What to do? Living alone? Family housing issues?
Discussion
I’ve never lived alone, I’m 32 and have lived at home and then moved in with my partner 10 years ago when we got together, always moved around for work and his job, now living near Bristol, but in a family oriented place, I have no friends around here and lack any hobbies to speak of.
OH has now decided he’s had enough and wants to live alone, and actually, I’m not shocked or upset, I feel exactly the same. But I’ve never done it before so just looking for some reassurance that life will be ok and living alone can be freeing. Not sure what that means for our relationship now but he’s currently blowing hot and cold on if we would live together again and also wants to take a break (I guess you can’t know until you’re apart) some parts of me want him to stay but others feel like it’s been bubbling so long that I just want him gone for a fresh start, I still love him but sometimes I look at him and feel nothing and have no desire to hug etc but I don’t know if that’s just from the hurting
The worst part is I feel like a option in it, like he’s thinking well we will see what happens if something better comes along, and we have arggued about him thinking I complicate things when looking for a new place to live for having requirements like some outside space, where as he will just charge in and deal with the problems later. I grew up in some bad houses and definitely have some anxiety about needing a safe and warm home
I am a massive creature of habit and find change very unsettling, I know it’s not bad but it does become overwhelming
I am quite excited of the thought of just doing my own thing, watching what I want, doing what I want etc but am worried about getting lonely, especially in winter when I get SAD very badly, I do get depressed now and then and have self harm thoughts but don’t tend to think on them for long and I’m generally a happy person, have always struggled with body image and self worth/ self sabotaging
But I’m excited to meet new people, how ever that’s done now, I imagine on the apps. Trying new things, maybe even get myself a tent box or something
I’ve recently started the gym which is going really well, helping my confidence (which is low) and my self asteem
I feel like starting over again, new area, or at least a new house, but the issue currently is I rent a house I own to my mum, we devised a plan where she would live in my house for 2 years until she become more eligible for a social house so she can retire, you need to have a local connection (family who have lived in a area for 5 years, I’ve been here 4.5 now) so I feel too much guilt to up and move to a new area yet, she herself has been though a messy break up and a 100 mile move from a area to where we live now, so I don’t feel I can just put myself and move out of the county this soon.
Currently I’m thinking about moving myself to a new rented place for a fresh start in a new town in the same county and seeing how I get on, meeting people will be harder here than in Bristol. I can always move again somewhere new when she gets a social place ( long boring story involving divorce, debt bringing up 3 kids on a low income etc)
I think the point of this thread is partly just to vent but also I need some re assurance life will be ok and that il be ok and can live a happy life even if its unknown, every chapter is the start of something new and it could be good for me.
TLDR - man feels guilty about relationship ending and can’t put himself first
OH has now decided he’s had enough and wants to live alone, and actually, I’m not shocked or upset, I feel exactly the same. But I’ve never done it before so just looking for some reassurance that life will be ok and living alone can be freeing. Not sure what that means for our relationship now but he’s currently blowing hot and cold on if we would live together again and also wants to take a break (I guess you can’t know until you’re apart) some parts of me want him to stay but others feel like it’s been bubbling so long that I just want him gone for a fresh start, I still love him but sometimes I look at him and feel nothing and have no desire to hug etc but I don’t know if that’s just from the hurting
The worst part is I feel like a option in it, like he’s thinking well we will see what happens if something better comes along, and we have arggued about him thinking I complicate things when looking for a new place to live for having requirements like some outside space, where as he will just charge in and deal with the problems later. I grew up in some bad houses and definitely have some anxiety about needing a safe and warm home
I am a massive creature of habit and find change very unsettling, I know it’s not bad but it does become overwhelming
I am quite excited of the thought of just doing my own thing, watching what I want, doing what I want etc but am worried about getting lonely, especially in winter when I get SAD very badly, I do get depressed now and then and have self harm thoughts but don’t tend to think on them for long and I’m generally a happy person, have always struggled with body image and self worth/ self sabotaging
But I’m excited to meet new people, how ever that’s done now, I imagine on the apps. Trying new things, maybe even get myself a tent box or something
I’ve recently started the gym which is going really well, helping my confidence (which is low) and my self asteem
I feel like starting over again, new area, or at least a new house, but the issue currently is I rent a house I own to my mum, we devised a plan where she would live in my house for 2 years until she become more eligible for a social house so she can retire, you need to have a local connection (family who have lived in a area for 5 years, I’ve been here 4.5 now) so I feel too much guilt to up and move to a new area yet, she herself has been though a messy break up and a 100 mile move from a area to where we live now, so I don’t feel I can just put myself and move out of the county this soon.
Currently I’m thinking about moving myself to a new rented place for a fresh start in a new town in the same county and seeing how I get on, meeting people will be harder here than in Bristol. I can always move again somewhere new when she gets a social place ( long boring story involving divorce, debt bringing up 3 kids on a low income etc)
I think the point of this thread is partly just to vent but also I need some re assurance life will be ok and that il be ok and can live a happy life even if its unknown, every chapter is the start of something new and it could be good for me.
TLDR - man feels guilty about relationship ending and can’t put himself first
I got divorced in 2017 at the age of 39 and was the first time I'd lived alone. At first I was nervous and even embarrassed at doing 'single person' shopping, or going for a coffee on my own. Then one day I realised how freeing being on your own is, and it doesn't mean you're a failure just because you're single. I do have hobbies though (alongside maintaining my fleet of 3), I think they're important, but only so I can procrastinate over not doing many things, rather than having nothing to do. I would call myself an introvert.
I started playing badminton again (have also got over feeling embarrassed about that, too) and have met some of the nicest, most polite people ever and now attend up to 3 sessions a week and it's so nice to mix with different people from work and car-based arenas. I was super nervous the first time I went.
I really enjoying sitting with a coffee and relaxing now.
In short, yes it will be ok and will be enjoyable soon!
I started playing badminton again (have also got over feeling embarrassed about that, too) and have met some of the nicest, most polite people ever and now attend up to 3 sessions a week and it's so nice to mix with different people from work and car-based arenas. I was super nervous the first time I went.
I really enjoying sitting with a coffee and relaxing now.
In short, yes it will be ok and will be enjoyable soon!
Thanks!
Yes I think il be ok, I already spend a lot of time on my own and go out for coffee alone and work away a fair bit so fine with sitting alone in a restaurant
Just worried about the long winter evenings but going to invest in a PS5 and the new GTA for that
Thinking about going to rugby training for the first time ever, that should make me some friends.
Will also go back to running club, I stopped going cause it’s at a awkward time of 6:45 so makes dinner too late then but not a issue on my own I guess
Yes I think il be ok, I already spend a lot of time on my own and go out for coffee alone and work away a fair bit so fine with sitting alone in a restaurant
Just worried about the long winter evenings but going to invest in a PS5 and the new GTA for that
Thinking about going to rugby training for the first time ever, that should make me some friends.
Will also go back to running club, I stopped going cause it’s at a awkward time of 6:45 so makes dinner too late then but not a issue on my own I guess
Your first post seems confused over whether or not the relationship will continue when your partner moves out?
My view would be that it is over, personally I don’t think you should hang on to a view that he may come back because I imagine that there’s a risk you will be strung along as a back up option.
Single life will be just fine for you, you already have some ideas in place for what you can do so make sure you don’t procrastinate over them and put them into action as soon as you can.
Good luck with whatever comes next
My view would be that it is over, personally I don’t think you should hang on to a view that he may come back because I imagine that there’s a risk you will be strung along as a back up option.
Single life will be just fine for you, you already have some ideas in place for what you can do so make sure you don’t procrastinate over them and put them into action as soon as you can.
Good luck with whatever comes next
Single life is awesome if you're happy in your own company. I used to be able to go weeks with no other commitments than work, days without having to say more than 6 words to another person and it was the most relaxing time of my life. I did a good 10 years living on my own and just having the occasional casual partner.
You need to have hobbies, things to do, places where you know that you can socialize if you want otherwise you will feel like you're in a rut
I could equally sit in my pants playing Xbox all weekend and feel content or spend every spare moment out of the house and it's the fact that it's all on your time frame and you have no responsibility to anyone else that makes it awesome.
I can imagine that if you don't like being on your own it would be difficult, I have a few friends who obviously feel this way and they never seem happy and are always doing anything to be out and around people.
You need to have hobbies, things to do, places where you know that you can socialize if you want otherwise you will feel like you're in a rut
I could equally sit in my pants playing Xbox all weekend and feel content or spend every spare moment out of the house and it's the fact that it's all on your time frame and you have no responsibility to anyone else that makes it awesome.
I can imagine that if you don't like being on your own it would be difficult, I have a few friends who obviously feel this way and they never seem happy and are always doing anything to be out and around people.
The one thing you'll eventually discover when you live alone, is a sense of self-reliance that you never thought you had. If you can repair something in your own home, go ahead. if you can't, call somebody who can.
When it comes to the weekly grocery shopping, if you can find a loaf of bread for thirty-two pence in the Co-op, then all the better. You'll develop a skill for looking for bargains. At the end of the day, you still have to eat.
I agree that winters are depressing - especially that last one. Please persevere and look forward to a good summer and make the most of it. A good way to keep yourself occupied at home is to go through your household possessions and decide what you can dump in a recycling centre.
If you have good neighbours and regularly talk to them, then keep it that way because you never know when you'll need their help.
When it comes to the weekly grocery shopping, if you can find a loaf of bread for thirty-two pence in the Co-op, then all the better. You'll develop a skill for looking for bargains. At the end of the day, you still have to eat.
I agree that winters are depressing - especially that last one. Please persevere and look forward to a good summer and make the most of it. A good way to keep yourself occupied at home is to go through your household possessions and decide what you can dump in a recycling centre.
If you have good neighbours and regularly talk to them, then keep it that way because you never know when you'll need their help.
s p a c e m a n said:
Single life is awesome if you're happy in your own company. I used to be able to go weeks with no other commitments than work, days without having to say more than 6 words to another person and it was the most relaxing time of my life. I did a good 10 years living on my own and just having the occasional casual partner.
You need to have hobbies, things to do, places where you know that you can socialize if you want otherwise you will feel like you're in a rut
I could equally sit in my pants playing Xbox all weekend and feel content or spend every spare moment out of the house and it's the fact that it's all on your time frame and you have no responsibility to anyone else that makes it awesome.
I can imagine that if you don't like being on your own it would be difficult, I have a few friends who obviously feel this way and they never seem happy and are always doing anything to be out and around people.
All of this, I'm perfectly content on my own, and I find it strange when other people seem to find it strange to do stuff like going on holiday solo.You need to have hobbies, things to do, places where you know that you can socialize if you want otherwise you will feel like you're in a rut
I could equally sit in my pants playing Xbox all weekend and feel content or spend every spare moment out of the house and it's the fact that it's all on your time frame and you have no responsibility to anyone else that makes it awesome.
I can imagine that if you don't like being on your own it would be difficult, I have a few friends who obviously feel this way and they never seem happy and are always doing anything to be out and around people.
I’m 45, lived with one GF for much of my 20s and another for 3 yrs in my 30s. The first was the typical shoebox flat but the second was just us 2 with 2000sqft over and then stairs off the kitchen down to the triple garage, I loved that place!
Other than that I’ve always lived alone. Plenty LTR’s just never lived with them. I very much value having my own space and view a relationship as an extension of what I already have going on, not to replace it with something that then hems you into a routine you never planned for (your OH’s current headspace by the sound of it). Clearly I am not typical but I’m not against cohabiting and marriage in any way, am very tactile etc so it’s not a cold personality thing.
Current OH is the same. When we talk about owning a place together we end up describing something 4x as large as either of us has now. We’d both want our own bedroom and separate spaces of our own, and then a shared space where we can come together.
Other than that I’ve always lived alone. Plenty LTR’s just never lived with them. I very much value having my own space and view a relationship as an extension of what I already have going on, not to replace it with something that then hems you into a routine you never planned for (your OH’s current headspace by the sound of it). Clearly I am not typical but I’m not against cohabiting and marriage in any way, am very tactile etc so it’s not a cold personality thing.
Current OH is the same. When we talk about owning a place together we end up describing something 4x as large as either of us has now. We’d both want our own bedroom and separate spaces of our own, and then a shared space where we can come together.
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