Colemanballs and other daft quotes

[Spooky]

Well, it IS Friday...
Among my favourites are:

"The white has settled close to the green. For those of you watching in black & white, it's next to the yellow." - Ted "whispering" Lowe, Snooker Commentator.

"Well, they're one nil up at half time. If the score stays like that, they'll win." - Kevin Keegan.

"The batman's Holding, the bowler's Willie." - Richie Benaud.

"Lane 8 is empty, so there's no doubt that the winner will not come from there." - David Coleman.

[plotloss]

'Oh what a lovely sight, the wife of the Dean Of Oxford University kissing the cox of the Cambridge crew'

Cant remember who said it though.

Matt.

[gnomesmith]

Coverage of early Oscar Presentation.

'And coming around the corner now is Mr Alfred Hitchcars cock'.

[Don]

I've always liked W.C. Fields comments. Two favourites:

"What unutterable cad has uncorked my lunch?"

and when asked why he didn't drink water...

"Fish f*** in it."

[plotloss]

'and in the Cnut Kentryside today...' - Trevor MacDonald.

Matt.

[Spooky]

'And there's Seaman all over the goal." Brian Moore

[Gargamel]

"If the ball had just gone inside the post, it would have been a goal"

Bobby Robson on Italia 1996 semi final

[theboymoon]

Chick Young, Scottish football commentator....


"And Paul McStay has hit an inch perfect pass to ....

..... No-one in particular"


Moonie

[Size Nine Elm]

"Pires has got something about him, he can go both ways depending on who's facing him" - David Pleat

"Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball" - Ian St John

"The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game" - Kevin Keegan

"Moreano thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard" - Big Ron

"Adams is stretching himself, looking for Seaman" - Brian Moore

"I wouldn't be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish" - Ian St John

"Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored" - Terry Venables

"The Croatians don't play well without the ball" - Barry Venison

"It had to go in, but it didn't" - Peter Drury

"That's lifted the crowd up into the air" - Barry Davies

"He never fails to hit the target. But that was a miss." - Bobby Robson

"Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders" - Kevin Keegan

More Kevin Keegan (retired footballer/active TV audience annoyer) specials:

"Only one team can win this game....and that team is England", followed by Brian Moore "But wait a minute, here's Dan Petrescu..."

"Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose"

"That would have been a goal if the goalkeeper hadn't saved it"

"I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's completely different"

"A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm - and it nearly came off"

Some Big Rons:

"Zidane is not very happy, because he's suffering from the wind"

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces"

"They've picked their heads up off the ground and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders"

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw"

"He sliced the ball when he had it on a plate"

"I'm afraid they've left their legs at home"

[MikeyT]

quote:
"The batman's Holding, the bowler's Willie." - Richie Benaud.

Sorry Spooky,

it was Willey (as in Peter, ex-Northants & Leics all-rounder) and it was uttered by Brian Johnston on TMS (not the Leics TVR dealer either!)

Pedantic MikeyT :bigcricketinganorak:

[Spooky]

MikeyT, thou peddlar of pedantism! Sorry about the spelling, and more importantly sorry to Richie Benaud for the misquote!

Definately right about this one though...
"I don't believe anything they say in the press. Half their lies aren't true!" - John Logie Baird (sp!)

[jamesmac]

End of cookery program:-

"AND I HOPE YOUR DOUGH NUTS TURN OUT LIKE FANNYS"

a classic!

[plotloss]

Theres a bakery on the A40 just outside Oxford that has a picture of Fanny Cradock with the slogan:

'Our muffins are moist and sticky, just like fannys!'

Matt.

[jamesmac]

During an old weather forcast, the sticky "F" fell off:-

"SORRY ABOUT THE F-IN-FOG"

[jamesmac]

quote:
Theres a bakery on the A40 just outside Oxford that has a picture of Fanny Cradock with the slogan:

'Our muffins are moist and sticky, just like fannys!'

Matt.

Like It!!

[iguana]

"I had a good 4 inches myself last night"
Ulrika Johnson talking about snowfall on TVAM back in the days before she shagged Gladiators,Footballers who beat her up,& Sven

[pigme]

My stepdad a couple of weeks ago,

"Oh and those Corgi trucks are popular, what are they "Eddie Sorbet" or something"

And a friend years ago,
"My dad has just bought a Jaguar Souvenir"

[raceboy]

Scafolding firms can usually be relied on for 'witty' slogans, local firms I've seem, include:
X, for the best erection
Y, for the quickest erection

[bikerkeith]

The F-in-Fog was by none other than Dickie Davies, before he went on to greater sporting cock ups.
Since this is a motoring site, where are all the Murray Walker-isms?

[raceboy]

For the Motorsport quotes try this
www.worldmotorsport.com/murray/index.php