Coping with a Newborn
Discussion
So we have a beautiful girl born 7 weeks ago.....however my god it's hard. Id honestly say it's 10x harder then I ever expected....she does not sleep. As soon as you put her in the cot she cries, wants to be held all the time but rarely sleeps in our arms, wants constant feeding.....just get zero time to yourself, can't even go the gym now as my partner is at home all day with her and when I'm back it's my time to look after her so my partner can have a rest. As you can imagine we are both tired due to the lack of sleep and feel it's starting to effect my performance at work as well.
Feel terrible saying it in all honesty as we have wanted a baby for so long.....but does it get easier any time soon? I knew it wouldn't be easy but my God its so much harder then I ever imagined and can't say I've enjoyed the experience so far.
Feel terrible saying it in all honesty as we have wanted a baby for so long.....but does it get easier any time soon? I knew it wouldn't be easy but my God its so much harder then I ever imagined and can't say I've enjoyed the experience so far.
Got to be honest with you, it gets harder in my experience.
Sleep when you can.. Unfortunately 'your' time will have to wait for a bit until you're all in more of a routine, the baby still start sleeping for longer and waking up a bit less but remember for your partner they don't get to go off to work for adult company/time away, so when you get home it is your turn, even though you've been at work all day.
Sleep when you can.. Unfortunately 'your' time will have to wait for a bit until you're all in more of a routine, the baby still start sleeping for longer and waking up a bit less but remember for your partner they don't get to go off to work for adult company/time away, so when you get home it is your turn, even though you've been at work all day.
It gets easier!
Then it gets harder!
Then it gets easier!
Then harder!
It's tough, you're going through a million changes and you don't have the mythical baby that sleeps all the time and is a dream (I'm told they do exist...)
But, there's things to look into. If they can't be put down, maybe you just need to wind for longer? Maybe they have reflux? Maybe they have a milk intolerance (which will be through mother's diet or formula)? Breastfeeding, is the latch good, are they getting a good feed or lots of air?
I would suggest keeping a detailed diary, huckleberry do a good app because honestly when you're knackered trying to tell the Dr/health visitor the reality is impossible (plus logging medicine, feed times etc)
As long as your baby is hitting all the charts the HV and Dr will be happy. But yours and the mother's mental health, and eventually physical from exhaustion, is important to.
Build a street. 2 hours on, 2 hours off each if necessary. Make time for each other to wash, get changed, exercise. Ask family for good meals you can easily reheat. Ask for help to clean and tidy. Don't be obsessed with perfect, don't be too self critical.
Then it gets harder!
Then it gets easier!
Then harder!
It's tough, you're going through a million changes and you don't have the mythical baby that sleeps all the time and is a dream (I'm told they do exist...)
But, there's things to look into. If they can't be put down, maybe you just need to wind for longer? Maybe they have reflux? Maybe they have a milk intolerance (which will be through mother's diet or formula)? Breastfeeding, is the latch good, are they getting a good feed or lots of air?
I would suggest keeping a detailed diary, huckleberry do a good app because honestly when you're knackered trying to tell the Dr/health visitor the reality is impossible (plus logging medicine, feed times etc)
As long as your baby is hitting all the charts the HV and Dr will be happy. But yours and the mother's mental health, and eventually physical from exhaustion, is important to.
Build a street. 2 hours on, 2 hours off each if necessary. Make time for each other to wash, get changed, exercise. Ask family for good meals you can easily reheat. Ask for help to clean and tidy. Don't be obsessed with perfect, don't be too self critical.
TownIdiot said:
People won't agree but we just had ours in bed with us most of the time, or the cot literally next to the bed.
We did the same, Chico Cot next to our bed or in our bed.I found the newborn stage easier.. They just cry, sleep and s
t. When they start getting older, more awake and alert, rolling over, teething. That was harder imo.Take any support you can, family/friends etc. Mother & baby classes if they have them near you for your partner to go and see other Mums.
Evanivitch said:
TownIdiot said:
People won't agree but we just had ours in bed with us most of the time, or the cot literally next to the bed.
Please don't disregard safe sleeping advice, especially when you're knackered, but next-to-me cots are available and allow safe sleeping next to the mother.I'm not sure that this is the point in your life where you need/ought to be worrying about whether you get to go to the gym or not...
That said it is hard, and it is also different for everyone. Some babies feed fast and well and sleep a lot afterwards, some feed in dribs and drabs and often. Breastfeeding or formula also affect this a bit, usually a bit easier to fill them up with a big formula bottle rather than boobs which can be inconsistent in flow etc.
I would say that if your partner is on maternity then logically she ought to be doing the majority of night time feeds, changes etc. that's just so you can actually cope with a job. She can always catch up on sleep as/when the baby sleeps to an extent.
If you've got a spare room use it, if you have earplugs even better. Take it in shifts too, say you'll do everything up to a reasonable cutoff (midnight or whatever works for you) then you go sleep elsewhere and she covers the rest. That way you ought to get a solid block of sleep at least.
It won't help but I have a 5 and 2 year old. I get up for them at least twice a night but more like 3-5 times quite often. I also swap beds regularly, sit on the floor ext to the cot, night feed the 2 year old and so on. It's easier than a newborn for sure but 5 years in now and I am quite tied often and would love a week of good sleep.
Wouldn't go back though, my kids are absolutely everything to me and have made my life incomparably better and more full than it was before. It's just very hard too.
That said it is hard, and it is also different for everyone. Some babies feed fast and well and sleep a lot afterwards, some feed in dribs and drabs and often. Breastfeeding or formula also affect this a bit, usually a bit easier to fill them up with a big formula bottle rather than boobs which can be inconsistent in flow etc.
I would say that if your partner is on maternity then logically she ought to be doing the majority of night time feeds, changes etc. that's just so you can actually cope with a job. She can always catch up on sleep as/when the baby sleeps to an extent.
If you've got a spare room use it, if you have earplugs even better. Take it in shifts too, say you'll do everything up to a reasonable cutoff (midnight or whatever works for you) then you go sleep elsewhere and she covers the rest. That way you ought to get a solid block of sleep at least.
It won't help but I have a 5 and 2 year old. I get up for them at least twice a night but more like 3-5 times quite often. I also swap beds regularly, sit on the floor ext to the cot, night feed the 2 year old and so on. It's easier than a newborn for sure but 5 years in now and I am quite tied often and would love a week of good sleep.
Wouldn't go back though, my kids are absolutely everything to me and have made my life incomparably better and more full than it was before. It's just very hard too.
simons123 said:
So we have a beautiful girl born 7 weeks ago.....however my god it's hard. Id honestly say it's 10x harder then I ever expected....she does not sleep. As soon as you put her in the cot she cries, wants to be held all the time but rarely sleeps in our arms, wants constant feeding.....just get zero time to yourself, can't even go the gym now as my partner is at home all day with her and when I'm back it's my time to look after her so my partner can have a rest. As you can imagine we are both tired due to the lack of sleep and feel it's starting to effect my performance at work as well.
Feel terrible saying it in all honesty as we have wanted a baby for so long.....but does it get easier any time soon? I knew it wouldn't be easy but my God its so much harder then I ever imagined and can't say I've enjoyed the experience so far.
As someone who dealt with a miscarriage early last year, can I say, just be thankful for what you've got. I can imagine it's hard, but I can assure you it's a hundred times harder reading this and wishing I was in your position.Feel terrible saying it in all honesty as we have wanted a baby for so long.....but does it get easier any time soon? I knew it wouldn't be easy but my God its so much harder then I ever imagined and can't say I've enjoyed the experience so far.
As above we did shifts overnight and we would go off to the spare room, I used earplugs, which gave me a bit of guaranteed rest.
It feels like it’s going to be that way forever at the time but now we are 2 months away from a 4th birthday you realise that every phase is short lived. The sleep will improve and you will learn to adapt. Me time is always compromised. Don’t wish it away though. All too soon they’ll be answering back and you’ll long for the good old days!
It feels like it’s going to be that way forever at the time but now we are 2 months away from a 4th birthday you realise that every phase is short lived. The sleep will improve and you will learn to adapt. Me time is always compromised. Don’t wish it away though. All too soon they’ll be answering back and you’ll long for the good old days!
Your life…as you knew it…is over.
You have to dedicate yourself to looking after this thing and you need to give up on everything that doesn’t involve that. It’s a very rapid readjustment of priorities.
If it really seems distressed, I would recommend trying to find a cranial osteopath. The birthing process can literally squeeze the soft/unformed skull plates (fontanelles) of the infant out of shape, resulting in chronic pain. Cranial osteopathy can relieve this pain and help to reshape the skull into the correct shape. It’s a bit like voodoo, I was a sceptic, but I’ve experienced the results firsthand.
You have to dedicate yourself to looking after this thing and you need to give up on everything that doesn’t involve that. It’s a very rapid readjustment of priorities.
If it really seems distressed, I would recommend trying to find a cranial osteopath. The birthing process can literally squeeze the soft/unformed skull plates (fontanelles) of the infant out of shape, resulting in chronic pain. Cranial osteopathy can relieve this pain and help to reshape the skull into the correct shape. It’s a bit like voodoo, I was a sceptic, but I’ve experienced the results firsthand.
My partner breastfed and I slept on the spare room with first child, the 2nd child we no longer had a spare room and she slept on an airbed in the baby's room for that one.
I was very glad for it, and just made sure I pulled my weight keeping on top of the cooking and cleaning, doing the bathtimes etc. Her friends all had lots to say about the arrangement but it worked well. She was dubious about the breastfeeding but I encouraged it (and the midwives) and looking back she was glad as it saved so much time for her being able to just pick the baby up and feed almost instantly, change the baby and put them straight back down.
They're 12 and 9 now, and in some ways much easier, but in others much harder. Being a parent and actually parenting the child is very hard when they are surrounded at school by kids who have no rules or limits and then I'm the bad one because I won't let him on the Xbox till midnight, or when I make in come in on his bike before it gets dark.
I was very glad for it, and just made sure I pulled my weight keeping on top of the cooking and cleaning, doing the bathtimes etc. Her friends all had lots to say about the arrangement but it worked well. She was dubious about the breastfeeding but I encouraged it (and the midwives) and looking back she was glad as it saved so much time for her being able to just pick the baby up and feed almost instantly, change the baby and put them straight back down.
They're 12 and 9 now, and in some ways much easier, but in others much harder. Being a parent and actually parenting the child is very hard when they are surrounded at school by kids who have no rules or limits and then I'm the bad one because I won't let him on the Xbox till midnight, or when I make in come in on his bike before it gets dark.
If it helps, when my daughter was around 8 weeks old, unbeknownst to me at approximately 4am, she had just been fed and was subsequently being winded. I was fast asleep and likely having wonderful dreams of racing around Brands Hatch in my soon to be sold track car.
I was awoken abruptly by a warm, milky and seeming never-ending fountain of baby sick spraying all over my face and head.
She's now 8, and can be a fking nightmare. Occasionally she can be funny to the point of a genuine belly laugh!
You will have hard times, fun times and weird times. But the best thing is, the older they get, the less st you have to gather and stuff into the car when you go out 
.
I was awoken abruptly by a warm, milky and seeming never-ending fountain of baby sick spraying all over my face and head.
She's now 8, and can be a f
king nightmare. Occasionally she can be funny to the point of a genuine belly laugh! You will have hard times, fun times and weird times. But the best thing is, the older they get, the less s
t you have to gather and stuff into the car when you go out .It's like having a tamagotchi that stops you seeping and excretes faeces.
Sleep deprivation was the killer for us, the 4am arguments we both had for a good few weeks nearly ended our marriage. In time that difficult era became a distant and almost forgotten memory, replaced by the normal every day pains and pleasures of being a parent.
After a few years you become aware that your child is growing up fast by the fact that their birthday and Xmas presents don't consist of cheap plastic crap toys.
Sleep deprivation was the killer for us, the 4am arguments we both had for a good few weeks nearly ended our marriage. In time that difficult era became a distant and almost forgotten memory, replaced by the normal every day pains and pleasures of being a parent.
After a few years you become aware that your child is growing up fast by the fact that their birthday and Xmas presents don't consist of cheap plastic crap toys.
OP - just hang on in there. What you're going through is normal, including the bit where you ask "fking hell, is this normal???"
Nobody succeeds in telling you what it will be like in advance, because you just don't understand what they're saying until you go through it yourself, and also, in the future when you look back on the experience, it feels like it happened to a different person. Frankly if anyone did grasp what it was going to be like, the species would go extinct.
The key thing is that the first few months are the toughest by a big margin. Then the kid's sleep/wake cycle will change allowing you to get rest on a more normal schedule.
king hell, is this normal???"Nobody succeeds in telling you what it will be like in advance, because you just don't understand what they're saying until you go through it yourself, and also, in the future when you look back on the experience, it feels like it happened to a different person. Frankly if anyone did grasp what it was going to be like, the species would go extinct.
The key thing is that the first few months are the toughest by a big margin. Then the kid's sleep/wake cycle will change allowing you to get rest on a more normal schedule.
Simon_GH said:
There’s a massive change from being a couple to being a couple with a baby. You don’t appreciate how much rest time you had previously. You’ll soon adjust. It’s a tough time of year to be sleep-deprived but you’ll be fine.
I don't think I've ever recovered from the lost rest time from when my son was a baby. I went from being able to sleep in all morning to having little sleep and being awoken very early in the mornings. To compensate for having so little time to myself I would stay up late after my son had been put to bed to try and claw some personal time back. Now 18yrs later I still cant go to bed before 11:30pm and I still awake around 6am.For me there was a step change at around six months when my daughter moved to her own room. Properly got full nights sleep back.
Prior to six moths it does improve. But I do recall doing shifts and just holding her all night!
The next to me cots etc or whatever their names are seem great, I wish we'd had one.
And, depending on what you as a couple decide things get 'back to normal' after only a few years. When you can ditch the bag of 'stuff' and trust them to eat the food in the pub, and got to the toilet etc! Plenty of fun things along the way though.
Prior to six moths it does improve. But I do recall doing shifts and just holding her all night!
The next to me cots etc or whatever their names are seem great, I wish we'd had one.
And, depending on what you as a couple decide things get 'back to normal' after only a few years. When you can ditch the bag of 'stuff' and trust them to eat the food in the pub, and got to the toilet etc! Plenty of fun things along the way though.
7 weeks in is around the time where reality strikes - and sometimes hard. st aint changing any time soon so get your head around it.
Fuk your gym. Get over it. You can go to the gym at some point in the future. Just erase it from your brain - its easier that way.
Your current job is to feel useless, tired and resentful at the same time as looking after the 2 most precious things that exist.
Cook, clean sit in uncomfortable positions for hrs just to keep her asleep so yr other half can too. Thats your job. Work will understand. Remember all those skiving assholes at work who do less than you ? Well its your turn to be one of them - for a few more months.
Things will get better. Bizarre routines will become the norm, You will all come to a mutual understanding and work out a way forward. You will meet new people in the same phase. Some will be forced, but some will become good friends.
But as stated above - your life as you knew it is over dont waste time waiting for it to come back. Like trying to get back into a great dream that gets interupted, the characters and locations might be the same, but its not the same dream.
The fun begins after you accept that and get with the programe
t aint changing any time soon so get your head around it.Fuk your gym. Get over it. You can go to the gym at some point in the future. Just erase it from your brain - its easier that way.
Your current job is to feel useless, tired and resentful at the same time as looking after the 2 most precious things that exist.
Cook, clean sit in uncomfortable positions for hrs just to keep her asleep so yr other half can too. Thats your job. Work will understand. Remember all those skiving assholes at work who do less than you ? Well its your turn to be one of them - for a few more months.
Things will get better. Bizarre routines will become the norm, You will all come to a mutual understanding and work out a way forward. You will meet new people in the same phase. Some will be forced, but some will become good friends.
But as stated above - your life as you knew it is over dont waste time waiting for it to come back. Like trying to get back into a great dream that gets interupted, the characters and locations might be the same, but its not the same dream.
The fun begins after you accept that and get with the programe
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