Discussion
OK, OK you may well wonder why I have decided to post the following post here, but I can't think of any where else to do so.
To save the time of anyone who is not interested - I am asking for, umm, relationship type advice!!
To provide some background: I have been in my present relationship for just over 5 years and, as far as I am aware, all has been quite hunky-dory and we now have a mortgage together.
That was until about six weeks ago when I met someone new. This person just happened to be a old friend of my girlfriends friend, if you see what I mean. Now I will freely admit that I straight away found this girl attractive - this has happened before with other girls (naturally) but has never bothered me. Not so this time.
Over the intervening time, we have got together, as a group, going out for days, evenings etc. and I have found that before each get together, I have been increasingly looking forward to seeing this girl again.
However, I still thought I was fairly alright about it. That was so, until last week when I found out she was planning to leave the country soon, to continue doing what she was doing before she came home for the summer.
This brought my feelings for her into sharp relief and since finding out I have become zombie like, practically unable to sleep, eat or work - I have been off work for the last two days with a "mystery" illness.
The question is: what do I do. Do I ride it out and see how I feel in a week or a month or however long is appropriate? Do I tell my present girlf' all about it
working on the assumption that any relationship worth it's salt should be able to deal with this situation. Or something else?
I ask this here as I know you're all relatively normal people who have probably experienced similar things, and anything is better than me doing nothing right at the moment, or finding some other group full of nutters.
TIA
A.
To save the time of anyone who is not interested - I am asking for, umm, relationship type advice!!
To provide some background: I have been in my present relationship for just over 5 years and, as far as I am aware, all has been quite hunky-dory and we now have a mortgage together.
That was until about six weeks ago when I met someone new. This person just happened to be a old friend of my girlfriends friend, if you see what I mean. Now I will freely admit that I straight away found this girl attractive - this has happened before with other girls (naturally) but has never bothered me. Not so this time.
Over the intervening time, we have got together, as a group, going out for days, evenings etc. and I have found that before each get together, I have been increasingly looking forward to seeing this girl again.
However, I still thought I was fairly alright about it. That was so, until last week when I found out she was planning to leave the country soon, to continue doing what she was doing before she came home for the summer.
This brought my feelings for her into sharp relief and since finding out I have become zombie like, practically unable to sleep, eat or work - I have been off work for the last two days with a "mystery" illness.
The question is: what do I do. Do I ride it out and see how I feel in a week or a month or however long is appropriate? Do I tell my present girlf' all about it
working on the assumption that any relationship worth it's salt should be able to deal with this situation. Or something else? I ask this here as I know you're all relatively normal people who have probably experienced similar things, and anything is better than me doing nothing right at the moment, or finding some other group full of nutters.
TIA
A.
Be careful, it could be a trap!
(sorry, quote from Coupling I couldn't resist).
Hard situation to find yourself in, but I think you should ride it out and take a nice cold shower when she's left the country. Hopefully you'll be able to return your attentions to your actual girlfriend. It sounds like a pretty intense crush you have, nothing more and you didn't say that anything had actually happened.
Put yourself in the other girls shoes - she's probably unaware of your feelings, she probably doesn't feel the same way and she has her own life plans. 'coming out' to her will not suddenly make her change her plans.
Now put yourself in your girlfriend's shoes. Think about how she'd feel if she knew about this. Some things are best bottled.
Disclaimer: All IMHO and I'm no expert. Good luck!
(sorry, quote from Coupling I couldn't resist).
Hard situation to find yourself in, but I think you should ride it out and take a nice cold shower when she's left the country. Hopefully you'll be able to return your attentions to your actual girlfriend. It sounds like a pretty intense crush you have, nothing more and you didn't say that anything had actually happened.
Put yourself in the other girls shoes - she's probably unaware of your feelings, she probably doesn't feel the same way and she has her own life plans. 'coming out' to her will not suddenly make her change her plans.
Now put yourself in your girlfriend's shoes. Think about how she'd feel if she knew about this. Some things are best bottled.
Disclaimer: All IMHO and I'm no expert. Good luck!
you don't have to ask twice
Bonce said:My girlfriend is coming to BTaP and I want you lot all probing her
Den: you're a cruel man...
Anonny: Forget her, mate - it'll pass... and ferchrissakes don't tell your g'friend.. ! btw do you mind me asking how old you are? (not that age is usually any kind of barrier in these things...)
>> Edited by CarZee on Tuesday 15th October 14:21
Sounds like new girl doesn't feel the same way about you, or she wouldn't be going away....
With that in mind, are you prepared to risk your current relationship. I think talking to your current girlfriend is fraught with danger - I would have thought girls are far more likely to forgive a physical transgression (i.e. a fling) than a mental one (i.e. you think you love someone else).
So
1/ Does new girl feel the same about you?
2/ Do you love her more than current girlfriend?
3/ Are you prepared to take the emotional & financial risk that you may end up with nothing?
I would think you better be sure of 1, 2 & 3 before you do anything.
Disclaimer - I am a bloke, therefore unlikely to understand women in any meaningful way....
With that in mind, are you prepared to risk your current relationship. I think talking to your current girlfriend is fraught with danger - I would have thought girls are far more likely to forgive a physical transgression (i.e. a fling) than a mental one (i.e. you think you love someone else).
So
1/ Does new girl feel the same about you?
2/ Do you love her more than current girlfriend?
3/ Are you prepared to take the emotional & financial risk that you may end up with nothing?
I would think you better be sure of 1, 2 & 3 before you do anything.
Disclaimer - I am a bloke, therefore unlikely to understand women in any meaningful way....
uh oh!!!
Now there's gonna be trouble. Don't say a word to your gf - you don't even know how you feel about anything yourself, so to put her thru this would NOT be a good idea.
My guess is that your current relationship is perhaps a little stale and this newcomer has some attributes (be they physical or otherwise) that are currently missing from your life.
Has she said anything/done anything to suggest that she has any attraction/feelings for you? Beware the short-term infatuation - if you were truly happy with your girl before this one turned up, let her go on her merry way and enjoy her company while she is around, then put her out of your mind when she goes.
Now there's gonna be trouble. Don't say a word to your gf - you don't even know how you feel about anything yourself, so to put her thru this would NOT be a good idea.
My guess is that your current relationship is perhaps a little stale and this newcomer has some attributes (be they physical or otherwise) that are currently missing from your life.
Has she said anything/done anything to suggest that she has any attraction/feelings for you? Beware the short-term infatuation - if you were truly happy with your girl before this one turned up, let her go on her merry way and enjoy her company while she is around, then put her out of your mind when she goes.
I'm surprised at you, Yertis..
yertis said: Is there not some way you could take this other girl for a "test drive", to see how she handles, before you chop in your current ride? Might help you make the right decision.
Sounds like infatuation to me though - it'll pass.
Bad idea... a swift shag with a fresh face is bound to seem better than what you have at home.. ..but it doesn't last, does it.. just try and remember how you felt when you met the current Mrs "annony", is this better/different with Ms. Fling..??
Matt.
>> Edited by M@H on Tuesday 15th October 15:30
Thanks a bunch Dennis. 
Ahem, anyway infatuation may be the word here and i know these things can pass. As for the attraction - looks and personality combined with an unusual amount of attention in my direction is the cause. I have found in the past that any girls i have met in this way usually maintain respectful distance - and I now see why.
I think the real problem is the question mark over my relationship. Oh well I shall ride it out and when my perspective has returned to normal I shall reassess the situation.
cheers, A.
Ahem, anyway infatuation may be the word here and i know these things can pass. As for the attraction - looks and personality combined with an unusual amount of attention in my direction is the cause. I have found in the past that any girls i have met in this way usually maintain respectful distance - and I now see why.
I think the real problem is the question mark over my relationship. Oh well I shall ride it out and when my perspective has returned to normal I shall reassess the situation.
cheers, A.
The grass is always greener......
1. Don't tell your girlfriend you're keen on this other woman, as has been said, women view physical flings with far less disdain than an infatuation (and that's what this looks like).
2. Don't approach the other woman unless you want to bugger up all you currently have with your current girlfriend - she's going away soon, it's unlikely she'll change her plans for some lovestruck stranger is it?
3. After the other woman has gone (and you've left yourself a 'cooling off' period), examine your relationship with your current girlfriend carefully. If you're going to break up, do it amicably, not because you have the hots for a stranger.
Have a cold shower and do stuff with your current girlfriend, try to remember why you are with her, do stuff you used to do and probably don't anymore because you're relationship has become 'comfortable' (ie. a bit stale).
We've all met women we'd like to think we'd be happier with than our current girlfriend - it rarely works out that way.
1. Don't tell your girlfriend you're keen on this other woman, as has been said, women view physical flings with far less disdain than an infatuation (and that's what this looks like).
2. Don't approach the other woman unless you want to bugger up all you currently have with your current girlfriend - she's going away soon, it's unlikely she'll change her plans for some lovestruck stranger is it?
3. After the other woman has gone (and you've left yourself a 'cooling off' period), examine your relationship with your current girlfriend carefully. If you're going to break up, do it amicably, not because you have the hots for a stranger.
Have a cold shower and do stuff with your current girlfriend, try to remember why you are with her, do stuff you used to do and probably don't anymore because you're relationship has become 'comfortable' (ie. a bit stale).
We've all met women we'd like to think we'd be happier with than our current girlfriend - it rarely works out that way.
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