You know you’re a MINI enthusiast when
Discussion
You know you’re a MINI enthusiast when;
* You always park facing down hill
* The Bloke at the parts store;
gets a silly grin on his face when you walk in
is listed as a dependent on your tax form
sends you a get-well card if you haven't bought a part
for two weeks recognises your voice on the phone
* You buy a parts car and not even you! believe you will wreck it.
* You get into a car and are surprised;
when all of the instruments work
you can carry on a conversation without shouting
by it's not needing oil, brake fluid, coolant......
* You get into a car and are NOT surprised by;
a spare battery
a tool kit that fills half the boot
a slightly singed instrument panel
* You actually like the smell of WD40.
* You call RAA and THEY recognise your voice
* You look under the bonnet and see;
more duct tape than hose
more electrical tape than wire
more oil than metal
* You tell your wife/partner the reason you were out to 3AM, is that your car broke down and she believes you
* The people you live with are no longer bothered by sitting down to dinner, and sharing the table with carburettors
* You pay more visits to the parts store than to the petrol station or supermarket.
* You entertain your closest friends in the garage, and they find nothing unusual in your choice of venue.
* Your car makes a funny noise and you know at once;
what is wrong how much the part(s) will cost what tools will be required how long it will take to repair.
* Your Generator dies, so you just pull one off the pile in the garage.
* You distrust any one named Lucas.
* You believe that Lucas' first name is "F***ing"
* You wash your hands before working on your car so you don't get the engine compartment dirty.
* People ask you how many cars you own, and the answer contains fractions.
* You plan 4 hours for a trip - 3 for travel and 1 for repairs.
* Any discussion of a trip contains references to break-downs.
* When getting ready for a trip, you pack more supplies for your car than for yourself.
* You supposedly bought the car to attract members of the opposite sex, but no longer have the time or money to go out on a date.
* You know about the hole into the 4th dimension in the engine compartment that swallows 1/2" X 9/16" spanners
* You know that:
A "Bonnet" is not a lady's head covering
A "Hood" does not cover the engine
A "Spanner" does not span anything
A "Boot" is not footwear for cowboys
* You return to your car in a car park, notice there is no oil underneath,and immediately assume the sump is empty
oldboyracer64 said:
The Bloke at the parts store;
gets a silly grin on his face when you walk in
is listed as a dependent on your tax form
sends you a get-well card if you haven't bought a part
for two weeks recognises your voice on the phone
so true! I was subjected to full-on laughing when I walked into Somerford for the 4th time on the same day. They also know me by name and will give me little bits and bobs free because I spend so much in there!1)
You avoid taking too many mates to the pub as the extra weight slows the car down
2)
You find yourself saying "It goes better with just me in it"
3)
You are the only person on the garage forecourt holding the nozzle right out of the hole and peering in
4)
You find it crazy that the sills rust despite all that oil
5)
You rehearse your lines BEFORE the police pull you over. "Exhaust? Loud?"
6)
You are an expert at identifying cars from just the headlamps and......
7)
You keep saying "I think that is a Mini behind, it looks like a Mini - Oh! it's a Polo"
8)
The rear side bins are used to hold oil cans and bottles of water
9)
You plan which engine parts to take as spares on long trips
10)
Your metric sockets are gleaming, the imperial ones are worn and broken
11)
Your toolbox in the boot contains mainly spare rotor arms and large hammers
12)
Your parking space on the drive has a piece of oily carpet lying on it
13)
You have to wash the screen before you wipe or they jam
14)
You pull over in dark country lanes and then disappoint your girlfriend/boyfriend by saying "Just going to alter the mixture a little bit"
15)
You spend three hours a night reading e-mails on Minis and then take a "You know you have a Mini addiction when..." mail seriously and grade yourself
16)
You don't buy anything that won't fit in your Mini
17)
You leave the family behind, rather than getting a bigger car when going on holiday
18)
Half your shirts feature logos from various Mini clubs and events
19)
Every book in your personal library has illustrations on each page to accompany instructions
20)
You can not only sit through the Italian Job video, but can turn the sound down and still understand each line of dialogue
21)
You get used to the pain of whacking your head on the bonnet release/safety catch
22)
You go shopping alone so you can put your stuff on the passenger seat
23)
You wave and flash your lights at Minis coming the other way who wave and flash back, and your passenger asks "Do you know them?" and is surprised when you reply "never seen them before"
24)
You analyse possible girlfriends on their ability to fit into your car and the amount of luggage they might conceivably wish to carry on holiday "One pair of knickers do you for a week darling?"
25)
You live in fear of fat girls coming up and saying nice car and then asking you for a ride, because you know they will beat you to a pulp when you tell them they won't fit
26)
You live in fear of a frost and you don't even own a garden
27)
You can use fibreglass to repair the sills and the MOT man doesn't even mention it
28)
You have to make room for your bed in the spare parts covering your house
29)
You stop making room for your bed and sleep on some old Mini seats
30)
People sniff the air and say "What's that you're wearing?" and you reply ""20W/50"
31)
Your partner asks if they can have a non-Mini day as it's their birthday
32)
You know all the local car breakers (and their dogs) by name
33)
Work deadlines slip because you just have to reply to that mail about paint codes for a '63 Cooper
34)
You have an oily phone and all the local Mini shops are programmed as Speed Dial numbers
35)
When you jet-wash the car, people come and say "It won't grow, no matter how much you water it"
36)
You can't park anywhere without some old duffer telling you that he had a Mini in the 60's
37)
As soon as you enter the outside lane on the motorway, there's a stream of BMW 328i's tailgating you
38)
Arriving at your intended destination you instantly jump out and check the colour of the tailpipe, and sigh with contented relief if it is dark/light grey
39)
Driving at breakneck speed to achieve the land speed record all you fix your eyes on is the oil pressure gauge and not the road ahead
40)
Your girlfriend/boyfriend begins to watch the oil pressure gauge as well!!
41)
After a long day cleaning "your baby" you decide it's too clean to drive down the road
42)
Or, if you do decide to drive it, you spend the whole time trying NOT to hit the brake pedal in case you get brake dust on the wheels
43)
Valvoline 20W/50 becomes your fragrance of choice
44)
Removing spark plugs with the engine running no longer holds any fear
45)
Washing/polishing your car in the dark at 1.00 a.m. before a show seems normal
46)
Watching a small glass window for pretty colours at night trying to get that elusive "perfect" mixture doesn't seem at all futile
47)
When you constantly consult your other half as to your current diff choice and whether a 3.2 would be more suitable than a 3.44. Pleading ignorance they get so fed up they eventually pick a number
48)
Conversations between you and your mates sound more like talking telephone numbers than real words
49
When parking, you just have to turn the wheels on slight lock to show off the A008's
50)
Positioning of spark plug leads is an art form and should not be confused with being just functional
51)
Polishing your exhaust tailpipe doesn't just involve the outside but the inside as well
52)
You consider the heater unit useless but a nice ornament nonetheless
53)
You realise the handbrake doesn't stop the car rolling away, but it can be useful for building upper body strength in traffic jams
54)
You think a 1.3 is a big engine
55)
The only way to get the whole family to town is to take both Minis
56)
You try to double pump the brakes in a friends car and bang your nose on the windscreen as the car screeches to a halt
57)
You think a Ford Escort is big
58)
Your 4 year old knows the difference between a Mk 1 and a Mk2
59)
You get pissed off if you cannot roll down the passenger window whilst driving
60)
You buy old minis just to get more parts you don't even need
61)
You have a tow-bar on your roll away toolbox
62)
You think it's fun to drink beer in the middle of a field and watch people do donuts
63)
You have 6 cars and only one runs
64)
You borrow a golf cart tyre when yours is flat
65)
You get used to that aching right foot on motorway cruises
66)
You cannot stand the pain any longer and end up using your left foot on the throttle
67)
You take out shares in the company that makes WD40 then watch them rocket in price when it rains
68)
You say to the Policeman "115 miles an hour? The speedo only goes up to 90!!"
69)
You develop a permanent bald spot on the back of your head from that bl**dy bonnet catch
70)
You cry at the end of "The Italian Job" when they throw the minis off the cliff
71)
All your t-shirts have a big oily mark on the back of the neck, where the bonnet spring catches. Known as the "Mark of Issigonis"
72)
You change the plans for your special engagement anniversary weekend to inclde a Mini event
73)
Your non-working Minis outnumber your working ones
74)
You wish lorries were a bit taller so you couold park under them
75)
You steal the kid's clothes for rags
76)
You don't consider going on holiday without your Mini, even if it means leaving behind the children/significant other
77)
Your dishwasher has a grease ring
78)
You think it is ridiculous to spend more than £5 a week on petrol
79)
You think reverse lights are optional extras
80)
You have to take your partner out when it rains so they can keep the windscreen clear from condensation
81)
You think of a Recovery Service as an investment
82)
You know the names of all the employees of your Recovery Service
83)
The Recovery Service vehicles all flash you when they pass
84)
You work out your bonus/tax return/lottery winnings by the number of Minis you can buy
85)
There have been more Minis in your life than pets/children/significant others
86)
You have so many Minis that you choose which one to drive according to your mood/the weather/the colour of your clothes/which one is currently running
87)
Your significant other removes the "M" section of the Cars for Sale part of the local paper before they let you read it
88)
You've moved house using only your Mini
89)
You've done "it" in your Mini
90)
You only do "it" in your Mini
91)
You do "it" WITH your Mini
92)
You can identify tools by their BMC part numbers
93)
You own more than one specialised Mini tool
94)
You have a credit account with your local Mini parts supplier
95)
You celebrate your Mini'sBirthday
96)
You've bought your Mini a Christmas present
97)
You've imported Mini parts from overseas
98)
You've exported Mini parts to overseas
99)
You've used the excuse "But Officer, my tiny little car couldn't POSSIBLY go that fast" to get out of a speeding ticket
100)
You've grown to like the used oil colour of the garage floor
101)
You still own your original Mini even though it hasn't moved for years and is quietly rusting away in the garden
102)
The same applies to all subsequent Minis you own
103)
You vet prospective purchasers of your Mini to ensure it will go to a good home
104)
You took into consideration how many Minis would fit into the garage/driveway/garden when looking for a new house
105)
You've considered making a piece of furniture using a Mini
106)
You have made a piece of furniture using a Mini
107)
When people come round your house asking if you have such and such a part for sale after seeing you have 4 normal Minis and an Oz style Mini on your drive
108)
When you go to a restaurant and the people at the next table are talking about "the house on Acacia Avenue with all the Minis in the driveway"
109)
When a Mini is totalled right outside your house, gets dragged into the driveway temporarily and your flatmates/neighbours don't notice any difference
110)
When the tow truckdriver who arives to collect the aforementioned Mini recognises you from all the other Minis he has towed for you
111)
You can't go anywhere without some WD40 in the car
You know you no longer have a mini when.....
1)
You have to throw out stuff you always used to take with you when you had the mini
2)
You wave at people in a Mini and they look at you as if you are driving an alien space craft."Oh hold on, I AM driving an alien space craft"
3)
You have bottles of oil and water in the passenger foot well because no one provided a pocket to put them in
4)
You try to heel and toe on your new Ford/Vauxhall/Whatever and stall at every junction
You avoid taking too many mates to the pub as the extra weight slows the car down
2)
You find yourself saying "It goes better with just me in it"
3)
You are the only person on the garage forecourt holding the nozzle right out of the hole and peering in
4)
You find it crazy that the sills rust despite all that oil
5)
You rehearse your lines BEFORE the police pull you over. "Exhaust? Loud?"
6)
You are an expert at identifying cars from just the headlamps and......
7)
You keep saying "I think that is a Mini behind, it looks like a Mini - Oh! it's a Polo"
8)
The rear side bins are used to hold oil cans and bottles of water
9)
You plan which engine parts to take as spares on long trips
10)
Your metric sockets are gleaming, the imperial ones are worn and broken
11)
Your toolbox in the boot contains mainly spare rotor arms and large hammers
12)
Your parking space on the drive has a piece of oily carpet lying on it
13)
You have to wash the screen before you wipe or they jam
14)
You pull over in dark country lanes and then disappoint your girlfriend/boyfriend by saying "Just going to alter the mixture a little bit"
15)
You spend three hours a night reading e-mails on Minis and then take a "You know you have a Mini addiction when..." mail seriously and grade yourself
16)
You don't buy anything that won't fit in your Mini
17)
You leave the family behind, rather than getting a bigger car when going on holiday
18)
Half your shirts feature logos from various Mini clubs and events
19)
Every book in your personal library has illustrations on each page to accompany instructions
20)
You can not only sit through the Italian Job video, but can turn the sound down and still understand each line of dialogue
21)
You get used to the pain of whacking your head on the bonnet release/safety catch
22)
You go shopping alone so you can put your stuff on the passenger seat
23)
You wave and flash your lights at Minis coming the other way who wave and flash back, and your passenger asks "Do you know them?" and is surprised when you reply "never seen them before"
24)
You analyse possible girlfriends on their ability to fit into your car and the amount of luggage they might conceivably wish to carry on holiday "One pair of knickers do you for a week darling?"
25)
You live in fear of fat girls coming up and saying nice car and then asking you for a ride, because you know they will beat you to a pulp when you tell them they won't fit
26)
You live in fear of a frost and you don't even own a garden
27)
You can use fibreglass to repair the sills and the MOT man doesn't even mention it
28)
You have to make room for your bed in the spare parts covering your house
29)
You stop making room for your bed and sleep on some old Mini seats
30)
People sniff the air and say "What's that you're wearing?" and you reply ""20W/50"
31)
Your partner asks if they can have a non-Mini day as it's their birthday
32)
You know all the local car breakers (and their dogs) by name
33)
Work deadlines slip because you just have to reply to that mail about paint codes for a '63 Cooper
34)
You have an oily phone and all the local Mini shops are programmed as Speed Dial numbers
35)
When you jet-wash the car, people come and say "It won't grow, no matter how much you water it"
36)
You can't park anywhere without some old duffer telling you that he had a Mini in the 60's
37)
As soon as you enter the outside lane on the motorway, there's a stream of BMW 328i's tailgating you
38)
Arriving at your intended destination you instantly jump out and check the colour of the tailpipe, and sigh with contented relief if it is dark/light grey
39)
Driving at breakneck speed to achieve the land speed record all you fix your eyes on is the oil pressure gauge and not the road ahead
40)
Your girlfriend/boyfriend begins to watch the oil pressure gauge as well!!
41)
After a long day cleaning "your baby" you decide it's too clean to drive down the road
42)
Or, if you do decide to drive it, you spend the whole time trying NOT to hit the brake pedal in case you get brake dust on the wheels
43)
Valvoline 20W/50 becomes your fragrance of choice
44)
Removing spark plugs with the engine running no longer holds any fear
45)
Washing/polishing your car in the dark at 1.00 a.m. before a show seems normal
46)
Watching a small glass window for pretty colours at night trying to get that elusive "perfect" mixture doesn't seem at all futile
47)
When you constantly consult your other half as to your current diff choice and whether a 3.2 would be more suitable than a 3.44. Pleading ignorance they get so fed up they eventually pick a number
48)
Conversations between you and your mates sound more like talking telephone numbers than real words
49
When parking, you just have to turn the wheels on slight lock to show off the A008's
50)
Positioning of spark plug leads is an art form and should not be confused with being just functional
51)
Polishing your exhaust tailpipe doesn't just involve the outside but the inside as well
52)
You consider the heater unit useless but a nice ornament nonetheless
53)
You realise the handbrake doesn't stop the car rolling away, but it can be useful for building upper body strength in traffic jams
54)
You think a 1.3 is a big engine
55)
The only way to get the whole family to town is to take both Minis
56)
You try to double pump the brakes in a friends car and bang your nose on the windscreen as the car screeches to a halt
57)
You think a Ford Escort is big
58)
Your 4 year old knows the difference between a Mk 1 and a Mk2
59)
You get pissed off if you cannot roll down the passenger window whilst driving
60)
You buy old minis just to get more parts you don't even need
61)
You have a tow-bar on your roll away toolbox
62)
You think it's fun to drink beer in the middle of a field and watch people do donuts
63)
You have 6 cars and only one runs
64)
You borrow a golf cart tyre when yours is flat
65)
You get used to that aching right foot on motorway cruises
66)
You cannot stand the pain any longer and end up using your left foot on the throttle
67)
You take out shares in the company that makes WD40 then watch them rocket in price when it rains
68)
You say to the Policeman "115 miles an hour? The speedo only goes up to 90!!"
69)
You develop a permanent bald spot on the back of your head from that bl**dy bonnet catch
70)
You cry at the end of "The Italian Job" when they throw the minis off the cliff
71)
All your t-shirts have a big oily mark on the back of the neck, where the bonnet spring catches. Known as the "Mark of Issigonis"
72)
You change the plans for your special engagement anniversary weekend to inclde a Mini event
73)
Your non-working Minis outnumber your working ones
74)
You wish lorries were a bit taller so you couold park under them
75)
You steal the kid's clothes for rags
76)
You don't consider going on holiday without your Mini, even if it means leaving behind the children/significant other
77)
Your dishwasher has a grease ring
78)
You think it is ridiculous to spend more than £5 a week on petrol
79)
You think reverse lights are optional extras
80)
You have to take your partner out when it rains so they can keep the windscreen clear from condensation
81)
You think of a Recovery Service as an investment
82)
You know the names of all the employees of your Recovery Service
83)
The Recovery Service vehicles all flash you when they pass
84)
You work out your bonus/tax return/lottery winnings by the number of Minis you can buy
85)
There have been more Minis in your life than pets/children/significant others
86)
You have so many Minis that you choose which one to drive according to your mood/the weather/the colour of your clothes/which one is currently running
87)
Your significant other removes the "M" section of the Cars for Sale part of the local paper before they let you read it
88)
You've moved house using only your Mini
89)
You've done "it" in your Mini
90)
You only do "it" in your Mini
91)
You do "it" WITH your Mini
92)
You can identify tools by their BMC part numbers
93)
You own more than one specialised Mini tool
94)
You have a credit account with your local Mini parts supplier
95)
You celebrate your Mini'sBirthday
96)
You've bought your Mini a Christmas present
97)
You've imported Mini parts from overseas
98)
You've exported Mini parts to overseas
99)
You've used the excuse "But Officer, my tiny little car couldn't POSSIBLY go that fast" to get out of a speeding ticket
100)
You've grown to like the used oil colour of the garage floor
101)
You still own your original Mini even though it hasn't moved for years and is quietly rusting away in the garden
102)
The same applies to all subsequent Minis you own
103)
You vet prospective purchasers of your Mini to ensure it will go to a good home
104)
You took into consideration how many Minis would fit into the garage/driveway/garden when looking for a new house
105)
You've considered making a piece of furniture using a Mini
106)
You have made a piece of furniture using a Mini
107)
When people come round your house asking if you have such and such a part for sale after seeing you have 4 normal Minis and an Oz style Mini on your drive
108)
When you go to a restaurant and the people at the next table are talking about "the house on Acacia Avenue with all the Minis in the driveway"
109)
When a Mini is totalled right outside your house, gets dragged into the driveway temporarily and your flatmates/neighbours don't notice any difference
110)
When the tow truckdriver who arives to collect the aforementioned Mini recognises you from all the other Minis he has towed for you
111)
You can't go anywhere without some WD40 in the car
You know you no longer have a mini when.....
1)
You have to throw out stuff you always used to take with you when you had the mini
2)
You wave at people in a Mini and they look at you as if you are driving an alien space craft."Oh hold on, I AM driving an alien space craft"
3)
You have bottles of oil and water in the passenger foot well because no one provided a pocket to put them in
4)
You try to heel and toe on your new Ford/Vauxhall/Whatever and stall at every junction
Oh, I LOVE this, just LOVE it.
It's all so true and I've been like it since 1961!!!!!
Anyway, I'm off to California on Friday on hols and to make sure my buddy there is looking after his 1963 Cooper 'S' with the 1071 engine, fully rally prepped, etc. I bet I end up doing some work on it as well.
Good luck to Rougeleo and any others doing The Italian Job.
It's all so true and I've been like it since 1961!!!!!
Anyway, I'm off to California on Friday on hols and to make sure my buddy there is looking after his 1963 Cooper 'S' with the 1071 engine, fully rally prepped, etc. I bet I end up doing some work on it as well.
Good luck to Rougeleo and any others doing The Italian Job.
Gassing Station | Classic Minis | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff