On the verge of losing it all
Discussion
I don't really know why i'm posting this really, I suppose just to try and get some stuff off my check. Ive been on PH since around 2010 ish, new account because some people on here know me. I never thought I would post such a thing here. (In finance because Lounge is allowed only 14 days of being a member).
I moved to that there Europe in 2012 after meeting my wife in London. We have the most amazing beautiful girl. Life was going well.
Then my Father-in-Law got scammed out of his retirement money. More than EUR150,000. Since then we have been paying for them (covering rent, bills etc... around 1.600 per month), while they stuggle on whatever little pension they get from the state. Its not a lot. Mother in law is basically disabled (not offically, very over weighta and bascially can't stand / move alot). For whatever reason the inlaws refuse to ask their other daughter for help. If we didn't, they would be homeless.
Fast forward to July 2019 and my wife open a children's clothes store. Its going well until Spring 2020, when Corona hits. We aren't an essential business so can't open (apparently kids don't grow). We struggled through as much as possible, but needed to take a bridging loan. That loan needed to be paid back in 3 amounts, the first was in December 2023. To pay that, we emptied savings and I used most of an inheritance. The 2nd part of the 2024 loan needed to be paid yesterdy and we couldn't do it. The third part is due in December 2024. In total, its 34.000. Plus I need to pay suppliers, the owner of our shops, our employee (bless her, shes been great, but if she walked away tomorrow, I couldn't blame her)... and we had a bad spring which put us in the s
t.
We had a meeting with the bank today, who basically told us we more than likely going to go bankrupt. Which breaks my heart. I have worked so hard supporting my wife and her family (I work full time, the shops is my wife's business). We have the most beautiful little girl, 11 years old, who is the happiest little thing in the world. Her smile is amazing. She brings us so much joy. Its killing me that instead of wondering how to buy her whatever the latest thing is that she want's, I'm looking at complete ruin.
As I sit here, tears are streaming down my face. I'm not going to lie, I've had some dark thoughts. Nothing I would ever act on, but I can seriously see how people commit suicide in such situations. My daughter, family, and the fact I am not someone who could or would do such a thing means I won't. But yes, I can see how and why people do it.
We face bankrupcy and all the joys that come with that (reposession of the a Seat Alhambra, hey this is PH afterall) and a Dacia Duster (They are great 4x4's here in winter!) which would mean financial restrictions here for 3 years. This would affect my daughters education as she has been in a Montossori school most of her life so she would stuggle to adapt to conventional schooling. She is so intelligent. Loves learning and loves her school. This is honestly heart breaking.
My parents have helped us in the past, but can't any more. I am looking at some kind of consolodating loan, but without secuity I won't get much.
The kicker is, if it wasn't for covid, the shops would make a profit. It the fking bridging loan and a few others we haven't been able to repay. including the landlord of the shops.
So yeah, here we are, my wife and I, trying to keep a roof over 5 people's head, pay all bills, pay everything and I really feel like i'm losing it. We are the type that help everyone and now when we need help it seems we are alone. ....I don't really know what the point of typing this is, as I said but overhere I don't really have many friends (most are back in the UK) and I suppose i'm feeling a little alone, depressed, scared, angry and no way out and need to get this off my chest.
Any ideas or miracles on how to get out of this mess would be appreciated.
I moved to that there Europe in 2012 after meeting my wife in London. We have the most amazing beautiful girl. Life was going well.
Then my Father-in-Law got scammed out of his retirement money. More than EUR150,000. Since then we have been paying for them (covering rent, bills etc... around 1.600 per month), while they stuggle on whatever little pension they get from the state. Its not a lot. Mother in law is basically disabled (not offically, very over weighta and bascially can't stand / move alot). For whatever reason the inlaws refuse to ask their other daughter for help. If we didn't, they would be homeless.
Fast forward to July 2019 and my wife open a children's clothes store. Its going well until Spring 2020, when Corona hits. We aren't an essential business so can't open (apparently kids don't grow). We struggled through as much as possible, but needed to take a bridging loan. That loan needed to be paid back in 3 amounts, the first was in December 2023. To pay that, we emptied savings and I used most of an inheritance. The 2nd part of the 2024 loan needed to be paid yesterdy and we couldn't do it. The third part is due in December 2024. In total, its 34.000. Plus I need to pay suppliers, the owner of our shops, our employee (bless her, shes been great, but if she walked away tomorrow, I couldn't blame her)... and we had a bad spring which put us in the s
t. We had a meeting with the bank today, who basically told us we more than likely going to go bankrupt. Which breaks my heart. I have worked so hard supporting my wife and her family (I work full time, the shops is my wife's business). We have the most beautiful little girl, 11 years old, who is the happiest little thing in the world. Her smile is amazing. She brings us so much joy. Its killing me that instead of wondering how to buy her whatever the latest thing is that she want's, I'm looking at complete ruin.
As I sit here, tears are streaming down my face. I'm not going to lie, I've had some dark thoughts. Nothing I would ever act on, but I can seriously see how people commit suicide in such situations. My daughter, family, and the fact I am not someone who could or would do such a thing means I won't. But yes, I can see how and why people do it.
We face bankrupcy and all the joys that come with that (reposession of the a Seat Alhambra, hey this is PH afterall) and a Dacia Duster (They are great 4x4's here in winter!) which would mean financial restrictions here for 3 years. This would affect my daughters education as she has been in a Montossori school most of her life so she would stuggle to adapt to conventional schooling. She is so intelligent. Loves learning and loves her school. This is honestly heart breaking.
My parents have helped us in the past, but can't any more. I am looking at some kind of consolodating loan, but without secuity I won't get much.
The kicker is, if it wasn't for covid, the shops would make a profit. It the f
king bridging loan and a few others we haven't been able to repay. including the landlord of the shops. So yeah, here we are, my wife and I, trying to keep a roof over 5 people's head, pay all bills, pay everything and I really feel like i'm losing it. We are the type that help everyone and now when we need help it seems we are alone. ....I don't really know what the point of typing this is, as I said but overhere I don't really have many friends (most are back in the UK) and I suppose i'm feeling a little alone, depressed, scared, angry and no way out and need to get this off my chest.
Any ideas or miracles on how to get out of this mess would be appreciated.
Can’t really offer any practical help without knowing the figures side of things, ie details of incomings and outgoings.
What would stress is that many things can seem impossible, but can actually be resolved with a bit of thought and conversations with the right people at the relevant companies. I appreciate it’s hard to say not to stress, but keep logical and things generally are not as bad as they first seem.
What would stress is that many things can seem impossible, but can actually be resolved with a bit of thought and conversations with the right people at the relevant companies. I appreciate it’s hard to say not to stress, but keep logical and things generally are not as bad as they first seem.
needamiracle said:
We face bankrupcy and all the joys that come with that (reposession of the a Seat Alhambra, hey this is PH afterall) and a Dacia Duster (They are great 4x4's here in winter!) which would mean financial restrictions here for 3 years. This would affect my daughters education as she has been in a Montossori school most of her life so she would stuggle to adapt to conventional schooling. She is so intelligent. Loves learning and loves her school. This is honestly heart breaking.
My parents have helped us in the past, but can't any more. I am looking at some kind of consolodating loan, but without secuity I won't get much.
A bankruptcy is not the end. My parents have helped us in the past, but can't any more. I am looking at some kind of consolodating loan, but without secuity I won't get much.
You can open a gofundme and see if there is some money coming your way.
Investigate before, the tear stories don't get much, don't ask for 100k ask for 1000 as the amount can go over. A high amount kills any fun for those giving.
Don't you have products you could change into silver in a garage selling?
Thanks both.
Hobo, where possible we have already agreed monthly repayments with suppliers.
NickZ, I thought about GoFundMe, like you I don’t see tear jerkers working, but yeah I’m still not sure about that. We’ve already taken some stuff to be sold. I’m thinking of a second job. I also looked online for second jobs (I also teach English but in summer nobody wants to learn), online rates are crap. One website suggests starting at €7 to build a client base.
Hobo, where possible we have already agreed monthly repayments with suppliers.
NickZ, I thought about GoFundMe, like you I don’t see tear jerkers working, but yeah I’m still not sure about that. We’ve already taken some stuff to be sold. I’m thinking of a second job. I also looked online for second jobs (I also teach English but in summer nobody wants to learn), online rates are crap. One website suggests starting at €7 to build a client base.
I've lost everything in the past. Ended up living in a shared room in a house in my 30's with absolutely nothing to my name. What I realised whilst getting back on my feet is how little you need to be happy. I used it as a period to work out what I need and what made me happy. Had a complete career change since and earn a modest income. I've never been happier despite having some incredible challenges to overcome. My daughter is 11 and has never once gone without the important things, family time is the big winner.
What security did you put up for the bridging loan?
House?
Can you not just wind the business up and try to do a deal with your creditors?
What does your father in law do? Can he work? Can the state support them? Not sure what country you’re in.
Controversial idea…….can you dump the lot and come back to the UK?
House?
Can you not just wind the business up and try to do a deal with your creditors?
What does your father in law do? Can he work? Can the state support them? Not sure what country you’re in.
Controversial idea…….can you dump the lot and come back to the UK?
needamiracle said:
We struggled through as much as possible, but needed to take a bridging loan. That loan needed to be paid back in 3 amounts, the first was in December 2023. To pay that, we emptied savings and I used most of an inheritance.
We had a meeting with the bank today, who basically told us we more than likely going to go bankrupt.
First up, I feel for your personal situation. Every business failure is somebody's dreams going up in smoke.We had a meeting with the bank today, who basically told us we more than likely going to go bankrupt.
Questions,
1. Why were you borrowing if you had savings?
2. Why did it take a meeting with the bank to grasp that things were turning inside out?
3. Is your business in a self-contained limited company or are you 100% on the hook, either through personal loans or through loans to a limited company with personal guarantees?
4. Do you own your own home?
Message to others. As soon as the cash flow of any business turns inside out you need to start thinking very hard, very quickly.
needamiracle said:
Then my Father-in-Law got scammed out of his retirement money. More than EUR150,000. Since then we have been paying for them (covering rent, bills etc... around 1.600 per month), while they stuggle on whatever little pension they get from the state. Its not a lot. Mother in law is basically disabled (not offically, very over weighta and bascially can't stand / move alot). For whatever reason the inlaws refuse to ask their other daughter for help. If we didn't, they would be homeless.
Sorry to hear about your situation.Of the significant amount you posted i am sorry to say this is your problem.
Did he get scammed?
Is she disabled?
How is she overweight if money is so tight?
Yes the last few years have been a tough time for lots of people, but you have been carrying passengers and not asking for their fare.
I’m sorry to hear how hard it is, but in terms of your daughter’s education, will you and your wife not be able to find jobs which allow that to continue?
Edited to add, Covid restrictions ended years ago now, so if your business is still not able to make enough profit to repay the loans then you need to stop throwing good money after bad.
Are you both actually looking for work? Can you find something to do in the evenings or weekends to bring money in? Can your wife?
Edited to add, Covid restrictions ended years ago now, so if your business is still not able to make enough profit to repay the loans then you need to stop throwing good money after bad.
Are you both actually looking for work? Can you find something to do in the evenings or weekends to bring money in? Can your wife?
Edited by Ken_Code on Monday 1st July 22:48
Very thought provoking post and it's good that you've found the time and courage to get things off your chest in some way.
All I can say is concentrate on what you do have and can be thankful for, some of which you touched in in your post. They're the basics but without them it'd be totally different again.
My Dad went bankrupt when I was about 8 years old and we lost the family home, parents divorced, etc. but families are incredibly adaptable. You'll continue to work, eat, drink and make great memories with your family.
It's not an easy chapter but another page in the fabric of life and could always be worse. Just take each day as it comes and rebuild. You'll come back wiser, stronger and may appreciate things differently and have a different perspective in years to come.
It will feel like things are too much now but don't underestimate how adaptable and tough the human desire to carry on can be. It's just day by day, piece by piece and step by step for now. Try and enjoy the simple things whilst the bigger picture sorts itself out.
All I can say is concentrate on what you do have and can be thankful for, some of which you touched in in your post. They're the basics but without them it'd be totally different again.
My Dad went bankrupt when I was about 8 years old and we lost the family home, parents divorced, etc. but families are incredibly adaptable. You'll continue to work, eat, drink and make great memories with your family.
It's not an easy chapter but another page in the fabric of life and could always be worse. Just take each day as it comes and rebuild. You'll come back wiser, stronger and may appreciate things differently and have a different perspective in years to come.
It will feel like things are too much now but don't underestimate how adaptable and tough the human desire to carry on can be. It's just day by day, piece by piece and step by step for now. Try and enjoy the simple things whilst the bigger picture sorts itself out.
Edited by joe oliver on Monday 1st July 22:50
DSLiverpool said:
Get the other daughter paying something, don’t get walked over.
Sell all the shops stock asap it’ll be summer stuff and summer is nearly over.
Agree with both of these. Sell all the shops stock asap it’ll be summer stuff and summer is nearly over.
Get the stuff sold on sale asap and, I hate to say it as a supplier myself, don't pay the suppliers. Most are insured for loss. Although the bank will probably keep the money going into your account, so try and take cash.
This is happening at an incredible rate now, speaking to a mate this evening for over an hour who is really worried, and he said that 20-30% of the shops in his small town have suddenly gone over the last month. Just like that.
He is worried because it is a really small town and now there is only 8 shops left, including his that are not estate agents, charity shops or fast food places. All 4 banks have closed this year too, and that killed footfall, people no longer pop in to do banking and "while I'm here....." they are going to the next town with banks.
A lot of people are concerned, concerned about their jobs, concerned about how much more tax they will be paying with Labour in charge, concerned about their mortgage rate, concerned about their food bill each week, concerned about how much the replacement car is going to cost, and are trying to rein in spending a bit.
Problem is for people like you in retail, many are finding energy prices up, rents up, covid borrowing now needs paying back, minimum wage rise is hitting hard, it suddenly gets on top and hard to get out of.
Stash away as much cash as you can, tell the in laws you simply can't pay any more, and good luck mate.
Most of the stress will go once it happens. Been there before. As others have said, call it a day and get her to get a job elsewhere that actually brings something in.
I’ve lost everything once and again right on the cusp of losing even more 15 years later.
Rock bottom can either be a conclusion or a foundation.
I’ve since built and sold a couple of businesses. Bankruptcy is absolutely not the end.
Btw. Also recently closed a number of shops as they went south incredibly quickly!
Rock bottom can either be a conclusion or a foundation.
I’ve since built and sold a couple of businesses. Bankruptcy is absolutely not the end.
Btw. Also recently closed a number of shops as they went south incredibly quickly!
This is a tough read, really sorry to hear OP as sounds like you’ve bent in every which way to do the right thing but can’t outrun the debts.
My initial reaction reading your post was time with your daughter is more important than killing yourself trying to stop drowning.
Unless you can find a way to satisfy creditors (pence on the pound) that you can afford, temptation to just bankrupt yourself is high. F it. Rebase, regroup, start again.
I don’t know what to say re parents in law. That’s really tricky as a serious outgoing and no idea how you can keep that going. That’s the biggest issue I see but there doesn’t seem to be a solution other than “sorry you’re on your own”. If sister has any assets it’s time for her to step up I think to give you chance to breathe & I hope she sees the stress it’s put you under trying to carry all the load.
Ultimately it’s just money. Don’t lose your sanity or health over it. In 5 year whatever happens will be behind you. Personally I see no stigma in calling it quits if the effort to dig out it a lot higher than the effort to just clean slate it. Why put yourself through the mill more than you have to?
Very very good luck. Citizens advice or similar where you are would be a worth a chat in case they know of any magic things that can help.
My initial reaction reading your post was time with your daughter is more important than killing yourself trying to stop drowning.
Unless you can find a way to satisfy creditors (pence on the pound) that you can afford, temptation to just bankrupt yourself is high. F it. Rebase, regroup, start again.
I don’t know what to say re parents in law. That’s really tricky as a serious outgoing and no idea how you can keep that going. That’s the biggest issue I see but there doesn’t seem to be a solution other than “sorry you’re on your own”. If sister has any assets it’s time for her to step up I think to give you chance to breathe & I hope she sees the stress it’s put you under trying to carry all the load.
Ultimately it’s just money. Don’t lose your sanity or health over it. In 5 year whatever happens will be behind you. Personally I see no stigma in calling it quits if the effort to dig out it a lot higher than the effort to just clean slate it. Why put yourself through the mill more than you have to?
Very very good luck. Citizens advice or similar where you are would be a worth a chat in case they know of any magic things that can help.
Gassing Station | Finance | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff