Best man at wedding
Discussion
I'm faced with the reality that I need to get married, I've fended it off for 20 years but with a nipper and likely tax implications if I get run over by a bus its the responsible thing to do.
We'll only have family and a few pals to ours so it won't be a grand affair.
The thing (you may had noticed) Is I can't stand is traditions around weddings, its a herd mentality to me, so a question is;
Do you think not having a best man is going to be strange? I'll be honest I have a lot of mates but not socially intertwined with my missus (golf mates etc), and a lot of those guys don't know my life story so its a difficult one to gauge who I'd chose so why bother?
Maybe I could get a random generator and pick a PH'er lol
We'll only have family and a few pals to ours so it won't be a grand affair.
The thing (you may had noticed) Is I can't stand is traditions around weddings, its a herd mentality to me, so a question is;
Do you think not having a best man is going to be strange? I'll be honest I have a lot of mates but not socially intertwined with my missus (golf mates etc), and a lot of those guys don't know my life story so its a difficult one to gauge who I'd chose so why bother?
Maybe I could get a random generator and pick a PH'er lol
I was best man at one of my mates wedding, spent a lot of time preparing speeches and organizing the day etc. it was very stressful for little reward.
When I got married I asked him to return the favour. Never have I been so disappointed in someone. He basically rocked up, looking like he had just got out of bed, no speech prepared, and it sounded like it.
If I had my time again I would do away with all that best man stuff, from both sides.
It was too much stress being a best man, and a big disappointment having one. Just do your own thing as the day will be much more relaxing and enjoyable.
When I got married I asked him to return the favour. Never have I been so disappointed in someone. He basically rocked up, looking like he had just got out of bed, no speech prepared, and it sounded like it.
If I had my time again I would do away with all that best man stuff, from both sides.
It was too much stress being a best man, and a big disappointment having one. Just do your own thing as the day will be much more relaxing and enjoyable.
I have been a best man four times. It is a big effort and nerve wracking but I am glad to have done it. The last wedding I went to was for someone I have known since university. He didn't have a best man and if anyone noticed or cared, they didn't mention it.
If you don't have a best man it won't spoil the wedding. Your friends will know you well enough that they probably won't expect yours to be a very traditional wedding anyway.
If you don't have a best man it won't spoil the wedding. Your friends will know you well enough that they probably won't expect yours to be a very traditional wedding anyway.
Lincsls1 said:
As above really. Your wedding, your rules and choices.
If you're not bothered about having a best man, and its going to be a low key affair, then don't.
It can still be a beautiful intimate occasion without all the usual traditions.
This, your day your choice. I had a best man once, when I had a fairly fancy do, but not in the other two more low key occasions. Do what seems right!If you're not bothered about having a best man, and its going to be a low key affair, then don't.
It can still be a beautiful intimate occasion without all the usual traditions.
The OH and I have reasonably large families.
One with a tradition of “traditional” weddings (mine) one with a non traditional tradition of weddings.
I am not a fan of the whole wedding razamatazz, and neither is the wife.
We sacked it all off and flew to Vegas for a ten day holiday, including our wedding, in 2022.
This year we will finally have a wedding party, now we have finished building a house.
TLDR: nah, didn’t bother with a best man. Feel like an outdated concept. If I needed one, I’d have borrowed a dwarf or stripper from the local casino
One with a tradition of “traditional” weddings (mine) one with a non traditional tradition of weddings.
I am not a fan of the whole wedding razamatazz, and neither is the wife.
We sacked it all off and flew to Vegas for a ten day holiday, including our wedding, in 2022.
This year we will finally have a wedding party, now we have finished building a house.
TLDR: nah, didn’t bother with a best man. Feel like an outdated concept. If I needed one, I’d have borrowed a dwarf or stripper from the local casino
Do whatever works for you. A friend was walked down the aisle by her Mum because he Dad is a knobhead. Pete from Googlebox had his sister Sophie as his best man I believe.
Unless you need protecting from another bloke trying to steal your wife then you’ll be fine without.
My mate got married in private to avoid any fuss and then had a wedding party the following day.
Unless you need protecting from another bloke trying to steal your wife then you’ll be fine without.
My mate got married in private to avoid any fuss and then had a wedding party the following day.
Thanks for the inputs, it feels like im not alone in thinking.
We will be doing registry office for sure then finding somewhere for a meal/pissup. OH's old man is knocking on 80 and they'll be very few midnight ravers, plus we have a 4 year old.
I like the idea of going away to get married but not sure it works with the OH. Saying that its 500 quid for a registry office slot apparently!!!!
We also have a 4 year old who I want to see some family togetherness at least around a big occasion in life. (I do have a tiny bit of traditionalist in me lol)
We will be doing registry office for sure then finding somewhere for a meal/pissup. OH's old man is knocking on 80 and they'll be very few midnight ravers, plus we have a 4 year old.
I like the idea of going away to get married but not sure it works with the OH. Saying that its 500 quid for a registry office slot apparently!!!!
We also have a 4 year old who I want to see some family togetherness at least around a big occasion in life. (I do have a tiny bit of traditionalist in me lol)
andburg said:
If you only want to do it for legal reasons, pop down the registry office and do it, don’t even bother to change names if you want.
Yup, nothing wrong with getting married to your life partner for tax avoidance reasons, even if neither of you not bothered about marriage as an institution. Just do the legal stuff. No need for any kind of do. In fact, I think straight couples can now have a civil partnership, if tax and finances are the only motivation. I've been best man twice, the first, was 12 years back but I haven't spoken to the bloke for about 8.
I've been to weddings with odd choices of beat man, one was someone the guy used to work with years ago, so all his stories were about work the second was someone who hadn't known the bloke long as was very generic.
In summary I'd say do what you feel is best, but no best man will be better than the wrong best man
I've been to weddings with odd choices of beat man, one was someone the guy used to work with years ago, so all his stories were about work the second was someone who hadn't known the bloke long as was very generic.
In summary I'd say do what you feel is best, but no best man will be better than the wrong best man
Ham_and_Jam said:
Never have I been so disappointed in someone. He basically rocked up, looking like he had just got out of bed, no speech prepared, and it sounded like it.
Reminds me of a speech I witnessed. Its entirety was 'I remember the time me and the groom was out in a Renault 19 16v. We done skidded off the road and it took us about two hours to find some git to tow us out. Anyway, well done to both of youse.'
Then everyone went down the pub.
If marriage really has to happen for me, and I certainly hope not, then there sure as s
t won't be any of the traditional guff. 
davek_964 said:
'....if I get run over by a bus' - i.e IHT.
I see.I think, personally, there are no financial benefits for Mrs or me in getting married. Death in service grant (if applicable at the time), life insurance and a will, pretty much covers everything (for both of us). Neither of us own assets individually above the IHT threshold so I am naively assuming no significant tax issues.
In fact, marriage poses more of a financial risk when you're alive (i.e. divorce) than potential savings when you're dead.
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