Stop being so reactive at work
Discussion
I work for a large group but a small team in the UK. I have been with them for over 20yrs. My colleagues are mostly decent, but the MD and his oppo the sales manager are tough to work with. They are both decent enough as people but both of them are terrible micro managers. They panic over the slightest issue. They put the buck first over staff morale, but are also constantly worried about how anything they do might put them in a bad light with the Group. And lastly they work on the principal of why make something simple when you can overthink it and make it harder. Im certainly not the model employee. I would welcome redundancy, which would be the perfect solution with a good payout expected due to my time with the company. I also have little interest in the business anymore.
I could deal with all of this if I wasnt so reactive. I blow up all the time as if I constantly feel, rightly or wrongly, like I have to defend myself. I have started to help myself by dropping to 4 days a week, which was a battle in itself. I have invested in a van to enjoy long weekends away with swmbo. But I just wish I could control myself when it comes to work. I cant quit as that would be financial suicide currently, and finding a job that pays as well at my age (58) wouldnt be possible.
My poor suffering Swmbo quite rightly says, you need to completely take all emotion out of your day to day work. But still the anxiety of the coming week is tough. Any tips or thoughts would be greatly welcomed
I could deal with all of this if I wasnt so reactive. I blow up all the time as if I constantly feel, rightly or wrongly, like I have to defend myself. I have started to help myself by dropping to 4 days a week, which was a battle in itself. I have invested in a van to enjoy long weekends away with swmbo. But I just wish I could control myself when it comes to work. I cant quit as that would be financial suicide currently, and finding a job that pays as well at my age (58) wouldnt be possible.
My poor suffering Swmbo quite rightly says, you need to completely take all emotion out of your day to day work. But still the anxiety of the coming week is tough. Any tips or thoughts would be greatly welcomed
Edited by macp on Sunday 4th January 11:41
Generally, strategies for reducing stress at work are short lived as you’ll naturally return to your current modus operandi.
However, some advice I was given which did work was to reduce what I’ll call elements of “pre-stress”. That will enable you to deal with stress at work more effectively.
-stop reading the news (as in totally)
-delete facebook
-stop browsing forums whose topics commonly result is conflict between posters
However, some advice I was given which did work was to reduce what I’ll call elements of “pre-stress”. That will enable you to deal with stress at work more effectively.
-stop reading the news (as in totally)
-delete facebook
-stop browsing forums whose topics commonly result is conflict between posters
FlyVintage said:
Generally, strategies for reducing stress at work are short lived as you ll naturally return to your current modus operandi.
However, some advice I was given which did work was to reduce what I ll call elements of pre-stress . That will enable you to deal with stress at work more effectively.
-stop reading the news (as in totally)
-delete facebook
-stop browsing forums whose topics commonly result is conflict between posters
I agree about reducing stress, I have been trying to change for years with little success. I should have added I dont do well with confrontation. I can never seem to counter arguments put to me. They all seem so much more adept at thinking several steps ahead.However, some advice I was given which did work was to reduce what I ll call elements of pre-stress . That will enable you to deal with stress at work more effectively.
-stop reading the news (as in totally)
-delete facebook
-stop browsing forums whose topics commonly result is conflict between posters
Frankly im clearly in the wrong job, and by that I mean a high pressure selling environment. And its dawned on me that obviously I have been for over two decades !
macp said:
I agree about reducing stress, I have been trying to change for years with little success. I should have added I dont do well with confrontation. I can never seem to counter arguments put to me. They all seem so much more adept at thinking several steps ahead.
Frankly im clearly in the wrong job, and by that I mean a high pressure selling environment. And its dawned on me that obviously I have been for over two decades !
Stress can creep up on you, and if it's affecting your missus, and home life/sleep etc, then you need to make a change.Frankly im clearly in the wrong job, and by that I mean a high pressure selling environment. And its dawned on me that obviously I have been for over two decades !
Tricky in our 50's I know, but if the financials allow you to change to a less challenging job, then that's worth looking at.
It takes a mindset change.
You'll go from being in a long term job, that you've been succesful at, down to what most would call a "normal, easy" job.
If you could get your head around that, then consider it.
I did it pre Covid, now work just a few days here, and there, and I've never been happier.
I think you need to find your space. You need/want the income but as you say are not that interested in the job anymore. You can’t have the cake and eat it. Hopefully you hide your lack of interest with good performance.
As you say if you can’t quit it you had to find was to suck it up. Maybe breathe in and count slowly to 3 before responding or reacting it might calm down your reaction? I don’t know everyone is different.
As you say if you can’t quit it you had to find was to suck it up. Maybe breathe in and count slowly to 3 before responding or reacting it might calm down your reaction? I don’t know everyone is different.
- Choose your battles, only argue the key points - Your mission is not to be right all the time
- Stick to your targets, re-orientate often as not to broaden your scope
- The seniors are paid to make decisions, provide them with solutions/options, but don't choose them
- Don't hold your hand up to take on extra-curricular tasks - Wait until they ask
Lotus Notes said:
* Choose your battles, only argue the key points - Your mission is not to be right all the time
I'm saving this, wise words.- Stick to your targets, re-orientate often as not to broaden your scope
- The seniors are paid to make decisions, provide them with solutions/options, but don't choose them
- Don't hold your hand up to take on extra-curricular tasks - Wait until they ask
A bit of a simple approach but has worked for me in the past….
You are in a job for the money, you don’t care about anything else. You don’t care about your managers or the group.
Your managers have the problem, not you. When they do stupid stuff, that’s their problem not yours. If they try to force their emotions and problems towards you, look at them, take a deep breath and think, that’s your problem not mine. And relax.
When you are in these situations ask yourself, ‘so what?’. Take another deep breath and relax because the answer is always ‘it doesn’t matter’.
It’s tough though OP, so I wish you all the best in coping with the current situation or changing things.
You are in a job for the money, you don’t care about anything else. You don’t care about your managers or the group.
Your managers have the problem, not you. When they do stupid stuff, that’s their problem not yours. If they try to force their emotions and problems towards you, look at them, take a deep breath and think, that’s your problem not mine. And relax.
When you are in these situations ask yourself, ‘so what?’. Take another deep breath and relax because the answer is always ‘it doesn’t matter’.
It’s tough though OP, so I wish you all the best in coping with the current situation or changing things.
Trevor555 said:
macp said:
I agree about reducing stress, I have been trying to change for years with little success. I should have added I dont do well with confrontation. I can never seem to counter arguments put to me. They all seem so much more adept at thinking several steps ahead.
Frankly im clearly in the wrong job, and by that I mean a high pressure selling environment. And its dawned on me that obviously I have been for over two decades !
Stress can creep up on you, and if it's affecting your missus, and home life/sleep etc, then you need to make a change.Frankly im clearly in the wrong job, and by that I mean a high pressure selling environment. And its dawned on me that obviously I have been for over two decades !
Tricky in our 50's I know, but if the financials allow you to change to a less challenging job, then that's worth looking at.
It takes a mindset change.
You'll go from being in a long term job, that you've been succesful at, down to what most would call a "normal, easy" job.
If you could get your head around that, then consider it.
I did it pre Covid, now work just a few days here, and there, and I've never been happier.
CrgT16 said:
I think you need to find your space. You need/want the income but as you say are not that interested in the job anymore. You can t have the cake and eat it. Hopefully you hide your lack of interest with good performance.
As you say if you can t quit it you had to find was to suck it up. Maybe breathe in and count slowly to 3 before responding or reacting it might calm down your reaction? I don t know everyone is different.
The income is needed rather than wanted. But as to performance I do my job although I dont go the extra mile. And I clock in and out on time. I dont work overtime, although I wouldnt just drop a job halfway through to leave. I just try to make sure that doesnt happen. As you say if you can t quit it you had to find was to suck it up. Maybe breathe in and count slowly to 3 before responding or reacting it might calm down your reaction? I don t know everyone is different.
Lotus Notes said:
* Choose your battles, only argue the key points - Your mission is not to be right all the time
Excellent points, the first one I needed to heed just last week.- Stick to your targets, re-orientate often as not to broaden your scope
- The seniors are paid to make decisions, provide them with solutions/options, but don't choose them
- Don't hold your hand up to take on extra-curricular tasks - Wait until they ask
Phil. said:
A bit of a simple approach but has worked for me in the past .
You are in a job for the money, you don t care about anything else. You don t care about your managers or the group.
Your managers have the problem, not you. When they do stupid stuff, that s their problem not yours. If they try to force their emotions and problems towards you, look at them, take a deep breath and think, that s your problem not mine. And relax.
When you are in these situations ask yourself, so what? . Take another deep breath and relax because the answer is always it doesn t matter .
It s tough though OP, so I wish you all the best in coping with the current situation or changing things.
Absolutely correct I am there just to take the money, which is possibly one of the reasons why I get irritated with management because I dont actually care. But I need to find out how to pretend to care whilst im thinking 'so what'. You are in a job for the money, you don t care about anything else. You don t care about your managers or the group.
Your managers have the problem, not you. When they do stupid stuff, that s their problem not yours. If they try to force their emotions and problems towards you, look at them, take a deep breath and think, that s your problem not mine. And relax.
When you are in these situations ask yourself, so what? . Take another deep breath and relax because the answer is always it doesn t matter .
It s tough though OP, so I wish you all the best in coping with the current situation or changing things.
It’s a tricky one, in my prior role I remember being furiously worked up about a specific group of staff who were continually breaking protocols, and reporting to HR/Managjng Director didn’t do anything. Thankfully, a new CEO came in (after I left) and fired the “chief” of this specific group for her poor behaviour, which did make me feel better (and cemented that my judgement wasn’t off after all).
Ultimately, just remember it’s bothering you a lot more than it is them and you’re the only one getting wound up. Don’t give them the pleasure. As someone above said, you can’t win every battle - I definitely learnt this in the above scenario.
Good luck!
Ultimately, just remember it’s bothering you a lot more than it is them and you’re the only one getting wound up. Don’t give them the pleasure. As someone above said, you can’t win every battle - I definitely learnt this in the above scenario.
Good luck!
ocrx8 said:
It s a tricky one, in my prior role I remember being furiously worked up about a specific group of staff who were continually breaking protocols, and reporting to HR/Managjng Director didn t do anything. Thankfully, a new CEO came in (after I left) and fired the chief of this specific group for her poor behaviour, which did make me feel better (and cemented that my judgement wasn t off after all).
Ultimately, just remember it s bothering you a lot more than it is them and you re the only one getting wound up. Don t give them the pleasure. As someone above said, you can t win every battle - I definitely learnt this in the above scenario.
Good luck!
Many thanks for the reply. I think your last paragraph was most relevant to me. I agree that I am the only one getting wound up. Although perhaps they get annoyed at my reaction to them. But working on my anxiety and general lack of interest in the business is whats needed.Ultimately, just remember it s bothering you a lot more than it is them and you re the only one getting wound up. Don t give them the pleasure. As someone above said, you can t win every battle - I definitely learnt this in the above scenario.
Good luck!
Look at it from their perspective. You don’t care. Assuming you are over minimum wage you’re sort of paid something to care.
I’m surprised no one has suggested speaking to a doctor as, to me, you sound depressed.
If you don’t like your job then that’s ok, but to try and tap into the internet for tricks to hoodwink your way to a salary is not particularly healthy or sustainable.
I’m surprised no one has suggested speaking to a doctor as, to me, you sound depressed.
If you don’t like your job then that’s ok, but to try and tap into the internet for tricks to hoodwink your way to a salary is not particularly healthy or sustainable.
There's a book you might like called the subtle art of not giving a f
k by Mark Manson.
It's not about not giving a fk about ANYTHING, but if you only have so many fks to give, where do you budget them? If 8 out of 10 go to your friends, family, getting that project car, looking forward to a nice sandwich later, etc, work only gets 2, so where do you "spend" them? Maybe that one important issue with a colleague, another for taking a bit of pride in the task you're doing. Latest management initiative or criticism? Sorry. Maybe tomorrow. Otherwise EVERYTHING is a crisis. Which as you rightly point out isn't sustainable.
k by Mark Manson.It's not about not giving a f
k about ANYTHING, but if you only have so many fks to give, where do you budget them? If 8 out of 10 go to your friends, family, getting that project car, looking forward to a nice sandwich later, etc, work only gets 2, so where do you "spend" them? Maybe that one important issue with a colleague, another for taking a bit of pride in the task you're doing. Latest management initiative or criticism? Sorry. Maybe tomorrow. Otherwise EVERYTHING is a crisis. Which as you rightly point out isn't sustainable.A former colleague once said to me something along the lines of - Don't tell them any more than they ask or need to know.
I forget the exact context of what that advice was on the back of, but I find myself listening to that advice quite often.
Essentially, where I am responding to an email or similar with the info requested, but begin to extend the response with subsequent info due to taking an interest (or digging through an oversized inbox from which I never delete anything) - I consider whether I need to include it. Often I found when you start going beyond the query with historic background detail for example, you'll end up being drawn in to additional conversations and / or tasked further whereas a straight forward answer to question would probably have sufficed and doing you no favours.
I forget the exact context of what that advice was on the back of, but I find myself listening to that advice quite often.
Essentially, where I am responding to an email or similar with the info requested, but begin to extend the response with subsequent info due to taking an interest (or digging through an oversized inbox from which I never delete anything) - I consider whether I need to include it. Often I found when you start going beyond the query with historic background detail for example, you'll end up being drawn in to additional conversations and / or tasked further whereas a straight forward answer to question would probably have sufficed and doing you no favours.
Chipstick said:
A former colleague once said to me something along the lines of - Don't tell them any more than they ask or need to know.
I forget the exact context of what that advice was on the back of, but I find myself listening to that advice quite often.
Essentially, where I am responding to an email or similar with the info requested, but begin to extend the response with subsequent info due to taking an interest (or digging through an oversized inbox from which I never delete anything) - I consider whether I need to include it. Often I found when you start going beyond the query with historic background detail for example, you'll end up being drawn in to additional conversations and / or tasked further whereas a straight forward answer to question would probably have sufficed and doing you no favours.
But why? What pride is there in that? Just go and find something else that you enjoy. That’s a pretty sI forget the exact context of what that advice was on the back of, but I find myself listening to that advice quite often.
Essentially, where I am responding to an email or similar with the info requested, but begin to extend the response with subsequent info due to taking an interest (or digging through an oversized inbox from which I never delete anything) - I consider whether I need to include it. Often I found when you start going beyond the query with historic background detail for example, you'll end up being drawn in to additional conversations and / or tasked further whereas a straight forward answer to question would probably have sufficed and doing you no favours.
tty lane to a very grumpy and resentful destination.Gassing Station | Jobs & Employment Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff