Children and dummies
Discussion
Mrs UTH and I have a daughter who turned 2 a couple of months ago.
We have regular debates/arguments/fallouts over the use of a dummy so wondered what a few more opinions are.
I'm aware that having a dummy constantly isn't good and also that being, what, 4, 5, 6 (??) still using a dummy not good either.
But at just over 2 years old I really don't see the problem in using the dummy if she's being stroppy or struggling to go to sleep and basically to try and make our lives (the parents) a bit easier in the constant battle that is having a 2 year old.
But Mrs UTH is 90% of the time adamant that we can't use the dummy, so instead we have to endure the screaming/crying/not going to sleep etc
If I was a single parent I'd probably be giving her a dummy at the slightest hint of her being a pain. Which I'm sure is wrong, but I can't help feeling we are making our lives harder than needs be by denying her a dummy most of the time.
Any thoughts?
We have regular debates/arguments/fallouts over the use of a dummy so wondered what a few more opinions are.
I'm aware that having a dummy constantly isn't good and also that being, what, 4, 5, 6 (??) still using a dummy not good either.
But at just over 2 years old I really don't see the problem in using the dummy if she's being stroppy or struggling to go to sleep and basically to try and make our lives (the parents) a bit easier in the constant battle that is having a 2 year old.
But Mrs UTH is 90% of the time adamant that we can't use the dummy, so instead we have to endure the screaming/crying/not going to sleep etc
If I was a single parent I'd probably be giving her a dummy at the slightest hint of her being a pain. Which I'm sure is wrong, but I can't help feeling we are making our lives harder than needs be by denying her a dummy most of the time.
Any thoughts?
Not using a dummy for nap times and the like just makes everything harder, for no real reason. My three all had them, and wasn't hard to get them to give them up somewhere between 1-2 years.
I've seen it before with parents who don't let their kids have sweets, won't let them watch TV or play video games, dress them in smart gear for a play date then complain when it gets covered in whatever. This is a different matter of course, but I believe stems from the same thought process.
I'm generalising, but parents who don't let their kids have a dummy tend to think they're better than everyone else.
I've seen it before with parents who don't let their kids have sweets, won't let them watch TV or play video games, dress them in smart gear for a play date then complain when it gets covered in whatever. This is a different matter of course, but I believe stems from the same thought process.
I'm generalising, but parents who don't let their kids have a dummy tend to think they're better than everyone else.
In my view do what is easiest for you to a degree. The child won't have the dummy for ever.
With our lad, we were away for the weekend on the eve if his 3rd or 4th birthday and told him the dummy fairy was visiting and he'd not have the dummy again as he was a big boy. Didn't miss it at all.
Mind you we are very lucky that he's very chilled.
With our lad, we were away for the weekend on the eve if his 3rd or 4th birthday and told him the dummy fairy was visiting and he'd not have the dummy again as he was a big boy. Didn't miss it at all.
Mind you we are very lucky that he's very chilled.
Thank you, pretty much going with my logic here as well. I think that Mrs UTH seems to think that using a dummy will mean she grows up with all sorts of speech impediments, but as the poster above says, sucking the thumb is much worse for that I believe, and she does not do that.
Next time we fight about this maybe I'll show her this thread. Making life hard for ourselves with no actual logic or reasoning behind it seems daft.
Next time we fight about this maybe I'll show her this thread. Making life hard for ourselves with no actual logic or reasoning behind it seems daft.
Our now 6 yo had a dummy for a while when she was younger but was never that fussed about it, so we did what we thought was the good parent thing and went cold turkey on it
But, she then started sucking her fingers (yes, two fingers, not her thumb - weird)
From about 4 we half heartedly tried to wean her off doing this, but it was difficult - you can take strategically take the dummy away from them, not so much fingers and thumbs... just before she was 5 at a dentist trip it was pointed out it was stating to make her teeth move. So that was it, we made a much more concerted effort to put a stop to it which succeeded and the teeth have restraightened
In the end we didn't have too much bother getting her to stop sucking her fingers, but I can't help be think it would have been easier if it had been a dummy, which we could controlled when she had it and weaned more gradually
But, she then started sucking her fingers (yes, two fingers, not her thumb - weird)
From about 4 we half heartedly tried to wean her off doing this, but it was difficult - you can take strategically take the dummy away from them, not so much fingers and thumbs... just before she was 5 at a dentist trip it was pointed out it was stating to make her teeth move. So that was it, we made a much more concerted effort to put a stop to it which succeeded and the teeth have restraightened
In the end we didn't have too much bother getting her to stop sucking her fingers, but I can't help be think it would have been easier if it had been a dummy, which we could controlled when she had it and weaned more gradually
I'be got two kids, both have had dummies and my youngest still does.
My boy, now 7, had one until he was about 3yrs old and then my wife instigated the whole "let's leave it on the tree and the fairies will take it and leave you a present" and it worked, which was surprising as he went from having it quite a lot to nothing and never once asked for it.
We tried a similar technique with my little girls a few weeks back and she was having none of it, tried to go full cold turkey and power through the tears, tantrums and the constant asking but it broke my wife pretty fast and collectively, we buckled though I fear it was bad timing as she'd not been well for a bit so maybe a bit too much to take.
She's just turned four and is better, she'll look for it when she's tired... but aside for that she's not that bothered so the seed has been planted again that maybe it's time to give hers away too. I assumed she'd be less bothered as she's a total savage compared to her brother, but it's the opposite... and maybe that's the issue, she's more determined than he is but possibly determined to keep it.
I don't think there's a right or wrong answer in all of this - do what works for you and works for them.
My boy, now 7, had one until he was about 3yrs old and then my wife instigated the whole "let's leave it on the tree and the fairies will take it and leave you a present" and it worked, which was surprising as he went from having it quite a lot to nothing and never once asked for it.
We tried a similar technique with my little girls a few weeks back and she was having none of it, tried to go full cold turkey and power through the tears, tantrums and the constant asking but it broke my wife pretty fast and collectively, we buckled though I fear it was bad timing as she'd not been well for a bit so maybe a bit too much to take.
She's just turned four and is better, she'll look for it when she's tired... but aside for that she's not that bothered so the seed has been planted again that maybe it's time to give hers away too. I assumed she'd be less bothered as she's a total savage compared to her brother, but it's the opposite... and maybe that's the issue, she's more determined than he is but possibly determined to keep it.
I don't think there's a right or wrong answer in all of this - do what works for you and works for them.
Davie said:
I'be got two kids, both have had dummies and my youngest still does.
My boy, now 7, had one until he was about 3yrs old and then my wife instigated the whole "let's leave it on the tree and the fairies will take it and leave you a present" and it worked, which was surprising as he went from having it quite a lot to nothing and never once asked for it.
We tried a similar technique with my little girls a few weeks back and she was having none of it, tried to go full cold turkey and power through the tears, tantrums and the constant asking but it broke my wife pretty fast and collectively, we buckled though I fear it was bad timing as she'd not been well for a bit so maybe a bit too much to take.
She's just turned four and is better, she'll look for it when she's tired... but aside for that she's not that bothered so the seed has been planted again that maybe it's time to give hers away too. I assumed she'd be less bothered as she's a total savage compared to her brother, but it's the opposite... and maybe that's the issue, she's more determined than he is but possibly determined to keep it.
I don't think there's a right or wrong answer in all of this - do what works for you and works for them.
I assume you've not noticed any negative effects in speech etc with your 4 year old? My boy, now 7, had one until he was about 3yrs old and then my wife instigated the whole "let's leave it on the tree and the fairies will take it and leave you a present" and it worked, which was surprising as he went from having it quite a lot to nothing and never once asked for it.
We tried a similar technique with my little girls a few weeks back and she was having none of it, tried to go full cold turkey and power through the tears, tantrums and the constant asking but it broke my wife pretty fast and collectively, we buckled though I fear it was bad timing as she'd not been well for a bit so maybe a bit too much to take.
She's just turned four and is better, she'll look for it when she's tired... but aside for that she's not that bothered so the seed has been planted again that maybe it's time to give hers away too. I assumed she'd be less bothered as she's a total savage compared to her brother, but it's the opposite... and maybe that's the issue, she's more determined than he is but possibly determined to keep it.
I don't think there's a right or wrong answer in all of this - do what works for you and works for them.
We used them.
I'm not a fan because it feels wrong but I think that's largely down to societal pressure.
Our 4 year old gave them up last month. A little bit of gentle persuasion and he went cold turkey and hasn't looked back. The number of crying fits and tantrums they've abated over the last 4 years I think they're more beneficial than not.
Hopefully our 3yo will go the same way soon enough, might have to stop breastfeeding first though
In summary, I think there's a lot of middle class pretentiousness b
ks. If it soothes your child then great, they're not going to be sitting their GCSEs still sucking on it.
I'm not a fan because it feels wrong but I think that's largely down to societal pressure.
Our 4 year old gave them up last month. A little bit of gentle persuasion and he went cold turkey and hasn't looked back. The number of crying fits and tantrums they've abated over the last 4 years I think they're more beneficial than not.
Hopefully our 3yo will go the same way soon enough, might have to stop breastfeeding first though
In summary, I think there's a lot of middle class pretentiousness b
ks. If it soothes your child then great, they're not going to be sitting their GCSEs still sucking on it. Edited by ChocolateFrog on Friday 15th November 13:01
I know my mother was always dead against children having them and apparently neither I or my sister ever had one but when my two were born they both had them as babies and both got rid before 3.
My eldest was more resistant and we told her Santa would take them and give her an extra present which she accepted till it happened then, the first night she wasn't happy but we stuck by it and all was fine.
The second just decided herself she didn't want them anymore and that was that.
My eldest was more resistant and we told her Santa would take them and give her an extra present which she accepted till it happened then, the first night she wasn't happy but we stuck by it and all was fine.
The second just decided herself she didn't want them anymore and that was that.
UTH said:
I assume you've not noticed any negative effects in speech etc with your 4 year old?
No, no concerns with her speech or her teeth... and at a recent health visitor check in, they didn't express any concern either more so as she generally just has it to fall asleep with then spits it out. We're currently trying to substitute her needing a dummy for that, with having a cuddly toy instead or similar. It's not going well! On the giving it up front I think it's comparable to potty training.
Try and do it too early and it's a painful fight but when they're ready it's a piece of cake.
My OH makes a point about Cortisol not being good for babies for extended periods. If you can lower their stress levels then that's got to be a good thing?
Does make sense.
Try and do it too early and it's a painful fight but when they're ready it's a piece of cake.
My OH makes a point about Cortisol not being good for babies for extended periods. If you can lower their stress levels then that's got to be a good thing?
Does make sense.
Two daughters 10 and 7 and a 3 and a half year old boy. Both daughters were about 4 when fully given up, mainly used when upset / bedtime. My little lads dummies are going to Santa to go to other babies. No speech or teeth problems. Sounds a bit harsh to deprive a two year old of there dummy in my opinion.
Our son, our youngest, was obsessed with dummies.
I have a great pic of him in his car seat beaming away with a dummy in his mouth and one in each hand.
His sister also had a dummy, but let go of it sooner I'd say. Though they're 18 and 15 respectively now, so I have to concede I can't remember when they stopped.
I wouldn't worry. They all grow out of it eventually.
I have a great pic of him in his car seat beaming away with a dummy in his mouth and one in each hand.
His sister also had a dummy, but let go of it sooner I'd say. Though they're 18 and 15 respectively now, so I have to concede I can't remember when they stopped.
I wouldn't worry. They all grow out of it eventually.
My girl is 3 and a half. My view is when she’s upset or tired let her have the dummy if it’ll calm her down. My wife had been more strict about it but as far as I can see it just makes life harder for all concerned. You can’t reason with an upset toddler so telling her dummies are for bedtime etc doesn’t cut it.
I think though that the dummy is becoming a default demand whenever she doesn’t get her way but she’s also maturing and able to understand reasoning so I think by the time she’s 4 if she hasn’t given it up on her own then we can introduce the dummy fairy idea to her.
I think though that the dummy is becoming a default demand whenever she doesn’t get her way but she’s also maturing and able to understand reasoning so I think by the time she’s 4 if she hasn’t given it up on her own then we can introduce the dummy fairy idea to her.
We didn't use a dummy, and at times I definitely wanted to try one. I think mainly as we thought it would be harder to wean our daughter off using it, than the benefit it would give earlier on.
I don't think it was the right choice though, as I don't know many people that have really struggled to stop using them.
I don't think it was the right choice though, as I don't know many people that have really struggled to stop using them.
All part of the performative "you're not a real mother if...." bks which women get subjected to, by each other and by over-wrought attention seeking opinion writers in the press, inflicting guilt upon people for no good reason. Natural drug-free childbirth, are you eating the right foods in pregnancy, don't do this, do that, organic everything, designer label everything, must have a 3-tonne SUV for safety, all that ste.
Give them a dummy if you think it'll help make life easier. You'll find a way to get it off 'em when the time's right. Anyone criticizes, tell the to ram it.
ks which women get subjected to, by each other and by over-wrought attention seeking opinion writers in the press, inflicting guilt upon people for no good reason. Natural drug-free childbirth, are you eating the right foods in pregnancy, don't do this, do that, organic everything, designer label everything, must have a 3-tonne SUV for safety, all that ste.Give them a dummy if you think it'll help make life easier. You'll find a way to get it off 'em when the time's right. Anyone criticizes, tell the to ram it.
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