getting over lost love. help
Discussion
okay, sorry to join the ranks of the losers who create an anonymous ID to request help for personal problems they'd like to remain quiet, but needs must and I trust you guys for some advice.
quick story is that many years ago i really hit it off with a girl and we went out for a few years. due to circumstances beyond our control we split on amicable terms and have been great friends since, seperated by distance so we only see each other every once in a while with the odd how-are-you email etc.
nothing has happened between us since we split (four to five years ago) but we always hit it off very well whenever we do meet up etc and still almost like best friends. same interests, same goals in life etc.
i last saw her early this year and i couldve sworn there was still some chemistry.
anyway the upshot is that i was told a couple of days ago that she is now seeing someone else, and knowing her when she starts seeing someone its serious with full intentions to make it last and go all the way.
and as you've probably guessed ive never really stopped loving her, though that love probably wasnt quite the same as it was before because it all happened so many years ago. and i harboured hope all this time too without really realising it or realising just how stupid i am and how dangerous doing this was.
so yes, im a pathetic git who has not gotten over someone after so many years, and i now find myself in this dilemma where all this hope that i ploughed into my own head over the last few years has amounted to nothing and im left with nowhere to turn because she has moved on, and i dont know what to do.
i feel a bit sick, and not quite sure what to do, how to move on, how to let go and get over etc
i know its not anyone's fault and its not her problem so i dont feel betrayed or let down or anything as we never promised each other anything, but i somehow always imagined we would be together forever and that my time for realising this was coming up soon (my work commitments away are coming to an end shortly and i would've been going back to where she is at the end of the year. she's in the states by the way, so not exactly driving distance). now this has all gone poof and dissapeaared so i dunno where to turn and how to deal with it.
would be grateful for any advice from the ph massive. i know i need to let go and move on, but im not quite sure how and where to start
quick story is that many years ago i really hit it off with a girl and we went out for a few years. due to circumstances beyond our control we split on amicable terms and have been great friends since, seperated by distance so we only see each other every once in a while with the odd how-are-you email etc.
nothing has happened between us since we split (four to five years ago) but we always hit it off very well whenever we do meet up etc and still almost like best friends. same interests, same goals in life etc.
i last saw her early this year and i couldve sworn there was still some chemistry.
anyway the upshot is that i was told a couple of days ago that she is now seeing someone else, and knowing her when she starts seeing someone its serious with full intentions to make it last and go all the way.
and as you've probably guessed ive never really stopped loving her, though that love probably wasnt quite the same as it was before because it all happened so many years ago. and i harboured hope all this time too without really realising it or realising just how stupid i am and how dangerous doing this was.
so yes, im a pathetic git who has not gotten over someone after so many years, and i now find myself in this dilemma where all this hope that i ploughed into my own head over the last few years has amounted to nothing and im left with nowhere to turn because she has moved on, and i dont know what to do.
i feel a bit sick, and not quite sure what to do, how to move on, how to let go and get over etc
i know its not anyone's fault and its not her problem so i dont feel betrayed or let down or anything as we never promised each other anything, but i somehow always imagined we would be together forever and that my time for realising this was coming up soon (my work commitments away are coming to an end shortly and i would've been going back to where she is at the end of the year. she's in the states by the way, so not exactly driving distance). now this has all gone poof and dissapeaared so i dunno where to turn and how to deal with it.
would be grateful for any advice from the ph massive. i know i need to let go and move on, but im not quite sure how and where to start
rich1231 said:
Your wasting your time, your life, your energy, and your emotions dwelling in the past, look forward and choose another target.
What you are doing is unhealthy.
Don't become obsessed and turn into a stalker. Either tell her how you feel and leave it to fate, or move on. Just get out there and see whats around, meet new people, have sex, fall in love again etc...
rich1231 said:
Your wasting your time, your life, your energy, and your emotions dwelling in the past, look forward and choose another target.
What you are doing is unhealthy.
I thought you were going to let rip!! Your words, whilst a strong message, still came as a disappointment - lacking in bile, disgust and general comtempt at this poor sad individuals life.
bored at work so I thought i'd stir a little
Kinda Pathetic said:
let rip, but be gentle. 
i'm not suicidal. only looking for practical pointers cos it aint easy.
Go out and do as many fun things as you can - enjoy life for yourself and put those feelings aside. After awhile they won't feel as important as they once did. Meet as many new people as you can - she may have been the one who knows, but number two, three or four will still be good.
It's been three years since my "big" split - since then I can't say I have felt the same about any of the girls I have dated, but they have all made me feel good in different ways. You will feel bad every now and then - just remember all bad feelings are transitory.
Ali_D said:
Your wasting your time, your life, your energy, and your emotions dwelling in the past, look forward and choose another target.
What you are doing is unhealthy.
I thought you were going to let rip!! Your words, whilst a strong message, still came as a disappointment - lacking in bile, disgust and general comtempt at this poor sad individuals life.
bored at work so I thought i'd stir a little
And while we're stirring it, I would bet that is los angeles.
OK here is the definitive reply.
To post details of your sorry soul on a website shows various pointers to the strength of your character.
1 you have none
2 you are either a spineless gibbering fool or having a larf.
If they lady in question was told that you had posted a pathetic feel sorry for me tale on a website.. Can you imagine her reply..
Do you think it would be
"Oh what a wonderful guy, It made me realise I love him still and feel the need to rut with him at once"
Or my bet
"Oh my god what an obsessive loser, he was crap in bed and small in the trouser department, glad Ive shagged his mates to make up for it"
Now go find another nutter that wants to be stalked.
To post details of your sorry soul on a website shows various pointers to the strength of your character.
1 you have none
2 you are either a spineless gibbering fool or having a larf.
If they lady in question was told that you had posted a pathetic feel sorry for me tale on a website.. Can you imagine her reply..
Do you think it would be
"Oh what a wonderful guy, It made me realise I love him still and feel the need to rut with him at once"
Or my bet
"Oh my god what an obsessive loser, he was crap in bed and small in the trouser department, glad Ive shagged his mates to make up for it"
Now go find another nutter that wants to be stalked.
I know what you are going through, I have been there.
I went out with a girl for about 4 years. We went through a lot together, she didn’t come through a very good childhood but I could see she had tremendous potential to make her life into something. Here maths was so fast she could give you an answer quicker that you could punch it in a calculator, most useful when you are flying to have her there! When ever I gave her encouragement to go for an OU course or something to better herself she would get cross and annoyed. I later found that this was due to the fact she felt she would fail and everyone would laugh at her and call her a failure, very low self confidence.
Anyway, we always seemed to be arguing. Not about anything important but a lot. The good times we had were great, great holidays, good friends and she got on really well with my mates and visa versa. The long and short of it is that we split up, several times, but then we really split up. I was never any good at the splitting up thing and took it hard; she was sleeping with a fellow pilot which didn’t help! Time went by, her and dick head split up, and things got better and we began to talk again, even went for a few beers and things went well. As you say, we got on well and bounced off each other, and for the life of you there seems no reason as to why you are not seeing each other.
In took a weekend away to make me realise why we split up. I went to a friends wedding reception in Oxford and she came along. Straight away I knew something was up and she was giving me ‘one word answers’. She was cold towards people and not how I remembered her. During the evening it got a lot worse, sitting in a corner and not taking part, didn’t want a drink (not alcoholic or soft) I couldn’t understand why she was being so different, not even my hilarious dancing would make her smile…………. Then I realised, she wasn’t any different she was just the same!
It would seem our brains only remember the good things about passed relationships. You only ever remember the time that you were both laughing and having good fun and playing hide the sausage. You forget the tears and screaming, on both sides, and the feeling of shear frustration of being in a relationship you don’t want to be in.
In a nut shell remember that there is a reason why things don’t work out with people and relationships. These things can often be overlooked when romanticising about old flame. I still find myself doing it about her, but I remember that I am now with a girl whom I love 100 times more than I could have ever loved my ex. (have to put that in guys as she sometimes looks on here (DOH!!!)).
[Swiss Tony mode on] Going out with someone is very much like taking a car for a test drive. You approach, oven the door, slip in, thrash her about a bit (making her scream in all the right places) get out and tell your mates. Sometime she just doesn’t seem right for you. [Swiss Tony mode off]
The grass often looks greener but rarely is.
Chin up chap.
Nick
I went out with a girl for about 4 years. We went through a lot together, she didn’t come through a very good childhood but I could see she had tremendous potential to make her life into something. Here maths was so fast she could give you an answer quicker that you could punch it in a calculator, most useful when you are flying to have her there! When ever I gave her encouragement to go for an OU course or something to better herself she would get cross and annoyed. I later found that this was due to the fact she felt she would fail and everyone would laugh at her and call her a failure, very low self confidence.
Anyway, we always seemed to be arguing. Not about anything important but a lot. The good times we had were great, great holidays, good friends and she got on really well with my mates and visa versa. The long and short of it is that we split up, several times, but then we really split up. I was never any good at the splitting up thing and took it hard; she was sleeping with a fellow pilot which didn’t help! Time went by, her and dick head split up, and things got better and we began to talk again, even went for a few beers and things went well. As you say, we got on well and bounced off each other, and for the life of you there seems no reason as to why you are not seeing each other.
In took a weekend away to make me realise why we split up. I went to a friends wedding reception in Oxford and she came along. Straight away I knew something was up and she was giving me ‘one word answers’. She was cold towards people and not how I remembered her. During the evening it got a lot worse, sitting in a corner and not taking part, didn’t want a drink (not alcoholic or soft) I couldn’t understand why she was being so different, not even my hilarious dancing would make her smile…………. Then I realised, she wasn’t any different she was just the same!
It would seem our brains only remember the good things about passed relationships. You only ever remember the time that you were both laughing and having good fun and playing hide the sausage. You forget the tears and screaming, on both sides, and the feeling of shear frustration of being in a relationship you don’t want to be in.
In a nut shell remember that there is a reason why things don’t work out with people and relationships. These things can often be overlooked when romanticising about old flame. I still find myself doing it about her, but I remember that I am now with a girl whom I love 100 times more than I could have ever loved my ex. (have to put that in guys as she sometimes looks on here (DOH!!!)).
[Swiss Tony mode on] Going out with someone is very much like taking a car for a test drive. You approach, oven the door, slip in, thrash her about a bit (making her scream in all the right places) get out and tell your mates. Sometime she just doesn’t seem right for you. [Swiss Tony mode off]
The grass often looks greener but rarely is.
Chin up chap.
Nick
rich1231 said:
OK here is the definitive reply.
To post details of your sorry soul on a website shows various pointers to the strength of your character.
1 you have none
2 you are either a spineless gibbering fool or having a larf.
If they lady in question was told that you had posted a pathetic feel sorry for me tale on a website.. Can you imagine her reply..
Do you think it would be
"Oh what a wonderful guy, It made me realise I love him still and feel the need to rut with him at once"
Or my bet
"Oh my god what an obsessive loser, he was crap in bed and small in the trouser department, glad Ive shagged his mates to make up for it"
Now go find another nutter that wants to be stalked.
fair enough. i agree and am mostly composed i.e. not life-stoppingly depressed or anything. hell makes me wonder why i posted now.
i guess sometimes its easier to share these things than to have it all cooped up
but the thought of anyone else is scaring me at the moment, but also exciting me
quite interesting this love malarky
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