Verbal warning ?

[macp]

Evening all

I have a meeting tomorrow with my boss which I am dreading quite frankly.I dont know whether I will get a verbal warning or an offer of support.From his point of view I am guessing that I appear to be a disrespectful lazy git who recently has started to make some major screwups.

In truth I have been with the company for 13yrs with I believe lower than average time off for sick leave and excellent time keeping.However I feel I am a fake as I am completely unqualified for the role I have within the company.I have never said this to him.I was disrespectful because I got too passionate when the decision was made to go in a different direction to the one I chose to prevent future screwups like the one I made by accidentally sending sensitive commercial info to one of our largest customers.Lazy because a new project has left me way out of my depth and a colleague under me is picking up the pieces because I have no clue.

Should I even bother going to work tomorrow?

[Gargamel]

macp said:

Evening all

I have a meeting tomorrow with my boss which I am dreading quite frankly.I dont know whether I will get a verbal warning or an offer of support.From his point of view I am guessing that I appear to be a disrespectful lazy git who recently has started to make some major screwups.

In truth I have been with the company for 13yrs with I believe lower than average time off for sick leave and excellent time keeping.However I feel I am a fake as I am completely unqualified for the role I have within the company.I have never said this to him.I was disrespectful because I got too passionate when the decision was made to go in a different direction to the one I chose to prevent future screwups like the one I made by accidentally sending sensitive commercial info to one of our largest customers.Lazy because a new project has left me way out of my depth and a colleague under me is picking up the pieces because I have no clue.

Should I even bother going to work tomorrow?

Obviously you should. 13 years means you must have had the odd good moment, apologies for your mistakes. Let him know that your team are more than capable of handling the project, but you see your role more as managing, than knowing all the technical detail.

Maybe

[conanius]

There isn't a huge amount to go on here, but my 2 pence.

Firstly, if I was your boss and doing this sort of meeting that you 'think' you are going into, I wouldn't do it on a Monday leaving you to bubble all weekend about it. Not cool.

Right, to the task in hand. Definitely go in. I don't know what role you do, or in what industry, but you know your company if you have been there 13 years. If you've been moved onto work that you can't do/lack the skills for, If I was your manager I'd be coaching you to try and help.

Have you told him you are struggling? Being honest isn't always a bad thing, and in fact, I see as a sign of integrity. Being passionate about work isn't a bad thing, but it depends quite how you were about it. For me being passionate is speaking out and trying to put forward my view in a calm constructive manner. if you were shouting the odds, thats not really passionate - but obviously I don't know what happened.

Just take your time, be calm, don't jump in with any huge statements or comments, let your boss say their side, say yours after.

[10 Pence Short]

Without knowing more it's difficult to give specific advice. However, one thing that always works is remembering that you have one mouth and two ears, and it's best to use them in that ratio. Use the meeting to listen and don't be afraid to ask for clarification on anything if you're not sure. There are specific rules and regulations for disciplinary processes so wait and see what is going on before pre-empting what you think might be coming.

With a bit of luck they'll be telling you there's a promotion they want you to go for.

[macp]

Thanks all

I also thought leaving me to stew for the weekend was unfair.He told me he wanted t get a few things off his chest and thought I was aloof.A retired and well respected colleague once told me my boss is a good guy but a terrible people person.Sorry for being a little bit short with the facts.

I didnt raise my voice during the meeting but I think I acted like a spoilt child because I was sure he would choose my solution.I was very pissed off because the day before he had said my solution was the way to go.I pointed out that we should wait for a decision until tomorrow when my colleague could offer their opinion still not believing they would choose another.I went through so much stress following my mistake so I was almost desperate for them to go my way.

[Dr Jekyll]

macp said:

Thanks all

my boss is a good guy but a terrible people person.

The reverse of most senior managers then.

[Rich1973]

No such thing as a verbal warning these days. Not recognised.

[edc]

Rich1973 said:

No such thing as a verbal warning these days. Not recognised.

Of course it still does exist. A verbal warning could be formal or informal. It might be the current fad and no longer in some organisations best practice guidelines but the first stage formal warning still exists. The fact that a verbal warning needs to follow the correct process and be documented means that it becomes documented and people think of it as a written warning.

[Funk]

How'd it go today OP?

Fingers crossed it was better than you thought.

[New POD]

I know it's too late, for the OP, but having been through this twice in 20 years, I would NOW approach it by saying "I'm really struggling, and feel like I'm about to have a breakdown, so I need you to exercise your duty of care, to help me to either move to a role more suited to my current ability, or train me to be able to do this properly."

[campionissimo]

just from the tone, are there issues with depression /anxiety here? your self esteem seems low, worry levels and feelings of inadequacy high?

if so, ask for help from inside and outside work.

if not, apologies for misreading the tone.

[MocMocaMoc]

conanius said:

There isn't a huge amount to go on here, but my 2 pence.

Firstly, if I was your boss and doing this sort of meeting that you 'think' you are going into, I wouldn't do it on a Monday leaving you to bubble all weekend about it. Not cool.

Not a terribly positive reply from me (sorry) but my old boss would play this game.

Whenever I was in trouble (long story) he's play it like this. Suffice to say my opinion of him as a person is what often resulted in these kinds of 'chats'.

OP, hope it all turns out well! 13 years, you cant be that bad ; )

[mph1977]

Rich1973 said:

No such thing as a verbal warning these days. Not recognised.

testicles... the concept and stage / level of warning that a 'verbal warning' represents does exist and there is nothing to stop employers calling that stage a 'verbal warning ' even though there will be a 'verbal warning form' and/or a letter confirming that you have recieved one. some employers may choose to give this first formal stage of warning a different name but it still exists...

[Odie]

only 1 of the 3 things that you've said are 'mistakes' are mistakes,

Being passionate is good, being disrespectful while being passionate shouldn't be a concern, we all do it, the odd occasion should be over looked imho, lots of people don't care, you clearly do.

Being out of your depth is your line managers challenge not yours, you should have been provided with adequate support, but don't try and take things on your shoulders, if you need help ask.

[macp]

Funk said:

How'd it go today OP?

Fingers crossed it was better than you thought.

Sorry for not updating since you all took the time to respond.It went well I think in that he said he was surprised as he thought I was capable based on my past performance.I also noted he didnt bring up the past mistakes.He finished by just saying I need you to hang in there a little while longer just until we get this project finished and we will get you some help and support.

[macp]

campionissimo said:

just from the tone, are there issues with depression /anxiety here? your self esteem seems low, worry levels and feelings of inadequacy high?

if so, ask for help from inside and outside work.

if not, apologies for misreading the tone.

I have had counselling for depression a few years ago.

[Engineer1]

mph1977 said:

testicles... the concept and stage / level of warning that a 'verbal warning' represents does exist and there is nothing to stop employers calling that stage a 'verbal warning ' even though there will be a 'verbal warning form' and/or a letter confirming that you have recieved one. some employers may choose to give this first formal stage of warning a different name but it still exists...

Whatever they call it unless I am very mistaken it is the first step on the disciplinary ladder and a minor one at that, keep your nose clean for 6 months after it and in theory it's no longer active.

[irocfan]

macp said:

Sorry for not updating since you all took the time to respond.It went well I think in that he said he was surprised as he thought I was capable based on my past performance.I also noted he didnt bring up the past mistakes.He finished by just saying I need you to hang in there a little while longer just until we get this project finished and we will get you some help and support.

well that seems positive, you feeling less anxious about this particular aspect now?

[Funk]

macp said:

Funk said:

How'd it go today OP?

Fingers crossed it was better than you thought.

Sorry for not updating since you all took the time to respond.It went well I think in that he said he was surprised as he thought I was capable based on my past performance.I also noted he didnt bring up the past mistakes.He finished by just saying I need you to hang in there a little while longer just until we get this project finished and we will get you some help and support.

Sounds like it went well, he probably recognised that on this particular project you're having a tough time. From what he's said it sounds positive, I'd give it 100%, get through it and then work with him to suss out how you proceed from there.

[Foppo]

macp said:

Evening all

I have a meeting tomorrow with my boss which I am dreading quite frankly.I dont know whether I will get a verbal warning or an offer of support.From his point of view I am guessing that I appear to be a disrespectful lazy git who recently has started to make some major screwups.

In truth I have been with the company for 13yrs with I believe lower than average time off for sick leave and excellent time keeping.However I feel I am a fake as I am completely unqualified for the role I have within the company.I have never said this to him.I was disrespectful because I got too passionate when the decision was made to go in a different direction to the one I chose to prevent future screwups like the one I made by accidentally sending sensitive commercial info to one of our largest customers.Lazy because a new project has left me way out of my depth and a colleague under me is picking up the pieces because I have no clue.

Should I even bother going to work tomorrow?

You have been thirteen years at a job and you haven't a clue what you are doing?

I admire how you got away with it good acting? >