The Darwin Awards.
Discussion
Mornin' 
Yes, the one we've all been waiting for... the Darwin Award 2002.
The candidates have finally been released! For those not familiar
with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the person
who provided the Universal human gene pool the biggest service by
getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always,
competition this year has been keen. Some candidates appear to
have trained their whole lives for this event!
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
1. In September in Detroit, a 41 year old man got stuck and drowned
in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18 inch
wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October, a 49 year old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100 foot high cliff
on his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8 foot deep hole he
had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers
said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from
the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom
Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet
of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands
and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA,
as he fell face first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base
of his skull as he hit the floor.
5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena,
20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman,
23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the
flak vest Berrena was wearing.
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.
7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel
Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head on collision, thus
earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their
snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
1. In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted
off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
fracturing his skull.
2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean
out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of
a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
floors of his house.
3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and
his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter stick of dynamite
blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple
lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP
TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee jumped from
the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of
the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge
they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham,
who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil
of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured
around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his
foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the
icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I
can say, said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that
night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot
was never located.
AND THE WINNER
PADERBORN, GERMANY Overzealous zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed
his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and
more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged
up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under
200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill fated Friedrich, 46,
was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when
the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where
he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted
Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help
him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems
to be just one of those freak accidents that happen."
Yes, the one we've all been waiting for... the Darwin Award 2002.
The candidates have finally been released! For those not familiar
with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the person
who provided the Universal human gene pool the biggest service by
getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always,
competition this year has been keen. Some candidates appear to
have trained their whole lives for this event!
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
1. In September in Detroit, a 41 year old man got stuck and drowned
in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18 inch
wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October, a 49 year old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100 foot high cliff
on his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8 foot deep hole he
had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers
said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from
the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom
Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet
of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands
and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA,
as he fell face first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base
of his skull as he hit the floor.
5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena,
20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman,
23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the
flak vest Berrena was wearing.
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.
7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel
Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head on collision, thus
earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their
snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
1. In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted
off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
fracturing his skull.
2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean
out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of
a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
floors of his house.
3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and
his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter stick of dynamite
blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple
lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP
TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee jumped from
the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of
the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge
they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham,
who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil
of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured
around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his
foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the
icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I
can say, said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that
night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot
was never located.
AND THE WINNER
PADERBORN, GERMANY Overzealous zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed
his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and
more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged
up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under
200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill fated Friedrich, 46,
was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when
the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where
he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted
Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help
him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems
to be just one of those freak accidents that happen."
best one i heard of was how on a road in arizona, police were baffled to find two strips of rubber then metal then nothing but bits of auto wreckage but no car. eventually they found, two miles straight ahead, after a bend in the road, on the far side of a canyon, the wreckage of a truck embedded in the cliff face. it turns out that the unfortunate twat involved had bought an old soviet missile by post (hey, live the american dream!) and had strapped it to the roof of his pickup. when he ignited it, he then found out that his brakes couldn't in fact stop a missile in full flight (funny that!) and so got carried along until eventually flying across the gorge and exploding on the far side.
truly worthy of a darwin.
My appologies for failing to filter out and Anglicize [sic] the following words:
burglarizing
totally zoned
Poop.
Also, sorry for any anxiety caused by foolishly posting old and tired...
..actually, no i'm not - some folks may not have seen it, so if I've caused anyone to even slightly ripple the corners of their mouths, that's me chuffed.
>> Edited by scruff400 on Wednesday 4th September 10:17
burglarizing
totally zoned
Poop.
Also, sorry for any anxiety caused by foolishly posting old and tired...
..actually, no i'm not - some folks may not have seen it, so if I've caused anyone to even slightly ripple the corners of their mouths, that's me chuffed.
>> Edited by scruff400 on Wednesday 4th September 10:17
Number 5 reminds me of a lad at our school who was convinced his airpistol was so weak he could be shot with it and it wouldn't hurt.
So, gripping his ankles his buddy-gunman aimed at his arse and let rip. The pellet didn't break the skin but watching the poor fool hop around in agony still makes me snigger to this day.
I'm laughing even now ay the thought of it
Mike Huston, you're not a PHer now are you?
So, gripping his ankles his buddy-gunman aimed at his arse and let rip. The pellet didn't break the skin but watching the poor fool hop around in agony still makes me snigger to this day.
I'm laughing even now ay the thought of it
Mike Huston, you're not a PHer now are you?
Lol - The poop death I havent seen, I subscribe to the thing - dont read it carefully enough obviously.
C8 UFO - that is the funniest story I have seen in the awards. Made me chuckle that he applied his standard Ute brakes at 180mph instantly melting them and making him airborn.
Seem to recall the only identifiable parts were a few teeth around what was suspected to be steering wheel.
C8 UFO - that is the funniest story I have seen in the awards. Made me chuckle that he applied his standard Ute brakes at 180mph instantly melting them and making him airborn.
Seem to recall the only identifiable parts were a few teeth around what was suspected to be steering wheel.
quote:
best one i heard of was how on a road in arizona, police were baffled to find two strips of rubber then metal then nothing but bits of auto wreckage but no car. eventually they found, two miles straight ahead, after a bend in the road, on the far side of a canyon, the wreckage of a truck embedded in the cliff face. it turns out that the unfortunate twat involved had bought an old soviet missile by post (hey, live the american dream!) and had strapped it to the roof of his pickup. when he ignited it, he then found out that his brakes couldn't in fact stop a missile in full flight (funny that!) and so got carried along until eventually flying across the gorge and exploding on the far side.
truly worthy of a darwin.
This never happened, it is all made up.
quote:
best one i heard of was how on a road in arizona, police were baffled to find two strips of rubber then metal then nothing but bits of auto wreckage but no car. eventually they found, two miles straight ahead, after a bend in the road, on the far side of a canyon, the wreckage of a truck embedded in the cliff face. it turns out that the unfortunate twat involved had bought an old soviet missile by post (hey, live the american dream!) and had strapped it to the roof of his pickup. when he ignited it, he then found out that his brakes couldn't in fact stop a missile in full flight (funny that!) and so got carried along until eventually flying across the gorge and exploding on the far side.
truly worthy of a darwin.
Classic stuff!
Oh and scruff, yeh i had heard some of it before but it still made me
Moonie
I dont know if the rocket car was true but it was a JATO rocket (jet assisted take off) they used to use to get aircraft off the ground in a short distance or heavily loaded, once you light it you can't turn it off!
good giggle though
I like the metallica concert story
I'll try to find it and post it.
good giggle though
I like the metallica concert story
I'll try to find it and post it.
found it....
(1996) Police in George, WA issued a report on the events leading up to the deaths of Robert Uhlenake, 24, and his friend, Ormond D. Young, 27, at a Friday night Metallica concert.
Uhlenake and Young were found dead at the Gorge Amphitheater after the show. Uhlenake was in pickup that was on top of Young at the bottom of a 20-ft drop. Young was found with severe lacerations, numerous fractures, contusions, and a branch in his anal cavity. He also had been stabbed and his pants were in a tree above him, some 15 ft off the ground, adding to the mystery of the heretofore unexplained scene.
According to Commissioner-In-Charge Inoye Appleton, Uhlenake and Young had tried to get tickets for the sold-out concert. When they were unable to get any tickets, the two decided to stay in the parking lot and drink. Once the show began, and after the two had consumed 18 beers between the them, they hit upon the idea of scaling the 7-foot wooden security fence around the perimeter of the site and sneak in.
They apparently moved the truck up to the edge of the fence and decided that Young would go over first and assist Uhlenake. They did not count on the fact that, while it was a 7-foot fence on the parking lot side, there was a 23-foot drop on the other side.
Young, who weighed 255 lbs. and was quite inebriated, jumped up and over the fence and promptly fell about half the distance before a large tree branch broke his fall and his left forearm. He also managed to get his shorts caught on the branch. Since he was now in great pain and had no way to extricate himself and his shorts from the tree, he decided to cut his shorts off and fall to the bushes below.
As soon as he cut the last bit of fabric holding him on the branch, he suddenly plummeted the rest of the way down, losing his grip on the knife. The bushes he had depended on to break his fall were actually holly bushes, and landing in them caused a massive number of cuts. He also had the misfortune of landing squarely on a holly bush branch, effectively impaling himself. The knife, which he had accidentally released 15 feet up, now landed and stabbed him in his left thigh. He was in tremendous pain.
Enter his friend Robert Uhlenake.
Uhlenake had observed the series of tumbles and realized that Young was in trouble. He hit upon the idea of lowering a rope to his friend and pulling him up and over the fence. This was complicated by the fact that Uhlenake was outweighed by his friend by a good 100 lbs. Happily, despite his drunken state, he realized he could use their truck to pull Young out. Unfortunately, because of his drunken state, Uhlenake put the truck in reverse rather than into drive. He broke through the fence and landed on Young, killing him. Uhlenake was thrown from the truck and subsequently died of internal injuries.
"So that's how a dead 255 lb. man with no pants on, with a truck on top of him and a stick up his ass, came to be" said Commissioner Appleton.
(1996) Police in George, WA issued a report on the events leading up to the deaths of Robert Uhlenake, 24, and his friend, Ormond D. Young, 27, at a Friday night Metallica concert.
Uhlenake and Young were found dead at the Gorge Amphitheater after the show. Uhlenake was in pickup that was on top of Young at the bottom of a 20-ft drop. Young was found with severe lacerations, numerous fractures, contusions, and a branch in his anal cavity. He also had been stabbed and his pants were in a tree above him, some 15 ft off the ground, adding to the mystery of the heretofore unexplained scene.
According to Commissioner-In-Charge Inoye Appleton, Uhlenake and Young had tried to get tickets for the sold-out concert. When they were unable to get any tickets, the two decided to stay in the parking lot and drink. Once the show began, and after the two had consumed 18 beers between the them, they hit upon the idea of scaling the 7-foot wooden security fence around the perimeter of the site and sneak in.
They apparently moved the truck up to the edge of the fence and decided that Young would go over first and assist Uhlenake. They did not count on the fact that, while it was a 7-foot fence on the parking lot side, there was a 23-foot drop on the other side.
Young, who weighed 255 lbs. and was quite inebriated, jumped up and over the fence and promptly fell about half the distance before a large tree branch broke his fall and his left forearm. He also managed to get his shorts caught on the branch. Since he was now in great pain and had no way to extricate himself and his shorts from the tree, he decided to cut his shorts off and fall to the bushes below.
As soon as he cut the last bit of fabric holding him on the branch, he suddenly plummeted the rest of the way down, losing his grip on the knife. The bushes he had depended on to break his fall were actually holly bushes, and landing in them caused a massive number of cuts. He also had the misfortune of landing squarely on a holly bush branch, effectively impaling himself. The knife, which he had accidentally released 15 feet up, now landed and stabbed him in his left thigh. He was in tremendous pain.
Enter his friend Robert Uhlenake.
Uhlenake had observed the series of tumbles and realized that Young was in trouble. He hit upon the idea of lowering a rope to his friend and pulling him up and over the fence. This was complicated by the fact that Uhlenake was outweighed by his friend by a good 100 lbs. Happily, despite his drunken state, he realized he could use their truck to pull Young out. Unfortunately, because of his drunken state, Uhlenake put the truck in reverse rather than into drive. He broke through the fence and landed on Young, killing him. Uhlenake was thrown from the truck and subsequently died of internal injuries.
"So that's how a dead 255 lb. man with no pants on, with a truck on top of him and a stick up his ass, came to be" said Commissioner Appleton.
kevinday,
i suspected that parts or the whole of my story were untrue as i heard about it in a forwarded email (read "it must be true-i read it on the internet!") and these urban legends always go around for ages. having said that, there is always an element of truth to rumour...Such stories as these lose the plot along the way but always have a genuine origin somewhere before they are exaggerated and blown out of proportion i think.
i suspected that parts or the whole of my story were untrue as i heard about it in a forwarded email (read "it must be true-i read it on the internet!
") and these urban legends always go around for ages. having said that, there is always an element of truth to rumour...Such stories as these lose the plot along the way but always have a genuine origin somewhere before they are exaggerated and blown out of proportion i think. I always check out anything anyone sends me at Snopes
I'm afraid the car & JATO one is totally false.
I'm afraid the car & JATO one is totally false.
quote:
far be it from me to rain on your parade of numpties, Scruff, dear chap, but these are from '99 or 2000...
Man's Visit to His Future Grave Kills Him
Wed Sep 4, 9:16 AM ET
LASCARI, Sicily (Reuters) - Giovanni Greco sent himself, literally,
to an early grave.
Greco, 63, was so keen that his future mausoleum would be a
perfect fit that he liked to visit it ensure the builders were
making it just right.
But his latest visit proved to be his last.
According to local media reports, Greco was making his regular
trip to the construction site in the small cemetery in his
hometown of Lascari at the weekend.
He climbed a ladder to get a better view of the top of the
mausoleum when he slipped, hit his head on a marble step, and
fell into his own tomb.
My favourite one happened in Kent, WA (not too far from The Gorge as it happens). Fella decided hes going to rob a gunshop (
) except he failed to notice the full livery police car outside.
He walks in, pulls a gun on the assistant, starts shouting and fires a shot into the ceiling. The two uniformed police officers that he didnt see, the off duty copper that happened to be there at the time, 5 customers and the assistant all shot him, 36 times in total.
There has never been a more worthy Darwin winner!
Matt.
) except he failed to notice the full livery police car outside. He walks in, pulls a gun on the assistant, starts shouting and fires a shot into the ceiling. The two uniformed police officers that he didnt see, the off duty copper that happened to be there at the time, 5 customers and the assistant all shot him, 36 times in total.
There has never been a more worthy Darwin winner!
Matt.
quote:
Hi
Where are the awards from?
What web site etc.....?
Or just URBAN MYTH?
www.darwinawards.com
Matt.
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