SAS/Army/Police
Discussion
The SAS, the army and the police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out top.
After some basic exercises, the trainer tells them their next objective is to go down into the woods and come back with a rabbit for tea.
First up are the SAS. They don their infra red goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by a single muffled shot. They emerge with a rabbit, shot cleanly through the forehead. "Excellent" says the trainer.
Next up are the army. They finish their cans of lager, cover themselves in camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of machine gun fire, mortar bombs, hand grenades and blood-curdling war cries. Eventually, they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit. "A bit messy, but you got a result. Well done" says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the coppers. Walking slowly, hands behind backs, whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie talkie: "sierra oscar lima one, suspect headed straight for you" etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge, escorting a squirrel in hand cuffs. "What the hell do you think you're doing ?" asks the incredulous trainer. "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit, like I asked you 5 hours go!"
So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, day turns to night. The next morning the trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by the police, holding the squirrel, now covered in bruises. "Are you taking the piss ?" asks the seriously irate trainer. The police team leader shoots a glance at the squirrel, who squeaks: "Alright, alright, I'm a f**king rabbit !"
After some basic exercises, the trainer tells them their next objective is to go down into the woods and come back with a rabbit for tea.
First up are the SAS. They don their infra red goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by a single muffled shot. They emerge with a rabbit, shot cleanly through the forehead. "Excellent" says the trainer.
Next up are the army. They finish their cans of lager, cover themselves in camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of machine gun fire, mortar bombs, hand grenades and blood-curdling war cries. Eventually, they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit. "A bit messy, but you got a result. Well done" says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the coppers. Walking slowly, hands behind backs, whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie talkie: "sierra oscar lima one, suspect headed straight for you" etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge, escorting a squirrel in hand cuffs. "What the hell do you think you're doing ?" asks the incredulous trainer. "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit, like I asked you 5 hours go!"
So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, day turns to night. The next morning the trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by the police, holding the squirrel, now covered in bruises. "Are you taking the piss ?" asks the seriously irate trainer. The police team leader shoots a glance at the squirrel, who squeaks: "Alright, alright, I'm a f**king rabbit !"
Nice joke but the SAS really are something. Over a pint I once asked a semi-retired SAS Officer how he managed to loose most of his fingers on one hand. He explained that he was in a party climbing Everest without oxygen. He managed to get frostbite on one hand and knew that he would have to return to base for treatment. He explained that the team had put so much into the expedition he didn't want to delay them so he chopped off the fingers and carried on.
The chaps at Hereford will know who I'm talking about.
As for the SBS, less publicity but equally hard at least.
>> Edited by gnomesmith on Sunday 26th May 15:32
The chaps at Hereford will know who I'm talking about.
As for the SBS, less publicity but equally hard at least.
>> Edited by gnomesmith on Sunday 26th May 15:32
quote:
The next morning the trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by the police, holding the squirrel, now covered in bruises. "Are you taking the piss ?" asks the seriously irate trainer. The police team leader shoots a glance at the squirrel, who squeaks: "Alright, alright, I'm a f**king rabbit !"
I suppose they got him in his nuts.
There's a SAS trooper, a marine and a para sitting round a fire trading war stories. the para reckons he's the hardest of the lot and says "you know guys, i could run 30km with 40kg of kit and still fight a battle at the end". The marine says "mate that's nothing. i could run 60km with 60kg of kit and still fight a battle at the end." The marine and para turn to see what the SAS trooper has got to say for himself but instead he gets up silently and pokes the fire with his knob.
quote:
As for the SBS, less publicity but equally hard at least.
>> Edited by gnomesmith on Sunday 26th May 15:32
The fact that they now have to pass the SAS course before they can go on the SBS qualifying course says a lot.
They're normally happy for the SAS to take the credit for most things; talking is one thing, doing and not taking the credit is something else.
Respect.
Harry
ANOTHER FUNNY ONE THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. ONLY CONNECTION WITH THIS POST IS THE FORCES THOUGH! 
The following is the transcrpt of an ACTUAL radio conversation that took place in October 1995, between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and some British authority. The transcrpt was
released by the MoD.
BRITS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
BRITS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITS: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED
STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
...
BRITS: We are a lighthouse. Your call.
The following is the transcrpt of an ACTUAL radio conversation that took place in October 1995, between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and some British authority. The transcrpt was
released by the MoD.
BRITS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
BRITS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITS: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED
STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
...
BRITS: We are a lighthouse. Your call.
quote:
ANOTHER FUNNY ONE THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. ONLY CONNECTION WITH THIS POST IS THE FORCES THOUGH!
Urban legend strikes again...
www.snopes2.com/military/lighthse.htm
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