Just had great news - but moral dilemma
Discussion
I've just had some great news, but faced with a moral dilemma - any thoughts?
A vet has just called to say that they have found my missing cat. Jasper went missing four years ago (about two months after I moved house), and I'd come to accept that he would never be coming home. When he first went missing I was beside myself (sad to say, but he had been my best friend when I first moved to a new city and throughout my bachelor days), and contacted all the local vets, the rspca and animal charities, the police, the council (in fact anyone who would listen) to see if he (or a body) had been found. I flyposted the neighbourhood for months until I gave up hope.
Now Jasper has been found I'm delighted that he is well and safe. It turns out that an old lady nearby took him in four years ago. He was atken in to the vets this morning because he has lost a lot of weight, most likely down to having some rotten teeth. The vets checked his microchip and he immediately flagged up as a missing cat. They called me to see what I want to do.
One one hand, if he has been living with someone else for four years, then I'm reluctant to take someone's pet from them - I know how much it hurts.
On the other hand, I am incredibly annoyed that this lady took him in without contacting any vets or charities to see if he had been reported missing. It has been over four years, and this is the very first time she has taken him to the vets, so he is out of date on his vaccinations and worming etc. She has allowed his teeth to get rotten, and is only now doing something about it. I can't help but feel he would be better looked after coming back to me, where he would get regular check-ups from the vet (and cost is never an issue for us when it comes to vets bills).
Slight downside for him coming 'home' is that we have other cats (one of which he lived with, and the other who joined us 6 months after his disappearance) - I'm sure neither of them would have an issue with him, and if he was anything like his old self, he would be back to ruling the roost in an instant. We also have three dogs, which might be more of an issue for him initially, although none of them pay the slightest attention to the other cats, so I wouldn't expect them to be a problem. Jasper always used to get on fine with dogs when I had him before, so unless this has changed I wouldn't see it as an issue.
Legally Jasper is my cat, so I can take him back - but is that fair on either the lady who has had him for the last four years, or more importantly on Jasper himself. Any thoughts?
A vet has just called to say that they have found my missing cat. Jasper went missing four years ago (about two months after I moved house), and I'd come to accept that he would never be coming home. When he first went missing I was beside myself (sad to say, but he had been my best friend when I first moved to a new city and throughout my bachelor days), and contacted all the local vets, the rspca and animal charities, the police, the council (in fact anyone who would listen) to see if he (or a body) had been found. I flyposted the neighbourhood for months until I gave up hope.
Now Jasper has been found I'm delighted that he is well and safe. It turns out that an old lady nearby took him in four years ago. He was atken in to the vets this morning because he has lost a lot of weight, most likely down to having some rotten teeth. The vets checked his microchip and he immediately flagged up as a missing cat. They called me to see what I want to do.
One one hand, if he has been living with someone else for four years, then I'm reluctant to take someone's pet from them - I know how much it hurts.
On the other hand, I am incredibly annoyed that this lady took him in without contacting any vets or charities to see if he had been reported missing. It has been over four years, and this is the very first time she has taken him to the vets, so he is out of date on his vaccinations and worming etc. She has allowed his teeth to get rotten, and is only now doing something about it. I can't help but feel he would be better looked after coming back to me, where he would get regular check-ups from the vet (and cost is never an issue for us when it comes to vets bills).
Slight downside for him coming 'home' is that we have other cats (one of which he lived with, and the other who joined us 6 months after his disappearance) - I'm sure neither of them would have an issue with him, and if he was anything like his old self, he would be back to ruling the roost in an instant. We also have three dogs, which might be more of an issue for him initially, although none of them pay the slightest attention to the other cats, so I wouldn't expect them to be a problem. Jasper always used to get on fine with dogs when I had him before, so unless this has changed I wouldn't see it as an issue.
Legally Jasper is my cat, so I can take him back - but is that fair on either the lady who has had him for the last four years, or more importantly on Jasper himself. Any thoughts?
My opinion: the cat made this decision for you 4 years ago.
It sounds like you've moved on. Live happy in the knowledge that no harm came to it and it's spending it's days purring loudly sat on a loving elderly owners lap in front of daytime TV.
She obviously cares about it as she's taken it to the vets when it's showed signs of illness.
It sounds like you've moved on. Live happy in the knowledge that no harm came to it and it's spending it's days purring loudly sat on a loving elderly owners lap in front of daytime TV.
She obviously cares about it as she's taken it to the vets when it's showed signs of illness.
several options
1. status quo - you thought he was gone, you had moved on ....
2. assert your right to Jasper's ownership and sod the consequences to the lady who adopted him , then deal with trying to reintegrate him into your household and making sure he doesn't do another bunk
3. does he even recognise you ? go for the 'hollywood' option of him choosing between the two of you ...
which you chose is a matter of personal choice and also I suppose of any monetary value you place on him - does he have proper pedigree paperwork or is he just a common or garden moggie ?
1. status quo - you thought he was gone, you had moved on ....
2. assert your right to Jasper's ownership and sod the consequences to the lady who adopted him , then deal with trying to reintegrate him into your household and making sure he doesn't do another bunk
3. does he even recognise you ? go for the 'hollywood' option of him choosing between the two of you ...
which you chose is a matter of personal choice and also I suppose of any monetary value you place on him - does he have proper pedigree paperwork or is he just a common or garden moggie ?
I would contact the vet and ask them if, apart from the teeth does the cat look happy? does the owner look like they genuinely look after it.
You could ask the vet to tell the old dear that checks showed it is a missing cat but you would be willing to leave it with her if she promises to get regular check ups/vaccinations etc. They will have her details and you could phone back in 6 months a year etc and see if she has kept up her end of the bargain.
Also arrange a permanent loan agreement, you create a contract which says she leeps cat permanently as long as she keeps up vet treatment and insures cat etc.
Then again if you really love the cat speak to the old women and mention you may want it back, if she sounds devastated I would assume she loves it and the cat may be best with her.
You could ask the vet to tell the old dear that checks showed it is a missing cat but you would be willing to leave it with her if she promises to get regular check ups/vaccinations etc. They will have her details and you could phone back in 6 months a year etc and see if she has kept up her end of the bargain.
Also arrange a permanent loan agreement, you create a contract which says she leeps cat permanently as long as she keeps up vet treatment and insures cat etc.
Then again if you really love the cat speak to the old women and mention you may want it back, if she sounds devastated I would assume she loves it and the cat may be best with her.
As far as the cat making the decision, I accept that - but we had recently moved house, and he may have been confused - I don't know the facts about how/when she took him in - did she let him go out? It's not as simple as him just choosing he prefers one house over another. One minute he was here - the next he was nowhere to be seen. He was a very attentive cat - no way would he not have come when I called him if he had been able to - and I pounded the streets calling him for weeks.
I have moved on - and if he is in a loving home, and is being looked after, then I absolutely wouldn't take him away from that just because I have the legal right to do so. I'm delighted for him - as I had accepted the worst.
I'm not sure taking a cat to the vets once in four years necessarily constitutes him obviously being looked after - and that's the main issue for me here. Why wasn't he given vaccinations or worming tablets? Why wasn't he taken for check-ups? I appreciate that not everyone can afford vet's bills, but if you can't afford a pet, then you shouldn't have one.
Why didn't she contact a vet or animal charity when she first took him in? He was a big healthy 6 yr old cat - quite obviously not a stray or feral cat. Surely you would think that someone was missing him, and therefore try to reunite him with his owners?
I'm going to get in touch with the lady and try to suss out if she really is going to look after him properly. If that's the case then he will stay with her. If I get the feeling that he isn't going to be looked after (complaints about vets bills etc) then he will be coming straight home with me.
I have moved on - and if he is in a loving home, and is being looked after, then I absolutely wouldn't take him away from that just because I have the legal right to do so. I'm delighted for him - as I had accepted the worst.
I'm not sure taking a cat to the vets once in four years necessarily constitutes him obviously being looked after - and that's the main issue for me here. Why wasn't he given vaccinations or worming tablets? Why wasn't he taken for check-ups? I appreciate that not everyone can afford vet's bills, but if you can't afford a pet, then you shouldn't have one.
Why didn't she contact a vet or animal charity when she first took him in? He was a big healthy 6 yr old cat - quite obviously not a stray or feral cat. Surely you would think that someone was missing him, and therefore try to reunite him with his owners?
I'm going to get in touch with the lady and try to suss out if she really is going to look after him properly. If that's the case then he will stay with her. If I get the feeling that he isn't going to be looked after (complaints about vets bills etc) then he will be coming straight home with me.
R1gtr said:
I would contact the vet and ask them if, apart from the teeth does the cat look happy? does the owner look like they genuinely look after it.
You could ask the vet to tell the old dear that checks showed it is a missing cat but you would be willing to leave it with her if she promises to get regular check ups/vaccinations etc. They will have her details and you could phone back in 6 months a year etc and see if she has kept up her end of the bargain.
Also arrange a permanent loan agreement, you create a contract which says she leeps cat permanently as long as she keeps up vet treatment and insures cat etc.
Then again if you really love the cat speak to the old women and mention you may want it back, if she sounds devastated I would assume she loves it and the cat may be best with her.
this is what I'm thinking - but loan agreement is a bit of a cop out for her - I can imagine big vets bills arriving and he is dumped back with me (would never be a problem - he's always welcome at any cost).You could ask the vet to tell the old dear that checks showed it is a missing cat but you would be willing to leave it with her if she promises to get regular check ups/vaccinations etc. They will have her details and you could phone back in 6 months a year etc and see if she has kept up her end of the bargain.
Also arrange a permanent loan agreement, you create a contract which says she leeps cat permanently as long as she keeps up vet treatment and insures cat etc.
Then again if you really love the cat speak to the old women and mention you may want it back, if she sounds devastated I would assume she loves it and the cat may be best with her.
I guess I need to talk to the vet and the lady and get a feel for things. The vet doesn't know the lady at all so said it was hard to tell.
Overall he is in reasonable shape but he's lost a lot of weight and has rotten teeth. They're testing for everything else (at my expense) to double-check and have asked my vets for a copy of his records to be sent across.
It's difficult - without wanting to sound like a wet lettuce, he was my best buddy for nearly five years and I was devasteted when he went missing. I've moved on, and am happy to stay that way as long as I know he is being well cared for.
It is definetly a hard one, on one hand you know YOU WILL look after it, but the old dear may love the cat to bits, however the cat may be miserable with her.
I think your best bet is to ask the vet to give your number to the old woman, when she calls ask her if she really wants the cat, will she take it to the vet more regularly? you will prob be able to judge from her reaction and attitude if you think she is a suitable home. If it was me I think I would take cat home and see how it responded at yours, make sure it has a collar on in case it bolts tho. If it does not settle then maybe give it to the Woman.
Again Vets are pretty good judge of character, they will give you a off the record opinion if they think you should leave it with the woman.
Good luck, sounds like a very difficult decision
I think your best bet is to ask the vet to give your number to the old woman, when she calls ask her if she really wants the cat, will she take it to the vet more regularly? you will prob be able to judge from her reaction and attitude if you think she is a suitable home. If it was me I think I would take cat home and see how it responded at yours, make sure it has a collar on in case it bolts tho. If it does not settle then maybe give it to the Woman.
Again Vets are pretty good judge of character, they will give you a off the record opinion if they think you should leave it with the woman.
Good luck, sounds like a very difficult decision
Look at the facts.
The old dear hasn't kept up the vaccination and worming schedule, and has allowed the cats' teeth to get to the state where he's losing weight.
How do cats get bad teeth, anyway? If they're getting the appropriate diet, that is...
No matter how much she may 'love' the cat, she's clearly not in a position to look after it properly.
Your duty is to the cat, not her.
The old dear hasn't kept up the vaccination and worming schedule, and has allowed the cats' teeth to get to the state where he's losing weight.
How do cats get bad teeth, anyway? If they're getting the appropriate diet, that is...
No matter how much she may 'love' the cat, she's clearly not in a position to look after it properly.
Your duty is to the cat, not her.
It's your cat and it sounds suspiciously like she can't look after it. We had a ginger turn up and "adopt" us. He was starving and quite scared of humans once fed. However we couldnt get rid of him and he'd turn up starving again. We still have him, but put ads in the paper and postered the area for a couple of months after to avoid this issue. Even years after should the old owner turn up (we suspect he was owned by students who just left him at the end of their course though) we were quite happy to see him go back to them.
shes an old lady. the cat is probably all she has for company and she has bonded with him over the four years, if she was mistreating him then there is no way the cat would stay with her. you are having a go at a old lady because she didnt give him 24/7 vet care? shes a pensioner! he could have been fit as a fiddle apart from his dentistry, my cat had dodgy teeth because it loved eating polo mints, its hardly a sign of feline abuse.
you have other cats a dog and probably some sort of girl/manfriend. she is an old lady. if you take the cat of her she will probably die of loneliness by christmas and not be found for months and it will be your fault for depriving her of her companion.
instead of demanding the cat back who lets face it probably won't recognise you from the postman because cats are like women in that respect and you are the forgotten ex.
she didn't have to take the cat in, she could have left it to starve and die and get run over by a chipped BMW 330i diesel driver or worse someone in a MX5.
instead she has fed and been a companion to your cat for 4 years.
heres a plan:
let the old lady keep the cat, ask for visitation rights and do the decent thing and go round and see the moggy and take the old dear a packet of chocolate hob nobs and some PG tips.
offer to pay for the vet care and take care of moggins if she needs to go away to a care home or have her hip replaced.
stop being such a b
d.
so much for the big society - you are going to kill an old lady to reposess a cat you haven't seen for 4 years! you make HSBC debt collectors seem kind hearted!!!
you have other cats a dog and probably some sort of girl/manfriend. she is an old lady. if you take the cat of her she will probably die of loneliness by christmas and not be found for months and it will be your fault for depriving her of her companion.
instead of demanding the cat back who lets face it probably won't recognise you from the postman because cats are like women in that respect and you are the forgotten ex.
she didn't have to take the cat in, she could have left it to starve and die and get run over by a chipped BMW 330i diesel driver or worse someone in a MX5.
instead she has fed and been a companion to your cat for 4 years.
heres a plan:
let the old lady keep the cat, ask for visitation rights and do the decent thing and go round and see the moggy and take the old dear a packet of chocolate hob nobs and some PG tips.
offer to pay for the vet care and take care of moggins if she needs to go away to a care home or have her hip replaced.
stop being such a b

so much for the big society - you are going to kill an old lady to reposess a cat you haven't seen for 4 years! you make HSBC debt collectors seem kind hearted!!!
nyxster said:
shes an old lady. the cat is probably all she has for company and she has bonded with him over the four years, if she was mistreating him then there is no way the cat would stay with her. you are having a go at a old lady because she didnt give him 24/7 vet care? shes a pensioner! he could have been fit as a fiddle apart from his dentistry, my cat had dodgy teeth because it loved eating polo mints, its hardly a sign of feline abuse.
you have other cats a dog and probably some sort of girl/manfriend. she is an old lady. if you take the cat of her she will probably die of loneliness by christmas and not be found for months and it will be your fault for depriving her of her companion.
instead of demanding the cat back who lets face it probably won't recognise you from the postman because cats are like women in that respect and you are the forgotten ex.
she didn't have to take the cat in, she could have left it to starve and die and get run over by a chipped BMW 330i diesel driver or worse someone in a MX5.
instead she has fed and been a companion to your cat for 4 years.
heres a plan:
let the old lady keep the cat, ask for visitation rights and do the decent thing and go round and see the moggy and take the old dear a packet of chocolate hob nobs and some PG tips.
offer to pay for the vet care and take care of moggins if she needs to go away to a care home or have her hip replaced.
stop being such a b
d.
so much for the big society - you are going to kill an old lady to reposess a cat you haven't seen for 4 years! you make HSBC debt collectors seem kind hearted!!!
Did you even read my posts?you have other cats a dog and probably some sort of girl/manfriend. she is an old lady. if you take the cat of her she will probably die of loneliness by christmas and not be found for months and it will be your fault for depriving her of her companion.
instead of demanding the cat back who lets face it probably won't recognise you from the postman because cats are like women in that respect and you are the forgotten ex.
she didn't have to take the cat in, she could have left it to starve and die and get run over by a chipped BMW 330i diesel driver or worse someone in a MX5.
instead she has fed and been a companion to your cat for 4 years.
heres a plan:
let the old lady keep the cat, ask for visitation rights and do the decent thing and go round and see the moggy and take the old dear a packet of chocolate hob nobs and some PG tips.
offer to pay for the vet care and take care of moggins if she needs to go away to a care home or have her hip replaced.
stop being such a b

so much for the big society - you are going to kill an old lady to reposess a cat you haven't seen for 4 years! you make HSBC debt collectors seem kind hearted!!!
clarkmagpie said:
I'd take him back in a heart beat.
As a former cat owner, who is having a s
He's your cat, and you have doubts about how well he is being looked after. Right now you still have the euphoria of knowing he is still with us. Once this dies down do not be left worrying about how well he is being looked after. Go get him!
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