Undeclared income & tax

[Henry-F]

Hang on a minute before sending this off to some far flung corner of Pistonheads:

Having just made a post on the PORSCHE FORUM I was forwarded to the "Thanks for posting where do you want to go now" page upon which was an advert suggesting they, whoever they are, were coming to get you if you hadn't declared all your income. The advert consisted of a pair of eyes and text which said we're coming to get you.

Damn she's hot. I am just about to call the accountant and give him the boot hopeful they'll be sending said hottie round to do her very worst. With all the money I will have saved not paying tax I'll be able to wine and dine her in the warmer parts of Southern Europe and who knows.......

I would have chosen someone slightly less sensuous.

Henry

[domster]

They may be immune to your charms, H. I offered an HMRC inspector a little pot of wax after a routine VAT inspection and they are immune to gifts in case it is seen as bribery. Wining and dining an HMRC lady on the 'Lester Piggott' moored just off Jersey may make her more interested in you than you had in mind

[Henry-F]

domster said:

They may be immune to your charms, H. I offered an HMRC inspector a little pot of wax after a routine VAT inspection and they are immune to gifts in case it is seen as bribery. Wining and dining an HMRC lady on the 'Lester Piggott' moored just off Jersey may make her more interested in you than you had in mind

Dom

There's no easy way to put this so I going to just come right out and lay it on table for you.

Boys and girls are very different creatures. I don't know if you've noticed how all your friends on the internet and in the video games shop are boys. There is a reason.

Whilst you and the gang enjoy chatting about different waxes and alloy wheel cleaners girls don't. They enjoy shopping, talking about clothes and the like.

There are guys who realise this quite early in life. They develop skills which enable them to talk to girls about clothes, famous personalities, cooking, home making and so on whilst appearing genuinely interested. This makes the girls like them and eventually do quite grown up things.

You need to try and develop some of these inter-personal skill with girls. I know you're aware of girls and what they look like - I've seen your browsing history. Even with clothes on there are some tell tale things to look for, longer hair, breasts pushing out clothes etc - incidentally it is possible to get thrown off track when using just breasts and long hair to spot women, particularly in the video games shop. If they have the name of a heavy metal band or Sci-fi scene on their T-shirt then it's probably a guy.

Eventually you will find a thing called a girlfriend. Granted in your case looks could mean it takes a while but it will happen. There's a girl out there for everyone Dom. In the fullness of time you will have sex. With a woman !

At NO point and I mean ever, say to her, "Would you like a tub of wax". It ain't happening dude.

Henry

Edited by Henry-F on Friday 8th February 10:42

[Wozy68]

Henry-F said:

Dom

There's no easy way to put this so I going to just come right out and lay it on table for you.

Boys and girls are very different creatures. I don't know if you've noticed how all your friends on the internet and in the video games shop are boys. There is a reason.

Whilst you and the gang enjoy chatting about different waxes and alloy wheel cleaners girls don't. They enjoy shopping, talking about clothes and the like.

There are guys who realise this quite early in life. They develop skills which enable them to talk to girls about clothes, famous personalities, cooking, home making and so on whilst appearing genuinely interested. This makes the girls like them and eventually do quite grown up things.

You need to try and develop some of these inter-personal skill with girls. I know you're aware of girls and what they look like - I've seen your browsing history. Even with clothes on there are some tell tale things to look for, longer hair, breasts pushing out clothes etc - incidentally it is possible to get thrown off track when using just breasts and long hair to spot women, particularly in the video games shop. If they have the name of a heavy metal band or Sci-fi scene on their T-shirt then it's probably a guy.

Eventually you will find a thing called a girlfriend. Granted in your case looks could mean it takes a while but it will happen. There's a girl out there for everyone. In the fullness of time you will have sex. With a woman !

At NO point and I mean ever, say to her, "Would you like a tub of wax". It ain't happening dude.

Henry

lol.

I once did pull a girly though just talking about fly fishing.

I knew absolutly nothing on the subject. Got to the pub late, just sat down beside her (because there was nowhere else in the pub to sit) and she turned, rolled her eyes and said 'Not another one. So what chat up line are you going to fail miserably with?' Obviously the local lads had all been trying to tempt this rather atractive young lady all night.

So, out the blue. I said, fly fishing? That got a laugh, and then I knew I was halfway there.

[LeighB]

Wozy68 said:

lol.

I once did pull a girly though just talking about fly fishing.

I knew absolutly nothing on the subject. Got to the pub late, just sat down beside her (because there was nowhere else in the pub to sit) and she turned, rolled her eyes and said 'Not another one. So what chat up line are you going to fail miserably with?' Obviously the local lads had all been trying to tempt this rather atractive young lady all night.

So, out the blue. I said, fly fishing? That got a laugh, and then I knew I was halfway there.

Did she take the bait though......

[LeighB]

Henry-F said:

Dom

There's no easy way to put this so I going to just come right out and lay it on table for you.

Boys and girls are very different creatures. I don't know if you've noticed how all your friends on the internet and in the video games shop are boys. There is a reason.

Whilst you and the gang enjoy chatting about different waxes and alloy wheel cleaners girls don't. They enjoy shopping, talking about clothes and the like.

There are guys who realise this quite early in life. They develop skills which enable them to talk to girls about clothes, famous personalities, cooking, home making and so on whilst appearing genuinely interested. This makes the girls like them and eventually do quite grown up things.

You need to try and develop some of these inter-personal skill with girls. I know you're aware of girls and what they look like - I've seen your browsing history. Even with clothes on there are some tell tale things to look for, longer hair, breasts pushing out clothes etc - incidentally it is possible to get thrown off track when using just breasts and long hair to spot women, particularly in the video games shop. If they have the name of a heavy metal band or Sci-fi scene on their T-shirt then it's probably a guy.

Eventually you will find a thing called a girlfriend. Granted in your case looks could mean it takes a while but it will happen. There's a girl out there for everyone Dom. In the fullness of time you will have sex. With a woman !

At NO point and I mean ever, say to her, "Would you like a tub of wax". It ain't happening dude.

Henry

That made me chuckle.

[Wozy68]

LeighB said:

Did she take the bait though......

LoL

Yup, hook, line and sinker. Lovely girl........ Start music.

'Memories, of the way we used to be.'

Married now, large mortgage and 2 cats, so those days have long gone.

Not married to the 'Fly fishing' girl I might add.

[MrTickle]

Henry-F said:

Dom

There's no easy way to put this so I going to just come right out and lay it on table for you.

Boys and girls are very different creatures. I don't know if you've noticed how all your friends on the internet and in the video games shop are boys. There is a reason.

Whilst you and the gang enjoy chatting about different waxes and alloy wheel cleaners girls don't. They enjoy shopping, talking about clothes and the like.

There are guys who realise this quite early in life. They develop skills which enable them to talk to girls about clothes, famous personalities, cooking, home making and so on whilst appearing genuinely interested. This makes the girls like them and eventually do quite grown up things.

You need to try and develop some of these inter-personal skill with girls. I know you're aware of girls and what they look like - I've seen your browsing history. Even with clothes on there are some tell tale things to look for, longer hair, breasts pushing out clothes etc - incidentally it is possible to get thrown off track when using just breasts and long hair to spot women, particularly in the video games shop. If they have the name of a heavy metal band or Sci-fi scene on their T-shirt then it's probably a guy.

Eventually you will find a thing called a girlfriend. Granted in your case looks could mean it takes a while but it will happen. There's a girl out there for everyone Dom. In the fullness of time you will have sex. With a woman !

At NO point and I mean ever, say to her, "Would you like a tub of wax". It ain't happening dude.

Henry

Edited by Henry-F on Friday 8th February 10:42

Maybe he pulled a blinder and said it was a hair product

[homerdog]

Henry-F said:

There are guys who realise this quite early in life. They develop skills which enable them to talk to girls about clothes, famous personalities, cooking, home making and so on whilst appearing genuinely interested. This makes the girls like them, because they like having a gay friend who isn't interested in shagging them.

EFA

[steve singh]

LeighB said:

Wozy68 said:

lol.

I once did pull a girly though just talking about fly fishing.

I knew absolutly nothing on the subject. Got to the pub late, just sat down beside her (because there was nowhere else in the pub to sit) and she turned, rolled her eyes and said 'Not another one. So what chat up line are you going to fail miserably with?' Obviously the local lads had all been trying to tempt this rather atractive young lady all night.

So, out the blue. I said, fly fishing? That got a laugh, and then I knew I was halfway there.

Did she take the bait though......

No the fishing rod was too small...

[domster]

Henry-F said:

At NO point and I mean ever, say to her, "Would you like a tub of wax". It ain't happening dude.

Henry

Indeed it was those very internet searches that led me to my quest to perfect the 'Brazilian Wax'. It was purely after giving Tom a 'back, sack and crack' that I discovered our fine products would also work on cars! I have much to thank you and Tom for. Just as you have a lot to thank Jimmy Carr for.

[anonymous-user]

Quiet day in the office today Henry ?

[Tom 911V]

No... He just doesn't do any work.

[Crystal Cranks]

Henry-F said:

At NO point and I mean ever, say to her, "Would you like a tub of wax". It ain't happening dude.

Henry

Edited by Henry-F on Friday 8th February 10:42

This piece of advice is especially true if the product in question is RIM WAX.

[westberks]

if that's all you have to do all day at 911v i'd have tried for more off the turbo!!


that would have probably got a big laugh too!

Stuart

ps. does it need any lubricant yet? (whilst on that theme)

[Old Trout]

Henry-F said:

Dom

There's no easy way to put this so I going to just come right out and lay it on table for you.

Boys and girls are very different creatures. I don't know if you've noticed how all your friends on the internet and in the video games shop are boys. There is a reason.

Whilst you and the gang enjoy chatting about different waxes and alloy wheel cleaners girls don't. They enjoy shopping, talking about clothes and the like.

There are guys who realise this quite early in life. They develop skills which enable them to talk to girls about clothes, famous personalities, cooking, home making and so on whilst appearing genuinely interested. This makes the girls like them and eventually do quite grown up things.

You need to try and develop some of these inter-personal skill with girls. I know you're aware of girls and what they look like - I've seen your browsing history. Even with clothes on there are some tell tale things to look for, longer hair, breasts pushing out clothes etc - incidentally it is possible to get thrown off track when using just breasts and long hair to spot women, particularly in the video games shop. If they have the name of a heavy metal band or Sci-fi scene on their T-shirt then it's probably a guy.

Eventually you will find a thing called a girlfriend. Granted in your case looks could mean it takes a while but it will happen. There's a girl out there for everyone Dom. In the fullness of time you will have sex. With a woman !

At NO point and I mean ever, say to her, "Would you like a tub of wax". It ain't happening dude.

Henry

Excellent!

I once enticed a girl by reading a few verses from the Old Testament!! Never thought that would work, but hey it was worth it!

[MDian]

I get the impression I may have stepped through the wrong door here.

[Porkupine]

MDian said:

I get the impression I may have stepped through the wrong door here.

Why? Swing the other way?

[MDian]

Porkupine said:

Why? Swing the other way?

Far from it, I was desperately trying to find the ad Henry refers to, to give my honest appraisal!

[Porkupine]

MDian said:

Far from it, I was desperately trying to find the ad Henry refers to, to give my honest appraisal!

Must admit I was too. But think they come up based on your browsing history. So obviously Henry has been searching on best ways to avoid tax!