Mental breakdown - experiences?
Discussion
I'm watching Miriam Margolyes Australia unmasked on Netflix and a man on the street described his situation as due to a mental breakdown.
I always thought of this term as a 90s thing.
However the symptoms describe one thing - burn out. Obviously burn out has varying degrees and due to a series of incidents this year I'm teetering on the edge.
Experiences? How did you come back and how severe was it?
I always thought of this term as a 90s thing.
However the symptoms describe one thing - burn out. Obviously burn out has varying degrees and due to a series of incidents this year I'm teetering on the edge.
Experiences? How did you come back and how severe was it?
Hugo Stiglitz v2 said:
I'm watching Miriam Margolyes Australia unmasked on Netflix and a man on the street described his situation as due to a mental breakdown.
I always thought of this term as a 90s thing.
However the symptoms describe one thing - burn out. Obviously burn out has varying degrees and due to a series of incidents this year I'm teetering on the edge.
Experiences? How did you come back and how severe was it?
I had a breakdown beginning of Oct and not afraid to mention itI always thought of this term as a 90s thing.
However the symptoms describe one thing - burn out. Obviously burn out has varying degrees and due to a series of incidents this year I'm teetering on the edge.
Experiences? How did you come back and how severe was it?
It's 75% due to my ongoing/persistent and life altering health issues and with no end in sight; and the rest was due to my Dad's cancer battle, our 16 year old cat having to be put to sleep (this absolutely broke me), and on top of all that, workload/work and being dragged into some internal politics BS (I'm not even in the same fecking country) finished me off...
I was signed off for 3 weeks by my GP; I'm on 50mg sertraline now, daily and will be for another good few months at least. It's helped, it's levelled me out and calmed me down. I've managed to sort the internal politics bull that I got dragged into (I went over to see them and had it out face to face and gave them a very direct/blunt but professional warning not to drag me into it any more with it having naff all to do with me); they got the message!
As for the rest; I'm dealing with it in my own way, a day at a time...
With stress I think of my brain as a sponge. It can only absorb so much at once. If you go over the limit, it's going to spill over unpredictably.
I've got ADHD which kind of helps me get into stressful situations whilst having a high tolerance for stress (fortunately). I've been very close to the edge a few times. My sister, who is similar to me, has broken before and been close to sectioned.
I've got ADHD which kind of helps me get into stressful situations whilst having a high tolerance for stress (fortunately). I've been very close to the edge a few times. My sister, who is similar to me, has broken before and been close to sectioned.
I had one in 2019, as result of a very traumatic childhood, pent up feelings and low self esteem manifest itself as chronic anxiety, pulling myself out of the pit of despair was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and took about 3yrs of completely re structuring every facet of my life, without the support of my family I doubt id be here now.
I've had a couple. I know when it's severe as I lose all sense of time passing, as if my mind has left my body. Nowadays I know I'm going to have a couple of hiccups a year, and I just keep telling myself things will get better when they do come. Generally antidepressants level me out.
Hugo Stiglitz v2 said:
I'm watching Miriam Margolyes Australia unmasked on Netflix and a man on the street described his situation as due to a mental breakdown.
I always thought of this term as a 90s thing.
However the symptoms describe one thing - burn out. Obviously burn out has varying degrees and due to a series of incidents this year I'm teetering on the edge.
Experiences? How did you come back and how severe was it?
Yep - 2020. Had been working very hard, having had a child in 2018 and working from home through lockdown with a fussy baby and a wife who had post natal depression. Our baby didn't sleep much so we did shifts: I'd go to sleep at about 7:30 and she'd wake me at about 3 so she could sleep until 7:30am when I'd go to work. I binged all of Game of Thrones, Poldark and Peaky Blinders with my son in my lap, occasionally dozing.I always thought of this term as a 90s thing.
However the symptoms describe one thing - burn out. Obviously burn out has varying degrees and due to a series of incidents this year I'm teetering on the edge.
Experiences? How did you come back and how severe was it?
I was burnt out from trying to keep up at work plus dealing with a stressful home life and I simply couldn't cope. Was signed off work for 2 weeks, had a crisis team person come round to check on me every 2-3 days and then back to work. I was already on anti-depressants, which weren't really working, so I basically had a cople of weeks of mooching around at home, getting a little extra sleep and that was it.
4-5 years on and I've not recovered. There's always something in life to challenge us and what I've found to be true is that once you break you won't be able to perform at the same level again. If you're feeling like you're getting close you must be proactive, as hard as that is. The alternative is far, far worse.
Animal said:
There's always something in life to challenge us and what I've found to be true is that once you break you won't be able to perform at the same level again.
This is very true. Had a few burn outs and each is worse than the last and you never get back to where you were and your tolerance drops each time. Been signed off work for a month in one role, came back to even more s**t that I left and what amounted to abuse of a position by a manager and HR (HR stripped me of leave and then issued me with a letter saying that I had resigned, when I hadn't) the rep's words were actually "well the words you used were not important". I had stated "I am not resigning." When I challenged that, I asked for it all in writing, and said I would be bringing legal representation to me they quickly back tracked. I walked out a month later anyway.
I can see how people end up homeless, when it all gets too much, there is no support and bullies at work abuse power, and they just want to walk away from it all.
I'm a single Dad with two sons both at University. I work full time and support my mother who was diagnosed with dementia in 2019. My Dad passed away in April, and my oldest son was talked down from local footbridge last week by two especially helpful van drivers and a police officer. Surprisingly just about holding my s
t together for now, although I do have a 19 year old cat...
I'll read about other people's experiences with interest.
t together for now, although I do have a 19 year old cat... I'll read about other people's experiences with interest.
About 15 years ago, I had a one year old with sleeping issues, an overactive 4 year old who similarly had sleep issues, a full time job and a Mrs. with a higher paying, more time consuming and stressful full time job. Sleep depravation was absolutely killing me. Then the Mrs. was diagnosed with cancer, so I ended up on full time child care duties, i.e. running to school and nursery at both ends of the day, doing all meals, hygiene, bedtimes, housework, shopping, absolutely everything you can think of for 2 demanding small children and a wife going through chemo...I have no local family to rely on to help, on mine nor on my wife's side - I was essentially alone.
At this time I get a new boss at work who turned out to be a consumate psycho and bully, he had a habit of screaming abuse at me over things when I simply couldn't understand why he had a problem, in an open office in front of dozens of other people. I ended up almost catatonic in work one day, terrified of him, and the boss just tore me apart and demanded I was removed from his department, and the company HR agreed on the spot, they were absolutely no use to me, just crumbled in the face of this ogre. This was the moment I realised I wasn't right, and I managed to have the presence of mind to go to my GP and got signed off for 3 months.
The GP did give me some prescription meds, I can't remember what they were now, but I think the thing that really put me right was time off from work stress. When I went back to work, I was put in an entirely different location and department, under a normal boss, and I'm still with them 15 years later.
I'm still a bit traumatised I think, I get quite anxious at work if I get the sense anything isn't quite going to plan, I'm internally fearful of another experience like I had before, and it's not nice. But time has allowed me to rationalise it all a bit, the children have grown up into lovely youngsters and the Mrs is still here and recovered - although she had a 2nd bout and much worse surgery/treatment second time round 5 years ago.
I guess what I'm saying is seek help, and try to think long term. Trust yourself and those around you to get you through it, and better days will be the result.
At this time I get a new boss at work who turned out to be a consumate psycho and bully, he had a habit of screaming abuse at me over things when I simply couldn't understand why he had a problem, in an open office in front of dozens of other people. I ended up almost catatonic in work one day, terrified of him, and the boss just tore me apart and demanded I was removed from his department, and the company HR agreed on the spot, they were absolutely no use to me, just crumbled in the face of this ogre. This was the moment I realised I wasn't right, and I managed to have the presence of mind to go to my GP and got signed off for 3 months.
The GP did give me some prescription meds, I can't remember what they were now, but I think the thing that really put me right was time off from work stress. When I went back to work, I was put in an entirely different location and department, under a normal boss, and I'm still with them 15 years later.
I'm still a bit traumatised I think, I get quite anxious at work if I get the sense anything isn't quite going to plan, I'm internally fearful of another experience like I had before, and it's not nice. But time has allowed me to rationalise it all a bit, the children have grown up into lovely youngsters and the Mrs is still here and recovered - although she had a 2nd bout and much worse surgery/treatment second time round 5 years ago.
I guess what I'm saying is seek help, and try to think long term. Trust yourself and those around you to get you through it, and better days will be the result.
80quattro said:
I'm a single Dad with two sons both at University. I work full time and support my mother who was diagnosed with dementia in 2019. My Dad passed away in April, and my oldest son was talked down from local footbridge last week by two especially helpful van drivers and a police officer. Surprisingly just about holding my st together for now, although I do have a 19 year old cat...
I'll read about other people's experiences with interest.
Really sorry to read this. Genuinely wish you all the best, I hope you and particularly your son pull through.t together for now, although I do have a 19 year old cat... I'll read about other people's experiences with interest.
A friend who has always had mental health issues explained it really well to me once.
He said imagine your ability to cope is a well.
For me, the water level is always low. Even if it rains really hard the well only fills up a bit. Not a problem.
For him the level of water in the well is always very high. So even a little bit of rain can see the well overflowing.
So for me, losing a job or getting sick raises the water but nowhere near enough to flood.
For him something that many people might see as mundane or trivial is enough to overflow his well/ ability to cope.
One of the best explanations i have heard.
He said imagine your ability to cope is a well.
For me, the water level is always low. Even if it rains really hard the well only fills up a bit. Not a problem.
For him the level of water in the well is always very high. So even a little bit of rain can see the well overflowing.
So for me, losing a job or getting sick raises the water but nowhere near enough to flood.
For him something that many people might see as mundane or trivial is enough to overflow his well/ ability to cope.
One of the best explanations i have heard.
Animal said:
4-5 years on and I've not recovered. There's always something in life to challenge us and what I've found to be true is that once you break you won't be able to perform at the same level again. If you're feeling like you're getting close you must be proactive, as hard as that is. The alternative is far, far worse.
Yep. I burnt myself out working 100 hour weeks for 5 years. Eventually my mind just shut itself down. I'm told I was found lying on the sofa unresponsive and was taken to hospital. I've zero recollection of it.
There's still about 18 months from that period I don't remember - just a complete blank.
Never had the same ability to cope with stress since.
I hit burn out a few years back; company I worked for was bought by a bigger (not vastly but double the size) company (they turned out to be OK). I knew 6 months in advance but wasn't allowed to say anything, which wasn't fun.
Then it was announced, and things moved really quickly. I had three days in a row out in London meeting dozens of new people and it broke me - I went mostly non-verbal, had fight-or-flight trying to get onto trains. I had a really nice GP, so got CBT (no use), beta blockers (these were what saved me - being able to turn the panic off and deal with life), then SSRIs (not sure they achieved much, off them after nine months), and, most importantly, an autism assessment which I passed with distinction.
Work were nice to me, which I'm sure made a big difference. I no longer have to go to socials, I don't have to go out more than two days in a week, and I'm now on a four day week. I very occasionally have a quarter of a beta blocker when I feel a meltdown approaching - I think that was only twice so far this year.
It makes, I suspect, a huge difference how work handles it.
Then it was announced, and things moved really quickly. I had three days in a row out in London meeting dozens of new people and it broke me - I went mostly non-verbal, had fight-or-flight trying to get onto trains. I had a really nice GP, so got CBT (no use), beta blockers (these were what saved me - being able to turn the panic off and deal with life), then SSRIs (not sure they achieved much, off them after nine months), and, most importantly, an autism assessment which I passed with distinction.
Work were nice to me, which I'm sure made a big difference. I no longer have to go to socials, I don't have to go out more than two days in a week, and I'm now on a four day week. I very occasionally have a quarter of a beta blocker when I feel a meltdown approaching - I think that was only twice so far this year.
It makes, I suspect, a huge difference how work handles it.
My very first experience was in 1990 at the age of 25.
I had been working excessive hours, driving huge distances and dealing with non stop customer complaints.
Then the company went bust and I lost my job, income and car in one go.
There has always been some hangover from that.
As Winston Churchill said, it's..
I had been working excessive hours, driving huge distances and dealing with non stop customer complaints.
Then the company went bust and I lost my job, income and car in one go.
There has always been some hangover from that.
As Winston Churchill said, it's..
Another one here. I had mine back in 2010.
It's never one thing though, it's lots and lots of things building up over time. Individually you can deal with each event, but cumulatively they do the damage.
It was a genuinely horrible experience but fortunately I had a wonderful doctor who made me realise I was been taken seriously and that I was not alone. I was signed off work for a month, a couple of months on 'light duties' and the better part of a year on the pills.
The usual protocol where I worked was to say someone had been off with pneumonia etc, anything to avoid discussing mental health. I had decided that was stupid and was just going to be open about it all. It was incredible was the amount of people who came to me to discuss their own mental health issues, and still do, so perhaps some good came of it. I hope so.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and in my case this was very true. I learnt to be much more aware of my stress triggers and how to manage them.
Anyone going through this now just know you can get through it. Go to your doc, take the pills and any advice offered. Don't try and 'man up' or 'tough it out', that won't end well.
I've gone on a bit there haven't I
It's never one thing though, it's lots and lots of things building up over time. Individually you can deal with each event, but cumulatively they do the damage.
It was a genuinely horrible experience but fortunately I had a wonderful doctor who made me realise I was been taken seriously and that I was not alone. I was signed off work for a month, a couple of months on 'light duties' and the better part of a year on the pills.
The usual protocol where I worked was to say someone had been off with pneumonia etc, anything to avoid discussing mental health. I had decided that was stupid and was just going to be open about it all. It was incredible was the amount of people who came to me to discuss their own mental health issues, and still do, so perhaps some good came of it. I hope so.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and in my case this was very true. I learnt to be much more aware of my stress triggers and how to manage them.
Anyone going through this now just know you can get through it. Go to your doc, take the pills and any advice offered. Don't try and 'man up' or 'tough it out', that won't end well.
I've gone on a bit there haven't I
Using a fresh account for this but I had a breakdown back in 2019. I had a buildup of many things. My boss and I didn't see eye to eye, and I had a stressful job. He was also trying to force me out of the company. My father passed away and I had to put my mother in a home around the same time as she had dementia. This also meant I had to take over legal responsibility for my severely disabled brother as she could no longer make sound decisions for him. She died not long after. There was a lot of other things going on too but in isolation, any of these things I would just get on and deal with, but they all happened around the same time.
This is how I view it. We all have mental and physical health whether you're a powerfully built PH director or a meek mild-mannered wimp. Just like your physical health where your body can heal, Mental health isn't always a permanent illness. You can go most of your life being fine, have a breakdown, get over it and then be fine the rest of your life. This is something I didn't understand. I naively thought that if you have a breakdown, you're a bit of a nutter and will never be right. This is very wrong.
We all get stress in our lives. Some days our stress can go above our threshold, but we can cope as it is not prolonged. The issue comes when our stress threshold is breached for a long period of time. That's when the breakdown, snap or whatever you want to call it happens. Lack of sleep, self-doubt, alcohol as a coping mechanism, uncharacteristically lashing out or overreacting. They're all telltale signs.
These were some of the ways I coped.
1. I took a step back from work. This is difficult as it's hard to switch off. You automatically assume as soon as you go back to work, you will get fired or everyone will treat you differently. I avoided doing this until I reached a point where I snapped. A couple of months off was the best thing I did. It freed up headspace to cope with the personal matters in life that needed addressing. Talk to your Doctor and get a sick note for as long as you need.
2. I confided in close friends and the Mrs. Nobody can sort your problems out for you but sharing them, talking, and having someone listen and offer support is massive. Something us blokes tend to be rubbish at.
3. Take stock and look at what is important in your life. You kids, partner, friends, whatever.
4. I started going for hikes and walks in the country. The vastness of the countryside, switching off the electronics and breathing fresh air give me perspective.
5. I addressed the work issue. I was lucky that I had some leverage. I took a new role and left my old boss behind. I managed to keep the salary and bonus, but I dropped a lot of the responsibilities and micromanagement.
6. Look at your attitude to work. I was very career focused and now I’m the complete opposite. I take every minute owed on flexi time; I finish work on the dot. Learn to say no. Honestly, you’re not thought of any higher by staying late each night, working harder, or putting yourself out by agreeing to everything. You just end up with more stress by taking on more stuff.
Always remember, what you’re going through now is horrible and may not end anytime soon but it will end. The problems and the feelings will go with time, and you’ll be back to your normal self again. Realise how important you are to your family and friends. We often define ourselves by our careers or work life. That means nothing.
This is how I view it. We all have mental and physical health whether you're a powerfully built PH director or a meek mild-mannered wimp. Just like your physical health where your body can heal, Mental health isn't always a permanent illness. You can go most of your life being fine, have a breakdown, get over it and then be fine the rest of your life. This is something I didn't understand. I naively thought that if you have a breakdown, you're a bit of a nutter and will never be right. This is very wrong.
We all get stress in our lives. Some days our stress can go above our threshold, but we can cope as it is not prolonged. The issue comes when our stress threshold is breached for a long period of time. That's when the breakdown, snap or whatever you want to call it happens. Lack of sleep, self-doubt, alcohol as a coping mechanism, uncharacteristically lashing out or overreacting. They're all telltale signs.
These were some of the ways I coped.
1. I took a step back from work. This is difficult as it's hard to switch off. You automatically assume as soon as you go back to work, you will get fired or everyone will treat you differently. I avoided doing this until I reached a point where I snapped. A couple of months off was the best thing I did. It freed up headspace to cope with the personal matters in life that needed addressing. Talk to your Doctor and get a sick note for as long as you need.
2. I confided in close friends and the Mrs. Nobody can sort your problems out for you but sharing them, talking, and having someone listen and offer support is massive. Something us blokes tend to be rubbish at.
3. Take stock and look at what is important in your life. You kids, partner, friends, whatever.
4. I started going for hikes and walks in the country. The vastness of the countryside, switching off the electronics and breathing fresh air give me perspective.
5. I addressed the work issue. I was lucky that I had some leverage. I took a new role and left my old boss behind. I managed to keep the salary and bonus, but I dropped a lot of the responsibilities and micromanagement.
6. Look at your attitude to work. I was very career focused and now I’m the complete opposite. I take every minute owed on flexi time; I finish work on the dot. Learn to say no. Honestly, you’re not thought of any higher by staying late each night, working harder, or putting yourself out by agreeing to everything. You just end up with more stress by taking on more stuff.
Always remember, what you’re going through now is horrible and may not end anytime soon but it will end. The problems and the feelings will go with time, and you’ll be back to your normal self again. Realise how important you are to your family and friends. We often define ourselves by our careers or work life. That means nothing.
Hugo Stiglitz v2 said:
I feel myself coming "back online" - a sort of self confidence return more and more
That is a very good way to describe it, although depending on how far you fall depends on how long it takes to come back.With me it was repeated episodes of "feeling better now", but the reality was just better than before, not really back to normal. The main thing is you're recovering.
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