you could even go for the premium package where the carers wear a mask of your likeness and wear some of your clothes. The kid would NEVER know. Of course, maybe you'd want some kind of indemnity insurance to take care of the possible lawsuit when the child hits puberty and find out through therapy that they spent a fair bit of time in the Kiddery. But that's just minor detail.
No more worrying about taking a small baby on a foreign holiday - lets face it, after the pregnancy and child birth, you NEED a holiday by yourself. It would erradicate post natal depression overnight! I can hear some of you doubters "Oh but what about the parents, won't they miss the child terribly?" Well, no, if we're honest. But on the off-chance that they have slight pining, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Hands off! I'm printing this out right now and posting it to myself in a sealed brown envelope.
blindswelledrat said:
The flaw to your genius idea (which i completely agree with btw) in one word is women.
Blokes= "yes no kids lets run around and pull-off"
All Women= Mrs Fish "I really miss them- cant lve for a week etc"
I think it's hormones or something
Surely it's only a matter of research into some course of tablets that will cure women of that though? I must only be biological, you surely can't be that psycologically attached to a screaming, puking, crapping baby? I mean, they can't even grasp the concept of Scalextric until much much later....
r988 said:
Surely it's only a matter of research into some course of tablets that will cure women of that though?
alcohol?
Good, yes. Now you're thinking.
As a parent, are you sick or receving yet another gift of baby clothes that the baby will never wear? As friends/relatives of people that have just had a baby, are you struggling to come up with a gift?
Kiddery Vouchers!
I was also thinking, and I'm not proud but I felt the need to share, that this would be a great way for a man to get some serious brownie points without having to make much of an effort.
1) Send your wife/partner off on a long weekend break by herself. Tell her she deserves it and that you'll look after the child(ren) while she's away.
2) Book the child(ren) into a local Kiddery (TM), don't tell the wife/partner.
She gets some R&R AND thinks you're looking after the child(s). You get to watch porn/football all weekend while overdosing on pizza/beer.
On her return, the child is well and happy and you look and smell like a tramp. She thinks its because you had to look after the child(ren) and adores you even more.
zax said:
Best part of this year's holiday was seeing little Zax (18 months old at the time) discovering the sea, sand, sunshine and bikini girls of Crete. I wouldn't go without him 
Maybe I'm just in touch with my feminine side...
I'm not saying it's compulsary, but it's nice to have options.....
themaskedavenger said:
I think the state should raise kids until they get to about 23 or so then when they have got there first OK paying job and they can afford to buy a round of drinks I would be happy to have the blighter as a child of mine.
I think the Government would love that. They could raise everyone to be a brain-dead, subservient drone.
Witchfinder said:
I think the state should raise kids until they get to about 23 or so then when they have got there first OK paying job and they can afford to buy a round of drinks I would be happy to have the blighter as a child of mine.
I think the Government would love that. They could raise everyone to be a brain-dead, subservient drone.
Its like The Island is coming true.
oooo look another survivor from the contamination that supposedly killed everyone off, how did he get here?
As a father of twins (now 32 months)I have had similar thoughts.
I have also come up with another idea.
Baby parking at supermarkets.
You go out to the supermarket with the little one(s) in the car seats and by the time you arrive they are asleep. Do you
a) wake them up and have them screaming all the way round as you shop.
b) run in leaving them in the car as grab the essentials.
Neither of these are any good really.
So my idea is that, firstly the parent and baby parking area is covered so that it does't get too hot in the car in summer. Secondly to have an attendant with a bleeper system to watch your car and little ones while you shop. You could keep the car unlocked, windows open in summer and if they wake up the attendant bleeps you.
Adrian
I have also come up with another idea.
Baby parking at supermarkets.
You go out to the supermarket with the little one(s) in the car seats and by the time you arrive they are asleep. Do you
a) wake them up and have them screaming all the way round as you shop.
b) run in leaving them in the car as grab the essentials.
Neither of these are any good really.
So my idea is that, firstly the parent and baby parking area is covered so that it does't get too hot in the car in summer. Secondly to have an attendant with a bleeper system to watch your car and little ones while you shop. You could keep the car unlocked, windows open in summer and if they wake up the attendant bleeps you.
Adrian
pdV6 said:
At the idea but:
neil.b said:
Lets face it, until the age of 3 (or so) the child's not going to know any difference or suffer unduly.
You clearly haven't had kids, or much contact with them, have you?
I have a teenage son: 16 years of parenting experience. I'm more than qualified.
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