Relative in financial s**t
Discussion
Hi all
Just after a bit of advice.
A close relative has financial problems. We’ve suspected for years that he had some sort or addiction, but finally today he has admitted it and asked for financial help.
He says it’s a gambling addiction. He hasn’t said how long for but I suspect 20 or so years.
When his parents were alive he lived with them and they bailed him out many times (although we didn’t know what for).
We have said we need to see statements and evidence of everything before we contemplate helping. What we know is:
Owns house valued around £350k. Has mortgage of around £150k.
Has recently (as in last week) bought a property at auction. Not paid for yet (but can’t get out of purchase he says) for £70k. Has agreed a bridging loan of £125k to purchase this property and refurbish it. It’s a wreck. There is no possible profit on this property in my opinion.
He has said he has c. 48k of other debts (loans, credit cards etc).
Any advice welcome…
My initial thoughts are to call auction house and ask them to offer property to the runner up bidder. Being aware he’s going to be responsible for various costs (premium, searches, sellers solicitors fees, probably forfeiting 10% deposit paid etc). Then potentially we pay off his £48k debt, but in exchange want to be named on his house so we have some security. Get him to pay us back with interest of c.6%.
Basically, want to help him, but don’t want to risk our money (partly out of principal, partly because it’s come from years of hard work and inheritance etc, partly because it’s our daughters inheritance).
Thoughts welcome! Thanks
Just after a bit of advice.
A close relative has financial problems. We’ve suspected for years that he had some sort or addiction, but finally today he has admitted it and asked for financial help.
He says it’s a gambling addiction. He hasn’t said how long for but I suspect 20 or so years.
When his parents were alive he lived with them and they bailed him out many times (although we didn’t know what for).
We have said we need to see statements and evidence of everything before we contemplate helping. What we know is:
Owns house valued around £350k. Has mortgage of around £150k.
Has recently (as in last week) bought a property at auction. Not paid for yet (but can’t get out of purchase he says) for £70k. Has agreed a bridging loan of £125k to purchase this property and refurbish it. It’s a wreck. There is no possible profit on this property in my opinion.
He has said he has c. 48k of other debts (loans, credit cards etc).
Any advice welcome…
My initial thoughts are to call auction house and ask them to offer property to the runner up bidder. Being aware he’s going to be responsible for various costs (premium, searches, sellers solicitors fees, probably forfeiting 10% deposit paid etc). Then potentially we pay off his £48k debt, but in exchange want to be named on his house so we have some security. Get him to pay us back with interest of c.6%.
Basically, want to help him, but don’t want to risk our money (partly out of principal, partly because it’s come from years of hard work and inheritance etc, partly because it’s our daughters inheritance).
Thoughts welcome! Thanks
From my experience, just go very carefully, or you'll be taken down with them.
My ex wife is an alcoholic and a gambler. She's has 'frittered' away nearly a million in just 4 years, on just booze and bets.
She is now broke and on UC but does own a house mortgage free (thanks to me).
Personally if I had a paid for house, I could live on the £800 a month that she gets on benefits. Last month it took her 3 days to burn through that.
She begs me and our adult kids for money but we all know it's for booze.
I hope your relative is not in this state but just be careful. The big problem is helping people who just don't want to get better.
My ex wife is an alcoholic and a gambler. She's has 'frittered' away nearly a million in just 4 years, on just booze and bets.
She is now broke and on UC but does own a house mortgage free (thanks to me).
Personally if I had a paid for house, I could live on the £800 a month that she gets on benefits. Last month it took her 3 days to burn through that.
She begs me and our adult kids for money but we all know it's for booze.
I hope your relative is not in this state but just be careful. The big problem is helping people who just don't want to get better.
elise2000 said:
Owns house valued around £350k. Has mortgage of around £150k.
Has recently (as in last week) bought a property at auction. Not paid for yet (but can t get out of purchase he says) for £70k. Has agreed a bridging loan of £125k to purchase this property and refurbish it. It s a wreck. There is no possible profit on this property in my opinion.
He has said he has c. 48k of other debts (loans, credit cards etc).
Any advice welcome
Let me see... Long term addicted gambler already £48K in debt buys house for £70K he can't pay for, then gets a loan for £125K, then asks you for money... Has recently (as in last week) bought a property at auction. Not paid for yet (but can t get out of purchase he says) for £70k. Has agreed a bridging loan of £125k to purchase this property and refurbish it. It s a wreck. There is no possible profit on this property in my opinion.
He has said he has c. 48k of other debts (loans, credit cards etc).
Any advice welcome
My advice is that he's a bloody idiot. Apologise profusely and keep your hands firmly in your pockets because you'll just be throwing money away.
Simpo Two said:
Let me see... Long term addicted gambler already £48K in debt buys house for £70K he can't pay for, then gets a loan for £125K, then asks you for money...
My advice is that he's a bloody idiot. Apologise profusely and keep your hands firmly in your pockets because you'll just be throwing money away.
Seconded. Tough but you need to stand firm imo.My advice is that he's a bloody idiot. Apologise profusely and keep your hands firmly in your pockets because you'll just be throwing money away.
croyde said:
From my experience, just go very carefully, or you'll be taken down with them.
My ex wife is an alcoholic and a gambler. She's has 'frittered' away nearly a million in just 4 years, on just booze and bets.
She is now broke and on UC but does own a house mortgage free (thanks to me).
Personally if I had a paid for house, I could live on the £800 a month that she gets on benefits. Last month it took her 3 days to burn through that.
She begs me and our adult kids for money but we all know it's for booze.
I hope your relative is not in this state but just be careful. The big problem is helping people who just don't want to get better.
Sorry to hear about that. My ex wife is an alcoholic and a gambler. She's has 'frittered' away nearly a million in just 4 years, on just booze and bets.
She is now broke and on UC but does own a house mortgage free (thanks to me).
Personally if I had a paid for house, I could live on the £800 a month that she gets on benefits. Last month it took her 3 days to burn through that.
She begs me and our adult kids for money but we all know it's for booze.
I hope your relative is not in this state but just be careful. The big problem is helping people who just don't want to get better.
I hope he’s not, but he’s been a compulsive liar for years, so who knows. He’s a nice guy, close relative, want to help, but I’ve no intention of risking a substantial amount of money on him. He’s mid 40s, has a job, had an inheritance, so should be able to stand on his own two feet. Still want to help if I can though.
Simpo Two said:
elise2000 said:
Owns house valued around £350k. Has mortgage of around £150k.
Has recently (as in last week) bought a property at auction. Not paid for yet (but can t get out of purchase he says) for £70k. Has agreed a bridging loan of £125k to purchase this property and refurbish it. It s a wreck. There is no possible profit on this property in my opinion.
He has said he has c. 48k of other debts (loans, credit cards etc).
Any advice welcome
Let me see... Long term addicted gambler already £48K in debt buys house for £70K he can't pay for, then gets a loan for £125K, then asks you for money... Has recently (as in last week) bought a property at auction. Not paid for yet (but can t get out of purchase he says) for £70k. Has agreed a bridging loan of £125k to purchase this property and refurbish it. It s a wreck. There is no possible profit on this property in my opinion.
He has said he has c. 48k of other debts (loans, credit cards etc).
Any advice welcome
My advice is that he's a bloody idiot. Apologise profusely and keep your hands firmly in your pockets because you'll just be throwing money away.
bad company said:
Simpo Two said:
Let me see... Long term addicted gambler already £48K in debt buys house for £70K he can't pay for, then gets a loan for £125K, then asks you for money...
My advice is that he's a bloody idiot. Apologise profusely and keep your hands firmly in your pockets because you'll just be throwing money away.
Seconded. Tough but you need to stand firm imo.My advice is that he's a bloody idiot. Apologise profusely and keep your hands firmly in your pockets because you'll just be throwing money away.
Gamblers only stop spunking money away when they run out and their credit dries up. He’ll likely always be a gambler and that addiction will drive him to find funds in any way he can to keep the plates spinning. Honestly, offer advice, guidance and support but do not get financially involved.
Heathwood said:
Gamblers only stop spunking money away when they run out and their credit dries up. He ll likely always be a gambler and that addiction will drive him to find funds in any way he can to keep the plates spinning. Honestly, offer advice, guidance and support but do not get financially involved.
Thanks. This is a new area to me (luckily!) so you don’t think gamblers anonymous or similar would help?Entered recovery for drug and alcohol addiction in December 2019. Been clean and sober since; turned my life around, got married, and everything changed beyond recognition.
It can be done, and it's f
king hard work, but it ONLY happens when the individual admits it and asks for help, and throws the towel in. I'll keep my views on meetings and 'the rooms' largely to myself, but the fabled Step One of 'acceptance' rings very true. If someone doesn't have acceptance of the situation and wants to change, nothing else will follow. History will repeat itself until they reach that Step One.
It can be done, and it's f
king hard work, but it ONLY happens when the individual admits it and asks for help, and throws the towel in. I'll keep my views on meetings and 'the rooms' largely to myself, but the fabled Step One of 'acceptance' rings very true. If someone doesn't have acceptance of the situation and wants to change, nothing else will follow. History will repeat itself until they reach that Step One. Gassing Station | Finance | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff