Am I An Arse II
Discussion
Following on from the 'Am I an Arse' thread,
Your moving in with your G/F and her children.
You earn 3 times her salary and have no debt, she has multiple debts and outgoings ie kids.
Do you:
1) Split all expenses 50:50 leaving her with little or nothing whilst you roll in it.
2) Split all expenses including personal debts 50:50 leaving her with a small amount and you still rolling in it
3) Split all expenses inc debts by the ratio of your earnings ie 75:25, 75% to me as i earn 75% of the combined earnings.
edited to add option 4)
4) Dont move in, buy that Tuscan S and supercharge it!!
>> Edited by swilly on Thursday 27th October 09:22
Your moving in with your G/F and her children.
You earn 3 times her salary and have no debt, she has multiple debts and outgoings ie kids.
Do you:
1) Split all expenses 50:50 leaving her with little or nothing whilst you roll in it.
2) Split all expenses including personal debts 50:50 leaving her with a small amount and you still rolling in it
3) Split all expenses inc debts by the ratio of your earnings ie 75:25, 75% to me as i earn 75% of the combined earnings.
edited to add option 4)
4) Dont move in, buy that Tuscan S and supercharge it!!
>> Edited by swilly on Thursday 27th October 09:22
.....
Personally, I think if you must move in together then 3 would be the most appropriate. That way, the expenses are split fairly according to how much you both earn plus she gets the chance to pay off her debts. If you go 50-50 it's only going to cause resentment and her debts will increase.
However, I would take the opportunity to talk to her seriously about how she plans to reduce her debts and explain that you are doing the earnings ratio split as a way of helping her to help herself.
Don't approach it aggressively or suggest that she wants to move in with you for her benefit. Above all, don't pay her debts off for her unless you REALLY have no choice.
And make sure that your credit records aren't linked.
However, I would take the opportunity to talk to her seriously about how she plans to reduce her debts and explain that you are doing the earnings ratio split as a way of helping her to help herself.
Don't approach it aggressively or suggest that she wants to move in with you for her benefit. Above all, don't pay her debts off for her unless you REALLY have no choice.
And make sure that your credit records aren't linked.
If you're just living with her as opposed to a stage before marriage/serious co habitation/commitment then I just don't get it when people say oh I earn 40k, my partner earns 10k therefore I pay 75% of the bills. what? no way honey! the benefits of living in a place are split 50/50 so the costs are too..fair or harsh?
and as for settling her debts - are you crazy? she pays her way and if she's skint and you decide to pay for fripperies or holidays/cars whatever en spec then then fine but to have an agreement that ties you in (with all manner of associated guilt treatment if you argue) to fund 50% or more of her debt? nope. I should point out that this obviously works both ways and I would feel the same about it if the genders were reversed. fair's fair.
and as for settling her debts - are you crazy? she pays her way and if she's skint and you decide to pay for fripperies or holidays/cars whatever en spec then then fine but to have an agreement that ties you in (with all manner of associated guilt treatment if you argue) to fund 50% or more of her debt? nope. I should point out that this obviously works both ways and I would feel the same about it if the genders were reversed. fair's fair.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
I wonder if this is because they all happened to be bints or if it's a symptom of a decline in morals....or perhaps a way of saying 'you're such a loser that i'm going to take all I can'...or perhaps 'you cheated on me i'm gonna nail you'....the mind wanders...
minimax said:
anonymous said:[redacted]
I wonder if this is because they all happened to be bints or if it's a symptom of a decline in morals....or perhaps a way of saying 'you're such a loser that i'm going to take all I can'...or perhaps 'you cheated on me i'm gonna nail you'....the mind wanders...
I think once the relationship is over they feel they don't have to be so nice anymore and just plain greed sets in.
>> Edited by Dakkon on Thursday 27th October 10:17
swilly said:
Following on from the 'Am I an Arse' thread,
Your moving in with your G/F and her children.
You earn 3 times her salary and have no debt, she has multiple debts and outgoings ie kids.
Do you:
1) Split all expenses 50:50 leaving her with little or nothing whilst you roll in it.
2) Split all expenses including personal debts 50:50 leaving her with a small amount and you still rolling in it
3) Split all expenses inc debts by the ratio of your earnings ie 75:25, 75% to me as i earn 75% of the combined earnings.
edited to add option 4)
4) Dont move in, buy that Tuscan S and supercharge it!!
>> Edited by swilly on Thursday 27th October 09:22
4) alternatively you could have my Saab it's in the classifieds
.minimax said:
I wonder if this is because they all happened to be bints or if it's a symptom of a decline in morals....or perhaps a way of saying 'you're such a loser that i'm going to take all I can'...or perhaps 'you cheated on me i'm gonna nail you'....the mind wanders...
It just seems to be the done thing these days.
I think its all down to "girl Powa" kick him to the curb girl and get all you can get, you know your worth it he didnt deserve you in the first place etc etc!
Can she demonstrate she can manage money.....Know from experience some people are just plain irrasponsible and live far beyond their means...
Was the debt caused through unemployment or ill health or ex hubby partner not meeting his payments.??
In short IF this person cannot manage finances chances are they never will.Will your partnership change things....time will tell.
I entered a long term relationship with someone who had Substancial debt and helped in everyway to clear it without being too interfearing....but lo and behold un beknown to me further debt was incurred over the next6/7 years and .....back to square one.
Sorry if this is only my side of things but with the additional factor of Children then i would say be careful.......Cynical yes, but only from experience.
Was the debt caused through unemployment or ill health or ex hubby partner not meeting his payments.??
In short IF this person cannot manage finances chances are they never will.Will your partnership change things....time will tell.
I entered a long term relationship with someone who had Substancial debt and helped in everyway to clear it without being too interfearing....but lo and behold un beknown to me further debt was incurred over the next6/7 years and .....back to square one.
Sorry if this is only my side of things but with the additional factor of Children then i would say be careful.......Cynical yes, but only from experience.
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