Mother in Law Chaos
Discussion
Here is the deal. My MIL lives in a different country. She cannot work due to various health issues, so has no regular income other than benefits. About three years ago she was forced to move house. She has been sinking in to debt, and lives beyond her means, something I foresaw three years ago, but my warnings were not heeded. Since then, she has taken on another dog (that's three dogs now - why???), runs a car she cannot afford, and could probably live in slightly smaller, cheaper accommodation. Her debts have now mounted to at least £10k, she has no hope of paying that off. They will probably continue to get worse. Over the last three years we have probably paid her a good £3k just to keep her vaguely afloat, without making any inroads in to the debt. My brother in law is an absolute joke, and refuses to help, even though he could. He is a disgrace.
I have notionally offered to my wife to pay off her credit card, on the condition that she cut the card up and close the account. no commitment to that yet, I would also wish for her to consider moving to a place where she does not need a car, as her country has excellent public transport links generally.
Its really driving me mad. I have my own kids, I work like crazy, and we have our own financial commitments. All I can see ahead is just a constant financial drain, with my wife's brother (and other family members) contributing nothing whilst Mr Muggins here works himself in to the ground. That is really making my furious, and also quite resentful.
I feel that if I pay this credit card off, people will just now expect constant bailout. If I don't, she will be in real trouble, pretty quickly. Not sure what to do.....
WinkleHoff said:
All I can see ahead is just a constant financial drain, with my wife's brother (and other family members) contributing nothing whilst Mr Muggins here works himself in to the ground.
Hmmm. Sounds like the rest of the family understand....If you bale her out you'll keep having to bail her out. If you don't it'll come to a head and sort itself out one way or another.
Bill said:
WinkleHoff said:
All I can see ahead is just a constant financial drain, with my wife's brother (and other family members) contributing nothing whilst Mr Muggins here works himself in to the ground.
Hmmm. Sounds like the rest of the family understand....If you bale her out you'll keep having to bail her out. If you don't it'll come to a head and sort itself out one way or another.
Thanks for the responses everyone.
I could pull up the drawbridge and say nothing to do with me, but its eating my wife up and negatively affecting the quality of our relationship, because she is so stressed out about what will happen to her mother. It dominates every discussion. I have some sympathy for the MiL, but only limited, because she's not made some poor choices and has her head in the sand.
Her car is a very basic run around and is due its MoT...joy!
I feel her brother should be shamed in to realising that another bloke is supporting his mother. He should feel ashamed by that, but he won't.
CC debt is circa £5k. She seemingly can't consolidate, and she barely makes the minimum payments. The rest of the debt is a loan on lower interest.
My MiL should move in with the brother, after all, he lives down the road from here! But this is a man who picked us up at a hotel, invited me to his house for lunch, and stopped at the supermarket so I could buy my own sandwich ingredients. I'm not joking.
I could pull up the drawbridge and say nothing to do with me, but its eating my wife up and negatively affecting the quality of our relationship, because she is so stressed out about what will happen to her mother. It dominates every discussion. I have some sympathy for the MiL, but only limited, because she's not made some poor choices and has her head in the sand.
Her car is a very basic run around and is due its MoT...joy!
I feel her brother should be shamed in to realising that another bloke is supporting his mother. He should feel ashamed by that, but he won't.
CC debt is circa £5k. She seemingly can't consolidate, and she barely makes the minimum payments. The rest of the debt is a loan on lower interest.
My MiL should move in with the brother, after all, he lives down the road from here! But this is a man who picked us up at a hotel, invited me to his house for lunch, and stopped at the supermarket so I could buy my own sandwich ingredients. I'm not joking.
Cotty said:
Bill said:
WinkleHoff said:
All I can see ahead is just a constant financial drain, with my wife's brother (and other family members) contributing nothing whilst Mr Muggins here works himself in to the ground.
Hmmm. Sounds like the rest of the family understand....If you bale her out you'll keep having to bail her out. If you don't it'll come to a head and sort itself out one way or another.
768 said:
Sounds like you have a choice between continuing to fund her debt-fuelled lifestyle, or not.
I wouldn't blame the brother in law for his choice, however tight you may think he is.
See above regarding the sandwich ingredients. You'll get the picture!I wouldn't blame the brother in law for his choice, however tight you may think he is.
But what gets me is he has zero concern, so my wife carries all of the anxiety. He, on the other hand, doesn't give a stuff.
WinkleHoff said:
I feel that if I pay this credit card off, people will just now expect constant bailout. If I don't, she will be in real trouble, pretty quickly. Not sure what to do.....
If you pay this credit card debt off, she’ll just run up more.Your BIL actually has the right idea - it’s your MIL’s mess, she has to get herself out of it.
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