Numpty of the year award goes to...
Discussion
Me! Yes I have to admit it and get it off my chest.
It happened barely minutes ago but it will gall all day if I don't tell someone.
It went something like this:
I was waiting in a filter lane to turn right, at a set of traffic lights and I was behind two cars and a van. Eventually the cars approaching from the right stopped at their lights and the vehicles in front began to move to go right, I started to follow them and assumed (yes I know that is fatal) that we had a green arrow (unable to see it because of the van). Err, well no we didn't and as I was doing a U-turn to get to my car park I scared the living daylights out of a woman coming out of the normal exit road. Fortunately we stopped and all was well, except that is for the dent in my ego.
So there it is, I've done it, admitted to it and hopefully will learn from the experience.
Now, to make me feel better has anyone else got anything they'd like to say
Steve.
It happened barely minutes ago but it will gall all day if I don't tell someone.
It went something like this:
I was waiting in a filter lane to turn right, at a set of traffic lights and I was behind two cars and a van. Eventually the cars approaching from the right stopped at their lights and the vehicles in front began to move to go right, I started to follow them and assumed (yes I know that is fatal) that we had a green arrow (unable to see it because of the van). Err, well no we didn't and as I was doing a U-turn to get to my car park I scared the living daylights out of a woman coming out of the normal exit road. Fortunately we stopped and all was well, except that is for the dent in my ego.
So there it is, I've done it, admitted to it and hopefully will learn from the experience.
Now, to make me feel better has anyone else got anything they'd like to say
Steve.
To make you feel better. Just because you make a mistake doesn't make you a numpty.
The numpties I've seen don't realise they've made a mistake and ignore you when you beep horn/wave/gesticulate. No they think they are doing fine. For example, like the pr@t I had in front of me last night doing 15mph and swapping lanes in the towns one way system because thats the shortest route, even my passenger said "whats he doing", my reply "no one knows, not even him" made them laugh.
"We all make mistakes " said the darlek climbing off the dustbin.
>> Edited by smeagol on Thursday 26th September 09:25
The numpties I've seen don't realise they've made a mistake and ignore you when you beep horn/wave/gesticulate. No they think they are doing fine. For example, like the pr@t I had in front of me last night doing 15mph and swapping lanes in the towns one way system because thats the shortest route, even my passenger said "whats he doing", my reply "no one knows, not even him" made them laugh.
"We all make mistakes " said the darlek climbing off the dustbin.
>> Edited by smeagol on Thursday 26th September 09:25
quote:
wish the audience in my car were that easily amused
You carry an audience round with you? What are they, little toy squirrels and hedgehogs?
Or perhaps you broadcast to BBC Radio 3 while you're driving? Tip: Try a different radio station, with an audience less likely to take umbrage at your opinions and 'humour'.
I did a good one the other day 
I was driving through Watlington, trying to find the turning for the main road that leads to the M40. Now there are lots of parked cars along the roads in Watlington and as I approached this particular line of cars I observe that there are no cars coming the other way. Ok so I'm passing this line of 'parked' cars when I notice that the last car has its right hand indicator flashing and its oppersite this junction. Ah - I've just overtaken all the traffic waiting to turn right and lucky for me that the guy at the front of the queue couldn't turn into the junction or it could have been very nasty/expensive and highly embarasing! 
I was driving through Watlington, trying to find the turning for the main road that leads to the M40. Now there are lots of parked cars along the roads in Watlington and as I approached this particular line of cars I observe that there are no cars coming the other way. Ok so I'm passing this line of 'parked' cars when I notice that the last car has its right hand indicator flashing and its oppersite this junction. Ah - I've just overtaken all the traffic waiting to turn right and lucky for me that the guy at the front of the queue couldn't turn into the junction or it could have been very nasty/expensive and highly embarasing! I pulled into a petrol station but could only get on the pumps on the "wrong" side of the car, ie oposite the filler. I pulled up and got out, got the hose and then realised it would not reach the filler. decided to move the car. got in closed door. I'm in the back seat, can't open the door due to child locks so i have to climb over the seats into the front, finally decided to give in a drove off watched by the lass at the till wondering what the hell all that was about. definite numpty behaviour bordering on muppet. 
quote:
I pulled into a petrol station but could only get on the pumps on the "wrong" side of the car, ie oposite the filler. I pulled up and got out, got the hose and then realised it would not reach the filler. decided to move the car. got in closed door. I'm in the back seat, can't open the door due to child locks so i have to climb over the seats into the front, finally decided to give in a drove off watched by the lass at the till wondering what the hell all that was about. definite numpty behaviour bordering on muppet.
Really don't get this one - how could you move the car from the back seat? Did you get in the wrong door by mistake or something? Wot no steering wheel??
quote:
quote:
I pulled into a petrol station but could only get on the pumps on the "wrong" side of the car, ie oposite the filler. I pulled up and got out, got the hose and then realised it would not reach the filler. decided to move the car. got in closed door. I'm in the back seat, can't open the door due to child locks so i have to climb over the seats into the front, finally decided to give in a drove off watched by the lass at the till wondering what the hell all that was about. definite numpty behaviour bordering on muppet.
Really don't get this one - how could you move the car from the back seat? Did you get in the wrong door by mistake or something? Wot no steering wheel??
yep, got in the back door and then couldn't open it 'cos of the child locks (didn't occur to me to wind down the window to open the door)so i climbed over the seat into the front, thoroughly embarassed.
quote:
I pulled into a petrol station but could only get on the pumps on the "wrong" side of the car, ie oposite the filler. I pulled up and got out, got the hose and then realised it would not reach the filler. decided to move the car. got in closed door. I'm in the back seat, can't open the door due to child locks so i have to climb over the seats into the front, finally decided to give in a drove off watched by the lass at the till wondering what the hell all that was about. definite numpty behaviour bordering on muppet.
Are you female, blonde and from Essex, if so, this is normal behaviour
As it's confession time ...
A while back I lived in France for a while as a student, didn't have a car but did bike everywhere.
Still to this day, if it's late at night, there's no traffic on the road, I'm tired and not with it, and there are no other visual clues around - I have these moments where I can't for the life of me remember which side of the road to drive on !!
Did this one night last week; had a long tiring day at work, and had spent all evening reskinning the door of a GT6 ... boy was I tired. Anyway, pulled away from my mates house (country road) and drove 200m down the road on the wrong side ! It wasn't until I came across a woman trying to pull out of a side road (to be faced by me trolling in the other direction !) that the brain clicked into gear .... !
Could have been nasty, wasn't, must concentrate more ! (luckily this doesn't happen very often, honest
)
A while back I lived in France for a while as a student, didn't have a car but did bike everywhere.
Still to this day, if it's late at night, there's no traffic on the road, I'm tired and not with it, and there are no other visual clues around - I have these moments where I can't for the life of me remember which side of the road to drive on !!
Did this one night last week; had a long tiring day at work, and had spent all evening reskinning the door of a GT6 ... boy was I tired. Anyway, pulled away from my mates house (country road) and drove 200m down the road on the wrong side ! It wasn't until I came across a woman trying to pull out of a side road (to be faced by me trolling in the other direction !) that the brain clicked into gear .... !
Could have been nasty, wasn't, must concentrate more ! (luckily this doesn't happen very often, honest
)Have to admit to Numptyism (?) recently... Really annoyed me
Took a scenic route back from a job very early one Sunday morning - having a blast, but catching a car rapidly. I slow to 30 through a village, car in front carries on at 45-50
Accelerate out of village down long straight road seeing (fellow?) numpty waiting to turn right. The part of my brain controlling my right foot decides the numpty has turned already. Luckily some other part notices that infact the first part was mistaken and instructs right foot to hit the middle pedal.
Unfortunately I have been driving a Scirocco all week, which have notoriously ineffective brakes, but now I am driving a Nissan with horribly over-assisted anchors...
Cue tyre shedding, rubber burning, full scale lockup. I had time to realise my mistake, get off the brakes, and still get back on them for a nice gentle stop a couple of car lengths back from the other vehicle.
Bloke in front had not even attempted to turn as he was still staring rabbit-like into the rear view mirror
I gave him a genuinely apologetic wave, and continued my journey at a much reduced pace
Cheers, Phil
Took a scenic route back from a job very early one Sunday morning - having a blast, but catching a car rapidly. I slow to 30 through a village, car in front carries on at 45-50
Accelerate out of village down long straight road seeing (fellow?) numpty waiting to turn right. The part of my brain controlling my right foot decides the numpty has turned already. Luckily some other part notices that infact the first part was mistaken and instructs right foot to hit the middle pedal.
Unfortunately I have been driving a Scirocco all week, which have notoriously ineffective brakes, but now I am driving a Nissan with horribly over-assisted anchors...
Cue tyre shedding, rubber burning, full scale lockup. I had time to realise my mistake, get off the brakes, and still get back on them for a nice gentle stop a couple of car lengths back from the other vehicle.
Bloke in front had not even attempted to turn as he was still staring rabbit-like into the rear view mirror
I gave him a genuinely apologetic wave, and continued my journey at a much reduced pace
Cheers, Phil
Whilst in my youth and driving to a wedding (late as usual) my then girlfriend decided she needed to clean her nails.
This was not a problem as I had a small pen-knife on my key ring and as we were doing about 80, decided that I could coast down hill until she was finished.
I handed her the keys and drove for what seemed like ages (engine off and in neutral) and it was only when I approached a corner that the CLICK of the steering lock caused my heart to stop altogether.
It all seems a bit of a blur from here, but it didn’t matter how loud I screamed for the keys, they took too long to come back and once I had them, it was impossible to get them into the ignition. I ended up crossing the other side of the road, over the pavement and up a bank before I managed to stop.
Thank God no one was around. That’s not one I’ll be repeating!!
This was not a problem as I had a small pen-knife on my key ring and as we were doing about 80, decided that I could coast down hill until she was finished.
I handed her the keys and drove for what seemed like ages (engine off and in neutral) and it was only when I approached a corner that the CLICK of the steering lock caused my heart to stop altogether.
It all seems a bit of a blur from here, but it didn’t matter how loud I screamed for the keys, they took too long to come back and once I had them, it was impossible to get them into the ignition. I ended up crossing the other side of the road, over the pavement and up a bank before I managed to stop.
Thank God no one was around. That’s not one I’ll be repeating!!
In my youth I used to work one night a week a some god-forsaken factory to earn a bit of extra cash, but mainly to keep my parents happy! I would do a "full" day at college and then work the 10pm to 6am shift, then have the next day in bed as it was a free day.
After one soul destroying night washing oranges or something for 8 hours I drove my parents car home, parked up and went inside to bed. I was then woken up by my Mum at about 8 and took outside to see the car had rolled forward about 20 feet and was now in a hedge!
In my knackered state I had forgotten to put the hand brake on. Luckily there was no damage to the car, but everytime I park even to this day when my Mum is about she watches like a hawk that I put the hand brake on.
After one soul destroying night washing oranges or something for 8 hours I drove my parents car home, parked up and went inside to bed. I was then woken up by my Mum at about 8 and took outside to see the car had rolled forward about 20 feet and was now in a hedge!
In my knackered state I had forgotten to put the hand brake on.
Luckily there was no damage to the car, but everytime I park even to this day when my Mum is about she watches like a hawk that I put the hand brake on. Gassing Station | General Gassing [Archive] | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff