Relative in financial s**t

Relative in financial s**t

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Discussion

elise2000

Original Poster:

1,754 posts

234 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
Hi all

Just after a bit of advice.

A close relative has financial problems. We’ve suspected for years that he had some sort or addiction, but finally today he has admitted it and asked for financial help.

He says it’s a gambling addiction. He hasn’t said how long for but I suspect 20 or so years.

When his parents were alive he lived with them and they bailed him out many times (although we didn’t know what for).

We have said we need to see statements and evidence of everything before we contemplate helping. What we know is:

Owns house valued around £350k. Has mortgage of around £150k.

Has recently (as in last week) bought a property at auction. Not paid for yet (but can’t get out of purchase he says) for £70k. Has agreed a bridging loan of £125k to purchase this property and refurbish it. It’s a wreck. There is no possible profit on this property in my opinion.

He has said he has c. 48k of other debts (loans, credit cards etc).

Any advice welcome…

My initial thoughts are to call auction house and ask them to offer property to the runner up bidder. Being aware he’s going to be responsible for various costs (premium, searches, sellers solicitors fees, probably forfeiting 10% deposit paid etc). Then potentially we pay off his £48k debt, but in exchange want to be named on his house so we have some security. Get him to pay us back with interest of c.6%.

Basically, want to help him, but don’t want to risk our money (partly out of principal, partly because it’s come from years of hard work and inheritance etc, partly because it’s our daughters inheritance).

Thoughts welcome! Thanks

croyde

24,768 posts

245 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
From my experience, just go very carefully, or you'll be taken down with them.

My ex wife is an alcoholic and a gambler. She's has 'frittered' away nearly a million in just 4 years, on just booze and bets.

She is now broke and on UC but does own a house mortgage free (thanks to me).

Personally if I had a paid for house, I could live on the £800 a month that she gets on benefits. Last month it took her 3 days to burn through that.

She begs me and our adult kids for money but we all know it's for booze.

I hope your relative is not in this state but just be careful. The big problem is helping people who just don't want to get better.

Simpo Two

88,999 posts

280 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
elise2000 said:
Owns house valued around £350k. Has mortgage of around £150k.

Has recently (as in last week) bought a property at auction. Not paid for yet (but can t get out of purchase he says) for £70k. Has agreed a bridging loan of £125k to purchase this property and refurbish it. It s a wreck. There is no possible profit on this property in my opinion.

He has said he has c. 48k of other debts (loans, credit cards etc).

Any advice welcome
Let me see... Long term addicted gambler already £48K in debt buys house for £70K he can't pay for, then gets a loan for £125K, then asks you for money...

My advice is that he's a bloody idiot. Apologise profusely and keep your hands firmly in your pockets because you'll just be throwing money away.

Lefty

18,150 posts

217 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
I agree. Offer advice but nothing more

eldar

23,857 posts

211 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
Gambling addict runs out of money and available credit. Needing more money for the big win which will fix everything.

What do you expect to happen?

bad company

20,490 posts

281 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
Simpo Two said:
Let me see... Long term addicted gambler already £48K in debt buys house for £70K he can't pay for, then gets a loan for £125K, then asks you for money...

My advice is that he's a bloody idiot. Apologise profusely and keep your hands firmly in your pockets because you'll just be throwing money away.
Seconded. Tough but you need to stand firm imo.

elise2000

Original Poster:

1,754 posts

234 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
croyde said:
From my experience, just go very carefully, or you'll be taken down with them.

My ex wife is an alcoholic and a gambler. She's has 'frittered' away nearly a million in just 4 years, on just booze and bets.

She is now broke and on UC but does own a house mortgage free (thanks to me).

Personally if I had a paid for house, I could live on the £800 a month that she gets on benefits. Last month it took her 3 days to burn through that.

She begs me and our adult kids for money but we all know it's for booze.

I hope your relative is not in this state but just be careful. The big problem is helping people who just don't want to get better.
Sorry to hear about that.

I hope he’s not, but he’s been a compulsive liar for years, so who knows. He’s a nice guy, close relative, want to help, but I’ve no intention of risking a substantial amount of money on him. He’s mid 40s, has a job, had an inheritance, so should be able to stand on his own two feet. Still want to help if I can though.

elise2000

Original Poster:

1,754 posts

234 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
Simpo Two said:
elise2000 said:
Owns house valued around £350k. Has mortgage of around £150k.

Has recently (as in last week) bought a property at auction. Not paid for yet (but can t get out of purchase he says) for £70k. Has agreed a bridging loan of £125k to purchase this property and refurbish it. It s a wreck. There is no possible profit on this property in my opinion.

He has said he has c. 48k of other debts (loans, credit cards etc).

Any advice welcome
Let me see... Long term addicted gambler already £48K in debt buys house for £70K he can't pay for, then gets a loan for £125K, then asks you for money...

My advice is that he's a bloody idiot. Apologise profusely and keep your hands firmly in your pockets because you'll just be throwing money away.
Oh he is a bloody idiot. I’ve been saying that for years! No harm in saying it I suppose- he’s the brother in law. So my wife wants to help a tad more than I do.

elise2000

Original Poster:

1,754 posts

234 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
Lefty said:
I agree. Offer advice but nothing more
Tempting. Although do feel a little responsible- he’s single, no parents any more etc. possibly been depressed

elise2000

Original Poster:

1,754 posts

234 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
eldar said:
Gambling addict runs out of money and available credit. Needing more money for the big win which will fix everything.

What do you expect to happen?
The only way I’d lend money is with some security. And if he starts going to meetings.

elise2000

Original Poster:

1,754 posts

234 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
bad company said:
Simpo Two said:
Let me see... Long term addicted gambler already £48K in debt buys house for £70K he can't pay for, then gets a loan for £125K, then asks you for money...

My advice is that he's a bloody idiot. Apologise profusely and keep your hands firmly in your pockets because you'll just be throwing money away.
Seconded. Tough but you need to stand firm imo.
You’re likely right. Tricky though.

extraT

1,861 posts

165 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
Your daughters inheritance.

Those three words are enough. Stay away, don’t risk anything. It’s not worth it.

20+ years of gambling and nothing you’ve written says they are willing to get professional help.

Don’t do it, stay away.

Good luck.

elise2000

Original Poster:

1,754 posts

234 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
extraT said:
Your daughters inheritance.

Those three words are enough. Stay away, don t risk anything. It s not worth it.

20+ years of gambling and nothing you ve written says they are willing to get professional help.

Don t do it, stay away.

Good luck.
Thanks. Lots to think about

KAgantua

4,667 posts

146 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
Dont get involved. Alcoholics, drug users or gamblers.

All bad news

elise2000

Original Poster:

1,754 posts

234 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
KAgantua said:
Dont get involved. Alcoholics, drug users or gamblers.

All bad news
I suspect/know there is drug use. Not sure how serious

thebraketester

15,016 posts

153 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
If you want to and feel the need to make a financial contribution then it needs to be in the area of rehab. A simple bail out will not fix or end his financial issues.

Heathwood

2,854 posts

217 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
Gamblers only stop spunking money away when they run out and their credit dries up. He’ll likely always be a gambler and that addiction will drive him to find funds in any way he can to keep the plates spinning. Honestly, offer advice, guidance and support but do not get financially involved.

elise2000

Original Poster:

1,754 posts

234 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
thebraketester said:
If you want to and feel the need to make a financial contribution then it needs to be in the area of rehab. A simple bail out will not fix or end his financial issues.
That’s a good idea, thanks

elise2000

Original Poster:

1,754 posts

234 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
Heathwood said:
Gamblers only stop spunking money away when they run out and their credit dries up. He ll likely always be a gambler and that addiction will drive him to find funds in any way he can to keep the plates spinning. Honestly, offer advice, guidance and support but do not get financially involved.
Thanks. This is a new area to me (luckily!) so you don’t think gamblers anonymous or similar would help?

DorsetSparky

347 posts

25 months

Sunday 6th July
quotequote all
Entered recovery for drug and alcohol addiction in December 2019. Been clean and sober since; turned my life around, got married, and everything changed beyond recognition.

It can be done, and it's fking hard work, but it ONLY happens when the individual admits it and asks for help, and throws the towel in. I'll keep my views on meetings and 'the rooms' largely to myself, but the fabled Step One of 'acceptance' rings very true. If someone doesn't have acceptance of the situation and wants to change, nothing else will follow. History will repeat itself until they reach that Step One.