The faffing and muppetry confession thread.
Discussion
So I’m that mate you know who faffs.
I’m that much of a faffer I piss myself off.
In fact I piss myself off so much sometimes I think “f
k it I’m not waiting for that tt to finish faffing” and set off before being ready to set off. Sometimes I have to stop 5 minutes later and put earplugs in, but my recent favourite is leaving my spare key in the seat release:
And riding 30 miles before it hits me in the leg and reminds me.
But yesterday evening I excelled myself.
The missus bought me a new wallet for my birthday. Three days ago.
Yesterday evening’s ride consisted of a 100 mile loop and when I got home realised I had left my pocket unzipped and my birthday wallet was gone. Along with my credit cards, and a fiver in change.
Got home at 10.30 and went straight back out in the car to the petrol station, but it was shut and I didn’t see it either there or back.
So this morning set alarm for 5am to redo the whole route. Slowly. Looking at the kerbside.
Unbelievably I found it! 5 miles from home. The wallet looked as if it had had a couple of issues, but survived well. however the contents......
Love to hear your muppetry/faffing confessions. (And any insults you feel like throwing my way)
I’m that much of a faffer I piss myself off.
In fact I piss myself off so much sometimes I think “f
k it I’m not waiting for that tt to finish faffing” and set off before being ready to set off. Sometimes I have to stop 5 minutes later and put earplugs in, but my recent favourite is leaving my spare key in the seat release: And riding 30 miles before it hits me in the leg and reminds me.
But yesterday evening I excelled myself.
The missus bought me a new wallet for my birthday. Three days ago.
Yesterday evening’s ride consisted of a 100 mile loop and when I got home realised I had left my pocket unzipped and my birthday wallet was gone. Along with my credit cards, and a fiver in change.
Got home at 10.30 and went straight back out in the car to the petrol station, but it was shut and I didn’t see it either there or back.
So this morning set alarm for 5am to redo the whole route. Slowly. Looking at the kerbside.
Unbelievably I found it! 5 miles from home. The wallet looked as if it had had a couple of issues, but survived well. however the contents......
Love to hear your muppetry/faffing confessions. (And any insults you feel like throwing my way)
I was about to set off to commute to work several years ago. Put key in ignition & neutral light etc was glowing, but engine would not turn over. Dead. I faffed for a while & eventually found bike's owner manual. I eventually found the section on fuses/battery & grabbed a multimeter & tools. After half an hour, I was totally baffled. Until I noticed the engine kill switch in the 'off' position.....
Mate of mine recently put diesel into his bike by mistake. It ran rough for a very long time after!
Mate of mine recently put diesel into his bike by mistake. It ran rough for a very long time after!
I am a confessed faffer, On work days i just get up and go out the door but sort out my st the night before. 2nd ride out this year today and arranged to leave at 10.30am after meeting a prick at my house to set off.
Seriously i set my alarm for 8.30 i was still getting my st ready when he turned up 
I prefer to ride alone to my own time table which is non existent.
t the night before. 2nd ride out this year today and arranged to leave at 10.30am after meeting a prick at my house to set off.Seriously i set my alarm for 8.30 i was still getting my s
t ready when he turned up I prefer to ride alone to my own time table which is non existent.
I'd say I'm a post ride faffer - park the bike up, pop the steering and disc locks on, fold the pegs up. Then go inside, de-gear and clean visor before putting everything away. Then go back out, pop the trickle charger on and providing the bike has cooled enough - pop the cover over it. Then once fully cool, check the charge and tyre pressures before calling it a night.
gareth_r said:
Biker 1 said:
... After half an hour, I was totally baffled. Until I noticed the engine kill switch in the 'off' position...
This is why I believe that the combined starter button/kill switch is one of the greatest inventions of the 21st century. 
Many years ago I used to commute down the M1 to Soho from MK, got to work and had a message on my desk about my wallet having been found and handed in at a police station. I dropped it at the J14 sliproad off my K100RS. Oh and another time, same bike, I lost all my documentation for the bike because the top box flipped open on the M1.
Some good examples of muppetry so far.
Disklock and killswitch are motorbike muppetry 101 I think. do it once and do it early in your career.
The killswitch/starter sounds a great idea for that issue, and I chose an alarmed disklock for the other.
I can tell you from involuntary test research(I forgot) it triggers from the vibration when you start the bike up, so a wise purchase I think. Well done to tn for the audience
Some good faffing, from Dirty Harley but I think cleaning up and charging etc after a ride is just good housekeeping.
If you were a fully paid up faffer you would need to do it in the wrong order.
Cover the bike, realise you haven't put the charger on, uncover the bike, put the charger back on, realise that your tyre pressure checker has to be plugged in and the cable doesn't reach the bike etc. Give it a go. Release your inner faffer.
Nice stories with the wallet and glasses and well done to TN for dropping it with an audience.
I've just gone in to the garage and found my ignition key still in the barrel from Saturday Mornings search and rescue ride. Cover over, disklocked and chained up. Muppet.
Disklock and killswitch are motorbike muppetry 101 I think. do it once and do it early in your career.
The killswitch/starter sounds a great idea for that issue, and I chose an alarmed disklock for the other.
I can tell you from involuntary test research(I forgot) it triggers from the vibration when you start the bike up, so a wise purchase I think. Well done to tn for the audience
Some good faffing, from Dirty Harley but I think cleaning up and charging etc after a ride is just good housekeeping.
If you were a fully paid up faffer you would need to do it in the wrong order.
Cover the bike, realise you haven't put the charger on, uncover the bike, put the charger back on, realise that your tyre pressure checker has to be plugged in and the cable doesn't reach the bike etc. Give it a go. Release your inner faffer.
Nice stories with the wallet and glasses and well done to TN for dropping it with an audience.
I've just gone in to the garage and found my ignition key still in the barrel from Saturday Mornings search and rescue ride. Cover over, disklocked and chained up. Muppet.
I've once parked at the pump on the start of a country ride, hit the kill switch, to only then notice the keys were no longer in the ignition.
The faffing about part was that once I'd managed to get it bump started and ridden home, the next day I found a spare key taped inside one of the side covers
The faffing about part was that once I'd managed to get it bump started and ridden home, the next day I found a spare key taped inside one of the side covers
I spent 15 minutes at a petrol station once wondering why the tank bag wouldn’t go back on – key flap on the filler was up.
Ridden down the road with the tom tom just balanced in the holder, forgot to push it all the way down.
Rode down the A1 with the top box open with some guy frantically flashing his lights to tell me but I didn’t get the message thought he was having a go, he pulled off and I only realised when I got to the destination.
Lorry driver at some traffic lights kept sounding his horn, tapping the top of his head then waving his hand up and down – top box was open didn’t get that message either.
Ridden down the road with the tom tom just balanced in the holder, forgot to push it all the way down.
Rode down the A1 with the top box open with some guy frantically flashing his lights to tell me but I didn’t get the message thought he was having a go, he pulled off and I only realised when I got to the destination.
Lorry driver at some traffic lights kept sounding his horn, tapping the top of his head then waving his hand up and down – top box was open didn’t get that message either.
lost in espace said:
Many years ago I used to commute down the M1 to Soho from MK, got to work and had a message on my desk about my wallet having been found and handed in at a police station. I dropped it at the J14 sliproad off my K100RS. Oh and another time, same bike, I lost all my documentation for the bike because the top box flipped open on the M1.
That’s top faffing/fking it up. I lol’d I put my iPhone in my jacket pocket and somehow it fell out in Central London. Somehow, f
k knows how, somebody found it and managed to extract my work phone number out of it (no doubt along with naked pics of my girlfriend) despite it having been run over, called me up on the work phone and I got it back a couple of days later with a well smashed screen. I took it to Apple, expecting them to call it cactus and replace it, but those s just replaced the screen. I’m typing this on that same phone now. Not too much of a faffer (I think!) but capable of muppetry at times
My fave example was checking headlamp beam alignment before an MOT many moons ago. Lovely sunny day so wheeled bike in garage, pointing at garage door to check beam height. Couldn't work out why headlamp was so dim. After a bit of faffing (maybe I was wrong!), fiddling and head scratching I realised the process would work a lot better if I took my sunglasses off
My fave example was checking headlamp beam alignment before an MOT many moons ago. Lovely sunny day so wheeled bike in garage, pointing at garage door to check beam height. Couldn't work out why headlamp was so dim. After a bit of faffing (maybe I was wrong!), fiddling and head scratching I realised the process would work a lot better if I took my sunglasses off
A triple tale of muppetry, starring a couple of friends and myself on our jaunt around Europe.
Firstly we were booked on the channel tunnel, but this was the summer where the AC failed on the train and they were running a very limited service. We changed plans and booked ferry spots early that morning before setting off for Dover.
The queues were horrendous on the M20, both before the Chunnel and after as people tried to get a ferry. We were on bikes however and traffic was not going to stop us! Well not initially at least, until there was a Mercedes saloon in L1 moving into L2, the traffic was stationary so the merc was blocking the "filtering lane" down the middle. Not an issue, I am a hardened commuter after all and filtering is my bread and butter. I swung deftly left around the back of the merc and then hard right to avoid the back of a lorry. Only I hadn't taken into account the panniers on the bike (never used them when commuting). There was only a small clunk but a quick check of the mirror revealed the pannier sat in the centre of the carriageway and lots of piss taking from my two mates behind. Luckily for me the traffic was stuck solid so I had time to strap the broken pannier to the back seat against the top box and we could carry on our merry way.
We managed the whole week without hiccup (well not that can be talked about here) and were now back in blighty and heading home. One of the guys needed to go near Eastbourne to pick an R1 frame up, as he lived near me I agreed to tag along for the ride. The other guy lived in Wales so wanted to head straight back as he had a longer journey and was already getting aggro from his other half about what time he would be home. We picked the R1 frame up without incident (well there was the stretch on the m40 when one of the straps came off and the whole affair was flapping about but there was no damage done).
You can even see the repaired pannier back in its rightful place on the GS in front.
Before the trip the Welsh lad had picked up a bargain motorbike GPS, well it was a car GPS but was waterproof so ideal for the bike without having to pay the "motorbike accessory" tax.
It was an older model but worked fine, was just a little slow calculating routes. He got to the M25 and thought it was weird that it was sending him northbound but pushed on regardless. He knew something was wrong when it was telling him to get off at Epping. It was now he realised that he hadn't set his "home" and it was taking him to the previous owners house.
Despite nearly being at the finish line there was still time for one last fk up. Having corrected the address he was now at last taking the direct route home. When he stopped for petrol at South Mimms he realised that half his luggage was missing. He back tracked the M25 and soon noticed the overhead gantries warning of debris in the carriageway. Despite backtracking and the warning signs his tent, sleeping bag and tool roll were never seen again.
Firstly we were booked on the channel tunnel, but this was the summer where the AC failed on the train and they were running a very limited service. We changed plans and booked ferry spots early that morning before setting off for Dover.
The queues were horrendous on the M20, both before the Chunnel and after as people tried to get a ferry. We were on bikes however and traffic was not going to stop us! Well not initially at least, until there was a Mercedes saloon in L1 moving into L2, the traffic was stationary so the merc was blocking the "filtering lane" down the middle. Not an issue, I am a hardened commuter after all and filtering is my bread and butter. I swung deftly left around the back of the merc and then hard right to avoid the back of a lorry. Only I hadn't taken into account the panniers on the bike (never used them when commuting). There was only a small clunk but a quick check of the mirror revealed the pannier sat in the centre of the carriageway and lots of piss taking from my two mates behind. Luckily for me the traffic was stuck solid so I had time to strap the broken pannier to the back seat against the top box and we could carry on our merry way.
We managed the whole week without hiccup (well not that can be talked about here) and were now back in blighty and heading home. One of the guys needed to go near Eastbourne to pick an R1 frame up, as he lived near me I agreed to tag along for the ride. The other guy lived in Wales so wanted to head straight back as he had a longer journey and was already getting aggro from his other half about what time he would be home. We picked the R1 frame up without incident (well there was the stretch on the m40 when one of the straps came off and the whole affair was flapping about but there was no damage done).
You can even see the repaired pannier back in its rightful place on the GS in front.
Before the trip the Welsh lad had picked up a bargain motorbike GPS, well it was a car GPS but was waterproof so ideal for the bike without having to pay the "motorbike accessory" tax.
It was an older model but worked fine, was just a little slow calculating routes. He got to the M25 and thought it was weird that it was sending him northbound but pushed on regardless. He knew something was wrong when it was telling him to get off at Epping. It was now he realised that he hadn't set his "home" and it was taking him to the previous owners house.
Despite nearly being at the finish line there was still time for one last f
k up. Having corrected the address he was now at last taking the direct route home. When he stopped for petrol at South Mimms he realised that half his luggage was missing. He back tracked the M25 and soon noticed the overhead gantries warning of debris in the carriageway. Despite backtracking and the warning signs his tent, sleeping bag and tool roll were never seen again.Edited by jjones on Monday 31st May 18:32
mak said:
I am a confessed faffer, On work days i just get up and go out the door but sort out my st the night before. 2nd ride out this year today and arranged to leave at 10.30am after meeting a prick at my house to set off.
Seriously i set my alarm for 8.30 i was still getting my st ready when he turned up
I prefer to ride alone to my own time table which is non existent.
It’s like reading about myself. I have to pack for working away about 5pm the night before so when I remember something I forgot to pack 3 hours later I’m not getting out of bed to do it. t the night before. 2nd ride out this year today and arranged to leave at 10.30am after meeting a prick at my house to set off.Seriously i set my alarm for 8.30 i was still getting my s
t ready when he turned up I prefer to ride alone to my own time table which is non existent.
I often look for my key for a few minutes only to find it in the seat lock. I leave the key in the ignition at least two out of three times I stop if I'm riding with other people. Last year I rode over to Bourton on the water with my boots not zipped up and my textile trousers also flapping in the breeze...No wonder my feet were cold!
I've never left a disc lock on, but look.
That really fking hurt.
I've never left a disc lock on, but look.
That really f
king hurt.Gassing Station | Biker Banter | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff