Funniest thing I have seen...
Discussion
I was driving home on Sunday behind a numpty driving like a, er numpty, when I noticed she had a dog on the back parcel shelf.
Not one of those nodding dogs, but a real one. You know the type, yapping little turds that you wish were used as footballs at school instead of cow hide.
Said turd will be known as "rat dog".
As I was thinking how stupid this person was, and in fact how dumb rat dog must be to sit in such a precarious place with led to how much damage could be done to said dog in case of an accident, we were faced with a zebra crossing and judging by the speed of numpty she had not seen the family walking across....yep, that's right - brakes slammed on and rat dog is now rat bird as it hurtles towards the front screen at an alarming rate!
It actually bounced of the windscreen and landed on the back seatand proceeded to hysterically ramble up on the parcel shelf where is stood staring wildly and shaking madly with a look on its face that can only be described as scared combined with total confusion!
Laughed, you bet I did!
Not one of those nodding dogs, but a real one. You know the type, yapping little turds that you wish were used as footballs at school instead of cow hide.
Said turd will be known as "rat dog".
As I was thinking how stupid this person was, and in fact how dumb rat dog must be to sit in such a precarious place with led to how much damage could be done to said dog in case of an accident, we were faced with a zebra crossing and judging by the speed of numpty she had not seen the family walking across....yep, that's right - brakes slammed on and rat dog is now rat bird as it hurtles towards the front screen at an alarming rate!
It actually bounced of the windscreen and landed on the back seatand proceeded to hysterically ramble up on the parcel shelf where is stood staring wildly and shaking madly with a look on its face that can only be described as scared combined with total confusion!
Laughed, you bet I did!
I fell this topic is right to divulge something that had me in stitches the other week.
Driving into Nottingham I was following a woman in a Corsa through the heavy lunchtime traffic. There was static traffic on both sides of the road. She indicated to turn right, and sat there waiting for a gap to emerge before she pulled across the stationary oncoming traffic. The traffic shuffled slightly and she was faced with (from my perspective - behind her) a reasonably sized gap. At first she didn't move, but then slowly she edged into it. As she was halfway across, the Vectra she was pulling in front of drove straight into her nearside wing.
I could see the bloke in the Vectra swearing and gesticulating pretty angrily, but for all intents it looked like his fault. As I pulled around the Corsa, I noticed what had happened.
One word - Towrope!!!
Driving into Nottingham I was following a woman in a Corsa through the heavy lunchtime traffic. There was static traffic on both sides of the road. She indicated to turn right, and sat there waiting for a gap to emerge before she pulled across the stationary oncoming traffic. The traffic shuffled slightly and she was faced with (from my perspective - behind her) a reasonably sized gap. At first she didn't move, but then slowly she edged into it. As she was halfway across, the Vectra she was pulling in front of drove straight into her nearside wing.
I could see the bloke in the Vectra swearing and gesticulating pretty angrily, but for all intents it looked like his fault. As I pulled around the Corsa, I noticed what had happened.
One word - Towrope!!!
Only the one involving my 3 year old face, in a child seat on the back seat of the old mans' Dolly Sprint flat out on the M1 when one of the front wheels decided it didn't actually want to go to Kent with us. Wouldn't have been quite so bad if my mother, in her infinate wisdom, hadn't put my shiny new Tonka Truck on the parcel shelf........
Think gerbil in a tumble dryer full of razor blades and you get the picture!!
Think gerbil in a tumble dryer full of razor blades and you get the picture!!
there was a Landrover with trailer driving along the M5 this weekend and the bonnet couldn't have been clipped down properly as at about 55-60 mph a gust of wind got under it and opened it up fully.. the stay clipped back and it was stuck there.
The driver slowed down a bit but there wasn't any hard shoulder for a while so drove about 1/5mile with the bonnet up at about 50mph. As he then pulled onto available hard shoulder, the slowing and the rumble strip must have dislodged the catch, and the bonnet then slammed shut.. driver proceeded to rejoin the motorway at about 30mph and carried on his way..
Very Funny
The driver slowed down a bit but there wasn't any hard shoulder for a while so drove about 1/5mile with the bonnet up at about 50mph. As he then pulled onto available hard shoulder, the slowing and the rumble strip must have dislodged the catch, and the bonnet then slammed shut.. driver proceeded to rejoin the motorway at about 30mph and carried on his way..
Very Funny
Last week. Local carpark. 60 somthing year old woman in old 405. My attention attracted by sound of high revs,turned around to see said car attempting 3 point in the carpark on a hill. 4000rpm and much wheel shuffling as she as car rolls back thumping into the bumper of parked car. Then more will more revs and smell of clutch she progesses forward staring myopicly over the wheel, I and several other pedestrians have to step smartly out the way before she stops at top of the carpark to let husband waiting there in, while very slowly rolling back down the hill, the old boy falls into the car and with more revs she's off again.. as she passes me again I notice the sticker in teh back window.. 'SPEED KILLS - KILL YOUR SPEED' .. and she probably belives it too.....
I also saw a bonnet part company with a Landie on the A11 once. The driver, not dressed for the weather (it was raining and he looked for all the world, like he was on some Aussie gone Outback), to his credit, made a heroic dash to retrieve the bonnet from oncomming traffic, and certainly prevented further catastrophe.
About two months ago..... standing outside TMS TVR dealers and watched with Jonathon (the salesman) as a bloke in a lovely XJR Jag tried to turn his car round. Poor bloke hit a bollard and ripped the back bumper off, he was so emabarrased he drove off at high speed with the bumper trailing and bouncing along behind him....
My sister "kindly" lent me a VW Polo. I only used it for a couple of days but I discovered a few thigs about the car, pretty much in this order:-
No Tax ... got car taxed
No rear lights ... cleaned up contacts, replaced some bulbs
Half knackered alternator (left me rolling down pitch black road at 60mph in a dead car) ... reconditioned unit fitted
Bonnet catch rusted to bits, bonnet opens on M20 and folds itself onto roof --- remedy: sit on it, hide car until its dark, drive it to Worcestershire and dump it on sister's driveway with a thank you note
No Tax ... got car taxed
No rear lights ... cleaned up contacts, replaced some bulbs
Half knackered alternator (left me rolling down pitch black road at 60mph in a dead car) ... reconditioned unit fitted
Bonnet catch rusted to bits, bonnet opens on M20 and folds itself onto roof --- remedy: sit on it, hide car until its dark, drive it to Worcestershire and dump it on sister's driveway with a thank you note
quote:
My sister "kindly" lent me a VW Polo. I only used it for a couple of days but I discovered a few thigs about the car, pretty much in this order:-
No Tax ... got car taxed
No rear lights ... cleaned up contacts, replaced some bulbs
Half knackered alternator (left me rolling down pitch black road at 60mph in a dead car) ... reconditioned unit fitted
Bonnet catch rusted to bits, bonnet opens on M20 and folds itself onto roof --- remedy: sit on it, hide car until its dark, drive it to Worcestershire and dump it on sister's driveway with a thank you note
Had a business partner like that once. He had a Sierra XR4x4 (the 2.9V6 model) from new. It was now 6 months old,and I had to borrow it one day.
It felt very weird so I stopped at a garage to check it out:
All tyre pressures 10psi or less!
No water in radiator at all!
No washer fluid!
No oil visible on the dipstick!
Brake fluid low
The car had only done 12,000 miles FFS!
I was so shocked that after I had put in all the appropriate oil/water/antifreeze/air etc - (I swear I heard the poor tortured vehicle say thank you) I took it straight back to the office.
All my partner could say was - Oh, does that mean it doesn't need its first service now then?
Andy 400se
OK i got one for you, a long time ago in a far away place, well france camping with my family I was about 11 or 12. Anyway dead of night we have to leave the campsite to get to the ferry. Its pitch black and my dad has a good go at hitching up the caravan emergency brake, electrics etc.
We leave the campsite and are trundling down the road when the caravan decides it likes france too much to leave. The caravan was not fixed onto the tow bar just resting on top, we hit a bump caravan parts company and dives for the nearest hedge.
Took my dad ages to stop as we were saying the caravan is not there anymore and he's saying im not going to fall for that one and keeps going, finally looks in the rear view mirror
thinks hhmm somthing wrong here 
...bugger where's the caravan.
Paul
We leave the campsite and are trundling down the road when the caravan decides it likes france too much to leave. The caravan was not fixed onto the tow bar just resting on top, we hit a bump caravan parts company and dives for the nearest hedge.
Took my dad ages to stop as we were saying the caravan is not there anymore and he's saying im not going to fall for that one and keeps going, finally looks in the rear view mirror
thinks hhmm somthing wrong here ...bugger where's the caravan. Paul
LOL!
Here's another one.....
My X's Mum on the day she retired got in her car to drive home. She started her automatic Micra in Drive. The Micra, for whatever reason, went straight to high revs launching her into the car parked in front. CRUMP! She then whacks the gear lever forwards towards Park - which of course goes through Reverse! The Micra took off backwards into the car parked behind. BANG! She evenutally stopped the engine, got out and walked home......
The Micra was a complete write off
Here's another one.....
My X's Mum on the day she retired got in her car to drive home. She started her automatic Micra in Drive. The Micra, for whatever reason, went straight to high revs launching her into the car parked in front. CRUMP! She then whacks the gear lever forwards towards Park - which of course goes through Reverse! The Micra took off backwards into the car parked behind. BANG! She evenutally stopped the engine, got out and walked home......
The Micra was a complete write off
A few from people I knew:
1) Very clever bloke (physist) on his way to a conference sees the temp guge needle shoot to the top. So he thinks "if I drive faster then more air will go under the bonnet and cool the car". One warped engine later..., Toyota were amazed.
2) Friend overfilled his car with 4 pints of oil, noticed it was smoking a lot and the light on his dashboard kept lighting up (dodgy light was the problem) kept topping it up
3) Other friend owned a metro said to me "the cars a bit noisy". I found out that the engine had no oil and the dipstick was bone dry! All credit to rover how the hell that car even ran I still don't know.
Finally
A friend of mine was in the car with his family. Driving along when a wheel passed them his dad said "ha ha some pr@ts lost his wheel" ....scraping sound
1) Very clever bloke (physist) on his way to a conference sees the temp guge needle shoot to the top. So he thinks "if I drive faster then more air will go under the bonnet and cool the car". One warped engine later..., Toyota were amazed.
2) Friend overfilled his car with 4 pints of oil, noticed it was smoking a lot and the light on his dashboard kept lighting up (dodgy light was the problem) kept topping it up
3) Other friend owned a metro said to me "the cars a bit noisy". I found out that the engine had no oil and the dipstick was bone dry! All credit to rover how the hell that car even ran I still don't know.
Finally
A friend of mine was in the car with his family. Driving along when a wheel passed them his dad said "ha ha some pr@ts lost his wheel" ....scraping sound
Top numpty doris:
True story.
About a year ago I was leaving Luton & Dustable Hospital and just happened to notice an old purple rinsed Doris getting into her Fiesta. I made a couple of phone calls and then left the car park. I caught the Doris up later on the M1, she was driving down the middle lane at 70 mph 'ish' and the silly moo had left her walking stick hanging off the door mirror! The thing was flailing around in the wind waiting to fly off into the sunset never to be seen again! I pulled along beside her and tried to get her attention, but she must have thought I was some yob with road rage 'cos she just ignored me!
I laughed so hard I nearly pi55ed myself!
Jas.
True story.
About a year ago I was leaving Luton & Dustable Hospital and just happened to notice an old purple rinsed Doris getting into her Fiesta. I made a couple of phone calls and then left the car park. I caught the Doris up later on the M1, she was driving down the middle lane at 70 mph 'ish' and the silly moo had left her walking stick hanging off the door mirror! The thing was flailing around in the wind waiting to fly off into the sunset never to be seen again! I pulled along beside her and tried to get her attention, but she must have thought I was some yob with road rage 'cos she just ignored me!
I laughed so hard I nearly pi55ed myself!
Jas.
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