Sexual habits of programmers
Discussion
S*xual habits of programmers
The world in general likes to believe that the insular
computer boffin does not know the meaning of love-making. Of
course this is not true.
Most IT specialists have healthy and rewarding sex lives -
often with other humans - which keep them bright and smiling
as they tap away at the keyboard and chuckle at the fading
Dilbert cartoon stuck to their monitor.
And the true professional always behaves faithfully to his
chosen development environment - even in the bedroom....
Pascal
You make love to your girlfriend.
BASIC
You waggle your penis ineffectually at your girlfriend.
Visual BASIC
You get a tattoo on your penis, then waggle it ineffectually
at your girlfriend.
C++
Both your girlfriend and her cousin use the same method of
love-making with you. Unfortunately, they both inherited it
from their father, and you painfully waddle home sporting an
anus like the Japanese flag.
COBOL
IF SLAPPED_FACE
NEXT SENTENCE
ELSE
PERFORM A_FONDLE_BREASTS
THRU
B_APOLOGISE_FOR_MESS
VARYING W_GRIMACE
UNTIL W_TESTICLES_EMPTY = TRUE.
SQL
You make love to your girlfriend, but it takes hours, and
everyone in the street has to wait until you've finished
before they can make love to their partners. When you've
finished, you tell your girlfriend that you're not committed
to her, and she pretends you never made love in the first place.
Assembly language
You spend weeks with a propelling pencil and some graph paper
planning exactly how you're going to make love to your
girlfriend, but when the moment comes you end up
enthusiastically buggering the cat. Afterwards you pretend
that you wanted to do that anyway.
Unix
You want to make love to your girlfriend the really clever
way you did it yesterday, but you've forgotten it.
NT
Someone else regularly makes ActiveLove(tm) to your
girlfriend without asking you, and you can never catch the
****er at it and don't know how to make them stop.
Microsoft Word '97
You proudly unveil your erection in the bedroom. Your
girlfriend winks at you and says "It looks like you're going
to have a wee. Would you like some help with weeing?".
C
Every time you make love to your partner, your penis points
in a different direction. You don't notice until eventually
it points straight up your own arse.
Java
You learn a technique which is supposed to bring any girl to
orgasm, but it only works with your mother.
The world in general likes to believe that the insular
computer boffin does not know the meaning of love-making. Of
course this is not true.
Most IT specialists have healthy and rewarding sex lives -
often with other humans - which keep them bright and smiling
as they tap away at the keyboard and chuckle at the fading
Dilbert cartoon stuck to their monitor.
And the true professional always behaves faithfully to his
chosen development environment - even in the bedroom....
Pascal
You make love to your girlfriend.
BASIC
You waggle your penis ineffectually at your girlfriend.
Visual BASIC
You get a tattoo on your penis, then waggle it ineffectually
at your girlfriend.
C++
Both your girlfriend and her cousin use the same method of
love-making with you. Unfortunately, they both inherited it
from their father, and you painfully waddle home sporting an
anus like the Japanese flag.
COBOL
IF SLAPPED_FACE
NEXT SENTENCE
ELSE
PERFORM A_FONDLE_BREASTS
THRU
B_APOLOGISE_FOR_MESS
VARYING W_GRIMACE
UNTIL W_TESTICLES_EMPTY = TRUE.
SQL
You make love to your girlfriend, but it takes hours, and
everyone in the street has to wait until you've finished
before they can make love to their partners. When you've
finished, you tell your girlfriend that you're not committed
to her, and she pretends you never made love in the first place.
Assembly language
You spend weeks with a propelling pencil and some graph paper
planning exactly how you're going to make love to your
girlfriend, but when the moment comes you end up
enthusiastically buggering the cat. Afterwards you pretend
that you wanted to do that anyway.
Unix
You want to make love to your girlfriend the really clever
way you did it yesterday, but you've forgotten it.
NT
Someone else regularly makes ActiveLove(tm) to your
girlfriend without asking you, and you can never catch the
****er at it and don't know how to make them stop.
Microsoft Word '97
You proudly unveil your erection in the bedroom. Your
girlfriend winks at you and says "It looks like you're going
to have a wee. Would you like some help with weeing?".
C
Every time you make love to your partner, your penis points
in a different direction. You don't notice until eventually
it points straight up your own arse.
Java
You learn a technique which is supposed to bring any girl to
orgasm, but it only works with your mother.
Spooky, She picked the one she though flattered you the most 
Its a female thing, She did it to me as well :/ HOWEVER, I notice no PLAYSTATION 2 Vector unit code references in the list. Vu coders hit the hardware where it matters without fannying about. Optimal code is like self orgasm. Although 4 nanoseconds is my optimal, 60 times per second is the average. I'll dot my vector and have +-fun with anything perpendicular.
Anyone else write games ?
(Rob the threadsrtopper climbs the wooden steps to bed)
Ps, Ok, you were right about the cat :/
>> Edited by RobM on Saturday 31st August 02:12
Its a female thing, She did it to me as well :/ HOWEVER, I notice no PLAYSTATION 2 Vector unit code references in the list. Vu coders hit the hardware where it matters without fannying about. Optimal code is like self orgasm. Although 4 nanoseconds is my optimal, 60 times per second is the average. I'll dot my vector and have +-fun with anything perpendicular. Anyone else write games ?
(Rob the threadsrtopper climbs the wooden steps to bed)
Ps, Ok, you were right about the cat :/
>> Edited by RobM on Saturday 31st August 02:12
Gassing Station | General Gassing [Archive] | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff