Snapchat for a 14yo boy

[WH16]

I'm not a SM user, but as I understand it, Snapchat's USP is disappearing messages, allowing it to be the platform of choice for dick-pics and bullying. Am I correct in this? The boy is insisting that it is the de-facto comms method among all his peers (school and cadets) and he 'is the only one without it' (usual story I remember well from my youth). Is it as bad as I think, or is it actually used more benignly these days? What age do parents generally allow this sort of app? FWIW, he has no access to TikTok, IG, etc. Only WhatsApp (mainly for family use) and the usual streaming services.

[Gary29]

My nephew in law was nearly expelled from school for sending explicit pics to girls when he was 14, it was the last thing they were expecting from him as he's so well balanced, intelligent and polite etc in every other aspect. He's 15 now and seems to have sorted himself out after seeing the error of his ways, pretty sure he's still got snapchat on his phone though.

I'm dreading my daughter getting to that age and the obstacles that will need to be navigated.

[Jamescrs]

My 13 year old daughter has it and has been using it for a good 12 months i'd say. She hasn't experienced any bullying or sexual content.

It does seem to be the app of choice now for teenagers and even those in their early-mid 20's I believe as they were probably the early adopters of it. She uses it in the same way I use Whatsapp, it's a big messaging app amongst her and her friends for 1-1 chats.

Keeping the "Snap streak" going is a big thing which basically means interacting with the other user at least once a day, I know my daughter when she can't be bothered will take a random pic of the ceiling or a wall, that also seems to be a common thing.

Your Son is probably telling you the truth about all his friends using it.

[ettore]

Both of mine had it at 14 for the reasons you outline. We (wife) kept an eye on it, but all was fine. We have been pretty careful but it gets to an age where the dam breaking is inevitable.

I think the key is doing all that you can (including the school) to ensure that they have a balanced view on their digital life. Active parenting is key around this and outright denial can backfire!

[thebraketester]

Jamescrs said:

Keeping the "Snap streak" going is a big thing which basically means interacting with the other user at least once a day, I

Coerced addiction. Nice.

[andyxxx]

I have of course heard the arguments regarding SM in adolescents.

My view is that at 14 most youths are old enough to dip their toes into SM with all the inherent problems it may involve – for heavens sake they can marry at 16.

Both my daughters (who had a very sheltered life) were allowed snapchat at that age. One did infact have an unpleasant issue regarding a girl sending unpleasant photos. We policed it and it was resolved.

Make sure they know not to send anything (written or photo) remotely unpleasant or contentious. Make them aware they are likely to see things that are not acceptable (as they have a smart phone, will probably know about)

[Bluevanman]

thebraketester said:

Coerced addiction. Nice.

The pressure to fit in,to be the same as every other kid seems on a different level to when I was that age and it can't be healthy.
Must be easy to get coerced into doing stuff you don't want to because "everyone else does it"
So glad I grew up in a different era

[AB]

Bluevanman said:

The pressure to fit in,to be the same as every other kid seems on a different level to when I was that age and it can't be healthy.
Must be easy to get coerced into doing stuff you don't want to because "everyone else does it"
So glad I grew up in a different era

Absolutely. It's quite sad to think my kids won't experience the stress free existence of their friends knocking to see if they can play out and then riding carefree all over the place and kicking a ball about in the park, knowing that we had to be back before the streetlights came on.

My kids are 5 and 7, their small local school are very hot on mobile phones, majority of the parents have signed up to a no phones scheme so that, at primary school at least, there will not be the pressures of their peers having one, or if they do they will be in a vast minority.

As a kid, the world was tiny, nothing to worry about outside of a 10 minute bike ride. Problems at school ended when the bell went and you were safely on your way home. Now it's carried around everywhere.

Things are changing though, and I think in 6/7 years time when my eldest is 13 there will be a lot fewer kids with SM and phones in general.

I think the tough age is around 11/12/13 now where kids have had phones historically before something was done about it, they're so ingrained that it is difficult to take them away or restrict them.

[AB]

Actually just received this email and I fully support it. We'll be trying to keep ours of smartphones and SM for as long as possible, going into secondary too.

We will make sure they realise, accept and appreciate our stance on this. They get very little screen time as it is, and it shows, they both love going out in the garden and arts/crafts etc. I don't see how SM is beneficial for any child, regardless of age, and if everyone were to subscribe to this way of thinking then it would remove the 'FOMO' element which is probably the hardest bit to deal with.