Rebuilding your social life after a long marriage

[jamesb2]

Don't know if any other people are in the same boat but as me a 54 year old man coming out of a 21 year marriage , I realised my frendship group has shrunk massively and I though it would be great to share experiences of getting out there so to speak

Any other ideas would be welcome but so far

Running club that is working well complete with ballet classes. (through the club and great fun) to help with strength and conditioning and discover my inner Billy E
David Lloyd membership, 1st time in Gym ever but really getting into it
Loosing weight massively helping self confidence combined with the above
Singles events with "nice to meet" which have been great fun , only 2 so far but last week got throughly drunk and had dinner with 3 random people who I only just met an hour before



If this thread provides inspiration great but I thought it would be good to share as I am sure other people may be in the same position

[Jamescrs]

Groups based around your interests are usually a good option but as this is Pistonheads - I've met a lot of people over the years through the car community, groups based around different makes or models are usually good, BMW Club of Great Britain for example are an active club arranging meets and events

[LRDefender]

Getting a dog is a great way of building new social connections.

[K87]

My only piece of advice borne out of experience is dont be in a rush, dont force it.

You were married a long time, a long term couple, be yourself for a while.

[Randy Winkman]

Volunteer for something. I'm a "friend" of the local park and also volunteer for an air ambulance charity. Both are very satisfying and help me meet loads of people.

[croyde]

LRDefender said:

Getting a dog is a great way of building new social connections.

I do keep thinking about this as I did a bit of looking after a friend's Maltipoo puppy last year and women were constantly stopping me for a cuddle.........of the dog

But the restrictions of not being able to go into shops and just going away, especially abroad, have put me off.

[Skyedriver]

K87 said:

My only piece of advice borne out of experience is dont be in a rush, dont force it.

You were married a long time, a long term couple, be yourself for a while.

^^This^^
I was 47 when we parted company. Kept in touch with a few friends but not much with her side of the family. was even suspicious of some friends as I knew she was in touch with them. She stayed in a house owned by some friends after I chased her out of our home.
i took up cycling for fun rather than getting to work
Got on with my car projects
went to the local council run gym a few nights a week
started going to pub gigs to see local bands playing
All fairly singular pastimes but I didn't want to get involved with anyone. When you've been cheated on you don't.
Yes dogs are a great way of meeting folk BUT i wouldn't recommend getting one. We have two and their very tying, can't just get away for a few days or go out all day to a race meeting.or an all day drive out etcetc. YOu need to be back a certain time for toilets , feeding etc.

[heisthegaffer]

You could dog foster so you get the benefits of having a dog when you want but less ties.

[Nicetobenice]

Some old friends of ours are just divorced from a 30 something year marriage.
56/57

The woman (who was a friend way back in the day pre marriage) has changed her job, joined a run club, does small group training classes, got on a dating app (admittedly easier for a woman) and genuinely seems to be having the time of her life.

He hooked up with someone more or less straight away and although I haven't seen him much at all doesn't seem to have changed anything other than the woman he's unhappy with.

So I'd say find something that interests you and look for something based around that in a group environment.

Edit
And if you are that way inclined a dog is an absolute pulling machine.

[keo]

Jamescrs said:

Groups based around your interests are usually a good option but as this is Pistonheads - I've met a lot of people over the years through the car community, groups based around different makes or models are usually good, BMW Club of Great Britain for example are an active club arranging meets and events

You meet some right weirdo’s though

I joke I have met you great people and still friends now. A Lotus meet put me off though. I pulled up and straight away someone said I had the wrong brake discs and tyres fitted!

I said they go round. He looked perplexed!

Just get out there op and enjoy yourself but sounds like you are already.

[alock]

I went on over 20 weekends away in my first two years of separation after a 20 year marriage.
Think very very carefully about any commitment like a dog which will massively restrict your options.

[ComStrike]

Sounds like you've really thrown yourself into making a fresh start James, and it's genuinely good to read.

After 21 years of marriage it must be a massive change, especially when you suddenly realise how much your circle of friends has shrunk over the years. Can't imagine that's been easy.

It's nice to see you getting out there, meeting new people and looking after yourself. Sounds like it's doing you the world of good too.

I'd agree with a few of the others, don't rush into anything. Just enjoy yourself, try things you might never have considered before and see where life takes you.

54 is no age at all, and hopefully this is the start of a really good new chapter for you.

Wishing you all the best mate, and thanks for sharing. I'm sure there'll be others reading this in a similar position who'll take a bit of encouragement from it.

[vikingaero]

There is volunteering and there is volunteering. By that I mean that there can be a difference between say helping out at a charity and meeting people, but not actually taking it any further than seeing these people at the same events.

Do you have a hobby that you can meet people through. Hobbies bring people together more. For example, I'm a caver, and many of my friends socially are cavers. I think that is because you rely on each other more during the hobby, and that forms closer friendships. IYSWIM.

[Hoofy]

jamesb2 said:

Running club that is working well complete with ballet classes. (through the club and great fun) to help with strength and conditioning and discover my inner Billy E
David Lloyd membership, 1st time in Gym ever but really getting into it

This is all you really need. As someone else said, take your time, enjoy being a single man. As you lose weight and become more confident especially in who you really are, then you will naturally attract women but also develop a good social circle.

[croyde]

I joined a gym over a year ago and it's done me well. I'm lighter, a bit of definition and some muscles. Plus at 64 my legs are now strong enough to exit my new MX5 without looking like a struggling numpty

But there's been absolutely no social interaction apart from the odd nod and having to talk to that racist nutter in the changing rooms who insists on loudly starting up a conversation whilst completely starkers.

Everyone has a 1000 yard stare, mouth grimly set and ear pods firmly jammed into their lugholes. Men and women.

Maybe cos London and, as I'm not earning, it's the cheapest gym possible

[Skyedriver]

Nicetobenice said:

Edit
And if you are that way inclined a dog is an absolute pulling machine.

Aye Our two are, pull you down the road like a bloodty train I have a permanent strain in my shoulder and they load up an old knee injury

[Skyedriver]

croyde said:

I joined a gym over a year ago and it's done me well. I'm lighter, a bit of definition and some muscles. Plus at 64 my legs are now strong enough to exit my new MX5 without looking like a struggling numpty

But there's been absolutely no social interaction apart from the odd nod and having to talk to that racist nutter in the changing rooms who insists on loudly starting up a conversation whilst completely starkers.

Everyone has a 1000 yard stare, mouth grimly set and ear pods firmly jammed into their lugholes. Men and women.

Maybe cos London and, as I'm not earning, it's the cheapest gym possible

The one i went to 20+years ago was like that. Apart from the starkers nutter. But I was there for the fitness not the comms.

[dave123456]

Dogs are good.

Clubs around exercise are good.

Car clubs I guess are hit and miss. Every year we stay in the hotel de France near Le Mans and my favourite bit, whilst my partner has a swim is sitting with my dog listening to the comings and goings of the resident car club passing through. Like a bunch of Harry Enfield characters trying to out do one another, and the back stabbing is rife.

Don’t try too hard, it attracts the weirdos.

[Mobile Chicane]

jamesb2 said:

Don't know if any other people are in the same boat but as me a 54 year old man coming out of a 21 year marriage , I realised my frendship group has shrunk massively and I though it would be great to share experiences of getting out there so to speak

Any other ideas would be welcome but so far

Running club that is working well complete with ballet classes. (through the club and great fun) to help with strength and conditioning and discover my inner Billy E
David Lloyd membership, 1st time in Gym ever but really getting into it
Loosing weight massively helping self confidence combined with the above
Singles events with "nice to meet" which have been great fun , only 2 so far but last week got throughly drunk and had dinner with 3 random people who I only just met an hour before

If this thread provides inspiration great but I thought it would be good to share as I am sure other people may be in the same position

Move to a village. Word will soon 'get out'.