Laws of slow people (AKA Numpties)
Discussion
1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don't know each other.
2. They drive side by side, too. If they can't find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.
3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rearview mirrors, either.
4. Slow people drift sideways so they'll block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people or vehicles are trying to get around them at the same time, they drift into the path of the one that is moving at the highest speed.
5. Follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you'll wind up with soggy ice cream every time.
7. When slow people are at the supermarket checkout they'll always wait until everything's tilled-up and packed before realising they should dig through their entire personal posessions to find some money. It's always a good time to shed all their loose change when 10 people are waiting behind them.
8. Slow people smile at you whilst holding you up.
9. Slow people impulsively strike up pointless but intense conversations with people you need to deal with as you approach.
10. Slow people have no self-awareness whatsoever.
11. Slow people like and encourage other slow people. They self-perpetuate.
8. Slow people smile at you whilst holding you up.
9. Slow people impulsively strike up pointless but intense conversations with people you need to deal with as you approach.
10. Slow people have no self-awareness whatsoever.
11. Slow people like and encourage other slow people. They self-perpetuate.
17. Slow people may be celebrating the fact that they have made so much money they no longer have any need to rush around.
18. Slow people may have just enjoyed a potent curry and feel it too risky to rush.
19. Slow people may be dawdling to give you time to move away before they go to your home to screw your wife/daughter/girlfriend/son/dog/any other person dear to you (delete as appropriate.
20. Slow people may be your reflection in a shop window.
21. Slow people may be dead.
18. Slow people may have just enjoyed a potent curry and feel it too risky to rush.
19. Slow people may be dawdling to give you time to move away before they go to your home to screw your wife/daughter/girlfriend/son/dog/any other person dear to you (delete as appropriate.
20. Slow people may be your reflection in a shop window.
21. Slow people may be dead.
22
Slow people will suddenly stop walking in the street for no reason and you have to take avoiding action not to bump into them.
23 Slow people on the road will suddenly stop their cars for no reason and you have to take avoiding action not to bump into them.
24. Slow people will wait until the trafic lights turn green and then wave on a person to cross the road in front of them
>> Edited by superlightr on Wednesday 31st July 07:54
Slow people will suddenly stop walking in the street for no reason and you have to take avoiding action not to bump into them.
23 Slow people on the road will suddenly stop their cars for no reason and you have to take avoiding action not to bump into them.
24. Slow people will wait until the trafic lights turn green and then wave on a person to cross the road in front of them
>> Edited by superlightr on Wednesday 31st July 07:54
Slow people got no reason
Slow people got no reason
Slow people got no reason
to live.
They got little legs
and a little face
and they walk around
stopping every pace
Well I don't want no Slow People
Well I don't want no Slow People
Well I don't want no Slow People
round here
Nearly (c) Randy Newman...
Slow people got no reason
Slow people got no reason
to live.
They got little legs
and a little face
and they walk around
stopping every pace
Well I don't want no Slow People
Well I don't want no Slow People
Well I don't want no Slow People
round here
Nearly (c) Randy Newman...
25. Slow people who use busses queue across the pavement rather than along it, thus blocking the pavement completely.
26. Slow people in petrol stations invariably pick the rearmost pump (even when others in the line are free and provide the same fuels), forcing everybody else to queue up behind them or else drive around and reverse back.
27. Slow people let the cashier start ringing up before wandering off to find something obscure (that a petrol station probably doesn't even sell), leaving the cashier stuck with 1/2 a transaction and the rest of us waiting.
26. Slow people in petrol stations invariably pick the rearmost pump (even when others in the line are free and provide the same fuels), forcing everybody else to queue up behind them or else drive around and reverse back.
27. Slow people let the cashier start ringing up before wandering off to find something obscure (that a petrol station probably doesn't even sell), leaving the cashier stuck with 1/2 a transaction and the rest of us waiting.
28. Slow people always check their PIN at least twice after enter their card into the ATM.
29. And they alway chack their balance (I like to check their balance too) befor drawing out a tenner (Ayrton to us)
30. Always insist on repacking wallet/handbag before moving the one step away to enable any other not slow people to use the ATM
31. Slow people wait till the last customer is at least 30 yards away before entering their card, I guess this is because they're so considerate they want to make sure the the previous numpty has finished
29. And they alway chack their balance (I like to check their balance too) befor drawing out a tenner (Ayrton to us)
30. Always insist on repacking wallet/handbag before moving the one step away to enable any other not slow people to use the ATM
31. Slow people wait till the last customer is at least 30 yards away before entering their card, I guess this is because they're so considerate they want to make sure the the previous numpty has finished
32. Slow people are conserving energy. This is why they (mistakenly) feel they should:
a). short shift through the gears, till they're doing 35 mph in 5th, with the engine trying to jump out of the bonnet.
b). reserve the use of sidelights & headlights only for times when it's absolutely pitch black i.e. not at dawn, dusk or in the middle of a torrential rain storm.
a). short shift through the gears, till they're doing 35 mph in 5th, with the engine trying to jump out of the bonnet.
b). reserve the use of sidelights & headlights only for times when it's absolutely pitch black i.e. not at dawn, dusk or in the middle of a torrential rain storm.
quote:
33. Slow people ALWAYS stop at the bottom (or top) of a tube station escalator during "rush" hour in order to deliberate over which direction they should shuffle off in...
And stand on the left of said escalator, oblivious to the fact that everyone else is standing on the right. Then act surprised/offended when someone who's in a hurry comes up behind them and asks them to move. Honestly, they've got the spatial awareness of a very small child
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