Dealing with Disappointment

[grant8064]

Hi,

I’m not really one for self help or asking for advice but im struggling a bit. After a mentally tough 2025 I resolved to stop moaning as much, do some exercise, try not to sweat the small stuff etc. Most importantly I resolved to stop putting everyone and everything else first and take more time for myself now and then.

I’ve been doing quite well, getting nowhere really but feeling happier, less stressed, more active etc. it felt lately like I was becoming a happier person. I planned a solo trip overseas for a few days which has been on my bucket list for a long time and was really looking forward to it. It’s difficult to get time off work and I saw it as the first big step in gaining some control over my life and putting myself first, a bit of a new beginning if you like. Unfortunately an hour before leaving I have had to cancel everything due to my wife becoming unwell.

The loss of the trip in itself is no big deal and her health issue means I really can’t just leave but the feeling that I’m back to square one and that, like last year, every time I try to do something for myself it doesn’t happen and the lack of opportunity within my life I’m getting is really getting me down. Right now I really just feel like “what’s the point” in planning or looking forward to anything. It’s a really basic ask but I’m lcompletely deflated and fed up and welcome any advice people have to deal with disappointment.

FWIW I’m very aware people are going through far worse things but it’s a forum.

[GTI Tom]

It is totally normal to feel disappointment and upset after losing out on something you were looking forward to mate, that always sucks.

I like to use the Tolkein quote "What punishments from God are not gift" (add or remove religious sentiment to taste). You've had a chance to look after you wife in a moment of ill health, in the same way you'd like her to do for you if the roles were reversed. You mentioned not putting yourself first, but there will always be another chance to take this trip, even if it takes some time

[Wacky Racer]

Time is a good healer.

Just be patient, you will get the opportunity before too long.

"Upon us all, a little rain must fall". Robert Plant/Led Zeppelin.

[Terminator X]

Perhaps too simple but my view is don't worry about stuff you can do nothing about and if you can do something about it then do.

TX.

[mike9009]

I'm not 'disappointed' as such, but your approach for a bit of me time is a healthy way forward, IMO.

I adore my wife and kids but spend very little time away from them, other than when at work......

So last year, I booked to see a band (Slayer) and went by myself and had a brilliant time....absolutely loved it and gave me a break from the humdrum of life. I am going to see Napalm Death at the end of this month and cannot wait. Used to love a bit of thrash metal but since kids arrived (17 years ago!) not been to a decent gig....

Luckily wife and friends fully endorse this, so my lad still plays football on Saturday and Sunday and daughter goes to numerous weekend dance classes whilst I am selfish for a weekend!!

I suggest booking something again, but try some contingency.

I do hope your wife gets better.....

[Wacky Racer]

Terminator X said:

Perhaps too simple but my view is don't worry about stuff you can do nothing about and if you can do something about it then do.

TX.

This.

[grant8064]

Thanks guys. Vent over, and reality checked. I just need to accept the disappointment and move on. I’m going to try and lower my expectations of what it’s achievable moving forward, think I fell into the trap of looking forward to making progress with life before it had a chance to happen.

[Steve Campbell]

Don’t let the first hurdle set you back. You could never have predicted SWMBO illness. No one could. Any plan to change is always going to have hurdles. Learn to expect it won’t be smooth sailing, but keep your eye on the long term prize. Look after your wife, and re-book the holiday. Good luck !