Being adopted, any advice?
Discussion
Hopefully it s in the right section. I ve always known I was adopted at birth,i was one of the forcibly adopted by the church.I had a bloody awful childhood being blamed for everything,beaten regularly, run away all the time and left home as soon as I was 16. I m now 59 and have 2 absolutely lovely kids and now a grandad. My daughter is trying to do our family tree and I m the stumbling block so to speak. Anyway I sent off for my real birth certificate a couple of weeks ago as I always knew my birth name. We have we think found my actual
mum who is still alive and has been happily married for the last 58 years. If it is her I now know I also have a brother. Any advice in regard to all of this would be greatly appreciated. I ve had a pretty crap few years losing my best friend who I confided in and was like an adopted dad to me and i was very suicidal at Christmas as after 45 years of being a farmer,my body finally gave up also my coping mechanism of running away from crap situations just disappeared,fortunately I ve now told a couple of good friends about it all and having faced up to a life time of depression have been prescribed medication and a farming charity put me on a course of counselling which has been a huge eye opener to me.
mum who is still alive and has been happily married for the last 58 years. If it is her I now know I also have a brother. Any advice in regard to all of this would be greatly appreciated. I ve had a pretty crap few years losing my best friend who I confided in and was like an adopted dad to me and i was very suicidal at Christmas as after 45 years of being a farmer,my body finally gave up also my coping mechanism of running away from crap situations just disappeared,fortunately I ve now told a couple of good friends about it all and having faced up to a life time of depression have been prescribed medication and a farming charity put me on a course of counselling which has been a huge eye opener to me.
Edited by Speedywurzel2 on Monday 20th July 15:47
OK, so, I have a bit of experience in this.
I'm 59, also with two great kids and I'm adopted as well.
Like you, I have always known this but for me, it has never been an issue and thankfully, had a great upbringing for which I am exceptionally grateful for. My mum who's still with us, has always said if ever I wanted to know about my past, I can ask. But I've never had any driving need to do so.
Some years back, my kids got me an Ancestry kit for my birthday. The reason was that travel a lot for work and I'd mentioned several times that when I visit eastern Europe; Romania, Bulgaria, Moldova, etc... I have a strange but powerful sense of belonging and that I wouldn't be surprised if I have some DNA 'roots' there. Turns out I don't - My DNA profile is north Wales / Liverpool!!
As a result of doing the Ancestry thing, I get regular messages from various 'cousins' doing their family trees asking about me and my birth parents which of course I can't answer. A 1st cousin, also adopted, has clearly gone deep dive on this and kept messaging me with details of what she suspected was my biological father and a possible match for my biological mother, both of whom are still alive. I had a quick gander at the tree and it does sort of make sense. Found a photo of the bloke and I can see the resemblance.
It was suggested that she and I make contact but I explained that I had no desire to do so. The reason is that I'm nearly 60 years old and these people have not been part of my life or I part of theirs in that time. We have nothing in common other than DNA. What would we discuss?
But that's because I've so far had a great life. I couldn't have wished for a better Mum and Dad (as in the people that raised me).
A good friend is a similar age and also adopted but like you, had a very unhappy upbringing. Her adopted father was an abusive alcoholic and her mother doted on her siblings. She is the oldest to two brothers. Her parents were told they couldn't have kids so they adopted her, then her mother fell pregnant twice so her brothers came first in her mother's affections.
She has suffered similar to you as a result of this.
Her father died years ago and when her mother died she set about finding her birth mother. It did not end well.
She found her address and wrote to her several times but got no reply. Two years ago, her and her husband are on holiday in Norfolk and find themselves in the village where she lives. Against the advice of her OH, she set off and knocked on this woman's door who abruptly and robustly told her to get lost... that she made her decision 55 years ago and that was that.
Cut her in two.
I'm not going to tell you what to do, that's for you to figure out - but you should ask yourself what would be gained by introducing yourself to these people who have not been part of you life for the best part of 60 years? What impact would it have on you if you received a similar response to my friend?
The challenges and issues you've faced are not attributable to your birth mother and nor is she able to remedy the wrongs you've suffered. What's to say that your birth parents wouldn't have been horrible too?
If you feel it will help then go for it but from what you've written, it sounds like you have a loving family with your kids and grandchild so I'd be leaning into the fact that you've made that life on your own on your own terms despite the best efforts of others to knock you off course. Build on that.
HTH and good luck whatever you do.
I'm 59, also with two great kids and I'm adopted as well.
Like you, I have always known this but for me, it has never been an issue and thankfully, had a great upbringing for which I am exceptionally grateful for. My mum who's still with us, has always said if ever I wanted to know about my past, I can ask. But I've never had any driving need to do so.
Some years back, my kids got me an Ancestry kit for my birthday. The reason was that travel a lot for work and I'd mentioned several times that when I visit eastern Europe; Romania, Bulgaria, Moldova, etc... I have a strange but powerful sense of belonging and that I wouldn't be surprised if I have some DNA 'roots' there. Turns out I don't - My DNA profile is north Wales / Liverpool!!
As a result of doing the Ancestry thing, I get regular messages from various 'cousins' doing their family trees asking about me and my birth parents which of course I can't answer. A 1st cousin, also adopted, has clearly gone deep dive on this and kept messaging me with details of what she suspected was my biological father and a possible match for my biological mother, both of whom are still alive. I had a quick gander at the tree and it does sort of make sense. Found a photo of the bloke and I can see the resemblance.
It was suggested that she and I make contact but I explained that I had no desire to do so. The reason is that I'm nearly 60 years old and these people have not been part of my life or I part of theirs in that time. We have nothing in common other than DNA. What would we discuss?
But that's because I've so far had a great life. I couldn't have wished for a better Mum and Dad (as in the people that raised me).
A good friend is a similar age and also adopted but like you, had a very unhappy upbringing. Her adopted father was an abusive alcoholic and her mother doted on her siblings. She is the oldest to two brothers. Her parents were told they couldn't have kids so they adopted her, then her mother fell pregnant twice so her brothers came first in her mother's affections.
She has suffered similar to you as a result of this.
Her father died years ago and when her mother died she set about finding her birth mother. It did not end well.
She found her address and wrote to her several times but got no reply. Two years ago, her and her husband are on holiday in Norfolk and find themselves in the village where she lives. Against the advice of her OH, she set off and knocked on this woman's door who abruptly and robustly told her to get lost... that she made her decision 55 years ago and that was that.
Cut her in two.
I'm not going to tell you what to do, that's for you to figure out - but you should ask yourself what would be gained by introducing yourself to these people who have not been part of you life for the best part of 60 years? What impact would it have on you if you received a similar response to my friend?
The challenges and issues you've faced are not attributable to your birth mother and nor is she able to remedy the wrongs you've suffered. What's to say that your birth parents wouldn't have been horrible too?
If you feel it will help then go for it but from what you've written, it sounds like you have a loving family with your kids and grandchild so I'd be leaning into the fact that you've made that life on your own on your own terms despite the best efforts of others to knock you off course. Build on that.
HTH and good luck whatever you do.
Edited by StevieBee on Monday 20th July 14:42
Not adopted, but my 'father' was result of fling and didn't stick around. Long story cut short, twice I've been rejected when reaching out, and it does cause long term issues.
My advice, do this when stable, happy with your life, not needing something else and not trying to fill some hole, so you are prepared/strong if it doesn't go well.
My advice, do this when stable, happy with your life, not needing something else and not trying to fill some hole, so you are prepared/strong if it doesn't go well.
Don't directy have experience but my mum didn't find out she was adopted until later in life when a letter dropped through the door from a brother she had no idea she had.
Turns out there were more of them too that had recently all got in contact with one another.
They did meet a few times and keep in contact but that late in life they already all had whole other lives, so it was more like meeting a new person and becoming friends. They had no shared upbringing, or close family as they all had their own or adopted families. Think the other sister was the most estranged and only kept tabs on them but wasn't really active in having a relationship.
This is a step away from it being a parent/sibling relationship however, so I'd tread lightly. Initially you have no idea if this person wants to even hear from you let alone if they are in a physical/mental state to do so and that's without thinking of any effects on yourself.
If you go into it with no expectations or hopes and are willing to accept absolutely nothing from it, you have little to lose but this is also incredibly hard to do and really believe. Remember families are weird and many cannot navigate these kind of relationships when raised under the same roof, let alone 60 years later when you are essentially 2 strangers.
I wish you the best of luck in navigating this.
Turns out there were more of them too that had recently all got in contact with one another.
They did meet a few times and keep in contact but that late in life they already all had whole other lives, so it was more like meeting a new person and becoming friends. They had no shared upbringing, or close family as they all had their own or adopted families. Think the other sister was the most estranged and only kept tabs on them but wasn't really active in having a relationship.
This is a step away from it being a parent/sibling relationship however, so I'd tread lightly. Initially you have no idea if this person wants to even hear from you let alone if they are in a physical/mental state to do so and that's without thinking of any effects on yourself.
If you go into it with no expectations or hopes and are willing to accept absolutely nothing from it, you have little to lose but this is also incredibly hard to do and really believe. Remember families are weird and many cannot navigate these kind of relationships when raised under the same roof, let alone 60 years later when you are essentially 2 strangers.
I wish you the best of luck in navigating this.
I certainly don't have any experience of your situation, but a bit of families.
People don't last forever unfortunately, so my universal advice is to do something now that you might regret not doing later, a great example being holding out the olive branch to estranged family members. But I don't think people should ruin their lives to right a wrong they didn't have any part in.
So in your boat, I'd contact my birth parents, and just offer them the chance to be in your life. If they reject it, move on cleanly knowing you've done the right thing and forget them. We choose friends, we're stuck with the family we get dealt.
People don't last forever unfortunately, so my universal advice is to do something now that you might regret not doing later, a great example being holding out the olive branch to estranged family members. But I don't think people should ruin their lives to right a wrong they didn't have any part in.
So in your boat, I'd contact my birth parents, and just offer them the chance to be in your life. If they reject it, move on cleanly knowing you've done the right thing and forget them. We choose friends, we're stuck with the family we get dealt.
The only thought I had reading this and as someone who has literally no experience was if it was a forced adoption, would the OP biological mother also want to know what happened to her son.
I suppose it's a risk of rejection but at the same time it may just leave questions unanswered that you need.
Good luck either way OP!
I suppose it's a risk of rejection but at the same time it may just leave questions unanswered that you need.
Good luck either way OP!
A member of my family had a child when very young and the child was adopted. I am imagining OP that we have parents from the same country but maybe I’m just presuming.
She went on to marry some years later and have three other children.
She’s had a lifetime of failed relationship’s and is an empty soul and her now adult children know nothing of the adopted child.
I’ve urged her to tell them, maybe for selfish reasons as we siblings all know and have said nothing of course. Which one day may come back on us.
I have no answer for you OP but only support in whatever you decide.
All the very best,
She went on to marry some years later and have three other children.
She’s had a lifetime of failed relationship’s and is an empty soul and her now adult children know nothing of the adopted child.
I’ve urged her to tell them, maybe for selfish reasons as we siblings all know and have said nothing of course. Which one day may come back on us.
I have no answer for you OP but only support in whatever you decide.
All the very best,
A family member had her child taken from her when she was a teen. She’s now in her 70s. Her child got in touch and they see each other regularly now.
It turned out her kid was adopted by a fairly local family.
Anyway the point is it can work out, but it can also not work out. I can’t offer any advice but I’ve seen it work out with my own eyes so it’s not all doom and gloom potentially. In your shoes it may be worth writing and seeing what happens.
Good luck whatever you decide.
It turned out her kid was adopted by a fairly local family.
Anyway the point is it can work out, but it can also not work out. I can’t offer any advice but I’ve seen it work out with my own eyes so it’s not all doom and gloom potentially. In your shoes it may be worth writing and seeing what happens.
Good luck whatever you decide.
I m a few years older than you - 68 - and was adopted a few days after my birth. I ve always known I was adopted - my parents told me I was orphaned in a car crash; I now know that s nonsense but they were trying to make sure I didn t jump ship . I had a fabulous childhood with loving parents. I realised how much they feared losing me, so I vowed not to do anything to upset them with regards my birth family. I saw my social services file in 1988 that gave me some info about my origin but didn t do anything further. Fast forward to a few years ago, years after both parents had passed away, and DNA tests flagged up a maternal half brother, someone else who is probably my father s brother and a whole host of other miscellaneous far flung relatives.
I met my half brother a few times, which revealed I would have had an awful upbringing if I had remained with my birth mother. It was such a dreadful family life he described that it gave me some guilty feelings about escaping it by being adopted, leading to quite a few disturbed nights sleep. The supposed uncle, I met once, was brought up in an orphanage so we have no way of piecing together our origins.
Being adopted didn t make me feel lost, but it always made me wonder. I don t have the full picture (my birth mother died in the 90s) but now I know a little more, I wish I hadn t bothered and remained ignorant. I haven t seen my half brother in 4 years, we have nothing in common, and doubt I will see him again.
Programmes like Long Lost Family portray digging out family history and birth relatives as almost always wholly positive, although there is often some unhappy adoptive parents and siblings given a passing mention. Ultimately it s your decision, obviously, but as some other posters have mentioned, it s not a universally positive experience and in my case, didn t add anything to my life and indeed dented me for a few months.
I met my half brother a few times, which revealed I would have had an awful upbringing if I had remained with my birth mother. It was such a dreadful family life he described that it gave me some guilty feelings about escaping it by being adopted, leading to quite a few disturbed nights sleep. The supposed uncle, I met once, was brought up in an orphanage so we have no way of piecing together our origins.
Being adopted didn t make me feel lost, but it always made me wonder. I don t have the full picture (my birth mother died in the 90s) but now I know a little more, I wish I hadn t bothered and remained ignorant. I haven t seen my half brother in 4 years, we have nothing in common, and doubt I will see him again.
Programmes like Long Lost Family portray digging out family history and birth relatives as almost always wholly positive, although there is often some unhappy adoptive parents and siblings given a passing mention. Ultimately it s your decision, obviously, but as some other posters have mentioned, it s not a universally positive experience and in my case, didn t add anything to my life and indeed dented me for a few months.
Stegel said:
I realised how much they feared losing me
I found out quite recently that up until the early 70s, the birth Mother had the right to claim back a child they'd given up for adoption up until the child's third birthday. I can't begin to imagine the level of heartbreak that would have befallen adopted parents having had to give up a child in which they've invested so much much emotional capital to. StevieBee said:
Stegel said:
I realised how much they feared losing me
I found out quite recently that up until the early 70s, the birth Mother had the right to claim back a child they'd given up for adoption up until the child's third birthday. I can't begin to imagine the level of heartbreak that would have befallen adopted parents having had to give up a child in which they've invested so much much emotional capital to. StevieBee said:
Stegel said:
I realised how much they feared losing me
I found out quite recently that up until the early 70s, the birth Mother had the right to claim back a child they'd given up for adoption up until the child's third birthday. I can't begin to imagine the level of heartbreak that would have befallen adopted parents having had to give up a child in which they've invested so much much emotional capital to. I posted this in a thread some years back:
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
The relationship with her dad and stepmum never really took off. They’re very ‘Reform and flags’ and were the opposite. I think she’s managed to avoid contact since last year but summer holidays they’ll be pushing to come down again. The dad very much sees her as daughter and our kids as his grandkids.
She’s still close with her half sister and they’re often cackling down the phone at each other.
All in all she’s still say she was glad for the answers and having a sister makes everything worthwhile, but there’s a lot of balancing as to who wants what from any contact made and there’s plenty of room for hurt and conflict.
Have you had therapy? My current advice would be that’s the first person you should find!
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
bristolbaron said:
Long post!
My wife was adopted. We had relatively little information to go on, but had birth mother’s name, approx age and place of birth.
Around 2012 we spent a few days in London, at the National library and London Archives. From here we found enough information to start back filling Genes Reunited. Using this along with 192.com and Social Media, we found an almost undeniable Mother and sisters - including the sisters addresses!
We sent a letter to the sisters, who took a little while to reply, but the response was that the mum was ill and in no place to discuss such matters. We had a later reply that we were looking for the wrong person.
Last year, an email arrived. Time had moved on, and the believed sister had found out more. The situation with the wrong person was that her Aunt had also given up a child, which she was aware of and had assumed was my wife. But the Aunts daughter turned up earlier in the year, which made her question who my wife was! She pushed her Mum further, until the full story unfolded.
My wife & I met her half sister last year and shortly after her Mum and step dad. Since then she s had further phone contact with her Mum and built a good relationship with her Sister. Her Mum confirmed her Dad was a one night stand and she has no information about him at all - a total dead end.
The sister suggested an Ancestory DNA test, to get some more info on heritage and through this a DNA match turned up a few weeks back on her Dads side - a half Aunt. Lots of info back and forth, and a couple of weeks later her Dads on the phone! He was made up and accepted her straight away despite having another family. He and his wife came down last weekend to meet face to face.
It s still bizarre for me, when I met my wife she had no one to call family. Through the wonders of science and technology I now have in laws and she s always on the phone to someone. Whilst she s unlikely to ever call them Mum or Dad, I m absolutely made up for her that they all seem like decent people with an actual interest in her - it could ve been very different.
TL:DR: wife found birth parents, success story.
Since then, bio mum passed away - her ‘illness’ mentioned above was life long alcoholism. Whilst my wife was pleased to have met her to understand that side of her past there wasn’t much relationship with her. My wife was adopted. We had relatively little information to go on, but had birth mother’s name, approx age and place of birth.
Around 2012 we spent a few days in London, at the National library and London Archives. From here we found enough information to start back filling Genes Reunited. Using this along with 192.com and Social Media, we found an almost undeniable Mother and sisters - including the sisters addresses!
We sent a letter to the sisters, who took a little while to reply, but the response was that the mum was ill and in no place to discuss such matters. We had a later reply that we were looking for the wrong person.
Last year, an email arrived. Time had moved on, and the believed sister had found out more. The situation with the wrong person was that her Aunt had also given up a child, which she was aware of and had assumed was my wife. But the Aunts daughter turned up earlier in the year, which made her question who my wife was! She pushed her Mum further, until the full story unfolded.
My wife & I met her half sister last year and shortly after her Mum and step dad. Since then she s had further phone contact with her Mum and built a good relationship with her Sister. Her Mum confirmed her Dad was a one night stand and she has no information about him at all - a total dead end.
The sister suggested an Ancestory DNA test, to get some more info on heritage and through this a DNA match turned up a few weeks back on her Dads side - a half Aunt. Lots of info back and forth, and a couple of weeks later her Dads on the phone! He was made up and accepted her straight away despite having another family. He and his wife came down last weekend to meet face to face.
It s still bizarre for me, when I met my wife she had no one to call family. Through the wonders of science and technology I now have in laws and she s always on the phone to someone. Whilst she s unlikely to ever call them Mum or Dad, I m absolutely made up for her that they all seem like decent people with an actual interest in her - it could ve been very different.
TL:DR: wife found birth parents, success story.
The relationship with her dad and stepmum never really took off. They’re very ‘Reform and flags’ and were the opposite. I think she’s managed to avoid contact since last year but summer holidays they’ll be pushing to come down again. The dad very much sees her as daughter and our kids as his grandkids.
She’s still close with her half sister and they’re often cackling down the phone at each other.
All in all she’s still say she was glad for the answers and having a sister makes everything worthwhile, but there’s a lot of balancing as to who wants what from any contact made and there’s plenty of room for hurt and conflict.
Have you had therapy? My current advice would be that’s the first person you should find!
My mum was a warbaby born in '43, father was allegedly a US serviceman - mum was adopted at weeks old and her adoptive parents were told that they could never have children naturally - were the most wonderful parents and grandparents.( as an aside a year after adopting my mum my aunt was born)... Mum always knew she was adopted but felt no urge to discover her birth parents whilst my grandparents were alive it felt disrespectful to her - myself and my siblings didn't see the need or point - our grandparents were exactly that ours....and that was all we needed, mum however felt the urge to know....
So 10years after my grandparents both died mum got the adoption information and after some very basic detective work ( I worked for a firm with some very useful resources at the time) we found her birth mother - on sound advice to avoid emotional trauma on both sides - initial contact was by post...
Sure enough it was mum's birth mother - but, recently widowed and with three subsequent children she didn't want contact with my mum but offered to keep limited contact through her sister.....which didn't lead too much further...
A couple of years later mum had a "feeling" and again abusing some work tech I found her mother has died - we got a copy of her death certificate and the informant was listed as her daughter......
Rolling the dice Mum wrote ......end result I now have three "new" aunts and families, mum and her 3 extra sisters talk every week and meet as often as they can.....
It can and does work out.....but old fashioned post worked as best contact method in our scenario allowing for choice, consideration and time for all parties.....
So 10years after my grandparents both died mum got the adoption information and after some very basic detective work ( I worked for a firm with some very useful resources at the time) we found her birth mother - on sound advice to avoid emotional trauma on both sides - initial contact was by post...
Sure enough it was mum's birth mother - but, recently widowed and with three subsequent children she didn't want contact with my mum but offered to keep limited contact through her sister.....which didn't lead too much further...
A couple of years later mum had a "feeling" and again abusing some work tech I found her mother has died - we got a copy of her death certificate and the informant was listed as her daughter......
Rolling the dice Mum wrote ......end result I now have three "new" aunts and families, mum and her 3 extra sisters talk every week and meet as often as they can.....
It can and does work out.....but old fashioned post worked as best contact method in our scenario allowing for choice, consideration and time for all parties.....
ozzuk said:
My advice, do this when stable, happy with your life, not needing something else and not trying to fill some hole, so you are prepared/strong if it doesn't go well.
This is the one that hits the spot. It could be a source of boundless joy, or totally crushing.
I wouldn't be going down that road unless I was in a very good place with everything I already had around me.
bloomen said:
ozzuk said:
My advice, do this when stable, happy with your life, not needing something else and not trying to fill some hole, so you are prepared/strong if it doesn't go well.
This is the one that hits the spot. It could be a source of boundless joy, or totally crushing.
I wouldn't be going down that road unless I was in a very good place with everything I already had around me.
Not adopted, but having no contact with my mum from the age of around six, it felt like I was. After trying many ways to find her (my old man told me she was dead) I managed to track her down and reunite with her when I was 18.
At the time I was thrilled, but there was a bit of a cloud over the reunion as her husband knew nothing of my existence. He eventually was told and I did get to meet him several times. I wasn't interested in making friends with him but it was necessary for my mum's sake. Initially there was this honeymoon period where I was excited for the future and finally having her back in my life. As the time went on I started to realise that it was not filling the void of all the years without her. That was my s
t to deal with, so I stepped back somewhat and saw that there was some scope in her having a relationship with my kids, her grandsons.
In some way, I felt my sons getting some nanny love would give me a tiny bit of closure seeing her interact with them. It did, but it didn't gain any traction and slowly faded away after a couple of years. I can't judge, and I am not disappointed. It is what it is. She is living her life and I'm living mine. I do not regret looking for her and I am pleased we spent some time with her. Part of that was to visit the cemetery where my grandparents, great grandparents, uncles and aunties are buried.
Good luck, and I hope you too can get something from your situation.
At the time I was thrilled, but there was a bit of a cloud over the reunion as her husband knew nothing of my existence. He eventually was told and I did get to meet him several times. I wasn't interested in making friends with him but it was necessary for my mum's sake. Initially there was this honeymoon period where I was excited for the future and finally having her back in my life. As the time went on I started to realise that it was not filling the void of all the years without her. That was my s
t to deal with, so I stepped back somewhat and saw that there was some scope in her having a relationship with my kids, her grandsons. In some way, I felt my sons getting some nanny love would give me a tiny bit of closure seeing her interact with them. It did, but it didn't gain any traction and slowly faded away after a couple of years. I can't judge, and I am not disappointed. It is what it is. She is living her life and I'm living mine. I do not regret looking for her and I am pleased we spent some time with her. Part of that was to visit the cemetery where my grandparents, great grandparents, uncles and aunties are buried.
Good luck, and I hope you too can get something from your situation.
Edited by Glassman on Wednesday 22 July 10:21
Thanks everyone that has posted,I am going into this with my eyes wide open very open in fact over the last few days I ve found out I ve been pretty much lied to all my life by my adoptive mum, being told by her the reason she and my adoptive father split up was because he got drunk and hit her,turns out she was having an affair. When I had counselling this year I had to list my happy childhood moments and they were all with my adoptive father who I have now not seen since I was 5. I ve asked her since I was 20 where is he,I want to see him only to be told he doesn t want anything to do with me, which I now think is a load of crap.
The even harder part for me was my favourite teddy when I was little was actually given to me by my birthing mum. Because I’ve always felt I ve never been wanted this now makes me think maybe I was.
I ve found a wonderful chap on a facebook group who has also been researching my past and he too has found what we believe to be my birth mum and also my 2 new half brothers. I m now going to have to get all my adoption papers from somewhere as I ve never been given anything and go from there.
The even harder part for me was my favourite teddy when I was little was actually given to me by my birthing mum. Because I’ve always felt I ve never been wanted this now makes me think maybe I was.
I ve found a wonderful chap on a facebook group who has also been researching my past and he too has found what we believe to be my birth mum and also my 2 new half brothers. I m now going to have to get all my adoption papers from somewhere as I ve never been given anything and go from there.
Edited by Speedywurzel2 on Wednesday 22 July 12:58
Think there has been a lot of valid advice. I have a slightly different angle. I'm not adopted, but I have a sibling who is. Our parents made it clear from the start, no deception at any point.
Sibling had sporadic attempted contact from birth mother, as an adult. Sibling wasn't overly enthused.
However , the brother of the birth mother contacted my sibling when one of his own kids ( sibling's birth cousin), who was dying of cancer & wanted to meet their cousin ( they were late 30's) . It was arranged, to the satisfaction of all. Poor bugger died not long after.
Sibling had sporadic attempted contact from birth mother, as an adult. Sibling wasn't overly enthused.
However , the brother of the birth mother contacted my sibling when one of his own kids ( sibling's birth cousin), who was dying of cancer & wanted to meet their cousin ( they were late 30's) . It was arranged, to the satisfaction of all. Poor bugger died not long after.
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