Another separation thread
Discussion
Posting to help me process this but also interested to hear from others who have gone through similar.
Wife and I are 40. Two kids, 11 and 5.
TLDR is we've become housemates who have children together. Neither of us are happy (although generally quite civil) but are just going along with it. I'm struggling with the best initial steps to exit the marriage.
We been together 20 years, married for 13. Mortgaged home (prob £200k) with £60k on the mortgage. Also savings of about £40k. I earn far more than her (£75k v 18k) albeit she's part time. My earnings have only gone up to decent levels in the last few years and future income prospects for me are good, within 5 years I expect to be £130k+.
She told me last year (and a few times since) that we don't have a relationship, we're basically housemates.
Intimacy has been low for several years and despite my efforts she seems to have little interest in me. We've never had any real mutual interests and I think in hindsight its a relationship from Uni that we should have ended years ago (she did actually say this).
I appreciate it takes two to tango and I'm not suggesting I've been the perfect husband, I'm increasingly reflecting on her comments though and reaching the conclusion that it's time to call it a day.
Now TBH I've been of the view that I'd just put up with this loveless marriage to avoid upsetting the kids and the financial fallout of divorce. My self esteem is shot to bits and I must admit to having had suicidal thoughts, despite having two kids. Also no-one in my family gets divorced, leading to some very toxic marriages.
What's changed however is a close female friend has made it known that she really likes me. I fancied the pants off her for years but assumed she was happily married.
Turns out she's also in a bad marriage. We have no intention of going physical until we deal with our respective situations. She's highly attractive (v. Sporty and fit) nd has a lot of the same interests as me. It's made me realise that the next 30-40 years of my life could possibly be much better.
I'm very cautious not to grenade two marriages and hurt everyone involved so my intention is to leave my wife before starting anything.
The bit I'm stuck on is actually ending it. I don't have anywhere else to live in the immediate days / weeks (save for my campervan).
My plan would be to speak with her, suggest a mutual separation where I would leave for a few days (maybe go to a hotel) and then return but stay in the spare room while looking for a rental house.
I know it's going to possibly f
k me for life financially but knowing life with someone else could be so much better I cannot go on like this.
Cheers if you've read this far.
Wife and I are 40. Two kids, 11 and 5.
TLDR is we've become housemates who have children together. Neither of us are happy (although generally quite civil) but are just going along with it. I'm struggling with the best initial steps to exit the marriage.
We been together 20 years, married for 13. Mortgaged home (prob £200k) with £60k on the mortgage. Also savings of about £40k. I earn far more than her (£75k v 18k) albeit she's part time. My earnings have only gone up to decent levels in the last few years and future income prospects for me are good, within 5 years I expect to be £130k+.
She told me last year (and a few times since) that we don't have a relationship, we're basically housemates.
Intimacy has been low for several years and despite my efforts she seems to have little interest in me. We've never had any real mutual interests and I think in hindsight its a relationship from Uni that we should have ended years ago (she did actually say this).
I appreciate it takes two to tango and I'm not suggesting I've been the perfect husband, I'm increasingly reflecting on her comments though and reaching the conclusion that it's time to call it a day.
Now TBH I've been of the view that I'd just put up with this loveless marriage to avoid upsetting the kids and the financial fallout of divorce. My self esteem is shot to bits and I must admit to having had suicidal thoughts, despite having two kids. Also no-one in my family gets divorced, leading to some very toxic marriages.
What's changed however is a close female friend has made it known that she really likes me. I fancied the pants off her for years but assumed she was happily married.
Turns out she's also in a bad marriage. We have no intention of going physical until we deal with our respective situations. She's highly attractive (v. Sporty and fit) nd has a lot of the same interests as me. It's made me realise that the next 30-40 years of my life could possibly be much better.
I'm very cautious not to grenade two marriages and hurt everyone involved so my intention is to leave my wife before starting anything.
The bit I'm stuck on is actually ending it. I don't have anywhere else to live in the immediate days / weeks (save for my campervan).
My plan would be to speak with her, suggest a mutual separation where I would leave for a few days (maybe go to a hotel) and then return but stay in the spare room while looking for a rental house.
I know it's going to possibly f
k me for life financially but knowing life with someone else could be so much better I cannot go on like this.Cheers if you've read this far.
Edited by MBVitoria on Friday 24th January 23:38
I can comment on this as had a similar situation. Met at uni and were together 23 years. Housemates that ended up with a child but fell out of love long ago.
We split 6 years ago and I haven’t looked back. Great relationship with my daughter ever since but it’s best to go 50/50 and don’t negotiate on that.
Sounds like it’s done and you don’t want to try, the other girl is turning your head as it’s exciting so be careful. She is also excited that you are interested but it’s unusual to end up together once you are out.
I won’t lie, the the hardest thing is telling the kids, it still haunts me.
Use this as a sounding board and get professional help if you have any thoughts again.
We split 6 years ago and I haven’t looked back. Great relationship with my daughter ever since but it’s best to go 50/50 and don’t negotiate on that.
Sounds like it’s done and you don’t want to try, the other girl is turning your head as it’s exciting so be careful. She is also excited that you are interested but it’s unusual to end up together once you are out.
I won’t lie, the the hardest thing is telling the kids, it still haunts me.
Use this as a sounding board and get professional help if you have any thoughts again.
interstellar said:
I can comment on this as had a similar situation. Met at uni and were together 23 years. Housemates that ended up with a child but fell out of love long ago.
We split 6 years ago and I haven’t looked back. Great relationship with my daughter ever since but it’s best to go 50/50 and don’t negotiate on that.
Sounds like it’s done and you don’t want to try, the other girl is turning your head as it’s exciting so be careful. She is also excited that you are interested but it’s unusual to end up together once you are out.
I won’t lie, the the hardest thing is telling the kids, it still haunts me.
Use this as a sounding board and get professional help if you have any thoughts again.
Mate really appreciate that and glad it worked out for you.We split 6 years ago and I haven’t looked back. Great relationship with my daughter ever since but it’s best to go 50/50 and don’t negotiate on that.
Sounds like it’s done and you don’t want to try, the other girl is turning your head as it’s exciting so be careful. She is also excited that you are interested but it’s unusual to end up together once you are out.
I won’t lie, the the hardest thing is telling the kids, it still haunts me.
Use this as a sounding board and get professional help if you have any thoughts again.
Telling the kids is the thing I am absolutely dreading. The eldest isn't daft and there's been occasions where she's ushered the youngest upstairs when wife and I have been arguing so perhaps it'll be better all round.
Thanks for the warning too, my eyes are wide open with the new girl!
you need out - because you can't continue another 40yrs in the current manner.
Sure the kids make it difficult, but if you work together, then they will come first.
As for this other hottie - don't let that be a distraction. Flattering? Yes. But these are 2 separate things and whilst there may be a future together, deal with the primary issue, which is to remove yourself from the situation you are currently in.
Good luck - it will be difficult, but in the longer term the best for all involved.
Sure the kids make it difficult, but if you work together, then they will come first.
As for this other hottie - don't let that be a distraction. Flattering? Yes. But these are 2 separate things and whilst there may be a future together, deal with the primary issue, which is to remove yourself from the situation you are currently in.
Good luck - it will be difficult, but in the longer term the best for all involved.
Cupid-stunt said:
you need out - because you can't continue another 40yrs in the current manner.
Sure the kids make it difficult, but if you work together, then they will come first.
As for this other hottie - don't let that be a distraction. Flattering? Yes. But these are 2 separate things and whilst there may be a future together, deal with the primary issue, which is to remove yourself from the situation you are currently in.
Good luck - it will be difficult, but in the longer term the best for all involved.
I would suggest this is very sound advice.Sure the kids make it difficult, but if you work together, then they will come first.
As for this other hottie - don't let that be a distraction. Flattering? Yes. But these are 2 separate things and whilst there may be a future together, deal with the primary issue, which is to remove yourself from the situation you are currently in.
Good luck - it will be difficult, but in the longer term the best for all involved.
Although, I’d also recommend that you tel your children together (as in both parents tell both children in the same room at the same time).
Children don’t ask for this and as they are your joint creation, they should feel supported, loved and involved - there will be pain, but getting through this as a family, I’d suggest will lay the best mental foundations for everyone involved.
Best wishes and if the other lady works out, congratulations. Having your children meet the new lady might need to wait a while, if you want to demonstrate that it wasn’t just about a new partner.
I’d say if you both feel its done then it probably is done.
The one thing I would say is don’t be tempted to jump straight into someone with the new woman showing you attention, give yourself some room to breathe. As tempting as something new can be it can be a disaster going straight from one long term relationship/ marriage into the next thing.
I have a colleague who is currently on his 3rd marriage doing this and from what he’s said it sounds like that is now not going well too.
The one thing I would say is don’t be tempted to jump straight into someone with the new woman showing you attention, give yourself some room to breathe. As tempting as something new can be it can be a disaster going straight from one long term relationship/ marriage into the next thing.
I have a colleague who is currently on his 3rd marriage doing this and from what he’s said it sounds like that is now not going well too.
Thoughts are to work this out.
Firstly I think you both just want/need some good spice and sex tbh. and I say this as you say you have some old flame/mate turning your head which is evidence you clearly do. I would expect your wife feels the same.
Would her going to work full time and getting some self satisfaction away from family and extra money to do bigger things as a family be an option? (Surely she has a degree?)
Firstly I think you both just want/need some good spice and sex tbh. and I say this as you say you have some old flame/mate turning your head which is evidence you clearly do. I would expect your wife feels the same.
Would her going to work full time and getting some self satisfaction away from family and extra money to do bigger things as a family be an option? (Surely she has a degree?)
MBVitoria said:
My plan would be to speak with her, suggest a mutual separation where I would leave for a few days (maybe go to a hotel) and then return but stay in the spare room while looking for a rental house.
I know it's going to possibly fk me for life financially but knowing life with someone else could be so much better I cannot go on like this.
Cheers if you've read this far.
For now forget the exit strategy and other woman.I know it's going to possibly f
k me for life financially but knowing life with someone else could be so much better I cannot go on like this.Cheers if you've read this far.
Edited by MBVitoria on Friday 24th January 23:38
Sit down and talk. Talk about where it's going, and where it'll be in 5 yrs, be honest.
Once this stage is complete reevaluate.
OP, you said only a few months ago you had a loving wife, and now you’re just civil with each other? What changed so quickly?
Is there any love there? Do you still care for her, does she still care for you?
Ignore the other woman, she’s a complete distraction that has you thinking a lot (negatively) about your relationship with your wife. The grass is very seldom greener and fundamentally you need to work out whether you and your wife can, or want to rekindle the relationship. Not all married relationships are intimate (sex), but can still be intimate in many many other ways.
Who instigated the ‘we’re housemates’ conversations? Did you, and your wife agreed because she is protecting herself? If so what do you feel is lacking in the relationship? Did your wife suggest it? How much have you talked about this?
I don’t have any answers but certainly know that relationships take a lot of daily effort, and without effort you can easily grow apart. And not all relationships can be saved so I’m not suggesting yours can be, and you may truly be at that point where it’s run its course. But give this ALOT of thought - before you start imagining about new relationships that seem very attractive, imagine having that relationship with your wife. What could or need to change? A new relationship will need the same amount of work, it just seems easier because it seems fun.
Because you mentioned as recently as 4 months ago that you had a loving wife, and the way you’ve phrased your post is suggesting some warning signs. There is a lot at stake here, think long and hard about what you want and will make you happy. And most crucially what you want from - any - relationship.
Is there any love there? Do you still care for her, does she still care for you?
Ignore the other woman, she’s a complete distraction that has you thinking a lot (negatively) about your relationship with your wife. The grass is very seldom greener and fundamentally you need to work out whether you and your wife can, or want to rekindle the relationship. Not all married relationships are intimate (sex), but can still be intimate in many many other ways.
Who instigated the ‘we’re housemates’ conversations? Did you, and your wife agreed because she is protecting herself? If so what do you feel is lacking in the relationship? Did your wife suggest it? How much have you talked about this?
I don’t have any answers but certainly know that relationships take a lot of daily effort, and without effort you can easily grow apart. And not all relationships can be saved so I’m not suggesting yours can be, and you may truly be at that point where it’s run its course. But give this ALOT of thought - before you start imagining about new relationships that seem very attractive, imagine having that relationship with your wife. What could or need to change? A new relationship will need the same amount of work, it just seems easier because it seems fun.
Because you mentioned as recently as 4 months ago that you had a loving wife, and the way you’ve phrased your post is suggesting some warning signs. There is a lot at stake here, think long and hard about what you want and will make you happy. And most crucially what you want from - any - relationship.
MBVitoria said:
What's changed however is a close female friend has made it known that she really likes me. I fancied the pants off her for years but assumed she was happily married.
It is often said there's always another person...You have fancied the pants off a close female friend for years. There's the problem.
Personally, I would look to try and turn the marriage around. Have a proper talk with your wife, see if she wants to turn it around too. It might just need an injection of fun, sex and time away together.
You owe it to your family to try first.
Try put this other woman out of your mind, distance yourself from her, whilst you at least sort your marriage one way or another. Chances are, this other woman will still be in her marriage and situation for some time to come if you definitely conclude your marriage is dead.
In reality, it is unlikely a new relationship with this other woman would go the distance anyway.
Horrible situation to be in, if you start anything with this other woman you are part responsible for destroying two families.
Also if your wife gets wind of the fact that there is another woman on the scene {especially if she is hotter than your wife) she will most likely make your life as difficult as she can.
Firstly she will try and get every penny she can and will expect to keep the house and for you to continue paying for everything.
Secondly she will probably weaponise the children and make it as difficult as possible for you to see them.
Your wife will be unable to take the mortgage on on her own so you will most likely be on the mortgage for years. You may find it very difficult to get another mortgage to buy your own house so may be in rented for a long time. Then when the house is finally sold you will find you are too old to get a mortgage.
I would think long and hard about what you are about to do. The reality could be that you end up in a rented flat or at your parents house with little contact with your children. Also I wouldn't bank on everything working our with this other woman, that's just a distraction and affecting your decision making at the moment.
Also your marriage sounds like your standard marriage between people your age. Is a bit of sex really worth potentially ruining your kids childhood for?
Also if your wife gets wind of the fact that there is another woman on the scene {especially if she is hotter than your wife) she will most likely make your life as difficult as she can.
Firstly she will try and get every penny she can and will expect to keep the house and for you to continue paying for everything.
Secondly she will probably weaponise the children and make it as difficult as possible for you to see them.
Your wife will be unable to take the mortgage on on her own so you will most likely be on the mortgage for years. You may find it very difficult to get another mortgage to buy your own house so may be in rented for a long time. Then when the house is finally sold you will find you are too old to get a mortgage.
I would think long and hard about what you are about to do. The reality could be that you end up in a rented flat or at your parents house with little contact with your children. Also I wouldn't bank on everything working our with this other woman, that's just a distraction and affecting your decision making at the moment.
Also your marriage sounds like your standard marriage between people your age. Is a bit of sex really worth potentially ruining your kids childhood for?
Thank you to all who have replied. I appreciate the perspective of a range of responses.
I think I know that the idea of going after the new woman, at least in the short term, is a mistake.
I know a few mates who've hopped straight into another relationship and wondered wtf are you doing so I can see the wsrning signs myself. I also don't want this to taint the breakup and be accused of cheating as that will pour petrol on everything.
I think the possible new Mrs may have different thoughts so I need to be v clear with her it's got to wait. If she can't accept that then that says something about her.
I think I've been kidding myself and telling people I have a loving wife as frankly I'm embarrassed to be 40 and have a failed marriage. She genuinely is a good person, just romantically it's over.
On that note, part of me wants to suggest counselling etc but tbh my hearts just not in it. I've never given up on anything in my life so I might try speaking to her about the 5 year point someone suggested and see if anything sparks or whether we're just flogging a dead horse.
Wife was the one who brought up the housemates point. Dec 23 she told me quite bluntly she thinks it was a mistake to go on after Uni. She's repeated it since and I've responded with "oh no it wasn't, I love you etc etc". 12 months on and I'm realising I'm kidding myself. She's not a bad person too, but she can be so short tempered and nasty towards me at times. I know to an extent all marriages have ups and downs but to be frank I've had enough.
On the legal / financial side I do have some knowledge (solicitor who did some family stuff years ago as a trainee) but the prospect of being stuck in some st rental, alone doesn't half scare me but equally, doing nothing scares me.
Cheers again all and appreciate the offers of PMs.
I think I know that the idea of going after the new woman, at least in the short term, is a mistake.
I know a few mates who've hopped straight into another relationship and wondered wtf are you doing so I can see the wsrning signs myself. I also don't want this to taint the breakup and be accused of cheating as that will pour petrol on everything.
I think the possible new Mrs may have different thoughts so I need to be v clear with her it's got to wait. If she can't accept that then that says something about her.
I think I've been kidding myself and telling people I have a loving wife as frankly I'm embarrassed to be 40 and have a failed marriage. She genuinely is a good person, just romantically it's over.
On that note, part of me wants to suggest counselling etc but tbh my hearts just not in it. I've never given up on anything in my life so I might try speaking to her about the 5 year point someone suggested and see if anything sparks or whether we're just flogging a dead horse.
Wife was the one who brought up the housemates point. Dec 23 she told me quite bluntly she thinks it was a mistake to go on after Uni. She's repeated it since and I've responded with "oh no it wasn't, I love you etc etc". 12 months on and I'm realising I'm kidding myself. She's not a bad person too, but she can be so short tempered and nasty towards me at times. I know to an extent all marriages have ups and downs but to be frank I've had enough.
On the legal / financial side I do have some knowledge (solicitor who did some family stuff years ago as a trainee) but the prospect of being stuck in some s
t rental, alone doesn't half scare me but equally, doing nothing scares me. Cheers again all and appreciate the offers of PMs.
ThingsBehindTheSun said:
Firstly she will try and get every penny she can and will expect to keep the house and for you to continue paying for everything.
Secondly she will probably weaponise the children and make it as difficult as possible for you to see them.
Your wife will be unable to take the mortgage on on her own so you will most likely be on the mortgage for years. You may find it very difficult to get another mortgage to buy your own house so may be in rented for a long time. Then when the house is finally sold you will find you are too old to get a mortgage.
This is not meant in a sexist way, but IMO its why a lot of women act the way they do. They know they can treat the man like garbage and what's he going to do leave? Leave and lose house, kids, pension etc. Once they eventually get their way its not unusual for another bloke to suddenly appear either. Secondly she will probably weaponise the children and make it as difficult as possible for you to see them.
Your wife will be unable to take the mortgage on on her own so you will most likely be on the mortgage for years. You may find it very difficult to get another mortgage to buy your own house so may be in rented for a long time. Then when the house is finally sold you will find you are too old to get a mortgage.
Happened to 2 good mates of mine and they had very similar feelings to the OP. It really is a very unbalanced situation especially as one side can feed the kids on a diet of negative energy and hate.
MBVitoria said:
On that note, part of me wants to suggest counselling etc but tbh my hearts just not in it. I've never given up on anything in my life so I might try speaking to her about the 5 year point someone suggested and see if anything sparks or whether we're just flogging a dead horse.
Wife was the one who brought up the housemates point. Dec 23 she told me quite bluntly she thinks it was a mistake to go on after Uni. She's repeated it since and I've responded with "oh no it wasn't, I love you etc etc". 12 months on and I'm realising I'm kidding myself. .
Sounds like she's thought about this and already tried to instigate the conversation, so it won't be a complete shock. Wife was the one who brought up the housemates point. Dec 23 she told me quite bluntly she thinks it was a mistake to go on after Uni. She's repeated it since and I've responded with "oh no it wasn't, I love you etc etc". 12 months on and I'm realising I'm kidding myself. .
ThingsBehindTheSun said:
Horrible situation to be in, if you start anything with this other woman you are part responsible for destroying two families.
Also if your wife gets wind of the fact that there is another woman on the scene {especially if she is hotter than your wife) she will most likely make your life as difficult as she can.
Firstly she will try and get every penny she can and will expect to keep the house and for you to continue paying for everything.
Secondly she will probably weaponise the children and make it as difficult as possible for you to see them.
Your wife will be unable to take the mortgage on on her own so you will most likely be on the mortgage for years. You may find it very difficult to get another mortgage to buy your own house so may be in rented for a long time. Then when the house is finally sold you will find you are too old to get a mortgage.
I would think long and hard about what you are about to do. The reality could be that you end up in a rented flat or at your parents house with little contact with your children. Also I wouldn't bank on everything working our with this other woman, that's just a distraction and affecting your decision making at the moment.
Also your marriage sounds like your standard marriage between people your age. Is a bit of sex really worth potentially ruining your kids childhood for?
There's a lot of honest advice here. OP, read it, twice.Also if your wife gets wind of the fact that there is another woman on the scene {especially if she is hotter than your wife) she will most likely make your life as difficult as she can.
Firstly she will try and get every penny she can and will expect to keep the house and for you to continue paying for everything.
Secondly she will probably weaponise the children and make it as difficult as possible for you to see them.
Your wife will be unable to take the mortgage on on her own so you will most likely be on the mortgage for years. You may find it very difficult to get another mortgage to buy your own house so may be in rented for a long time. Then when the house is finally sold you will find you are too old to get a mortgage.
I would think long and hard about what you are about to do. The reality could be that you end up in a rented flat or at your parents house with little contact with your children. Also I wouldn't bank on everything working our with this other woman, that's just a distraction and affecting your decision making at the moment.
Also your marriage sounds like your standard marriage between people your age. Is a bit of sex really worth potentially ruining your kids childhood for?
Me and first wife of 18 years (IIRC) split when she found a guy she worked for more interesting than me and TBH I was more interested in other things than her. No kids, we split everything 50/50 but there were difficult times and decisions to be made. We both lost a lot of friends who took one side or the other.
As others have said, forget the other woman, serious distraction AND if your wife gets wind of it, the court decisions and those of your friends and relatives will go entirely in her favour. Do you want to be a penniless pariah?
You need to cut this 'new' woman out of your mind/life, at least for foreseeable future. You are effectively emotionally cheating (you've hinted other woman sees something happening so you must have given that impression), and taking away energy that could go into your current relationship - or at least set you up to end it properly.
You've also rightly considered how it could impact the new relationship - guilt over breakup carried over, no chance for either of you to work on yourselves, play the field etc. You need cut that out the equation and focus on your family.
Right now things are recoverable, any hint of someone else will send your wife over the edge, making any discussions/decision more anger focussed (take him for every penny/paint you in bad light to kids), also kids...set an example, if its the end then sit down and work out together what that looks like.
Good luck!
You've also rightly considered how it could impact the new relationship - guilt over breakup carried over, no chance for either of you to work on yourselves, play the field etc. You need cut that out the equation and focus on your family.
Right now things are recoverable, any hint of someone else will send your wife over the edge, making any discussions/decision more anger focussed (take him for every penny/paint you in bad light to kids), also kids...set an example, if its the end then sit down and work out together what that looks like.
Good luck!
The two relationships (and like it or not you are in two, one might be ending and the other just beginning but you're in both.) are separate things. Don't get involved with the new one till the old one is sorted. And don't let the new one convince you to end the old one.
It sounds like she's done. Women tend to check out of a relationship and check out for good, men tend to try to make it work. I hate to be unkind but if you have any suspicion she's playing away chances are she is, when I was single I met a lot of women who were married and checked out but had no real intention to walk away, the common feature was a financial imbalance. In other words hubby was fine to pay the bills and look after the kids. Luckily not all women are like that.
I think you know it's done, do things right but do things.
Wrt to the new interest she sounds great but be careful you aren't being used as the escape from her marriage. Really you would want to see her making the same moves to go single first rather than being a handy monkey branch.
It sounds like she's done. Women tend to check out of a relationship and check out for good, men tend to try to make it work. I hate to be unkind but if you have any suspicion she's playing away chances are she is, when I was single I met a lot of women who were married and checked out but had no real intention to walk away, the common feature was a financial imbalance. In other words hubby was fine to pay the bills and look after the kids. Luckily not all women are like that.
I think you know it's done, do things right but do things.
Wrt to the new interest she sounds great but be careful you aren't being used as the escape from her marriage. Really you would want to see her making the same moves to go single first rather than being a handy monkey branch.
MBVitoria said:
I think I've been kidding myself and telling people I have a loving wife as frankly I'm embarrassed to be 40 and have a failed marriage.
First of all, sorry to hear you've reached that point in your relationship that a separation and divorce is now pretty much nailed on. It's not an easy time but at least you both seem to be looking at it with sensible heads.Secondly, there's nothing to be embarrassed about - my independence day was 20/10/20, when I was also 40. Since then it's been onwards and upwards. These days the odds are pretty much those of flipping a coin whether your marriage will last or not.
Other posters have nailed it with being careful re the new squeeze - the s
t will seriously hit the fan if the other side gets the merest whiff before you get things sorted out.Other than that - good luck, here's wishing you an "as painless as possible" experience.
gotoPzero said:
ThingsBehindTheSun said:
Firstly she will try and get every penny she can and will expect to keep the house and for you to continue paying for everything.
Secondly she will probably weaponise the children and make it as difficult as possible for you to see them.
Your wife will be unable to take the mortgage on on her own so you will most likely be on the mortgage for years. You may find it very difficult to get another mortgage to buy your own house so may be in rented for a long time. Then when the house is finally sold you will find you are too old to get a mortgage.
This is not meant in a sexist way, but IMO its why a lot of women act the way they do. They know they can treat the man like garbage and what's he going to do leave? Leave and lose house, kids, pension etc. Once they eventually get their way its not unusual for another bloke to suddenly appear either. Secondly she will probably weaponise the children and make it as difficult as possible for you to see them.
Your wife will be unable to take the mortgage on on her own so you will most likely be on the mortgage for years. You may find it very difficult to get another mortgage to buy your own house so may be in rented for a long time. Then when the house is finally sold you will find you are too old to get a mortgage.
Happened to 2 good mates of mine and they had very similar feelings to the OP. It really is a very unbalanced situation especially as one side can feed the kids on a diet of negative energy and hate.
Both husbands have been turfed out and one is making it clear that he expects half of everything, despite having contributed close to nothing - in fact he came into the marriage with chunky undisclosed credit cards debts which his wife sorted out.
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