Selling your partner
Discussion
I caught a trailer for a programme caled 'Selling your Husband' or something like that. Got me thinking about what I would say about my partner if I was trying to get the best price on the open market, in an EBAY kind of way, and what price I would set as reserve and BUY HER NOW!
I think you have to set aside all emotional aspects and list them as you would a car or hi-Fi and I came up with a few headings, some serious factors, and some with more fun attached:
Age and condition.
Body style
Previous owners/users.
Baggage.
Earning potential.
Education.
Maintenance requirements.
Maintennce costs
Kerbside appeal.
Tolerance levels.
Extras.
Price to have them as your partner for 12 months ( remember no emotion attached, just the market price you think you would pay to have such a commodity for 12 months, with access and use of their body, intellect and earning potential).
Mine is:
Age and condition. 1965 model in excellent condition (looks like a 1970's model). Gym serviced 3/4 times a week.
Body style. Tall (almost 6ft) Curvy and classy, immaculately maintained (never seen without make-up or a dress/skirt), no baggy sweatshirts covered in baby sick or with holes in the arms.
Previous owners/users. 2 both of which have not been kind but no lasting physical damage (no wrinkles or dents).
Baggage. 2 small dogs which cost 74p a day to feed
but no kids which would cost you thousands in lost income potential, holidays etc.
Earning potential. around £18000k, up to 25K in the SE
Education. Business qualifications but also excellent on Literature, music and who's who.
Maintenance requirements. Requires daily top ups of general affection and compliments and occassional; low cost surprise gifts but other than that is self starting and independent. Daily hour to wash and dry hair and apply make up but nothing that makes you run late. Incredibly punctual and reliable. Prepared to use public transport, shop as ASDA and
Maintence costs. Self funding, natural long hair so no regular hairdressers and colourings to worry about.
Kerbside appeal. Top notch, a real eye catcher
Tolerance levels.
Extras. Cooks at restaurant standard, in fact only a few Michelin star restaurants can do better. A sense of humour that will have you rolling in the aisles, and totaly faithful: no eyeing up your mates. Doesn't drink, but I have to say doesn't drive either. Very stylish, excellent interior design. Incredily strong, can shovel dirt and lift bricks. Faimly are low maintenance (no druggies, thieves or poping round all the time).
Price: Got to be a reserve of £40,000 and a BHN at £120,000 for a year. Buyer collects.
I think you have to set aside all emotional aspects and list them as you would a car or hi-Fi and I came up with a few headings, some serious factors, and some with more fun attached:
Age and condition.
Body style
Previous owners/users.
Baggage.
Earning potential.
Education.
Maintenance requirements.
Maintennce costs
Kerbside appeal.
Tolerance levels.
Extras.
Price to have them as your partner for 12 months ( remember no emotion attached, just the market price you think you would pay to have such a commodity for 12 months, with access and use of their body, intellect and earning potential).
Mine is:
Age and condition. 1965 model in excellent condition (looks like a 1970's model). Gym serviced 3/4 times a week.
Body style. Tall (almost 6ft) Curvy and classy, immaculately maintained (never seen without make-up or a dress/skirt), no baggy sweatshirts covered in baby sick or with holes in the arms.
Previous owners/users. 2 both of which have not been kind but no lasting physical damage (no wrinkles or dents).
Baggage. 2 small dogs which cost 74p a day to feed
but no kids which would cost you thousands in lost income potential, holidays etc.
Earning potential. around £18000k, up to 25K in the SE
Education. Business qualifications but also excellent on Literature, music and who's who.
Maintenance requirements. Requires daily top ups of general affection and compliments and occassional; low cost surprise gifts but other than that is self starting and independent. Daily hour to wash and dry hair and apply make up but nothing that makes you run late. Incredibly punctual and reliable. Prepared to use public transport, shop as ASDA and
Maintence costs. Self funding, natural long hair so no regular hairdressers and colourings to worry about.
Kerbside appeal. Top notch, a real eye catcher
Tolerance levels.
Extras. Cooks at restaurant standard, in fact only a few Michelin star restaurants can do better. A sense of humour that will have you rolling in the aisles, and totaly faithful: no eyeing up your mates. Doesn't drink, but I have to say doesn't drive either. Very stylish, excellent interior design. Incredily strong, can shovel dirt and lift bricks. Faimly are low maintenance (no druggies, thieves or poping round all the time).
Price: Got to be a reserve of £40,000 and a BHN at £120,000 for a year. Buyer collects.
shirepro said:
Got me thinking about what I would say about my partner if I was trying to get the best price on the open market, in an EBAY kind of way, and what price I would set as reserve and BUY HER NOW!
Good grief, after divulging such personal information about her on a public forum, I suspect you'll be traded in first for someone else with a little more respect!
here's an ad from 1832...
Gentlemen, I have to offer to your notice my wife, Mary Ann Thompson, whom I mean to sell to the highest, fairest bidder. She has been to me only a born serpent. I took her for my comfort and the good of my home, but she became my tormentor, my domestic curse, a night invasion and a daily devil. May God deliver us from the troublseome wives and frolicsome women! Avoid them as you would a mad dog, a roaring lion, a loaded pistol, cholera morbus, Mount Etna, or any other pestilential thing in nature.
She sold for 20 shillings, plus a Newfoundland dog. Bargain.
Selling your wife was still being done in 1884 - there were 20 cases in that year. Prices ranged from 25 guineas and half a pint of beer, to one penny and dinner. And unsurprisingly, the purchase was subject to tax in some places.
Gentlemen, I have to offer to your notice my wife, Mary Ann Thompson, whom I mean to sell to the highest, fairest bidder. She has been to me only a born serpent. I took her for my comfort and the good of my home, but she became my tormentor, my domestic curse, a night invasion and a daily devil. May God deliver us from the troublseome wives and frolicsome women! Avoid them as you would a mad dog, a roaring lion, a loaded pistol, cholera morbus, Mount Etna, or any other pestilential thing in nature.
She sold for 20 shillings, plus a Newfoundland dog. Bargain.
Selling your wife was still being done in 1884 - there were 20 cases in that year. Prices ranged from 25 guineas and half a pint of beer, to one penny and dinner. And unsurprisingly, the purchase was subject to tax in some places.
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