porsche seller had me in stitches
Discussion
I've been watching a particular 997 for a couple of weeks. Clearly the seller has had his fair share of numpties so has added the following comments on his ad.....enjoy.....................
Though my car remains for sale, I have been surprised by the numerous, diverse and interesting responses I've received, so I'd like to say a quick thank you to those of you who have been in touch so far, especially the following:
Michael Dowd: Michael I am sorry I cannot accept your offer however, as I am sure you will appreciate, the fact that it is several thousand pounds less than the lowest trade offer I have received makes it somewhat unappealing. Whilst I am sorry to hear about your daughter's terminal illness it regrettably does not make me feel compelled to offer the level of discount you propose. Look on the bright side, though, I doubt whether her dialysis machine would have fitted behind the seats.
David M: Thank you for sharing with me that you sold your car for 12% less than you wanted. Presumably you thought that it would somehow encourage me to see you as a paragon of generosity and persuade me to levy a similarly altruistic discount? Unfortunately, though, I haven't a generous bone in my body. To understand just how ungenerous I am you should know that for fun I negotiate with Big Issue salesmen, kidnap and ransom guide dogs and have a thriving business selling stolen mobility scooters on Ebay.
Hussain R from Stroud: When you say, "yeh but its better to sell it 2 me for trade then 2 a trader innit" you could not be more wrong. In point of fact I would probably rather cut off by genitalia with a blunt penknife than sell my car to you. Innit.
Darren Waite: I don't care whether your M3 has been remapped, re-carpeted or reincarnated I still don't want a part exchange. And why you thought the photos of you and your wife dogging in Epping Forest would add merit to your proposal is beyond me.
Roger Englefield: You ask, "being critical in the extreme, describe any problems the car has". Of course, Roger, its most serious problem is that it is a magnet for nutters, dreamers and the terminally optimistic.
Though my car remains for sale, I have been surprised by the numerous, diverse and interesting responses I've received, so I'd like to say a quick thank you to those of you who have been in touch so far, especially the following:
Michael Dowd: Michael I am sorry I cannot accept your offer however, as I am sure you will appreciate, the fact that it is several thousand pounds less than the lowest trade offer I have received makes it somewhat unappealing. Whilst I am sorry to hear about your daughter's terminal illness it regrettably does not make me feel compelled to offer the level of discount you propose. Look on the bright side, though, I doubt whether her dialysis machine would have fitted behind the seats.
David M: Thank you for sharing with me that you sold your car for 12% less than you wanted. Presumably you thought that it would somehow encourage me to see you as a paragon of generosity and persuade me to levy a similarly altruistic discount? Unfortunately, though, I haven't a generous bone in my body. To understand just how ungenerous I am you should know that for fun I negotiate with Big Issue salesmen, kidnap and ransom guide dogs and have a thriving business selling stolen mobility scooters on Ebay.
Hussain R from Stroud: When you say, "yeh but its better to sell it 2 me for trade then 2 a trader innit" you could not be more wrong. In point of fact I would probably rather cut off by genitalia with a blunt penknife than sell my car to you. Innit.
Darren Waite: I don't care whether your M3 has been remapped, re-carpeted or reincarnated I still don't want a part exchange. And why you thought the photos of you and your wife dogging in Epping Forest would add merit to your proposal is beyond me.
Roger Englefield: You ask, "being critical in the extreme, describe any problems the car has". Of course, Roger, its most serious problem is that it is a magnet for nutters, dreamers and the terminally optimistic.
Brilliant 
I'd like to have a negotiation with that chap ......... squeeze him until he sticks out his hand because it's either that or drawing his last breath ......... and then pull back mine saying 'not particularly keen on the colour - I'd rather have a Guards Red one, a bit like the colour of your face'
I'd like to have a negotiation with that chap ......... squeeze him until he sticks out his hand because it's either that or drawing his last breath ......... and then pull back mine saying 'not particularly keen on the colour - I'd rather have a Guards Red one, a bit like the colour of your face'
double d racing said:
"yeh but its better to sell it 2 me for trade then 2 a trader innit"
I had the mis-fortune of having to take public transport yesterday (so demeaning) and heard some young people engaged in a detailed philosophical debate on the relative merits of Salsa dancers from various South American countries (apparently some can "spin" whilst others can not). From analysing the conversation I determined that the word "innit" is actually the verbal equivalent of a full stop. It was used at the end of every sentence innitBert
The one that gets me is the odd plurification of "you", e.g. Can "yous" buy me a SR8.... Where did that come from? I think I have good grounds in blaming the X Factor for something, innit.
Good Porsche story by the way.
Edited for poor grammer...
Good Porsche story by the way.
Edited for poor grammer...
Edited by nick997 on Friday 14th October 13:56
nick997 said:
The one that gets me is the odd plurification of "you", e.g. Can "yous" buy me a SR8.... Where did that come from? I think I have good grounds in blaming the X Factor for something, innit.
Good Porsche story by the way.
Edited for poor grammer...
At the risk of being banished forever to Erudition Corner, some perfectly proper dialects of English retain separate forms for the singular and plural of the second person. A distinction which has of course been lost in Standard English.Good Porsche story by the way.
Edited for poor grammer...
Edited by nick997 on Friday 14th October 13:56
Lallans Scots (a dialect fairly closely related to Middle English) uses the youz(e)/yooz form for the second person plural eg "Youz is a' bampots, so y'are".
"Southern" US English on the other hand uses the form "you all" to signify the plural eg "You all have a nice day, now".
I expect that Angus will be along in a minute to enlighten us on the Doric and other Northern dialects.
However, for practical purposes we can probably rely on the usage to which you refer as being attributable to cerebral atrophy enhanced by a New Labour "education".
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