In a mess with eating and life

[m3jappa]

I don't know what i expect from this post but i sort of feel i need to write this all down somewhere.

For around 10-15 years i have been finding that after i eat during the day i feel exhausted, almost like hung over.

I have worked out that carbs are the worst but the issue is everything is carbs

I do a physical job, i never have eaten breakfast, i have tried but just struggle so much to stomach eating until about 1-2pm.

By this stage i am starving and typically ate a lot, this then made me feel tired.

I have had various tests over the years and theres never any issue.

So about 4 mths ago i was so fed up with this tired feeling (put it this way if im not at work and at home i eat, fall asleep for the entire afternoon and wake up like st) that i started to try:

Eating less, eating less carbs, not really stopping to eat.

This definitely helped.

However whats happened now is i have lost a stone in about a month and day by day my appetite is becoming less and less, the thought of eating makes me feel ill iykwim.

Its at the stage now where i am constantly starving but just cant bring myself to eat, for example today i had to literally force feed myself some fruit and half a sandwich. It made me feel sick.

Now on top of all this my stress and anxiety which has always been there has become overwhelming. I feel like i have the weight of the world on my shoulders. And one way or another in my life i seem to always be the one who gives the definitive answer. I.e everything sits on my shoulders.

I think i feel scared. I do not know why.

I am actually not that bad off financially, my wife has an excellent job which has basically made me feel that things like losing our home is more and more less likely to happen daily. (i work for myself so theres always been a fear of things going wrong).

I go through stages of depression, i am in one now, i almost fantasise over killing myself, i feel useless, stupid and a failure (even though i know im not and a million people would think i have some kind of dream life). I would never kill myself though - i dont have the fking bottle and i also have 2 little girls who i could never ever put that on. I obviously want to watch them grow up and enjoy their lives.

i have zero motivation any more, all i want to do is lay on the sofa, vape and go on the internet. I have no hobbies and have no interest at all in starting one.

We moved last year and the house requires quite a lot of work and i am dedicated to doing it. I do not spend a penny on myself as the house needs it. I sold my amg gt which was a dream car to me. I feel thats gone forever as at my age (44) by the time the house is done and by the time i could save that sort of money again it will be 10 years away at least and i just feel that i will die young, i don't know why but i just sort of cant imagine living to a ripe old age.

I dont really see how anyone can help. I did go to a doctor about 2years ago and fully broke down, crying and in a real state. I think what triggered this was i felt like the doctor really cared about me, whereas in real life my thoughts, feelings and mental state mean zero to anyone.

The doctor gave me sertraline which i decided not to take as side effects and stories on google frightened me.


As i said im not sure what i expect from this but any advice would be appreciated. I may well delete this later when i realise i just posted a load of st

[57Ford]

Don’t try to deal with this alone. Share it with your wife if you’re able but definitely, definitely go back to the doctor. Explain why you don’t want the sertraline and he’ll find an alternative solution, maybe some kind of counselling.
I repeat, do not try to face it alone, that’s virtually impossible unless you’ve had some kind of training on the topic and in this day and age with the better understanding of this type of thing, it’s unnecessary to suffer in silence. You owe it to your girls to take control here mate.

[Wacky Racer]

1 Cut out the vapes. (If possible)

2 Restrict your internet time at least 50%

3 Go back to your doctor ASAP.

4 Be 100% Honest with your wife

5 Don't bottle it up, Talk to anyone that will listen, don't suffer in silence.

6 Take each day as it comes, tomorrow is a new day.

7. You WILL come through this.

8 Good luck.

[simon_harris]

Look at probiotic supporting foods, kimchi etc and try adding some vitamins into your diet, I would go with C, D and magnesium as a minimum.

[mcelliott]

First thing is try the meds, for a vast majority of people they help massively, the side effects are in most cases quick to dissipate, this will give you a solid foundation to build from, then you can start to work on your anxiety and depression from a more stable position, then you can factor in diet lifestyle and other triggers, check out The Anxiety Guy on YouTube.

[Pete102]

It sounds very much like you need to see a therapist / councilor to talk through these feelings.

I have also had similar bouts feeling the way you do, relatively secure at work, loving family etc. but still completely unmotivated and exhausted all of the time. Unfortunately it turns into a little bit of a death spiral, once you start feeling bad, it makes you feel worse that you feel bad even though you dont have anything specific to feel bad about etc.

In my case it stemmed from a lot of unresolved feelings and thoughts about my parents and childhood but honestly it could be anything.

I would also urge you to talk to your wife and explain what is going on, things will be so much easier with her support.

As for the car, you will come realise its a material item - easy come, easy go. For the last year or so I have probably had less disposable income than ever (divorce is expensive!) and its made me realise that if I tie my happiness to how much I have in the bank I will never get anywhere.

Good luck mate, you've got this.

[heisthegaffer]

Sorry to hear this mate. You always come across as a cracking chap in your posts.

It sounds as if you're being really hard on yourself yet clearly you work hard to provide a home etc for you and the family and you should be proud of that for sure.

Do you ever get any time to yourself? Do you ever go for walks just on your own, no music or anything just a time to switch off and let your mind rest?

You're probably not alone in how you feel and good on you for sharing on here.

[CraigyMc]

m3jappa said:

I don't know what i expect from this post but i sort of feel i need to write this all down somewhere.

For around 10-15 years i have been finding that after i eat during the day i feel exhausted, almost like hung over.

I have worked out that carbs are the worst but the issue is everything is carbs

I do a physical job, i never have eaten breakfast, i have tried but just struggle so much to stomach eating until about 1-2pm.

By this stage i am starving and typically ate a lot, this then made me feel tired.

I have had various tests over the years and theres never any issue.

So about 4 mths ago i was so fed up with this tired feeling (put it this way if im not at work and at home i eat, fall asleep for the entire afternoon and wake up like st) that i started to try:

Eating less, eating less carbs, not really stopping to eat.

This definitely helped.

However whats happened now is i have lost a stone in about a month and day by day my appetite is becoming less and less, the thought of eating makes me feel ill iykwim.

Its at the stage now where i am constantly starving but just cant bring myself to eat, for example today i had to literally force feed myself some fruit and half a sandwich. It made me feel sick.

Now on top of all this my stress and anxiety which has always been there has become overwhelming. I feel like i have the weight of the world on my shoulders. And one way or another in my life i seem to always be the one who gives the definitive answer. I.e everything sits on my shoulders.

I think i feel scared. I do not know why.

I am actually not that bad off financially, my wife has an excellent job which has basically made me feel that things like losing our home is more and more less likely to happen daily. (i work for myself so theres always been a fear of things going wrong).

I go through stages of depression, i am in one now, i almost fantasise over killing myself, i feel useless, stupid and a failure (even though i know im not and a million people would think i have some kind of dream life). I would never kill myself though - i dont have the fking bottle and i also have 2 little girls who i could never ever put that on. I obviously want to watch them grow up and enjoy their lives.

i have zero motivation any more, all i want to do is lay on the sofa, vape and go on the internet. I have no hobbies and have no interest at all in starting one.

We moved last year and the house requires quite a lot of work and i am dedicated to doing it. I do not spend a penny on myself as the house needs it. I sold my amg gt which was a dream car to me. I feel thats gone forever as at my age (44) by the time the house is done and by the time i could save that sort of money again it will be 10 years away at least and i just feel that i will die young, i don't know why but i just sort of cant imagine living to a ripe old age.

I dont really see how anyone can help. I did go to a doctor about 2years ago and fully broke down, crying and in a real state. I think what triggered this was i felt like the doctor really cared about me, whereas in real life my thoughts, feelings and mental state mean zero to anyone.

The doctor gave me sertraline which i decided not to take as side effects and stories on google frightened me.


As i said im not sure what i expect from this but any advice would be appreciated. I may well delete this later when i realise i just posted a load of st

Please get checked for T2 diabetes to rule it out.

[dundarach]

Well done for reaching out OP.

As others have said, go easy and try and make time for yourself.

Be open and talk to the wife.

Thank you for sharing, in some perverse way it help me and others to know we're not alone!

Take care

[CrgT16]

Nothing to add but not tackle this alone.

Speak to a professional but also speak to your wife. Rom experience, once you let all out with your wife you will feel a huge relief on your shoulders.

You got this!

As dysfunctional as PH is we are here…

[Han Solo]

I realised something was wrong when my mates of 25+ years said that I wasn’t myself.

The best thing I did was talk it through with my wife, she was a) 100% supportive and b) helped come up with a solution that I didn’t think would work as it’d be too disruptive and selfish.

I won’t get into the details of it but it wasn’t a million miles from what you are describing.

Second thing is you absolutely need time for yourself and ‘something’ that makes all the trials, tribulations, sacrifices worthwhile.

Good luck with it, realistically it won’t change overnight, break things down, tackle it step by step and most importantly talk it through with your wife so you have that support as you go through your journey.

[FNG]

In on this one as some of it really resonates.

I've been on a minimal-carb diet for the last 4 months and that's helped for sure. But is no magic bullet, and yeah all the nice stuff is rammed with carbs!

Exercise is a great mental healer. But like you, I've got zero motivation to do any. None. Can barely stand thinking about it.

If you're in that death spiral, there needs to be an external change for the better to get out of it.

That's going to be
- more support at home, whether a shoulder to cry on or a listening sympathetic ear or giving you space to get away from the domestics of house and wife and 2 young children and get a clear head - I've found in the past being "given" an hour a day EVERY DAY is invaluable - but your OH needs to be supportive and understanding and get the fact that you need some you-time and not resent it

(on that front, once you've shared your issues with the OH the deed is done and you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube, so only do it if you honestly think it'll end well - trust me if your spouse thinks you're letting her or the kids down, or being weak, or not being the strong provider she's found she relies on, etc etc, it's very hard to come back from - she needs to absolutely understand that expecting you to unrelentingly provide for everyone around you but not yourself isn't fair or realistic)

- medication, which I suspect is the right answer albeit hopefully temporarily while an improvement in mood helps to rewire the brain to remain that way post-medication (that's the theory anyway) and don't take any notice of the worst of the side effects unless they happen to you - mostly they don't, but if you know what they are and you suffer any, do what the leaflet says and go back to your GP and get his advice or an alternative

- talking therapy, I had this post head injury and it's the best route in all honesty but
1) it takes a long time - I was doing it for 2 1/2 years and it ended before I had got through a third of my issues
2) as a result of 1), I'd always recommend it but you've got to commit to it and be able to continue it if it's to be of the greatest benefit

Also with therapy, you'll get better results if you do get medication at the outset, because in therapy it's entirely about you - and if you start out more positive you'll get more results sooner in my experience. Don't shun medicine, but remember the mental health profession is largely / almost entirely about fixing people who are broken via medication - therapy is essential IMO to help you stay mended and I can't recommend it enough.


Be kind to yourself.

Give yourself a break, figuratively / physically / change of scene / go for a walk / escape the kids / go see a mate / anything. Do something different and build on it.

Easy to say, I've been saying it to myself for the last year and not done it. Don't be like me.

Good luck man.

[m3jappa]

Thank you all so much for the replies.

I have spoken to my wife. She's a brilliant partner, not demanding, fair, reasonable, the opposite to what a lot of other people i know have

But Im not sure she really believes me or maybe she does but just doesn't understand. She does try and help and has suggested i should see someone.

But where do i go, who do i see. The doctors (apart from the one i broke down to) dont give a fk. I mentioned to another doctor how low i was feeling when i was there for something else and she basically told me off, saying she didn't have time for this!

I have been checked for t2 diabetes. I thought that was the issue for a while. I did a job for a woman with t1 and she was adamant i had it. She used her tester which showed the massive spike after eating.
But the doctors say no i don't.

I think part of the problem stemmed from when i was younger my job was a lot more physical so i needed/could eat more. I think as time has gone on and im not as physical as i was something has changed.

I suppose looking back i have perhaps always had some mental issue. I had some kind of hypnosis therapy when i was about 19. I cant remember the outcome though. Life feels so rushed every day and flies by at a speed which scares me.

Not that this has caused me a major concern but recently i have started to realise this is now the second half of my life, perhaps the last quarter or third and as someone who was always young in mind i do feel odd with that thought scenario. But i guess a lot of people will have those thoughts.

So, who should i try and speak to? I don't know who would be best. And again thank you.

[g3org3y]

You need to go back to see your GP. You sound burnt out.

Firstly, it's prudent to have investigations to exclude any underlying physical cause, especially in view of your comments regarding loss of appetite and progressive nausea as well as weight loss. Blood tests and maybe a gastroscopy are required.

Secondly, it seems sensible to explore mental health support. You mentioned your previous encounter and the suggestion of sertraline. IME, it's a decent medication that works for a majority of people. Yes, some people get side effects, however, you have to weigh up a pros/cons decision of this in view of your current situation.

What you've described in your post is not sustainable. Try to see the same GP you saw previously.

If you want to discuss any of the above further, feel free to PM me

(DOI: a GP).

[g3org3y]

I am happy to hear that your wife is understanding and supportive.

m3jappa said:

But where do i go, who do i see. The doctors (apart from the one i broke down to) dont give a fk. I mentioned to another doctor how low i was feeling when i was there for something else and she basically told me off, saying she didn't have time for this!

I'm sorry you had that experience. I suspect it was likely that she was under pressure herself (maybe running late) so she probably didn't feel she had time to deal with it properly (obviously it came across as rude rather than 'sorry, I don't have time in the appointment, but let me book you something with me next week' for example. GP appointments are typically only 10 minutes. It's not a lot of time to take the history, examine a patient, explain the findings, formulate a management plan, check understanding and arrange follow up as well as safety net. A lot of surgeries now have 'one appointment, one problem' type rules.

As I mentioned in my other post, rebook to see the original GP you established a rapport with.

m3jappa said:

I have been checked for t2 diabetes. I thought that was the issue for a while. I did a job for a woman with t1 and she was adamant i had it. She used her tester which showed the massive spike after eating.
But the doctors say no i don't.

I think part of the problem stemmed from when i was younger my job was a lot more physical so i needed/could eat more. I think as time has gone on and im not as physical as i was something has changed.

I suppose looking back i have perhaps always had some mental issue. I had some kind of hypnosis therapy when i was about 19. I cant remember the outcome though. Life feels so rushed every day and flies by at a speed which scares me.

Not that this has caused me a major concern but recently i have started to realise this is now the second half of my life, perhaps the last quarter or third and as someone who was always young in mind i do feel odd with that thought scenario. But i guess a lot of people will have those thoughts.

So, who should i try and speak to? I don't know who would be best. And again thank you.

Your GP should be able to signpost you to mental health services that offer 'talking therapies', A lot are self referral (often online) but IME the waiting lists for proper face to face CBT can be very long. Private options are available.

[Latifisnc]

Sorry to hear this chap. You've had some good advice so far. Below are a couple of things I've done when I havent' been able to get enough through the nhs:

if you can afford it, better help or something similar can be a massive support - video therapy.

if you can face a group, there may be an Andy's Man Club near you. It's a group on a Monday night for men to support one another - anything from minor gripes to the most serious of issues.

[Steve_H80]

You've been to your doc and he has prescribed some pills but you've decided not go take them because of what you've read on the Internet.
Yes, some antidepressants do have side effects with some people but they don't kill you. If the side effects are that bad after a month or two the doc can try you on other options.
Don't be a wuss, start on the pills. Depression is a bd, but thousands of us have been there before you and you do get better.

[m3jappa]

Steve_H80 said:

You've been to your doc and he has prescribed some pills but you've decided not go take them because of what you've read on the Internet.
Yes, some antidepressants do have side effects with some people but they don't kill you. If the side effects are that bad after a month or two the doc can try you on other options.
Don't be a wuss, start on the pills. Depression is a bd, but thousands of us have been there before you and you do get better.

Part of the issue is the paranoia and anxiety i have when i read things like those side effects. I quite literally think 'fk that ill just pick myself up and ill be ok'


But i think i am at the stage where i can't pick myself up many more times.


Again thank you all so much for the replies. I think i will make an appointment with the doctor i saw before, she really was brilliant, even phoning me a couple of times to check i was ok. It felt like she really cared which for me was lovely as in my life i basically get very little sympathy or at least i feel like that, i know my wife is trying but i also know she can't fully understand.

I also think i need to get a car again, i desperately need that adrenaline a fun car gives, something cheap like a mk indy or similar i like the idea of.

I am shortly about to try eating again, i hope that this is just something stress linked. Eating wet foods seems easier iykwim.

Another thing which scares me is my phone, i have to check any missed calls or messages immediately, i need to know why they are calling - is it a problem? Am i in trouble?

9 Years ago when my 1st daughter was born my wife received a call from great ormond street, they were saying she had cystic fibrosis.

For around 8-10 weeks we both lived in constant fear that our baby was going to die.

Eventually it transpired she has genes which are in the spectrum but they aren't going to class it as cystic fibrosis because theres nothing actually wrong with her. thank god.

I do feel that time in life maybe changed both of us, it was horrible. I think it showed me that no matter who you are, what you have or haven't got we are all just a phone call away from disaster.

Sorry i am ranting on, just getting some stuff out.

[grumbledoak]

CraigyMc said:

Please get checked for T2 diabetes to rule it out.

^^^ I have to second that. The whole first half of your original post is "carb coma and mental health". Get your fasting insulin checked or a continuous glucose monitor.

I didn't like the side effects of SSRIs and will never take them again. No booze, a better diet, and regular exercise were helpful without the side effects.

And give some serious thought to a reason for your depression. It isn't a chemical imbalance, we know that, that was just marketing to sell us chemical cures. Is there a real reason under there that you don't want to think about?

Good luck getting through this.

[markiii]

Magnesium supplements. Most people are lacking and it's a huge mood improver imho