Stretch your imagination

Stretch your imagination

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Richard92c2

Original Poster:

464 posts

269 months

Friday 13th September 2002
quotequote all
Hi all

With the view of creating a little humour and distraction (and maybe beat the Sean Connery thread) I would like to propose a little game, when I was younger we played this game to get rid of ever inceasing fits of boredom, The rules are simple .. To carry on the story where the last poster ends, Nominate the person you wish to be the follow on and so on and so on, Do not post until your name is nominated

To set the scene:

Its 1962 and we're on the way to Glastonbury for the annual festival, My VW bus has broken down on the side of the road just outside bristol, Its a scorcher of a day, Not a cloud in the sky and the sun is burning down on us, I say us because I'm with a busload of pretty girls, they offered to share expenses and their tent in exchange for the ride along!, There are 5 girls and my best mate James!

"Oi, whats the matter then?" asks one of the girls

"Well I don't really know but I think its the fan belt, Looks like its the one that runs the waterpump" is my reply, Now, I don't know shit about cars, I know even less about VW's so whatever I say next could determine what the outcome of this weekend could be, James is even less help because he's been indulging in a little giggle weed and in about as usefull as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

"Can you fix it?" asks from one of the ladies

"Well, I suppose I could .....

I Nominate: N17 TVR

N17 TVR

2,937 posts

277 months

Friday 13th September 2002
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"....... but I will need a piece of ladies underwear to replace the fanbelt. Can each of you remove all your clothes in order to review which of the aforementioned items is suitable. Please feel free to help each other undress......... Additionally, in order to perform this mechanical surgery I will need an extremely steady hand, so therefore in order to relax me, could the blonde over there please drop to her knees in front of me and......"

I nominate someone from = Plotloss, Size 9 Elm, Podie, Incorrigible, Car Zee

>> Edited by N17 TVR on Friday 13th September 11:22

incorrigible

13,668 posts

267 months

Friday 13th September 2002
quotequote all
and......

hold this while I look for the water pump

"Is this a screw-driver ?"

"I'm not the driver"

Another VW bus comes to join us, and would you believe the driver is........

[doh. edited to nominate Mungo Flasher or Carzee]

>> Edited by incorrigible on Friday 13th September 11:33

podie

46,644 posts

281 months

Friday 13th September 2002
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...none other than Jack Regan...!

"oi, you slags, get this damn thing off the road! - come on, move yer bottle and glass (ass)!"

One of the girls walks over to say hello, but gets comfronted with "You - shaaaat it!"

"Right, we're off to catch them tea leafs!" and with that the engine roars (whines?) and he disappears ion a cloud of smoke...

Thankfully, the next vehicle that pulls up is a Jag E-Type... and is that Michael Caine driving?

Nominate: Plotloss, CarZee or 'Ted.


{edit} - re-nominate: anyone...?

>> Edited by podie on Friday 13th September 11:50

CarZee

13,382 posts

273 months

Friday 13th September 2002
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"Hello. My name is Michael Paine and I am a nosey neighbour. Oh yes." said Michael. "Mrs Clarke at number 26 wears body support tights with no crotch. Wiv No bloody crotch! Not a lot of people know that."

"well what bloody use is that to us, you nosey old bugger?" said I, irritated at Michael's intrusion into my day under the false premise of being a famous actor.

"Well," continued Michael indignantly, "I always like to pinch a pair, and I've got a set here which would fix your fanbelt problem. But if you don't want them, I'll just bugger off."

"No, no, Michael - let's see them. Can I interest you in some mushroom tea?"

Michael raised an eyebrow. "Well wouldn't normally, but"...

{Nominate Scruff or Spooky}

scruff400

3,757 posts

267 months

Friday 13th September 2002
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'...oh my god is that the time, Mrs Jobblow from number 34 will be going to wash her mutt, er ..at least I think that's what it looked like last week. I'm off to find out.'

By now the smoke from the van was beginning to curl its way down the lane. A heady mix of mushroom tea was prepared and the girls, now half naked, slumped against the van and waited.

Before long, the 9th voluntary Lower Nibble scout troop could be heard marching over the hill and towards the little camper van. As they approached the tightly regimented perambulations became more and more erratic, they started to weave.

They were yards from the smoking bus and could vaguely make out through streaming eyes the silloetes of three figures...

JonRB

Edited to include clever timeout clause for the absent or the slow of type. JonRB, it's ouver to you - who'd be in a thread like this?

Missed window.

Mrs Carzee? Rrrivvverrrgirrrl (forgot where you put your ar's...)



>> Edited by scruff400 on Friday 13th September 12:59

JonRB

75,836 posts

278 months

Friday 13th September 2002
quotequote all
... Peter Wheeler, Ben Samuelson and Ned.

"Lets have a whole load of cars, and call them all Tuscan. Maybe we should change the company name to Tuscan Ltd. and then launch a car called the Tuscan TVR - that would REALLY confuse people"

"What the hell are you smoking this time, Peter?"

"Woof"

With that, Ned leaps forward and bites a chunk out of the camer van

"Oh for goodness sake Ned, will you cut that out? It was funny the first few times but the joke's wearing thin now"

With that Jim Morrison and his crew fall out of the van, completely stoned.

"Hmm, that reminds me, did we sort out that problem with the doors falling off the Tamora?" (groan)

By now, the smoke had begun to clear, revealing......

(Nominate: M@H, Ted, plotloss or cambelt)

>> Edited by JonRB on Friday 13th September 13:55

M@H

11,298 posts

278 months

Friday 13th September 2002
quotequote all
..a running hoard of angry Tamora owners that were obviously in persuit of the three of them.. with that, Peter and Ned made a hasty "exit stage left". Ben hovered for a moment, and made some excuse about a race to attend, then oddly headed off in the direction of the girls who were by now sunbathing whilst waiting for the van to get fixed.

now it turns out the Morrison in his still stoned state knows a bit about the old Type 2 scene from his early days on the road.. and asks..

"Hey Richard man" (to Richard 92c2)

"Yep"

"..this waterpump"

"Yep"

"..whats it do..!

"err pumps cooling water around the engine block"

"Cool, man.... on an Aircooled engine.. nice.."

At which point Richard realises he's made an @rse of himself in front of the small crowd gathered around the enginebay and....


(nominate: Potless, Cambelt, Rivagirl, Caro, Mungo or Ted)



>> Edited by M@H on Friday 13th September 14:01

Spooky

347 posts

267 months

Friday 13th September 2002
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Aargh, I missed mi turn!

Spooky

347 posts

267 months

Friday 13th September 2002
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So the blonde scooby guy (whom for this purpose, I shall assume we mean Fred) bursts into the Mystery Machine.
"Thelma, what the hell you up to?"
"I'm trying to get this oil off mi pillows!" cried Thelma. "It seems the more I rub, the more it spreads."

Meanwhile, Scooby enters (not the scooby who doesn't wave to fellow PH'ers). "Let's quit this joint. I know of a place that'll get that oil off yer mamms. Folla me."

The gang tootle off to a Johnsons Cleaners. There's a big sign in the window that says "Two items cleaned for the price of one."

They enter the shop...

Nominate: anyone who's on and can be bothered.

N17 TVR

2,937 posts

277 months

Friday 13th September 2002
quotequote all
....but are told "sorry it's half day closing".

"but I need to get this stuff of my baps" says the half naked bird (who now has to be called Thelma because Spooky got his characters mixed up).

"try next door" said the shop assistant, "they are still open".

They rush into the shop next door without checking what sort of shop it is.

"oh my god !" shreiks the bird in terror when she realises where they are "we are in a............."

Nominates anyone who hasn't had a go and is on a diet of wild mushrooms

M@H

11,298 posts

278 months

Friday 13th September 2002
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..McDonalds..

(..nominates anyone else online)

Spooky

347 posts

267 months

Friday 13th September 2002
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"Would you like fries with that?", asks the assistant.

Scruff400

3,757 posts

267 months

Friday 13th September 2002
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Crikey, macdonalds do fried eggs as well!! exclaimed Shaggy

podie

46,644 posts

281 months

Friday 13th September 2002
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Johnny No-stars (Maccy D numpty): "would you like anything else?"

Shaggy: "er... I'll have a thick shake!"

Johnny No-stars: "oh-kay... is that your order complete?"

Shaggy: "Yep!"

Scooby: "awrgh! (that stupid noise he makes), Shaggy, wos a thick shake?"

Shaggy: "it's an arab leader with a low IQ" (thick sheik - geddit?)

- I think someone else should take it from here...

>> Edited by podie on Friday 13th September 14:56

incorrigible

13,668 posts

267 months

Friday 13th September 2002
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as well a big jugs of milk shake

exclaims Bill Wyman

N17 TVR

2,937 posts

277 months

Friday 13th September 2002
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.....and there behind Bill Wyman is the rest of the Rolling Stones.

"we've heard there are some drugs, and half naked girls at an old VW Camper Van near here" says Mike Jagger. "can you take us there".

"Sure" says Thelma, trying to get Bill Wymans hands off her ar*e "do you have transport".

They all jump into the Stones tour bus and drive back to the very unusual VW camper van, it is air cooled but also with a water pump....

When they arrive there it is utter chaos, the 4 half naked girls are performing.........

Nominates: anyone who requires psychiatric help

>> Edited by N17 TVR on Friday 13th September 14:59

JonRB

75,836 posts

278 months

Friday 13th September 2002
quotequote all
... an emergency head gasket change. They look up and say...

Richard92c2

Original Poster:

464 posts

269 months

Friday 13th September 2002
quotequote all
join us in singing our rendition of the ever so popular "jail house rock" obviously some of the wording had been changed to suit the mood of the now growing crowd of people gathering around the VW camper!

"number thirty nine said to number three
why dont you come do that ....

Nominate: PetrolTed

>> Edited by Richard92c2 on Friday 13th September 15:04

incorrigible

13,668 posts

267 months

Friday 13th September 2002
quotequote all
quote:

... an emergency head gasket change. They look up and say...


This is getting beyond belief, air cooled V-dubs don't have head gaskets.

It all made sense till then as well