Mates and Coke
Discussion
I have recently discovered that a few mates I thought I knew quite well are all on coke. Was a bit of a shock I can tell you.
Anyway, one of these friends is an amazing girl who is such a delicate thing. She has too much time and much to much money and I think that boredom/lifestyle has led to her taking the stuff. She is a tiny thing and I know her body cannot handle the big boy powder.
She lands in the next few days and we have are scheduled to have lunch together this coming week. I only found out because I got a call from another friend who was a bit suprised when they were out with her and the group they were with broke out the white stuff and invited them in.
Now, I can be tactful but I ALWAYS choose the direct approach which, especially with the Mrs, ends in tears. I however, have absolutely no time for dancing around any bushes when it comes to getting the message across.
However, in this situation, it is someone very dear to me and I just want them to stop being so fucking stupid. What do you think.
MARA
[small]please no stupid comments/jokes, this might help someone else one day[/small]
Anyway, one of these friends is an amazing girl who is such a delicate thing. She has too much time and much to much money and I think that boredom/lifestyle has led to her taking the stuff. She is a tiny thing and I know her body cannot handle the big boy powder.
She lands in the next few days and we have are scheduled to have lunch together this coming week. I only found out because I got a call from another friend who was a bit suprised when they were out with her and the group they were with broke out the white stuff and invited them in.
Now, I can be tactful but I ALWAYS choose the direct approach which, especially with the Mrs, ends in tears. I however, have absolutely no time for dancing around any bushes when it comes to getting the message across.
However, in this situation, it is someone very dear to me and I just want them to stop being so fucking stupid. What do you think.
MARA
[small]please no stupid comments/jokes, this might help someone else one day[/small]
Your comments about this girl bring back memories for me. I was dating a girl once who, like you friend, was very delicate and lovely. I'd been seeing her for a few months before we went on a booze cruise with some friends. I was a bit suspicious since she kept going back to the cabin with some of our friends (female) and telling me it was best off I stayed where I was. As it turns out she was on coke.
I was shocked to say the least and at first I wanted nothing to do with her. We split up not long after that because nothing I could do would persuade her to stop. All her friends did it and her ex-boyfriend was a dealer who got her into it in the first place. It was just a culture she was involved in and saw nothing wrong with it (although she must have known it was wrong and that I wouldn't approve since she tried to hide it from me).
I saw her again a couple of years ago. Turns out she got married and had a baby. I didn't ask about the habit but I can only hope that the responsibility of a family has sorted her out.
Sorry I don't have any more constructive advice, but I do know what you're going through.
I hope you can help your friend.
Best wishes,
Dave.
I was shocked to say the least and at first I wanted nothing to do with her. We split up not long after that because nothing I could do would persuade her to stop. All her friends did it and her ex-boyfriend was a dealer who got her into it in the first place. It was just a culture she was involved in and saw nothing wrong with it (although she must have known it was wrong and that I wouldn't approve since she tried to hide it from me).
I saw her again a couple of years ago. Turns out she got married and had a baby. I didn't ask about the habit but I can only hope that the responsibility of a family has sorted her out.
Sorry I don't have any more constructive advice, but I do know what you're going through.
I hope you can help your friend.
Best wishes,
Dave.
A difficult one mate - I have been there (with a bloke mate, not a girl) and we haven't spoken since a huge argument a few years ago bought about by his dabbling with charlie. Not because I tried to get him to stop, but because he turned into an amazingly arrogant person who I couldn't be around anymore. I wouldnt even know how to get in touch with him anymore.
I'm afraid coke is seen as harmless and a successful persons drug of choice which doesnt help any arguments against it - as often the 'taker' won't even know inside that its wrong.
Not really sure what to suggest - you are a good mate trying to do the right thing, but prepare yourself for a knockback. Sorry.
I'm afraid coke is seen as harmless and a successful persons drug of choice which doesnt help any arguments against it - as often the 'taker' won't even know inside that its wrong.
Not really sure what to suggest - you are a good mate trying to do the right thing, but prepare yourself for a knockback. Sorry.
Unfortunately it's her life and her choice - best thing you can do is to show her the better things in life do not need a chemical boost.
If you are determined to change her behaviour then the only way to address the situation is to attack the root cause. If it is just the "culture" she has found herself in then introducing her to different groups/interests should help somewhat. If the root cause is something deeper - and she has developed a "need" to take substances to just be "herself" then a entirely different strategy needs to be adopted.
I wouldn't do the "disapprove" thing though as that will just make her hide it from you and there would be no intercourse available. Be as open as possible (even if it goes against the grain) and play it by ear. A sympathetic shoulder and the odd comment will be more beneficial than the hardline condemnation.
Good luck.
If you are determined to change her behaviour then the only way to address the situation is to attack the root cause. If it is just the "culture" she has found herself in then introducing her to different groups/interests should help somewhat. If the root cause is something deeper - and she has developed a "need" to take substances to just be "herself" then a entirely different strategy needs to be adopted.
I wouldn't do the "disapprove" thing though as that will just make her hide it from you and there would be no intercourse available. Be as open as possible (even if it goes against the grain) and play it by ear. A sympathetic shoulder and the odd comment will be more beneficial than the hardline condemnation.
Good luck.
How old is she? Many people play with stuff in their teens and twenties and just grow away from it as life moves on.
If it's an occasional social thing I would suggest you leave it and it will sort itself out in time. If it's already got to Daniella Westbrook proportions then it's too late.
As long as it's social and not a habit then there's not too much to worry about. As her social circle go off and have families etc I think it will just peter out on it's own.
I can't remember, did I ever mention that speed really
s your memory up? 
If it's an occasional social thing I would suggest you leave it and it will sort itself out in time. If it's already got to Daniella Westbrook proportions then it's too late.
As long as it's social and not a habit then there's not too much to worry about. As her social circle go off and have families etc I think it will just peter out on it's own.
I can't remember, did I ever mention that speed really
s your memory up? Speaking from someone with, albeit not on a "celebrity" scale, experience of being a coke fiend. It is really hard to tell someone who's in amongst it that they are "behaving different" etc.
Coke is an awesome buzz but IME its a diminishing returns drug - therefore you take more to match previous highs. BUT it IS destructive. To be honest, you probably know it whilst on the stuff but you don't want to know.
I had people telling me to slow down etc. and whilst I didn't resent them for it (probably because they weren't telling me to stop just slow down. Though their sub-text was a suggestion to stop) I didn't listen to them.
It was only when I suddenly realised that I was at risk of being sacked from a job which I had previously been very good at that I thought that maybe I was on a destructive path.
Fortunately I was in a position to make one hell of a drastic change to extricate myself from the scene.
Do tell her that it can be very hard to stop - especially if you relationship/social life etc is built around it and people who take it. The sooner you get it out of your life, the better.
I don't want to over dramatise it because I'm sure there are people out there who can take or leave it. A bit of a dabble here and there that really doesn't affect their life - but if you've got an "addictive" personality or low will power... it'll be a good idea not to do it!
edited: to correct the can't to a can!! Bugger.
>> Edited by chim_knee on Friday 1st July 10:53
Coke is an awesome buzz but IME its a diminishing returns drug - therefore you take more to match previous highs. BUT it IS destructive. To be honest, you probably know it whilst on the stuff but you don't want to know.
I had people telling me to slow down etc. and whilst I didn't resent them for it (probably because they weren't telling me to stop just slow down. Though their sub-text was a suggestion to stop) I didn't listen to them.
It was only when I suddenly realised that I was at risk of being sacked from a job which I had previously been very good at that I thought that maybe I was on a destructive path.
Fortunately I was in a position to make one hell of a drastic change to extricate myself from the scene.
Do tell her that it can be very hard to stop - especially if you relationship/social life etc is built around it and people who take it. The sooner you get it out of your life, the better.
I don't want to over dramatise it because I'm sure there are people out there who can take or leave it. A bit of a dabble here and there that really doesn't affect their life - but if you've got an "addictive" personality or low will power... it'll be a good idea not to do it!
edited: to correct the can't to a can!! Bugger.
>> Edited by chim_knee on Friday 1st July 10:53
Yeah, cheers boys.
The reason I posted was because all logic points towards the outburst from her.
She is old enough to make her own decisions. This is what I have been told tonight by a few friends. I will not feel comfortable saying nothing. Knowing that perhaps a few words or a conversation could make a difference. She is not doing it bigtime just as a thing to do when she is out. However, people in the entertainment industry, especially the big names & future stars (which she is) have almost too much of the stuff on call.
I am going to spend the few days I have free with her and basically show her a very sweet time without the snow flakes.
I always get laughed at in my line of work because I don't drink/smoke/do drugs. Never have and never will. This amazes most and certainly, it does make the parties that run into noon the next day very tough but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Direct is the only way I move. Not agressive, not this time anyway, but direct. If it is rejected then she is not ready to hear wisdom at this point in time.
I will update the outcome.
The reason I posted was because all logic points towards the outburst from her.
She is old enough to make her own decisions. This is what I have been told tonight by a few friends. I will not feel comfortable saying nothing. Knowing that perhaps a few words or a conversation could make a difference. She is not doing it bigtime just as a thing to do when she is out. However, people in the entertainment industry, especially the big names & future stars (which she is) have almost too much of the stuff on call.
I am going to spend the few days I have free with her and basically show her a very sweet time without the snow flakes.
I always get laughed at in my line of work because I don't drink/smoke/do drugs. Never have and never will. This amazes most and certainly, it does make the parties that run into noon the next day very tough but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Direct is the only way I move. Not agressive, not this time anyway, but direct. If it is rejected then she is not ready to hear wisdom at this point in time.
I will update the outcome.
Ummm, you talk about your friend being 'on coke' as if she's tipping it over her cornflakes during breakfast? Do you actually have any idea how much of the stuff she's using? I'd at least hold off getting all sanctimonious about it until you know.
I know plenty of people who are partial to the occassional line. Guess what? They all behave quite well, aren't borish to be around and function perfectly well in society and only use it occassionally. Amazing huh? There are an awful lot of stereotypes that are bandied around by the popular meedya about coke users - nearly all of them are untrue.
....having said all that, one of my good mates got fairly hooked a few years ago and go into all the wankish/pretentious lingo; fancy a chopup, gonna get a ticket, etc. Started out getting a gram for friday night, then escalated to him and his mates planning where they were going to score for the weekend, on a monday morning. I ended up having to lend him £500 to payoff his dealer.....fortunately he realised what a c** he was becoming and stopped using it.
Sensible post. The thing is mate, it is something that she actively go out and do. She is not a "I'll go and get coke now" character. It is the trash that works around her and the
I have worked in a very public media for 8 years so yes, I know alot about the free use of coke. In our business it is completely normal to use and almost unheard of not to. I may not be a chemist but you can sort of get a grasp on who can handle what.
She is in her early 20's and very, very wealthy through her family before her salaries come in. This combined with the nocturnal lifestyle that she and everyone her leads is the stereotype.
I don't believe that she is "hooked" so to speak but young females often do as everyone else does. Especially when 99% of your group does and it is seen as an industry standard.
I am completely in the belief that you deal with problems before they arrive. It may seem simple but many leave things until they are too late.
Just a word will hopefully be enough. To plant the seed of thought is, I believe, the best way to go.
I have worked in a very public media for 8 years so yes, I know alot about the free use of coke. In our business it is completely normal to use and almost unheard of not to. I may not be a chemist but you can sort of get a grasp on who can handle what.
She is in her early 20's and very, very wealthy through her family before her salaries come in. This combined with the nocturnal lifestyle that she and everyone her leads is the stereotype.
I don't believe that she is "hooked" so to speak but young females often do as everyone else does. Especially when 99% of your group does and it is seen as an industry standard.
I am completely in the belief that you deal with problems before they arrive. It may seem simple but many leave things until they are too late.
Just a word will hopefully be enough. To plant the seed of thought is, I believe, the best way to go.
I used to smoke too much pot when I was at 6th form, that's where I drew the line. As I'm totally drug free, I look on as my mates snort this and that, take pills here and there and generally get high.
I don't think they are worse for it, I sometimes resent the fact that I never dabbled with Mescaline or Coke. I never would though, not even in a moment of madness. I think that anyone who deliberately snorts an alkali is bloody stupid (pass the oven cleaner man!)
You only get one nose and quite frankly I enjoy the smell of 'various things' more than I enjoy feeling like superman for 15mins. That's what surfing is for.
I don't think they are worse for it, I sometimes resent the fact that I never dabbled with Mescaline or Coke. I never would though, not even in a moment of madness. I think that anyone who deliberately snorts an alkali is bloody stupid (pass the oven cleaner man!)
You only get one nose and quite frankly I enjoy the smell of 'various things' more than I enjoy feeling like superman for 15mins. That's what surfing is for.
I think you're right to be concerned Mara - especially as it is someone you seem to care about a lot. I think part of the problem is the perceived seedy underbelly of drug taking society that you think she's getting into. And regardless of the truth of it, there seems to be more danger involved in being in it, rather than out of it.
I'm biased on two levels though - a 19 year old girlfriend who got hooked hung herself in a Hornsey bedsit. 20 years later I still keep in touch with her parents who have never been the same since. Also, after spenidng a few years working for Customs I got to see the sharper end of the wedge with traffickers etc. So I'm really anti the whole thing, from part-time dabblers to full time junkies.
I think the best plan of attack will be to focus on your care for her as a friend and give her the chance to put your mid at rest. But as the others have said, laying down the law will never work. Tell her you're worried - because you clearly are.
I'm biased on two levels though - a 19 year old girlfriend who got hooked hung herself in a Hornsey bedsit. 20 years later I still keep in touch with her parents who have never been the same since. Also, after spenidng a few years working for Customs I got to see the sharper end of the wedge with traffickers etc. So I'm really anti the whole thing, from part-time dabblers to full time junkies.
I think the best plan of attack will be to focus on your care for her as a friend and give her the chance to put your mid at rest. But as the others have said, laying down the law will never work. Tell her you're worried - because you clearly are.
I am not sure that physical delicacy has anything to do with how you cope with the drug I would imagine it is more mental.
It's a tough one - my close friend likes to do serious drugs. I stopped contact about 10 years ago, re-initiated more recently and stopped again. He has to be the one to make the decision to stop - you can just be there as a friend to support
It's a tough one - my close friend likes to do serious drugs. I stopped contact about 10 years ago, re-initiated more recently and stopped again. He has to be the one to make the decision to stop - you can just be there as a friend to support
Cheers AF.
I just can't stand someone throwing things away just to fit in. In fact, throwing it away full stop. Life really is to short for this kind of thing IMO.
The seedy underbelly is just hallmark of this particular industry along with another well known one. The coke flows as freely as the Champers and when the youngsters see it, and see the people responsible for their work/career they just go ahead and join in.
I am sure she will be alright. She was a sensible girl. I think she just needs to see things from the outside.
I just can't stand someone throwing things away just to fit in. In fact, throwing it away full stop. Life really is to short for this kind of thing IMO.
The seedy underbelly is just hallmark of this particular industry along with another well known one. The coke flows as freely as the Champers and when the youngsters see it, and see the people responsible for their work/career they just go ahead and join in.
I am sure she will be alright. She was a sensible girl. I think she just needs to see things from the outside.
This is no help I'm afraid, but I am interested in this thread. I have strong will power and have never tried 'drugs' not even pot. However, I do drink and smoke tobacco and they are both addictive. I could give up both or either if I so chose, I have done in the past when it suited me.
The thing that interests me in this, is how much is a gram of Coke and how much do you need for a line? Is a gram just one hit? Is it really everywhere? I guess it depends what part of the country you are in (City or countryside).
Marra you have my sympathy, but there is no easy way out of this one. You sound very much like me - to the point. If you say anything, you risk losing your friendship (or at least drastically altering it) or if you do nothing you have to live with yourself watching a very good friend slide down a slope to potential destruction.
The thing that interests me in this, is how much is a gram of Coke and how much do you need for a line? Is a gram just one hit? Is it really everywhere? I guess it depends what part of the country you are in (City or countryside).
Marra you have my sympathy, but there is no easy way out of this one. You sound very much like me - to the point. If you say anything, you risk losing your friendship (or at least drastically altering it) or if you do nothing you have to live with yourself watching a very good friend slide down a slope to potential destruction.
WingChunDave said:
Your comments about this girl bring back memories for me. I was dating a girl once who, like you friend, was very delicate and lovely. I'd been seeing her for a few months before we went on a booze cruise with some friends. I was a bit suspicious since she kept going back to the cabin with some of our friends (female) and telling me it was best off I stayed where I was. As it turns out she was on coke.
I was shocked to say the least and at first I wanted nothing to do with her. We split up not long after that because nothing I could do would persuade her to stop. All her friends did it and her ex-boyfriend was a dealer who got her into it in the first place. It was just a culture she was involved in and saw nothing wrong with it (although she must have known it was wrong and that I wouldn't approve since she tried to hide it from me).
I saw her again a couple of years ago. Turns out she got married and had a baby. I didn't ask about the habit but I can only hope that the responsibility of a family has sorted her out.
Sorry I don't have any more constructive advice, but I do know what you're going through.
I hope you can help your friend.
Best wishes,
Dave.
It's one thing being dumb enough to be on drugs, but to take them on a booze cruise is stupidity in the extreme.
Presumably, someone needed to walk by customs (and their dogs) with a stash of coke on their person. They could have been arrested and locked up for a long period!
srebbe64 said:
It's one thing being dumb enough to be on drugs, but to take them on a booze cruise is stupidity in the extreme.
Presumably, someone needed to walk by customs (and their dogs) with a stash of coke on their person. They could have been arrested and locked up for a long period!
I don't seem to remember any dogs. We had our bags checked before getting on but that's about all I do remember.
IMHO even taking it is stupidity in the extreme. When you get hooked on something like that I guess you're willing to take the risks.
srebbe64 said:
It's one thing being dumb enough to be on drugs, but to take them on a booze cruise is stupidity in the extreme.
Presumably, someone needed to walk by customs (and their dogs) with a stash of coke on their person. They could have been arrested and locked up for a long period!
I used to share a flat with someone who is the only person I have ever met to have smuggled drugs into turkey. She was worried she might not be able to get her first fix soon enough.
As it was, she fell off a boat with her stash in her handbag, and spend the rest of the holiday scraping half disolved goo from the bottom of her luggage.
You know you're in trouble when you're licking luggage.
Tuna said:It's funny but I'm not proud of this...
You know you're in trouble when you're licking luggage.
I had my stash in my top shirt pocket. I was wasted and managed to put the little bag back in my pocket upside down, unsealed.
Next fix, I pulled the (now empty) bag out...
... looked in my pocket and there was the powder mixed in with fluff and all sorts. So... yep... there I stood, note up my nose; stuck in my top pocket sniffing. Fluff and all!
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